Girl likes me a lot more than I like her

Basically about a month ago I started talking to a girl from College. We were attracted to each other and at first I quite liked her and thought I'd "hit the jackpot" :biggrin:

We agreed that if we would get into a relationship, then we'd wait until after our AS exams.

It was all going well until about a week ago when I noticed she started getting very heavy, very quickly especially on Facebook chat saying things like she thinks about me all day and that she feels that she knows me very well. I just played these off non-committally but it has really put me off her and making her seem too full-on for me. She also always needs to know where I am and thinks that when I'm at home not revising then the only thing I should do is talk to her on Skype or Facebook. She also keeps making plans to do things with me, as far as October which for me is too far away for me to even consider planning things with someone I just met.

I've basically come to the conclusion that I don't want to be in a relationship with her but I don't know how to tell her without seriously upsetting her. I was planning on telling her I'm not looking for a relationship right now but I want to be friends with her (a promise I would keep) but this just seems too cheesy. How do you think I should let her down gently? I hate stringing her along like this :frown:

Reply 1

pikaboo

13

Well see it this way...if you tell her the truth, that she went too fast too quick and now you want out, she'll learn a valuable lesson for the future, and that is the kindest thing you could do.

Reply 2

foolscap

9

or alternatively you could knuckle down for these exams, and spend a wonderful summer together with her.

Reply 3

Jessticles

8

I don't think you should write off things with her just because she got a bit intense a bit too soon. It seems like you just got a little freaked out and over-reacted by saying you want nothing to do with her now. In that case, I think you should just tell her to cool down and you want to just enjoy having fun as it comes with her, but you can't set any definite plans for times as far off as October. Perhaps even tell her for the moment, exams are the absolute priority and you don't want to consider anything else. Anyone worth your while would surely understand that anyway.

If there are other reasons for you deciding you no longer are interested in her, then I think it's easier in the long run to just cut it off as cleanly as possible now - but don't try to make it sound better or sugar coat it, she might end up with false hopes, and it's actually quite a cruel thing.

Reply 4

Guybrush Sheepgood

15

Original post by Jessticles

I don't think you should write off things with her just because she got a bit intense a bit too soon. It seems like you just got a little freaked out and over-reacted by saying you want nothing to do with her now. In that case, I think you should just tell her to cool down and you want to just enjoy having fun as it comes with her, but you can't set any definite plans for times as far off as October. Perhaps even tell her for the moment, exams are the absolute priority and you don't want to consider anything else. Anyone worth your while would surely understand that anyway.

If there are other reasons for you deciding you no longer are interested in her, then I think it's easier in the long run to just cut it off as cleanly as possible now - but don't try to make it sound better or sugar coat it, she might end up with false hopes, and it's actually quite a cruel thing.

Exactly this.

She's infatuated with you. Don't cut her off just because she likes you. If you spend more time with her after exams, you may find yourself becoming much more infatuated with her as well. Don't through away a good thing...

This is assuming you are at least attracted to her. If you aren't attracted to her, it's kinder to firmly say you aren't interested as soon as possible

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

OP here, thanks for the great responses so far.

I've basically decided I'm going to ask if we can cool things down for a bit and just be friends for now so we get a chance to know each other first without any ulterior motives. I'm not just going to drop her completely I do like her and attracted to her its just that I don't like being constrained by all these plans that I didn't really have much of a say in. It basically felt like we'd been a couple for years (in a bad waY) when I'd just met her.

I was going to say something to her tonight but she's a bit upset so I'll wait until tomorrow. I just feel really bad stringing her along like this.

I also forgot to mention in the OP that relationships don't really appeal that much to me as they a lot of hassle and commitment so it takes someone special to make me want to be in a relationship and I'm undecided on whether I want to persue a relationship with her or not.

Is what I'm doing right or unfair to her?

Girl likes me a lot more than I like her

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