The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II
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Original post by Anonymous
Honestly you really do need to make time in order to keep a healthy relationship going. If you feel you can't then maybe you aren't in the right place to be in the relationship at all. Sounds harsh but you're at risk of hurting one or both of you.
I do agree with you to an extent but I also am free at other times of the year he just always seems to want to come out during my exams/essays and I can't seem to get it through to him why that's bad timing.
Original post by Anonymous
Probably completely the wrong place to ask, but anyway.Two years ago, me and my girlfriend met whilst on holiday (she lives in the USA). Just recently, it's got very serious and we've both said we want to live together. I will be visiting her again in the summer before I start an engineering degree. My question is: once I've finished my degree and scraped together about £10k, we plan on moving in together over there. Is £10k enough? Do I need a job to be allowed in?Any advice greatly appreciated.
Getting a job isn't the problem. Getting a visa is the tough (also read as near impossible) bit. My girlfriend is in the USA and is American too.
Original post by Anonymous
I do agree with you to an extent but I also am free at other times of the year he just always seems to want to come out during my exams/essays and I can't seem to get it through to him why that's bad timing.
You need to seriously talk to your partner about this and let him know that you have other priorities as well and your main priority (as harsh as it may sound) is your exams during that month and that you are able to meet any other time. He really needs to be able to understand your needs and if he can't then I'd reconsider the relationship.
I am not in a LDR right now, because we study at the same uni in UK. But when the term is over I will be moving back to my own country for 4 weeks, and he is staying here. 
And we can't even be be together here right now because he is in hospital in another city :'( I hope he gets better soon.
And we can't even be be together here right now because he is in hospital in another city :'( I hope he gets better soon.
For the most part, don't bother with long distance relationships. Most interaction is through social media, and the best interaction happens through face to face talking. If they are interested in visiting you (not just you visiting them), then I'd consider it. But over time you are just going to get friendzoned.
My boyfriend is a bin collector. He doesn't buy me makeup. Should I break up?.
Ew. I'm soo good at making bs up.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Ew. I'm soo good at making bs up.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Habina786xx
My boyfriend is a bin collector. He doesn't buy me makeup. Should I break up?.
Ew. I'm soo good at making bs up.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Ew. I'm soo good at making bs up.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Wow when I grow up I want to be just as funny and witty as you
Me and my girlfriend are genuinely happy together, really appreciate and find each other perfect. Known her for a year and been seeing her for a while and a couple weeks ago made it official. We know it would be silly to get together and serious, because her education visa ends in 2 months and she goes back to Saudi while I stay in UK still in study. If she can find a job that supports her visa she can stay. She now says I can do better than her and she knows 100% I will find someone who can make me even happier, this annoys me especially when she admits she never felt so happy and she wants to sacrifice her ends of being happy so I can live life to the full. She feels its a waste of time for me going the distance, next year she will either return to the UK or study in Canada for her PHD so there is a chance I will see her again. A relationship was never on her cards but it happened, we both found each other to be worth the risk yet we both don't want to hurt each other, because we are crazy about each other and we've both never had someone this amazing. I'm not sure what to do I just don't want to give up on her and she doesn't want to lose me but wants me to be happy and thinks I'm better off with someone better than her. We are both Muslim too so me getting to know her and being with her has its end goal of getting married, she is Arab and I am originally Pakistani so her parents would never agree to it and she is very career orientated so she has no intention on settling down which is completely fine with me, I see marriage as a partnership. But it is far too early for marriage for us, because I've only known her really well a couple of months before that she was just a cute friend who was great company. I could really appreciate advice on this thanks.
Hi,
How should I tell my parents about my long distance relationship as we are both sending each other Christmas gifts?
I doubt they will get annoyed, I jus really don't know how to start the convo off.
Cheers.
How should I tell my parents about my long distance relationship as we are both sending each other Christmas gifts?
I doubt they will get annoyed, I jus really don't know how to start the convo off.
Cheers.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
How should I tell my parents about my long distance relationship as we are both sending each other Christmas gifts?
I doubt they will get annoyed, I jus really don't know how to start the convo off.
Cheers.
How should I tell my parents about my long distance relationship as we are both sending each other Christmas gifts?
I doubt they will get annoyed, I jus really don't know how to start the convo off.
Cheers.
