Some impartial advice, please.

So, I went out on a date with somebody. Just the one date and it went really well. Talked about everything, they were keen to know what I was after and we kissed for a bit at the end.

Fastforward a couple of weeks and I ask them out again since we're both back after Christmas. They don't speak to me for a week and whilst casually browsing Facebook I find out said person is in a relationship. Was wounded, naturally.

I text them saying it'd be cool to see them again even if it's just as friends. They text back saying, 'sorry you had to find out through Facebook. It's tricky as I'm back with my ex'

Currently struggling with what to do as I rather like them however really don't want to get screwed over again. Plus, what the hell did they mean by 'tricky'?

Thanks.

Reply 1

Cryogenic

7

I think it's best just to leave it. They're seeing someone else now, and I don't really think they want to go on another date. It would be hard to explain meeting up with someone they went on a date with before.

Reply 2

HistoryRepeating

13

"tricky" in this context is that people in a relationship usually wouldnt feel comfortable going for a date. Saying you "just want to be friends" is obviously untrue as you kissed previously.

If I was her bf I would expect her not to see you, at least not 1 on 1, to be honest.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by HistoryRepeating

"tricky" in this context is that people in a relationship usually wouldnt feel comfortable going for a date. Saying you "just want to be friends" is obviously untrue as you kissed previously.

If I was her bf I would expect her not to see you, at least not 1 on 1, to be honest.

The whole context here is that they said it was 'tricky', then apologised and afterwards said they'd 'love to hang out sometime'. I'm having a bit of trouble because she hasn't mentioned the word friends anywhere and it isn't assumed because we kissed.

Reply 4

Pride

21

on to the next one. I wouldn't even go for a friendship, I'd try to move on completely.

Reply 5

AmbernoRose

Leave it.. There's no point going there

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

HistoryRepeating

13

Original post by Anonymous

The whole context here is that they said it was 'tricky', then apologised and afterwards said they'd 'love to hang out sometime'. I'm having a bit of trouble because she hasn't mentioned the word friends anywhere and it isn't assumed because we kissed.

If you have any self-respect, cut contact while saying something along the lines of "let me know if you are ever single again, and we can go for a drink".

Meeting up under the pre-text of "wanting to be friends" when this is BS is pathetic. Only slightly less pathetic than being some girls' guy on the side.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by HistoryRepeating

If you have any self-respect, cut contact while saying something along the lines of "let me know if you are ever single again, and we can go for a drink".

Meeting up under the pre-text of "wanting to be friends" when this is BS is pathetic. Only slightly less pathetic than being some girls' guy on the side.

You have a point. Thanks. I'm going to basically say, 'On second thoughts, to be honest I don't think 'just friends' is going to work. If anything changes let me know and we'll pick up from there'

Reply 8

HistoryRepeating

13

Original post by Anonymous

You have a point. Thanks. I'm going to basically say, 'On second thoughts, to be honest I don't think 'just friends' is going to work. If anything changes let me know and we'll pick up from there'

To use an overused (and often misused) expression - "That's pretty Alpha". Good stuff.

Reply 9

Michaelj

10

Why pick things up if anything changes? Just lose contact completely. You don't wanna be second best, do you?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Michaelj

Why pick things up if anything changes? Just lose contact completely. You don't wanna be second best, do you?

They've separated before, no reason it won't happen again. The unfortunate position of rarely liking anybody and then meeting somebody you do like. Le sigh.

Reply 11

Climbontoyourseahorse

9

Original post by Anonymous

You have a point. Thanks. I'm going to basically say, 'On second thoughts, to be honest I don't think 'just friends' is going to work. If anything changes let me know and we'll pick up from there'

No. OP please do not send a message like this. That's basically like saying 'I fell in such deep love with you after one date that I'll still be there waiting for you once your relationship has gone tits up'. You are offering yourself on a plate to someone who is in a relationship and furthermore putting the power in his hands. To be honest you shouldn't have sent the text acknowledging his new relationship status, especially when he didn't respond to your date request, and trying to be friends with someone you went on one date with makes you look needy.

Some impartial advice, please.

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