Why after break-ups you just turn into strangers?
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Original post by art127
I have moved on and everything from my ex.
i was mainly just asking how come people just fade and become strangers after brake ups.
as i find it weird. because you've once has a close bond with that person and of course was friends before, and then suddenly once you brake up its like you never meet that person and they treat you as if you never meet,was together or meant anything to them at all?
if you get me.
but no i have moved on, thats the reason why me and my ex dont talk is because we've both moved on even though we was friends after and our brake up was bad or anything, it just seems like we have both faded and just lost contact over time apart after the break up.
i was mainly just asking how come people just fade and become strangers after brake ups.
as i find it weird. because you've once has a close bond with that person and of course was friends before, and then suddenly once you brake up its like you never meet that person and they treat you as if you never meet,was together or meant anything to them at all?
if you get me.
but no i have moved on, thats the reason why me and my ex dont talk is because we've both moved on even though we was friends after and our brake up was bad or anything, it just seems like we have both faded and just lost contact over time apart after the break up.
You don't always fade away, I know lots of people who are still good friends after breakup.
And unless you move in the same social circles, though, there really isn't a NEED to see your ex, so it is pretty natural
Original post by art127
I've come to realise, people just turn into strangers after break-up?
I just want to know why?
Its like i got broken up with 3 months ago, and me and my ex boyfriend are now like strangers and its sad to think that happens.
and to be honest, i dont see why people can't be friends if their brake up wasnt bad for example :/
i just dont get why people just stop talking and act as if that person never existed in their life at all?
i know people move on as of feelings etc..
but why would people drop someone and just never speak or see them ever again?
even if they had so much in common and their brake up wast bad for example?
its confuses me :/
Random i know, but why do people who once had a strong bond, but suddenly stop talking and become strangers?
I just want to know why?
Its like i got broken up with 3 months ago, and me and my ex boyfriend are now like strangers and its sad to think that happens.
and to be honest, i dont see why people can't be friends if their brake up wasnt bad for example :/
i just dont get why people just stop talking and act as if that person never existed in their life at all?
i know people move on as of feelings etc..
but why would people drop someone and just never speak or see them ever again?
even if they had so much in common and their brake up wast bad for example?
its confuses me :/
Random i know, but why do people who once had a strong bond, but suddenly stop talking and become strangers?
I know what you mean
When I broke up with my ex all my friends were like block him, delete his number, don't pick up his calls, ignore him ....I really didn't want to do that even though at the time I knew deep down I should. By keeping contact, it made things harder. And I was so scared to lose him. I felt like we built up a closeness and I didn't just want it to disappear and act like nothing happened and go our separate ways. That would've hurt too much and been too much of a shock to go from talking/texting all the time to nothing and just move on. It would've been too final.
But I think it's important at the beginning, right after a break up to take some time and space apart to allow yourself to move forward and find yourself and be single again. It's hard but people break up for a reason so having them around all the time kinda defeats the purpose. But I think after a while, once the dust has settled and things aren't so fresh and the hurt not as painful, it is possible to attempt to be friends, if that's what you want.
I think it's hard to attempt that straight away but I do believe it's possible. I think both people need time and space and the chance to move on first. Having an ex in your life makes that so much harder as you'll still be clinging on/holding out hope. I disagree with those who say you should never be friends with an ex cos every circumstance is different
Original post by Gray Wolf
Because most of the relationships people in your society have (young people anyway) are superficial physically driven relationships with no emotional depth to them.
Nice little sweeping generalisation there.
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Sometimes it's because you shared too much to ever be just friends. My partner left me two months ago after 9 years together. There has been no fighting or nastiness but we can never be friends. He's indicated he'd like to be friends but I've explained that I can't do that. When someone breaks your heart, even with no bittterness on either side, the emotions you have to deal with are too great to then attempt a friendship. For me to move on I have to do it completely without him; I've never been just his friend and I never can be. Yes, it is sad that someone who was the biggest part of my life for such a huge amount of time will never be in my life again but that's just one of the many emotions I've had to process and it's why break ups hurt so much. When you spend that long with someone it becomes an all or nothing situation and sometimes, sadly, you have to accept that it's going to have to be nothing.
