Brother gone off the rails - what to do?

well to be honest, he needs someone more dominant than he considers himself to give him orders on what to do, stop him from going out and make him spend time with that more dominant person who can hopefully reinforce positive behaviours.

You've just described my 14 year old brother down to a T. My situation kicked off when he was hospitalised for a combination of weed and a high level of alcohol in his system. He's been diagnosed with ADHD but the NHS targets younger children with their psychological treatment and due to the cannabis use they took him off his medication. Social services are pretty useless as well; they come to the house whenever he gets in trouble with the police but basically all they do is tell my parents that they're doing a great job (I.e you're not beating your child so we won't get involved). Every now and again he goes to groups targetting the troubled youth of today which bring him on day trips, etc. So yeah, when I find a solution I'll let you know but tbh everything we've tried has been a dead end.

You've just described my 14 year old brother down to a T. My situation kicked off when he was hospitalised for a combination of weed and a high level of alcohol in his system. He's been diagnosed with ADHD but the NHS targets younger children with their psychological treatment and due to the cannabis use they took him off his medication. Social services are pretty useless as well; they come to the house whenever he gets in trouble with the police but basically all they do is tell my parents that they're doing a great job (I.e you're not beating your child so we won't get involved). Every now and again he goes to groups targetting the troubled youth of today which bring him on day trips, etc. So yeah, when I find a solution I'll let you know but tbh everything we've tried has been a dead end.

Can one really stop a 14 year old from just getting up and leaving the house? It's got to a stage where it's really not that simple: if he's not allowed to go out, he'll just wait until everyone's asleep and sneak out - he's done it on various occasions. I understand the dominance approach and how that would affect, but it seems too idealistic.

Anon or delete.

My younger brother is essentially the typical teenage "chav". He's 14, comes home drunk (e.g. he did about 10 minutes ago), acts extremely contemptuously towards my mother and family, doesn't have any remorse or care for anyone he hurts in the process of his actions, and has just completely destroyed his life educationally and socially.

I really have no idea what to do or how to help my mother in this situation - it's clearly horrible for her because she doesn't have any idea why he chooses to act this way: he's never had problems at home, was doing okay in school, but for some reason has chosen to pursue a completely different lifestyle choice. I don't even think this can be blamed on "peer pressure" or anything of the sort, because it's clearly a choice he has made himself.

I'm just wondering whether anyone else has had problems like this with a younger brother, or even another family member, and what on earth one can do to fix this situation?

Serious replies would be appreciated, thank you very much.

TL;DR - brother has chosen to act like a complete and utter moron, rejecting family, getting drunk, committing crimes, and I really don't know what I'm supposed to do in reaction.

yeh i understand what you mean, it can be quite difficult, but you have to find a way to get him to stay in the house so he can realise how he is waisting his life at such a early age, maybe make him join some clubs or something, if he thinks he is a hard man, get him into a boxing club, if he gets into it, it can be quite disciplining in a sense, training and all that and there would be dominant figures around him

x

Hiya
First of all, it is never nice to see a member of your own family "going off the rails" especially since it's your own brother. Establishing some form of communication is vital for recovery, however it should be executed whenever the time is right. By that I mean before/after a family dinner, after a family visit to a relative/friend's house or even last thing in the evening BUT it has to happen if this is the form of cure you want(I am not aware of the personal circumstances that have a role, however given what you have written I can build a semi-complete picture of the scenario in question in my mind) for your brother. You speak of the style your brother has adopted, which is "chav". This is not good, especially since he knowingly drinks alcohol at the age of 14, worst yet we know because he had been caught red handed as he had came home drunk, which shows he had totally neglected the fact that this will shame his mother and father. This is only emphasized further by the fact that your brother shows no remorse for his actions in his family's presence. Obviously the group your brother "hangs out" with are corrupted(perhaps in a deindividualization sense, as your brother shows a complete lack of respect for his family at this point in time, and I would therefore imagine that the others in the group operate using the same philosophy to shape their actions) as the alcohol is either stolen or had been bought by an older member of the group. A more positive, moral influence must be in place for your brother, however that should only come after the root of the problem has been understood and appealed to.
Alcohol is addictive, it poisons the brain thus exposing us to a whole range of emotions and actions ranging from happy, head in the clouds misbehavior to depression. Users can become dependent on alcoholic drinks and weaning one off alcoholic drinks requires will-power and a positive influence that can show there is fun, happiness and ambition away from the booze(and the events that take place while consuming or getting it).
To address the root of the cause, appeal to your brother's sense of nostalgia, look back on the fun times you have both had, like holidays, pets, days out etc... or offer to invite your brother to a social gathering you may be having with your own friends, thus allowing him to mingle with people who are not dependent on alcohol and getting a "kick" from actions that cause them to lose respect for their elders/relatives. If that works out to be no avail then psychological help may be the answer. It can be easy to pour drugs like Prozac down your brother's throat should all else fail, however more natural, social solutions should be attempted first, and even with Psychological/medicinal help, the root of the problem will still have to be addressed(the root is what is causing your brother to lose respect for his family as well as why he may appear to have no guilt)

Good luck

If your brother has gone off the rails then you really need to get his life back on track.



Help him as much as you can and show him the error of his ways and make him change or tell him he'll have to move out at 16 because its unfair on your mother and you.

Brilliant advice - I particularly agree with your point on the use of drugs to merely pacify behaviour, but not in any way to actually find the root and help the cause. Thank you very much, very informative post.

He really fails to understand the concept of consequence, by any measure.

I think the point you made about him having to leave at 16 will hopefully make him realise how much of an effect it has. Thanks for the advice.