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Need to Unlove him
Hi, recently my bf has told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore and thinks theres no spark with us now. He also thinks we should split up before I go back to uni because we are both so stressed and argue when we are not together. when we are together we are ok but things have changed, I still love him madly but he doesn't. i know when we split in next couple weeks i will be heartbroken and might not be able to carry on with uni. i need to get over him gradually. ot already hurts so much from the things hes said to me, but we want a last groovy xmas together
He doesn't love you anymore but you're staying together for xmas? WHY??!
I know your heart is breaking now and I've been there myself, but prolonging it so you can have the pretence of a happy christmas will only make it worse in the long run. It's better to make a clean break now, at least then you'll have your friends and family around you over the xmas hols to try and help you recover.
There's no easy way to get over someone, eventually it just won't hurt anymore. A similar thing happened to me not so long ago and it was actually a death in the family that made me re-evaluate my life and realise that it's far too short to waste time loving people who don't love you back. You are worth so much more than that. There is someone out there for everyone, he just might not be the one for you and if it is a case of right guy wrong time then maybe down the road you'll both feel differently.
I hope whatever happens you don't let it take over your life too much and enjoy Christmas xx
I know your heart is breaking now and I've been there myself, but prolonging it so you can have the pretence of a happy christmas will only make it worse in the long run. It's better to make a clean break now, at least then you'll have your friends and family around you over the xmas hols to try and help you recover.
There's no easy way to get over someone, eventually it just won't hurt anymore. A similar thing happened to me not so long ago and it was actually a death in the family that made me re-evaluate my life and realise that it's far too short to waste time loving people who don't love you back. You are worth so much more than that. There is someone out there for everyone, he just might not be the one for you and if it is a case of right guy wrong time then maybe down the road you'll both feel differently.
I hope whatever happens you don't let it take over your life too much and enjoy Christmas xx
Aw, breakups suck. 
I think the hardest thing when trying to get over someone is realising that you want to get over them - not just because you have to. Its also hard not seeing them, but i think thats the quickest way to feel better. Obviously its good to keep contact cos in the future at least u'll have made a friend out of it, but at the moment its much easier on you if you dont see him for a while. I'm rubbish at that! Also its good to get on and look out whos out there, im not saying to replace him straight away, just to make you see there are other options. Hope you feel better soon.
Row x
I think the hardest thing when trying to get over someone is realising that you want to get over them - not just because you have to. Its also hard not seeing them, but i think thats the quickest way to feel better. Obviously its good to keep contact cos in the future at least u'll have made a friend out of it, but at the moment its much easier on you if you dont see him for a while. I'm rubbish at that! Also its good to get on and look out whos out there, im not saying to replace him straight away, just to make you see there are other options. Hope you feel better soon.Row x
I wouldnt put so much emphasis and emotion into the idea of love. I mean its a bit funny (lol kinda funny) when girls are always saying 'I love him' and all that. Grow up and just dont invest too much in one person, or get upset when your obsessive, depressive behaviour pushes him away. Yes I mean YOU.
-TMG-
I wouldnt put so much emphasis and emotion into the idea of love. I mean its a bit funny (lol kinda funny) when girls are always saying 'I love him' and all that. Grow up and just dont invest too much in one person, or get upset when your obsessive, depressive behaviour pushes him away. Yes I mean YOU.
We have been together exactly a year today and we do know what love is so shut up. Y've been suffering from depression for a while so I can't stop being sepressed straight away can i?
-TMG-
I wouldnt put so much emphasis and emotion into the idea of love. I mean its a bit funny (lol kinda funny) when girls are always saying 'I love him' and all that. Grow up and just dont invest too much in one person, or get upset when your obsessive, depressive behaviour pushes him away. Yes I mean YOU.
What a horrible thing to say
Just because you may be incapable of it don't dismiss her feelings.Originally Posted by -TMG-
I wouldnt put so much emphasis and emotion into the idea of love. I mean its a bit funny (lol kinda funny) when girls are always saying 'I love him' and all that. Grow up and just dont invest too much in one person, or get upset when your obsessive, depressive behaviour pushes him away. Yes I mean YOU.
I wouldnt put so much emphasis and emotion into the idea of love. I mean its a bit funny (lol kinda funny) when girls are always saying 'I love him' and all that. Grow up and just dont invest too much in one person, or get upset when your obsessive, depressive behaviour pushes him away. Yes I mean YOU.
If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. People come on here for advice, not meaningless babble from people trying to tell them how they should feel.
