Boyfriend + other girl
A few months ago I was out with my boyfriend, his housemate (who he also works with) and some of our friends. His housemate was talking about this girl that had just started at his and my boyfriend's workplace, and someone asked if she was good-looking. My boyfriend then said "oh yeah, I'd definitely **** her". I was upset by this comment and the next day we had a bit of an argument about it as I felt it was inappropriate to say that, especially when I was stood right next to me.
Anyway, my boyfriend and his housemate started getting quite friendly with this girl at their work, they would often go out drinking together, she would go round their house a lot and I caught my boyfriend out lying about it. He sent me a text saying "you left your bottle of wine here last night" and I was like, what? & he replied saying it was for one of his male friends. I then go on Facebook and see a comment on his wall from her saying, thanks for having me round last night, can you bring my wine to work later. So I knew it was her, this caused another argument as I was upset he had lied to me.
Another time, she had gone to his house drunk (which he didn't tell me she was there) and the next day I saw a message flash up on his phone from her saying "sorry for being so drunk and getting my vagina out at your house last night", I was really really upset this time as I think that is way out of line for her to be doing that.
They were all out again last night and it's all getting on top of me now, I hate him hanging around with her after the comment he made and also the text I saw from her about her getting her vagina out.
Am I being unreasonable? I would never, ever stop him having female friends, he's friends with three girls that he went to school with and I have never had a problem with this or told him to stop speaking to them. But this whole thing with this other girl makes me very upset and I'm going to be honest, I feel threatened by her.
What do I do? If I am being an insecure nutter, PLEASE be blunt and tell me, I have no idea if I'm justified in feeling like this
Anyway, my boyfriend and his housemate started getting quite friendly with this girl at their work, they would often go out drinking together, she would go round their house a lot and I caught my boyfriend out lying about it. He sent me a text saying "you left your bottle of wine here last night" and I was like, what? & he replied saying it was for one of his male friends. I then go on Facebook and see a comment on his wall from her saying, thanks for having me round last night, can you bring my wine to work later. So I knew it was her, this caused another argument as I was upset he had lied to me.
Another time, she had gone to his house drunk (which he didn't tell me she was there) and the next day I saw a message flash up on his phone from her saying "sorry for being so drunk and getting my vagina out at your house last night", I was really really upset this time as I think that is way out of line for her to be doing that.
They were all out again last night and it's all getting on top of me now, I hate him hanging around with her after the comment he made and also the text I saw from her about her getting her vagina out.
Am I being unreasonable? I would never, ever stop him having female friends, he's friends with three girls that he went to school with and I have never had a problem with this or told him to stop speaking to them. But this whole thing with this other girl makes me very upset and I'm going to be honest, I feel threatened by her.
What do I do? If I am being an insecure nutter, PLEASE be blunt and tell me, I have no idea if I'm justified in feeling like this
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Just leave the dude. He clearly has interest in the girl. If he is seeing her behind your back, and she is flashing her vagina in-front of him. Send him a nice message saying. DUMP!
He clearly wants to bang her. What else do you need? You will be even more hurt when he does bang her. Drop him now.
He clearly wants to bang her. What else do you need? You will be even more hurt when he does bang her. Drop him now.
(edited 11 years ago)
You are perfectly justified! For ****'s sake, she's constantly there, getting naked and drunk and he's lying to you about it. He knows he's doing something wrong, and so do you. Tell him to pack it in, or dump him.
Sorry, but that's the only way.
Sorry, but that's the only way.
You are not an insecure nutter! It's good that you're accepting of his female friends, but this girl doesnt sound like a normal friend of your boyfriend's at all.
The whole vagina thing - seriously, who does that?
Does your boyfriend know how you feel? Because he needs to. If you feel threatened by this girl, then this girl is technically threatening your relationship. What he's doing isn't acceptable, especially lying about things like this.
In these sorts of situations you always need to remember that he's your boyfriend. He should be considering your feelings before any other girl's. If your feelings are getting hurt because of another girl, he needs to know and then re-arrange his priorities accordingly.
If he doesnt, then you need to assess how serious this relationship is.
The whole vagina thing - seriously, who does that?
