I think im gay but i dont want to be!

Ever since i was a kid i've been attracted to the same sex. I thought it would pass with time, but it hasnt. Im now 16 and really confused. I went to an all boys school which really didnt help and never really had many female friends.

I've never had a girlfriends because im too confused over whether i actually want a girlfriend or whether i'd be 'normal' to her.

My attraction to the same sex is much stronger than my attraction to the opposite sex, although there are times when i am attracted to girls.

But i don't want to be gay. I don't want that type of life and ive been quite depressed lately because ive been thinking about it more. I want to have my own kids and live a normal life, just like everyone else (with a wife).

I keep thinking that if i have a girlfriend then maybe i'll move away from being gay. There have been times when grls have said they've fancied me but i never took it any further, and my mates kinda thought my decision was weird because they would have jumped at the chance.

Do you think i should have a girlfriend? Has anyone else ever felt the same? Is it really a phase? :confused:

Any help would be appreciated.

Reply 1

saz_1989

2

You don't really get to choose whether you're gay or not. Do you fancy anyone? If so, are they male or female? You also don't say how old you are.

Reply 2

~NC~

11

Its probably just a phase, try and meet me friends of the opposite sex and just act natural around them. Talk to them and with more female friends you will probably find the attraction goes. Its natural for your body to want to experiment, everyone has probably experienced it at one point in their life. If you have more female friends im sure your'e confidence around girls will increase and before you know it i am sure yoy will find yourself in a happy relationship with a girl!
I hope this helped however as i have never been in this position i can't really say if my advice will help :smile:

Reply 3

Saffie

11

Tbh I don't believe in being purely 'gay' or 'straight', I think everyone is somewhere in between on a scale, and if you're way more on the gay side then you call yourself gay, fair enough.
Maybe you're more in the middle of the scale (poss slightly more to the gay side if you say you've always preferred guys). There's more to a relationship than just looks, that's lust, you need to connect to someone's personality.
I think you should just chat to girls, in the same way as you would guys- like normal. But don't use her.

Reply 4

Economicz

1

flipflop2

But i don't want to be gay. I don't want that type of life and ive been quite depressed lately because ive been thinking about it more. I want to have my own kids and live a normal life, just like everyone else (with a wife).

Plenty of gay people lead perfectly normal lives. Just because someone decides they are gay does not mean they have to become a flamboyant scene queen.
You could quite easily settle down with a long term partner, and many gay couples are able to start families these days.
If you married a girl just because you wanted an idyllic suburban life with 2.4 children, would that really be fair on her? Straight people differ enormously in terms of the lifestyle they choose for themselves, and so do gay people; it's just gays are often subjected to unfair stereotypes. There are all sorts of different homosexual lifestyles, just as straight people are all different to one another.
Gay people can have normal lives too :smile:

Reply 5

LPK

20

Maybe bi?

You do not always have to associate yourself as gay because you like people from both sexes. I think lessthanthree posted something about this topic a while ago, the psot basically said hormones can go wild and you can sometimes be attracted to the same sex. Which is why it is probably a phase.

Reply 6

saz_1989

2

Just cos you're gay doesn't mean you can't look at a girl and fancy her more than anyone you've ever seen. The fact you want to settle down and have kids suggests you want to settle down with a woman, and this in turn suggests that you're either bi or going through a phase. You sound young, and you don't need to worry.

Reply 7

Economicz

1

Lauren

The fact you want to settle down and have kids suggests you want to settle down with a woman

I totally disagree with that. I'm gay, and I would love to start a family one day.
The fact that I want to have kids doesn't necessarily make me straight, and it's kind of offensive to presume that it does.

Reply 8

LPK

20

Economicz

I totally disagree with that. I'm gay, and I would love to start a family one day.
The fact that I want to have kids doesn't necessarily make me straight, and it's kind of offensive to presume that it does.

But, do you find some girls attractive? It may suggest you might be a bi which might be why he wants kids.

Reply 9

Economicz

1

LPK

But, do you find some girls attractive? It may suggest you might be a bi which might be why he wants kids.

I'm a girl, btw.