To Monkey_Maiden - I think a clean split would be better, but try and stay friends. If that means spend Christmas together and have a good time, so be it.
xx
Monkey_Maiden
Hi, recently my bf has told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore and thinks theres no spark with us now. He also thinks we should split up before I go back to uni because we are both so stressed and argue when we are not together. when we are together we are ok but things have changed, I still love him madly but he doesn't. i know when we split in next couple weeks i will be heartbroken and might not be able to carry on with uni. i need to get over him gradually. ot already hurts so much from the things hes said to me, but we want a last groovy xmas together
You can't unlove someone, as much as you want to - otherwise no-one would have anything to write depressing songs about
...I understand you wanting to have a last Christmas together and I hope you manage it without it becoming bitter (I always think Christmas is a depressing time of year anyway) and if you do finally split in a few weeks try and keep your chin up and keep in touch... just try and think of the positive side of it (SO not easy) and move on...
As for getting over it gradually - you will do, but its one of the annoying things that you can't control - you'll suddenly find yourself getting over him, it'll not be a conscious thing in my experience.
Take care anyway
If someone told me I don't think I'm in love with you any more that would be like a bucket of cold water over the head to be honest. I don't see the point in dragging out your relationship any longer. If he doesn't love you then staying together is a farce and will give you false hope of things resolving themselves.
Better to split now and have some time apart. Spend Christmas with your friends or family..the people who are always there for you and just re-prioritise them above him. If you spend Christmas together and then split it'll just be even more depressing and gloomy. If someone doesn't love you then why keep up the pretense. It will end up making you feel crap because you know they aren't into it any more and you are.
Split up and take some time apart. Then you can come back to this later and talk about it with a bit of perspective.
Better to split now and have some time apart. Spend Christmas with your friends or family..the people who are always there for you and just re-prioritise them above him. If you spend Christmas together and then split it'll just be even more depressing and gloomy. If someone doesn't love you then why keep up the pretense. It will end up making you feel crap because you know they aren't into it any more and you are.
Split up and take some time apart. Then you can come back to this later and talk about it with a bit of perspective.
hey
breakups are sooo yucky and horrible. I totally agree with 'Tarts n Vicars', please dont stay together just because its xmas, it will only make you even more stressed. Whenever i go through a breakup, i just force myself to not think about him. Whenever a single thought of him pops into your mind you must instantly think of something else. It wont happen instantly but it will get easier i promise and never never let a guy ruin your time at uni. You only get one chance in life at it so dont let him get in the way. Good luck babes xxxx
breakups are sooo yucky and horrible. I totally agree with 'Tarts n Vicars', please dont stay together just because its xmas, it will only make you even more stressed. Whenever i go through a breakup, i just force myself to not think about him. Whenever a single thought of him pops into your mind you must instantly think of something else. It wont happen instantly but it will get easier i promise and never never let a guy ruin your time at uni. You only get one chance in life at it so dont let him get in the way. Good luck babes xxxx
I find it much easier to get over a relationship if I feel in control, and I was the dumper rather than the dumpee. While your boyfriend is umming and aahing and keeping you hanging on for the sake of a 'happy' christmas (and a few extra shags, I wouldn't be surprised), take the opportunity to bite the bullet and end it.
You'll feel a lot better for it, and if you hang around when you know he doesn't love you, you'll feel so stupid and used in the end.
You'll feel a lot better for it, and if you hang around when you know he doesn't love you, you'll feel so stupid and used in the end.
Unfortunately you can't just stop loving someone just like that, the only thing that I can recomend is that you make a break of it now if he is that adament he probably won't change his mind and staying with him over christmas isn't going to do either of you any good. Unfortunately long distance relationships are hard and out of all the couples (that I know) who did the long distance thing last year I only know of one who are still together. Breaking up with him now will be hard but you will have your friends and family around you to support you and that is important. I am sorry to hear that things have gone badly try and keep your chin up.