Does your boyfriend know how you feel? Because he needs to. If you feel threatened by this girl, then this girl is technically threatening your relationship. What he's doing isn't acceptable, especially lying about things like this.
In these sorts of situations you always need to remember that he's your boyfriend. He should be considering your feelings before any other girl's. If your feelings are getting hurt because of another girl, he needs to know and then re-arrange his priorities accordingly.
If he doesnt, then you need to assess how serious this relationship is.
She sounds like a classless ho'bag. Who just 'gets their vagina out' when drunk? Especially in front of another man who they know is taken. You should tell him you think she is a drunk slut and you're sick of his pathetic lies.
Original post by Cryogenic
I think dumping might be a little bit of an overreaction. You are justified in feeling like that, but I don't think he's actually done anything. Ask him to stop lying. What was his side of the story when you had arguments about it?
Yeah we've been together for 2 years so I don't know if dumping is justified but I do feel very upset and bad about it a lot of the time.
His side of the story was, when he first made the comment about how he would definitely sleep with her, it just "slipped out" and he didn't mean to say it.
When we spoke about the text about the bottle of wine, he said he lied because he thought I'd be annoyed that she was at his house, but I was even more annoyed that he'd lied so I wish he'd just been honest in the first place.
Her getting her genitals out, apparently they were both very very drunk and she'd had a bikini wax that day and in her drunken state wanted to show him so just pulled her trousers and knickers down, but that's ok because he didn't do anything with her and he says he looked away but.. I mean if he was drunk and she was doing that, who's to know if he looked away or looked at it, I don't know. & why does she think that's an acceptable thing to do anyway?!
I just don't know, I wish he'd never said that he would like to sleep with her.
Hey sweety
i can just say I feel completly with you..
my boyfriend did smth like that a few months ago, just not as bad.
There was this new girl at our school and my girls and me were hanging out with her. Than my boyfriend and a friend of him came over. Jokingly someone asked (i forgot who) the guys: Don't you think she is pretty? The other guy said: yeah. And my boyfriend replied: She is bangable.
In my case everyone was shocked, especially me and that girl. When I was alone with him I told him that he couldnt do that and said that I didnt like it. In the few weeks after he continued flirting with her, but everytime I asked him about it he said that it wasnt flirting and that he was just being nice and social. At one point I just couldnt stand it anymore as I was just so jealous of her (i mean there were things like him asking her: you like what you see? when she was looking at him, when she was around with me and my friends.) I never cut her off as she didnt do anything in reply to his flirting but I was still jealous. So I told my boyfriend that he has to stop doing it or it would end as I werent able to take it. He then stopped talking to her.
She now has a boyfriend and for me she is no match anymore. My boyfriend is talking to her again as well.
What I want to say with this story is: tell your boyfriend your feelings very clear. Sometimes men dont understand hints. Talk to him in a serious manner and tell him also that there are consequences when he doesnt stop. But dont insult her. That just makes you immature and takes what you say the ground and your gonna be seen as the jealous bitch. You are not insecure and it is his fault for not seeing what he's doing to you.
Just one other thing: When there is a new girl at my school I dont want my boyfriend anywhere near her. Its not that I dont trust him. i dont trust that other girl. She is new and I dont know her and hell on her if she comes to close to my man. I dont mind him with girls I know, or that I know he knew before he knew me.. but with new girls I always have a problem. (and I dont think I am alone with this), so your feeling of being threatend is normal, especially after what she has done.
i can just say I feel completly with you..
my boyfriend did smth like that a few months ago, just not as bad.
There was this new girl at our school and my girls and me were hanging out with her. Than my boyfriend and a friend of him came over. Jokingly someone asked (i forgot who) the guys: Don't you think she is pretty? The other guy said: yeah. And my boyfriend replied: She is bangable.
In my case everyone was shocked, especially me and that girl. When I was alone with him I told him that he couldnt do that and said that I didnt like it. In the few weeks after he continued flirting with her, but everytime I asked him about it he said that it wasnt flirting and that he was just being nice and social. At one point I just couldnt stand it anymore as I was just so jealous of her (i mean there were things like him asking her: you like what you see? when she was looking at him, when she was around with me and my friends.) I never cut her off as she didnt do anything in reply to his flirting but I was still jealous. So I told my boyfriend that he has to stop doing it or it would end as I werent able to take it. He then stopped talking to her.