It is quite sad now you say it. But yes it makes moving on easier if you don't speak. Trying to become friends straight away is hard - I think you just end up feeling something again. And still staying close friends with ex's sometimes affects future relationships. So maybe its best to be strangers ...:/
Original post by art127
I've come to realise, people just turn into strangers after break-up?
I just want to know why?
Its like i got broken up with 3 months ago, and me and my ex boyfriend are now like strangers and its sad to think that happens.
and to be honest, i dont see why people can't be friends if their brake up wasnt bad for example :/
i just dont get why people just stop talking and act as if that person never existed in their life at all?
i know people move on as of feelings etc..
but why would people drop someone and just never speak or see them ever again?
even if they had so much in common and their brake up wast bad for example?
its confuses me :/
Random i know, but why do people who once had a strong bond, but suddenly stop talking and become strangers?
I just want to know why?
Its like i got broken up with 3 months ago, and me and my ex boyfriend are now like strangers and its sad to think that happens.
and to be honest, i dont see why people can't be friends if their brake up wasnt bad for example :/
i just dont get why people just stop talking and act as if that person never existed in their life at all?
i know people move on as of feelings etc..
but why would people drop someone and just never speak or see them ever again?
even if they had so much in common and their brake up wast bad for example?
its confuses me :/
Random i know, but why do people who once had a strong bond, but suddenly stop talking and become strangers?
I agree with you. It seems really strange to have a far worse or non existent relationship than before dating, with someone who you have had a lot of fun and intimacy with. For the same reason I feel divorce is very sad and I hope I never experience that. But for all the reasons that others have cited, this is the way of human relationships... I have known a few sound relationships with ex partners, mind
For me it was that I didn't want to break up and staying in contact would have just made being broken up worse, there were times when we saw each other and I completely blanked her, which I felt bad about and apologized.
I didn't speak to my ex after we split up (it took 3 months to decide to get him out of my life) because I felt it was the best thing to do for me. He didn't treat me to nicely (loads of things was said/done to me) - was with him for 2 years and dumped me over facebook and 'begged' me to stay friends with him - I'm sorry but no, no respect was shown when he dumped me over Facebook so he didn't deserve to be my friend. But then a year later we got back in contact and talk sometimes - I'm not a good speaker to him cause I just cant stand talking to him sometimes so I speak utter ****e until he goes away.
So yeah - In my experience people drift apart to get over each other, when they have - sometimes they become friends again - not talking all time friends but on occasion.
My ex only speaks to me when hes lonely anyway - hense why I never bother with him - He did it when in the relationship, still wants to do it out of it. No thanks.
So yeah - In my experience people drift apart to get over each other, when they have - sometimes they become friends again - not talking all time friends but on occasion.
My ex only speaks to me when hes lonely anyway - hense why I never bother with him - He did it when in the relationship, still wants to do it out of it. No thanks.
Original post by hali0112
I know what you mean When I broke up with my ex all my friends were like block him, delete his number, don't pick up his calls, ignore him ....
I really didn't want to do that even though at the time I knew deep down I should. By keeping contact, it made things harder. And I was so scared to lose him. I felt like we built up a closeness and I didn't just want it to disappear and act like nothing happened and go our separate ways. That would've hurt too much and been too much of a shock to go from talking/texting all the time to nothing and just move on. It would've been too final.
But I think it's important at the beginning, right after a break up to take some time and space apart to allow yourself to move forward and find yourself and be single again. It's hard but people break up for a reason so having them around all the time kinda defeats the purpose. But I think after a while, once the dust has settled and things aren't so fresh and the hurt not as painful, it is possible to attempt to be friends, if that's what you want.