Hiya thanks for all your replies, me and my bf broke up yesterday 
he basically said he didn't have any feelings for me and he cant pretend over xmas to make me happy. i respect that but its so horrible. i kinda still believed we wouldnt break up we were such a strong couple. anyway im finding it hard beacause i know your supposed to have space for a while but i cant stop bugging him i keep trying to ring him and I know it annoys him but i still love him so much i cant eat at the moment either. went to his earlier today and we talked bout things but ended up kissing loads, I wanted i but hes now said it was a mistake. im so messed up
he basically said he didn't have any feelings for me and he cant pretend over xmas to make me happy. i respect that but its so horrible. i kinda still believed we wouldnt break up we were such a strong couple. anyway im finding it hard beacause i know your supposed to have space for a while but i cant stop bugging him i keep trying to ring him and I know it annoys him but i still love him so much i cant eat at the moment either. went to his earlier today and we talked bout things but ended up kissing loads, I wanted i but hes now said it was a mistake. im so messed up 
Monkey_Maiden
Hi, recently my bf has told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore and thinks theres no spark with us now. He also thinks we should split up before I go back to uni because we are both so stressed and argue when we are not together. when we are together we are ok but things have changed, I still love him madly but he doesn't. i know when we split in next couple weeks i will be heartbroken and might not be able to carry on with uni. i need to get over him gradually. ot already hurts so much from the things hes said to me, but we want a last groovy xmas together
wounds heal all time
I mean, time heals all wounds.
But seriously, all it really takes to get over someone is time. I'm speaking from past experience here. And, of course it's going to hurt- but wouldn't you rather be on your own than with someone who doesn't love you?
I think it is totally right that you broke up rather than dragging it out and him pretending to feel stuff he didn't. It's much better that he isn't giving you false hope. The kissing was a mistake and just makes it that little bit harder to get over him.
Sounds like you need a clean break and to not be around him right now. Force yourself to stop texting, phoning..etc. Every time you pick up the phone consider whether you want to drag out the misery cos that's what you're doing by calling him all the time. There's also probably a part of you that wants him to know how horribly miserable he's made you feel. Just remember you can't guilt him into loving you again.
Don't turn into the crazy ex who won't leave her old boyfriend alone. Don't stop eating, don't cry for hours and listen to sappy music, don't sit there alone at home rather than going out. Moping won't make this better. Getting on with things will. Breath, get some perspective and you'll move on from the missing him phase to the angry & resentful phase before you know it!!
Sounds like you need a clean break and to not be around him right now. Force yourself to stop texting, phoning..etc. Every time you pick up the phone consider whether you want to drag out the misery cos that's what you're doing by calling him all the time. There's also probably a part of you that wants him to know how horribly miserable he's made you feel. Just remember you can't guilt him into loving you again.
Don't turn into the crazy ex who won't leave her old boyfriend alone. Don't stop eating, don't cry for hours and listen to sappy music, don't sit there alone at home rather than going out. Moping won't make this better. Getting on with things will. Breath, get some perspective and you'll move on from the missing him phase to the angry & resentful phase before you know it!!
Monkey_Maiden
he basically said he didn't have any feelings for me and he cant pretend over xmas to make me happy. i respect that but its so horrible.
DO NOT RESPECT THAT. He appears to be dragging you on to please himself. He wants a snogging sesh? Oh, here's my ex gf who is still passionately in love with me, hmmm I'll satify my needs until it suits me, OH NOES now it was a mistake!!! Get out of my house!!! Don't ring me!!! Yeah, you should respect him. He seems like such a NICE person and all.
Seriously, spend time with your family over Christmas. They're the ones that want and need you. Just have a laugh with them and forget all about him. If you don't know his number off by heart, delete it off your phone. If you do know it by heart, try and forget it. Whever you think of ringing him, dial someone else's number instead - a friend or family member will be happy to chat to cheer you up. Don't let this idiot get to you.
I know I need to forgt him but its so hard to, he was the only person who understood me really (with my depression) and we had so much fun together Little things keep setting me off, I looked at his profile and he had changed it to single and i wasn't one of his fave things anymore Know you all probly think its sad. I just cant let him go
Little things keep setting me off, I looked at his profile and he had changed it to single and i wasn't one of his fave things anymore Know you all probly think its sad. I just cant let him goRelated discussions
- Will a relationship with me last ?
- love
- Why didn’t any of my friends but three text me concerned texts after I posted on inst
- Am I settling or is it relationship anxiety on my part?
- How long did it take you to move on from your ex?
- Is it unusual to not celebrate stuff like birthdays, Christmases, new year? etc.
- comparing myself
- My bff told me she never loved me!
- Feeling like I’m unloveable
- Really bad teacher attachment issues
- teacher attachment issues
- Not attractive enough for girls
- Can’t stand my Mum anymore
- am I unloveable?
- Why have only ugly guys body shamed me (small breasts)?
- i feel like im going to be single forever
- do any other girls feel unlovable?
- Never been in a relationship as a 19 year old
- Every relationship I’ve been in has been long distance and never irl. Give up?
- Will I ever be loved?
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