She now has a boyfriend and for me she is no match anymore. My boyfriend is talking to her again as well.
What I want to say with this story is: tell your boyfriend your feelings very clear. Sometimes men dont understand hints. Talk to him in a serious manner and tell him also that there are consequences when he doesnt stop. But dont insult her. That just makes you immature and takes what you say the ground and your gonna be seen as the jealous bitch. You are not insecure and it is his fault for not seeing what he's doing to you.
Just one other thing: When there is a new girl at my school I dont want my boyfriend anywhere near her. Its not that I dont trust him. i dont trust that other girl. She is new and I dont know her and hell on her if she comes to close to my man. I dont mind him with girls I know, or that I know he knew before he knew me.. but with new girls I always have a problem. (and I dont think I am alone with this), so your feeling of being threatend is normal, especially after what she has done.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah we've been together for 2 years so I don't know if dumping is justified but I do feel very upset and bad about it a lot of the time.
His side of the story was, when he first made the comment about how he would definitely sleep with her, it just "slipped out" and he didn't mean to say it.
When we spoke about the text about the bottle of wine, he said he lied because he thought I'd be annoyed that she was at his house, but I was even more annoyed that he'd lied so I wish he'd just been honest in the first place.
Her getting her genitals out, apparently they were both very very drunk and she'd had a bikini wax that day and in her drunken state wanted to show him so just pulled her trousers and knickers down, but that's ok because he didn't do anything with her and he says he looked away but.. I mean if he was drunk and she was doing that, who's to know if he looked away or looked at it, I don't know. & why does she think that's an acceptable thing to do anyway?!
I just don't know, I wish he'd never said that he would like to sleep with her.
His side of the story was, when he first made the comment about how he would definitely sleep with her, it just "slipped out" and he didn't mean to say it.
When we spoke about the text about the bottle of wine, he said he lied because he thought I'd be annoyed that she was at his house, but I was even more annoyed that he'd lied so I wish he'd just been honest in the first place.
Her getting her genitals out, apparently they were both very very drunk and she'd had a bikini wax that day and in her drunken state wanted to show him so just pulled her trousers and knickers down, but that's ok because he didn't do anything with her and he says he looked away but.. I mean if he was drunk and she was doing that, who's to know if he looked away or looked at it, I don't know. & why does she think that's an acceptable thing to do anyway?!
I just don't know, I wish he'd never said that he would like to sleep with her.
You're an absolute pushover if you just accept that.
I personally would make it clear that you don't want him to see her alone anymore. She has overstepped the mark by getting naked in front of him and he has lied to you. He has abused your trust so you don't have to trust him being alone with her anymore. If he ignores your suggestion then you should dump him for the lack of respect. He should want you to feel secure and not tempt fate by hanging around drunken slags. To be honest I would personally dump him as I can't be bothered with people who need to be prompted on such obvious matters as common courtesy and respect but it's up to you of course.
to be honest, he seems an utter jerk...I would never do this to anyone - especially as you seem such a lovely person
tell him how you feel, and let him know he is hurting you - and if this carries on, he is simply not worth it.
you deserve a better man!
tell him how you feel, and let him know he is hurting you - and if this carries on, he is simply not worth it.
you deserve a better man!
I put an ex of mine through a lot of **** in a similar situation to this. Looking back, I was a total dick with it all, even though at the time I wasn't really aware of how much I was neglecting her for this other girl (I never did anything sexual with the other girl however). Anyway, she was naive and didn't have much of a backbone, and never approached me about it or tried to break up with me over it. Our relationship continued far longer than it should have, and she suffered for it. It eventually got to a point where there was nothing there at all, so I initiated the break up in the end.
You should confront him about it, and if it continues, you should probably get rid of him.
You should confront him about it, and if it continues, you should probably get rid of him.
Your boyfriend sounds gross. Dump him!
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah we've been together for 2 years so I don't know if dumping is justified but I do feel very upset and bad about it a lot of the time.
His side of the story was, when he first made the comment about how he would definitely sleep with her, it just "slipped out" and he didn't mean to say it.