That's not really the point I'm trying to make. What I mean is sexuality is usually unrelated to a person's conception of the kind of life they want to lead.
I call myself gay because I am primarily attracted to women.
I also want to have children one day.
These two statements are perfectly compatible, but are unrelated. My wanting to have children does not depend upon or dictate my sexuality.

Reply 10

WM

flipflop2

LOL, ummm men, but i also do it over women but about only 20% of the time.

Im also 16 and find boys more attractive than girls. But then again i've never really given a girl a chance. Most girls are just distant friends.

Well the only way to really find out is sleep with a man and woman and then make ur mind up.

Reply 11

flipflop2

OP

I would like to try something with a boy, but thats mainly a fantasy. Thinking about being gay makes me depressed. When i moved from an all boys school to a mixed school my attraction to women did grow stroger. I've been at a mixed school for 2 years, but im still more attracted to men than to women.

Reply 12

Niaya

13

flipflop2

Ever since i was a kid i've been attracted to the same sex. I thought it would pass with time, but it hasnt. Im now 16 and really confused. I went to an all boys school which really didnt help and never really had many female friends.

I've never had a girlfriends because im too confused over whether i actually want a girlfriend or whether i'd be 'normal' to her.

My attraction to the same sex is much stronger than my attraction to the opposite sex, although there are times when i am attracted to girls.

But i don't want to be gay. I don't want that type of life and ive been quite depressed lately because ive been thinking about it more. I want to have my own kids and live a normal life, just like everyone else (with a wife).

I keep thinking that if i have a girlfriend then maybe i'll move away from being gay. There have been times when grls have said they've fancied me but i never took it any further, and my mates kinda thought my decision was weird because they would have jumped at the chance.

Do you think i should have a girlfriend? Has anyone else ever felt the same? Is it really a phase? :confused:

Any help would be appreciated.

your only 16 you dont need to make ur your mind about your sexuality right now oh and saying gay people arnt normal is harsh

Reply 13

WM

flipflop2

I would like to try something with a boy, but thats mainly a fantasy. Thinking about being gay makes me depressed. When i moved from an all boys school to a mixed school my attraction to women did grow stroger. I've been at a mixed school for 2 years, but im still more attracted to men than to women.

Is anyone you know gay?

Reply 14

LPK

20

Economicz

I'm a girl, btw.

oops, sorry :redface:

Economicz

That's not really the point I'm trying to make. What I mean is sexuality is usually unrelated to a person's conception of the kind of life they want to lead.
I call myself gay because I am primarily attracted to women.
I also want to have children one day.
These two statements are perfectly compatible, but are unrelated. My wanting to have children does not depend upon or dictate my sexuality.

Fair enough. :smile:

Reply 15

flipflop2

OP

Wise Man

Is anyone you know gay?

Nope. But i remeber a friend of mine from a bit of a time back telling me that he has also been attracted to boys (best m8). But he got a gf and im pretty sure hes straight. I get to nervous around girls which is why i cant socialise as well with them (mainly due to the same sex school).

Reply 16

LPK

20

flipflop2

I would like to try something with a boy, but thats mainly a fantasy. Thinking about being gay makes me depressed. When i moved from an all boys school to a mixed school my attraction to women did grow stroger. I've been at a mixed school for 2 years, but im still more attracted to men than to women.

I dont think you feel depressed because of when you think you are gay. I think you feel depressed because you are trying to hide your hormones so to speak. You need to go with the flow and see where that takes you.

Reply 17

WM

flipflop2

Nope. But i remeber a friend of mine from a bit of a time back telling me that he has also been attracted to boys (best m8). But he got a gf and im pretty sure hes straight. I get to nervous around girls which is why i cant socialise as well with them (mainly due to the same sex school).

Do you think a girl would satisfy you? If not then go with boys. Being gay isnt a problem.

Reply 18

saz_1989

2

Economicz

I totally disagree with that. I'm gay, and I would love to start a family one day.
The fact that I want to have kids doesn't necessarily make me straight, and it's kind of offensive to presume that it does.

but you kind of need a woman to have kids don't you? i mean, have your own kids. of course you can adopt, but most people prefer their own kids surely.

man + woman = baby
man + man = lots of fun trying but no baby

Reply 19

twenty1

its harsh anyway for gay parents to adopt... think about how much it will mess up the kid's life

I think im gay but i dont want to be!

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