I think it's hard to attempt that straight away but I do believe it's possible. I think both people need time and space and the chance to move on first. Having an ex in your life makes that so much harder as you'll still be clinging on/holding out hope. I disagree with those who say you should never be friends with an ex cos every circumstance is different
When I broke up with my ex all my friends were like block him, delete his number, don't pick up his calls, ignore him ....I really didn't want to do that even though at the time I knew deep down I should. By keeping contact, it made things harder. And I was so scared to lose him. I felt like we built up a closeness and I didn't just want it to disappear and act like nothing happened and go our separate ways. That would've hurt too much and been too much of a shock to go from talking/texting all the time to nothing and just move on. It would've been too final.
But I think it's important at the beginning, right after a break up to take some time and space apart to allow yourself to move forward and find yourself and be single again. It's hard but people break up for a reason so having them around all the time kinda defeats the purpose. But I think after a while, once the dust has settled and things aren't so fresh and the hurt not as painful, it is possible to attempt to be friends, if that's what you want.
I think it's hard to attempt that straight away but I do believe it's possible. I think both people need time and space and the chance to move on first. Having an ex in your life makes that so much harder as you'll still be clinging on/holding out hope. I disagree with those who say you should never be friends with an ex cos every circumstance is different
This is just what i totally agree with.
it's like my brake up wasnt bad, and yeah i will admit it crushed me because of how much i loved him and how close we was etc.. but i've found this space has helped me move on.
It just sucks that we just dont talk loads or we just dont hear from each other in a month and at the moment i think because we've both gone back to uni after a holiday that we have no time for each other :/
The whole thing i get confused on is that, alot of people say you should Never be friends with an ex, talk to them or see them again, and that you have to block and cut everything.
but i think thats their choose, because like you said everyones circumstance are different
so yeah i agree on why people say 'ex is ex for a reason' because their have their reasons to never see or talk to them again.but i think if the two people's brake up wasnt bad and that they shared moments and closeness together, that they shouldnt just completely cut that person out their life to move on and that i dont see many problems on being friends.
even though yes, you'd probs never be as close as you once was or see them ever week, but theres still that door open to stay friends and in contact.. also I agree, space and no contact for a month or so will help move on.
i know alot of people would disagree with me and call me stupid for wanting to stay friends with him..
but i find that because he was my first boyfriend, that i shared alot of good memories with him that i wouldnt just want to leave them behind and not ever have that person in my life anymore with no actually reason to cut them out.
its all confusing as they whole 'ex' reputation is that you have to drop them out you life and never see/talk ever again.
and i do find some of it silly :/
Original post by art127
This is just what i totally agree with.
it's like my brake up wasnt bad, and yeah i will admit it crushed me because of how much i loved him and how close we was etc.. but i've found this space has helped me move on.
It just sucks that we just dont talk loads or we just dont hear from each other in a month and at the moment i think because we've both gone back to uni after a holiday that we have no time for each other :/
The whole thing i get confused on is that, alot of people say you should Never be friends with an ex, talk to them or see them again, and that you have to block and cut everything.
but i think thats their choose, because like you said everyones circumstance are different so yeah i agree on why people say 'ex is ex for a reason' because their have their reasons to never see or talk to them again.
but i think if the two people's brake up wasnt bad and that they shared moments and closeness together, that they shouldnt just completely cut that person out their life to move on and that i dont see many problems on being friends.
even though yes, you'd probs never be as close as you once was or see them ever week, but theres still that door open to stay friends and in contact.. also I agree, space and no contact for a month or so will help move on.
i know alot of people would disagree with me and call me stupid for wanting to stay friends with him..
but i find that because he was my first boyfriend, that i shared alot of good memories with him that i wouldnt just want to leave them behind and not ever have that person in my life anymore with no actually reason to cut them out.
its all confusing as they whole 'ex' reputation is that you have to drop them out you life and never see/talk ever again.
and i do find some of it silly :/
it's like my brake up wasnt bad, and yeah i will admit it crushed me because of how much i loved him and how close we was etc.. but i've found this space has helped me move on.