When we spoke about the text about the bottle of wine, he said he lied because he thought I'd be annoyed that she was at his house, but I was even more annoyed that he'd lied so I wish he'd just been honest in the first place.
Her getting her genitals out, apparently they were both very very drunk and she'd had a bikini wax that day and in her drunken state wanted to show him so just pulled her trousers and knickers down, but that's ok because he didn't do anything with her and he says he looked away but.. I mean if he was drunk and she was doing that, who's to know if he looked away or looked at it, I don't know. & why does she think that's an acceptable thing to do anyway?!
I just don't know, I wish he'd never said that he would like to sleep with her.
His side of the story was, when he first made the comment about how he would definitely sleep with her, it just "slipped out" and he didn't mean to say it.
When we spoke about the text about the bottle of wine, he said he lied because he thought I'd be annoyed that she was at his house, but I was even more annoyed that he'd lied so I wish he'd just been honest in the first place.
Her getting her genitals out, apparently they were both very very drunk and she'd had a bikini wax that day and in her drunken state wanted to show him so just pulled her trousers and knickers down, but that's ok because he didn't do anything with her and he says he looked away but.. I mean if he was drunk and she was doing that, who's to know if he looked away or looked at it, I don't know. & why does she think that's an acceptable thing to do anyway?!
I just don't know, I wish he'd never said that he would like to sleep with her.
Your boyfriends explanations all make sense and have the ring of truth to them, you should believe him (seriously who would publicly apologise for getting their vaj out if they had actually had sex or done anything? It's much more likely that what he said was true.). Its probably that he hasnt cheated on you given the messages you have seen
YET.
Its also obvious, and he should realise, that she fancies him. It is literally only a matter of time before she makes some kind of drunken move. Its also obvious that he finds her attractive (he has said so), which there is nothing wrong with, but it makes it even more likely that when she makes a move he will go for it. He might later try to blame being really drunk.
You need to talk this through with him without implying you dont trust him. Explain that you feel from her actions that she fancies him and that he fancies her, which is fine, but that you feel threatened by it justifiably and if he respects you and values your relationship he will limit seeing her to in public or in a group, and be wary of her making a move. If he is a mature guy and not likely to be a dick, you could also ask him to make it clear to her that he is in a relationship and not going to do anything with her under any circumstances. That's what I would do in his position (or would have done some time ago).
Beyond that, it just comes down to trust. Make sure he admits that its not unreasonable for you to be upset and suspicious about it. Him finding her attractive isnt a crime.
(edited 11 years ago)
He could very well have told the truth about everything so far. However, i would flag the following points:
1. He clearly has a crush on her from what he said initially
2. She must have a crush on him or she wouldn't act the way she has
3. He has already lied to you about spending time with her, even if its innocent thats not good.
I would say you need to confront him about it or you could likely get hurt worse in the future, be prepared that you may not like the outcome of the convo though.
1. He clearly has a crush on her from what he said initially
2. She must have a crush on him or she wouldn't act the way she has
3. He has already lied to you about spending time with her, even if its innocent thats not good.
I would say you need to confront him about it or you could likely get hurt worse in the future, be prepared that you may not like the outcome of the convo though.
They obviously have a crush on each other. There is no way a girl will speak so openly about her vagina if she knows he doesn't fancy her. She was definitely waiting for a kinky response.
If it was a genuine drunken mistake then it would've been embarrassing and she would've just apologised without needing to get into crude details.
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If it was a genuine drunken mistake then it would've been embarrassing and she would've just apologised without needing to get into crude details.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
A few months ago I was out with my boyfriend, his housemate (who he also works with) and some of our friends. His housemate was talking about this girl that had just started at his and my boyfriend's workplace, and someone asked if she was good-looking. My boyfriend then said "oh yeah, I'd definitely **** her". I was upset by this comment and the next day we had a bit of an argument about it as I felt it was inappropriate to say that, especially when I was stood right next to me.
Anyway, my boyfriend and his housemate started getting quite friendly with this girl at their work, they would often go out drinking together, she would go round their house a lot and I caught my boyfriend out lying about it. He sent me a text saying "you left your bottle of wine here last night" and I was like, what? & he replied saying it was for one of his male friends. I then go on Facebook and see a comment on his wall from her saying, thanks for having me round last night, can you bring my wine to work later. So I knew it was her, this caused another argument as I was upset he had lied to me.
