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My boyfriend keeps his ex's stuff - would this bother you?

My boyfriend keeps all love cards, birthday and valentine cards from exes.

He has his ex's boots, toiletry bag and some of her personal stuff in a bag in his wardrobe... Hidden!
I saw them one day and it hurt me so much but, i didnt tell him anything about. Few days after i founf a paper, like a love message with the exact words he used on my birthday card.

He sneaked to my phone and saw my messages between my ex and i, and obviously there was nothing bad. I asked him to show his chat with his ex and he refused and made me not speak to my ex and it was ok for me while he does continue speaking to her and telling me that he doesnt want to lose her as a friend.

Why whould someone who says that loves you and cares so much do such a thing and act this way?

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 41

Nirvana1989-1994

20

Hmm...weird, I wouldn't be too concerned, as long he isn't doing some voodoo s*** with it.

Reply 42

Chocolatesoup

13

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend keeps stuff from his past relationships all over the house. It's his house, but I live with him so obviously I'm going to open drawers and stuff.

The other day I dropped a tub of moisturiser down the back of his chest of drawers by mistake, and found loads of photo frames hidden behind there with pictures of him and his exes.

Other things I've found include old Christmas and birthday cards, an expensive ring with an ex's name on, more photographs, and a stash of revolting love notes.

I mean when we got together I got rid of all my stuff from my ex for his benefit, but he doesn't seem to be showing me the same courtesy, and it makes me feel like I'm 'just another girl' and like he's less genuine because he still keeps all this stuff.

Would this bother anyone else? Why is he hanging on to it, and what would you do?

I know it might sound bad but some guys just dont generally tidy up or throw out stuff they dont need in general anyway... so for some they dont even realise theyve still got stuff from past relationships. so when you stumble across it, of course it might look bad, but the person might not have even purposely meant to hold onto it. like the photo frames werent in an obvious place, he probably didnt know they were there or forgot completely.

i get rid of stuff myself, i just feel better not holding onto any memories or association of my exes. plus ive had girls who are my boyfriend's exes keep stuff and use it as a way to try to cause drama and wiggle their way back to the guy (yes believe it or not!)

Reply 43

Sarahbearcub

1

Yes! I've just moved in with my boyfriend. The closet in our room is full of his clothes, so I had to put all my clothes in the spare bedroom closet...not a problem at all, but it's full of his ex's shot and he will not clean it out! A giant teddy bear he gave her, photo albums of them....her tacky ass posters....won't get rid of it. And I can barely fit my stuff in there : ( just makes me sad

Reply 44

mariabraveheart

For my story, it's quite similar but its just they used to have this cute couple watch but then he gave his to me. I mean at first I didn't knew it was a couple watch until I start to saw it online when I was browsing in an online store for new watch. Im too tired to argue about this and i never tell him about it.

Reply 45

Hornby

2

I found my boyfriend and his ex’s cards today and I’m pissed off but I’m to scared to tell him in case he flips out at me

Reply 46

xoxAngel_Kxox

21

Original post by Hornby

I found my boyfriend and his ex’s cards today and I’m pissed off but I’m to scared to tell him in case he flips out at me

It might just mean he doesn't tidy things out often. No big deal. Also, memories are memories, however much current partners might not want to hear about them. It doesn't mean anything. I have happy memories with some of my exes, and I don't even speak to them - keeping memories doesn't threaten my present relationship, or mean that I want to get back with them.

Reply 47

anonymous2209

1

My boyfriend gave me a book as a gift, that his ex gave him as a gift when they were together. I never knew it was a gift from her previously, so I cherished that book like crazy, bc i thought it was so special since my boyfriend gave it to me. A year later, i found out that he received it from her right before they broke up and it got real irritated af. I didnt know how to feel at all, bc whenever i saw the book, i'd see the memories they mightve had together the day she gave it to him. I tell him all my thoughts and feelings, which he understands. But the thing is i guess, he only saw it as a book and nothing else. Which i couldnt understand at first, but i guess when that person no longer is someone valuable to you, the things that they give you doesn't mean **** anymore but what it actually is. Although Im still pissed off that he even had the audacity to give me something his ex gave him, I wont get over his actions. Bc i would never give my boyfriend something my ex gave me. But people are dumb sometimes and they dont realize what theyre doing. they dont realize that even though it means nothing to mean, it means something to their SO. Just talk to your boo about it and see if he does anything about it.

Reply 48

Whycannotibethe1

1

I have the same problem and yes you should be upset....I think it means he still loves her and not me wholly....I am considering ending it with him but I am in love....his heart seems taken though and I cannot stand living in this museum of his ex from 18 years ago....nearly everything he owns was hers and you would barf if you knew

Reply 49

watermelon73

1

ive lived with him for 3 years now and his ex and him has been over years ago why is all her stuff here when she has 2 other boyfriends she comes her and showers hangs out comes and goes as she pleases im only nice for whos sake it irritates me and ive already told him about it who does this who would put up with this ****/???

Reply 50

Anonyymmous

1

Today me and my boyfriend were going through his things because we will be moving in together. A while back I found out that he still had photos of her in his phone. Then today while packing I found his had tons of photos and letters that she sent him when he was in the military and so on so fourth. Seeing it the first time bothered me and I asked him politely to please discard of the photos in his phone because an ex is an ex for a reason why is she still there. Today seeing that he still had loads of stuff with her but he’s never had that stuff with me kind of hurt. Now I don’t know if I’m making the right decision to mive in with him I live him to death but this hit really hard

Reply 51

Foxehh

21

Original post by Anonyymmous

Today me and my boyfriend were going through his things because we will be moving in together. A while back I found out that he still had photos of her in his phone. Then today while packing I found his had tons of photos and letters that she sent him when he was in the military and so on so fourth. Seeing it the first time bothered me and I asked him politely to please discard of the photos in his phone because an ex is an ex for a reason why is she still there. Today seeing that he still had loads of stuff with her but he’s never had that stuff with me kind of hurt. Now I don’t know if I’m making the right decision to mive in with him I live him to death but this hit really hard

You shouldnt dig up 9 year old threads.

Pictures with her? Some people like to remember the memories, it doesnt mean that he still has feelings or anything.
Was he with her for longer than he was with you? What kind of 'stuff'?

Reply 52

Natyy99

1

Okay i confront him then we been together for two months already but the Bill subscription was pick from a month then what do you think he still mess around with her

Reply 53

Hana angel

1

I feel the same too. Im thinking of living as he want to keep everything. Even his ex gf still have photos of them everywhere in social media. I feel like im a 3rd woman.

Reply 54

DopplerEffect

17

If he isn't attached emotionally to the exes it shouldn't be a problem. YOu do not burn the past to go to the future, the past is what makes today. If the good memories of the past do him good, I don't see any harm in it.
But you can talk about what you feel about the situation with him.

Reply 55

Ridingfree

1

I went through this myself. His house in another state still had 3 previous exes personal items there. Like wtf? He said , I do not know who's stuff it is. It can be this one, that one or the most recent one. He was such an ******* I broke it off with him when we returned to our home state. Low and behold I left clothing down there along with a motorcycle. I immediately had my bike shipped up he put some of my clothing in my bike but it was a couple of months before I got it back. I did not want to be another statistic, I demanded my items be returned. Finally got them back. Just in time for his new girlfriend to go down and leave items. So yes, it's bothersome and weird.

Reply 56

Zarek

21

Some nostalgia and trinkets from the past are probably normal and they don’t reflect on the here and now. Would agree that it is best they are limited, stored discretely in a dark cupboard and infrequently referred to

My boyfriend keeps his ex's stuff - would this bother you?

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