It just sucks that we just dont talk loads or we just dont hear from each other in a month and at the moment i think because we've both gone back to uni after a holiday that we have no time for each other :/
The whole thing i get confused on is that, alot of people say you should Never be friends with an ex, talk to them or see them again, and that you have to block and cut everything.
but i think thats their choose, because like you said everyones circumstance are different
so yeah i agree on why people say 'ex is ex for a reason' because their have their reasons to never see or talk to them again.but i think if the two people's brake up wasnt bad and that they shared moments and closeness together, that they shouldnt just completely cut that person out their life to move on and that i dont see many problems on being friends.
even though yes, you'd probs never be as close as you once was or see them ever week, but theres still that door open to stay friends and in contact.. also I agree, space and no contact for a month or so will help move on.
i know alot of people would disagree with me and call me stupid for wanting to stay friends with him..
but i find that because he was my first boyfriend, that i shared alot of good memories with him that i wouldnt just want to leave them behind and not ever have that person in my life anymore with no actually reason to cut them out.
its all confusing as they whole 'ex' reputation is that you have to drop them out you life and never see/talk ever again.
and i do find some of it silly :/
I think it's just something that you will get used to. I found it hard but realised in my situation that having him close would not work in my favour - at least at the start. He decided he didn't want to be with me cos he wanted to explore other options at uni.
I didn't want to keep him in my life at the time cos I thought that'd make me feel weak and like I'm needy and clingy. Maybe if we had broken up for other more amicable reasons, it'd be more different. I was heartbroken and I felt stronger by cutting him out at first. Eventually I missed him too much and he couldn't cut all contact so we tried friends. It took a long time. When he started seeing someone, I was so hurt and in so much pain and it was so hard. Now I've moved on cos I've started getting to know someone and I like things with this new guy. So I don't feel like I miss my ex anymore. This new guy isn't a rebound either, I really like him.
I a glad that eventually I became amicable with my ex cos he too was my first BF. I am glad we can text every now and then and I'll smile when he sends me a funny text. I will always care about him and love him in an affectionate way.
I think in my case that took a long time. And I'm glad I didn't just cut all contact. The thought of him living a life that I was not part of in any small way hurt too much. The fact that I wouldn't know if his dreams came true and got his dream job in the army. I couldn't bare to be strangers. But I doubt I could ever be close friends with him cos there is so much underlying hurt.
Original post by art127
I've come to realise, people just turn into strangers after break-up?
I just want to know why?
Its like i got broken up with 3 months ago, and me and my ex boyfriend are now like strangers and its sad to think that happens.
and to be honest, i dont see why people can't be friends if their brake up wasnt bad for example :/
i just dont get why people just stop talking and act as if that person never existed in their life at all?
i know people move on as of feelings etc..
but why would people drop someone and just never speak or see them ever again?
even if they had so much in common and their brake up wast bad for example?
its confuses me :/
Random i know, but why do people who once had a strong bond, but suddenly stop talking and become strangers?
I just want to know why?
Its like i got broken up with 3 months ago, and me and my ex boyfriend are now like strangers and its sad to think that happens.
and to be honest, i dont see why people can't be friends if their brake up wasnt bad for example :/
i just dont get why people just stop talking and act as if that person never existed in their life at all?
i know people move on as of feelings etc..
but why would people drop someone and just never speak or see them ever again?
even if they had so much in common and their brake up wast bad for example?
its confuses me :/
Random i know, but why do people who once had a strong bond, but suddenly stop talking and become strangers?
Of four exes, I'm still friends with three.
Two of them are very good friends to me and I wouldn't give up for the world. We made the transition pretty easily. Very amicable breakups and we actually talk about/compare our current relationships quite a lot.
I really don't regret anything with them. I feel like I made a couple of the best friendships I have in those relationships. Is this what you're looking for OP? Cause it is possible. The third is an *******, and to be honest I'd probably rather not talking to him again, but I have to maintain a working relationship with him. We have way too many mutual friends to make starting anything worth it.
The fourth guy...I would have been happy to have a friendship with, but he took the breakup so badly I couldn't face seeing him again. Very messy. Probably the only one of my exes I'd legitimately hide from if I saw him.
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