Another time, she had gone to his house drunk (which he didn't tell me she was there) and the next day I saw a message flash up on his phone from her saying "sorry for being so drunk and getting my vagina out at your house last night", I was really really upset this time as I think that is way out of line for her to be doing that.
They were all out again last night and it's all getting on top of me now, I hate him hanging around with her after the comment he made and also the text I saw from her about her getting her vagina out.
Am I being unreasonable? I would never, ever stop him having female friends, he's friends with three girls that he went to school with and I have never had a problem with this or told him to stop speaking to them. But this whole thing with this other girl makes me very upset and I'm going to be honest, I feel threatened by her.
What do I do? If I am being an insecure nutter, PLEASE be blunt and tell me, I have no idea if I'm justified in feeling like this
Anyway, my boyfriend and his housemate started getting quite friendly with this girl at their work, they would often go out drinking together, she would go round their house a lot and I caught my boyfriend out lying about it. He sent me a text saying "you left your bottle of wine here last night" and I was like, what? & he replied saying it was for one of his male friends. I then go on Facebook and see a comment on his wall from her saying, thanks for having me round last night, can you bring my wine to work later. So I knew it was her, this caused another argument as I was upset he had lied to me.
Another time, she had gone to his house drunk (which he didn't tell me she was there) and the next day I saw a message flash up on his phone from her saying "sorry for being so drunk and getting my vagina out at your house last night", I was really really upset this time as I think that is way out of line for her to be doing that.
They were all out again last night and it's all getting on top of me now, I hate him hanging around with her after the comment he made and also the text I saw from her about her getting her vagina out.
Am I being unreasonable? I would never, ever stop him having female friends, he's friends with three girls that he went to school with and I have never had a problem with this or told him to stop speaking to them. But this whole thing with this other girl makes me very upset and I'm going to be honest, I feel threatened by her.
What do I do? If I am being an insecure nutter, PLEASE be blunt and tell me, I have no idea if I'm justified in feeling like this
He sounds like an absolute knob end, who says that in front of their girlfriend? I'd be really annoyed too! I'm sorry but it does sound fishy.
Thanks everyone for the replies, in his defence he hasn't hung out alone with her since the vagina-flashing incident, it has always been on nights out with his friends/workmates but I'm still bothered by the whole thing.
I have been texting him about it today and told him I was upset that he was out drinking with her again, he said sorry and he didn't realise it upset me (to be fair, I've been trying to get on with things the past few weeks and not bring her up or voice my fears to him but today it got too much) and that she's just someone he works with and I'm the girl he loves. He also said he will stop going out on nights that she's there, which I thought would make me happy but it doesn't, not really. I don't want to be the type of girlfriend that tells her boyfriend who he can and can't see.
I don't know if it's a case of too little, too late but I just feel empty. I don't feel happy that he's said he'll stop seeing her, I wish he'd never got involved with her in the first place and I still have this niggling doubt that he fancies her/has flirted with her. Maybe I should just end it
I have been texting him about it today and told him I was upset that he was out drinking with her again, he said sorry and he didn't realise it upset me (to be fair, I've been trying to get on with things the past few weeks and not bring her up or voice my fears to him but today it got too much) and that she's just someone he works with and I'm the girl he loves. He also said he will stop going out on nights that she's there, which I thought would make me happy but it doesn't, not really. I don't want to be the type of girlfriend that tells her boyfriend who he can and can't see.
I don't know if it's a case of too little, too late but I just feel empty. I don't feel happy that he's said he'll stop seeing her, I wish he'd never got involved with her in the first place and I still have this niggling doubt that he fancies her/has flirted with her. Maybe I should just end it
OP.
What are you doing?
Your bf lies to you about secret visits from this girl.
They get drunk together round his place.
He disrespected you HUGELY by saying he would bang her in a heartbeat while you were standing there.
What the hell?! Get rid of this buffoon.
What are you doing?
Your bf lies to you about secret visits from this girl.
They get drunk together round his place.
He disrespected you HUGELY by saying he would bang her in a heartbeat while you were standing there.
What the hell?! Get rid of this buffoon.
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