I would start if off with the sentence, "Mum, Dad, I have met somebody". Then start telling them your partner's name, etc.
Is it difficult to go from a normal relationship to an LDR? My boyfriend and I will have been together for exactly 2 years before I go to university. He doesn't know if he is going to university or not yet but we both know it's almost definite we'll have to go long distance.
Is it more difficult to transition from a relationship where we see each other every day to one where we'll hardly see each other at all in term-time? Does anyone have any advice for coping with the change?
Is it more difficult to transition from a relationship where we see each other every day to one where we'll hardly see each other at all in term-time? Does anyone have any advice for coping with the change?
Original post by Anonymous
Is it difficult to go from a normal relationship to an LDR? My boyfriend and I will have been together for exactly 2 years before I go to university. He doesn't know if he is going to university or not yet but we both know it's almost definite we'll have to go long distance.
Is it more difficult to transition from a relationship where we see each other every day to one where we'll hardly see each other at all in term-time? Does anyone have any advice for coping with the change?
Is it more difficult to transition from a relationship where we see each other every day to one where we'll hardly see each other at all in term-time? Does anyone have any advice for coping with the change?
Of course LDRs are tough, but if you guys really love each other and trust each other and are both willing to put in the effort, then they definitely can work. But
It *does* depend on your character, level of maturity and age as well, I know some people who do stay together through uni having met at like 16 but quite a lot more do break up because at 18 it's hard to know exactly what you want.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Tactical Nuclear Penguin
Hello and welcome to the LDR society advice centre, mark II!
500 pages and 10,000 posts have been reached in the original thread - that's a lot of people who have been given advice about their LDR (or a potential one). It's time to start afresh!
If you are in an LDR or will be in the future and want to talk about it, feel free to post here and we'll do our best to give you advice on any problems or issues that you want to discuss.
If you just feel like an un-LDR related chat, you can come to the LDR Society chat thread which is located here
Welcome once again and enjoy the thread - this is open to all
TNP
500 pages and 10,000 posts have been reached in the original thread - that's a lot of people who have been given advice about their LDR (or a potential one). It's time to start afresh!
If you are in an LDR or will be in the future and want to talk about it, feel free to post here and we'll do our best to give you advice on any problems or issues that you want to discuss.
If you just feel like an un-LDR related chat, you can come to the LDR Society chat thread which is located here
Welcome once again and enjoy the thread - this is open to all
TNP
Been in many LDRs ... can be stressful 😟
Original post by Anonymous
Is it difficult to go from a normal relationship to an LDR? My boyfriend and I will have been together for exactly 2 years before I go to university. He doesn't know if he is going to university or not yet but we both know it's almost definite we'll have to go long distance.
Is it more difficult to transition from a relationship where we see each other every day to one where we'll hardly see each other at all in term-time? Does anyone have any advice for coping with the change?
Is it more difficult to transition from a relationship where we see each other every day to one where we'll hardly see each other at all in term-time? Does anyone have any advice for coping with the change?
I have been through the exact same thing, and although I am not you guys, I hope this gives you a little insight...
Me and my boyfriend were together for 3.5 years before I went to university, he also went to study (me medicine and him computer science) and we were in the opposite direction from home to each other (roughly 4.5 hour train journey commute apart on a good day). Before the LDR we were inseparable, we saw each other 3-4 times each week and spent a lot of happy memories together.
Before uni we went on a great holiday, but summer was long and stressful with alevel results and planning for uni, we ended up breaking up (not really but to keep it simple) for 2-3 days and then deciding to give LD a go! We both headed off to uni and things were great, I went 2 weeks before him and settled in well, he then headed off and things went bad from there. Our first taste of freedom away from eachother was very difficult, we found adapting to a new way of communicating very difficult and being very emotional people we felt expressing ourselves over skype or phone calls wasnt working as well as we had hoped. Things happened during freshers and we ended up in a really rough patch (wont go into detail here but PM me if you want) but after some long visits, a lot of money and a heartfelt conversation we agreed to turn over a new leaf and continue as a couple.
from then on things improved, we learnt how to talk to eachother and how to understand eachothers space. We communicated more (even about the little things) and made sure we spent time together, visited regularly and made time for our other friends. We did plan in depth our terms around visits which helped us when we left each time knowing the next visit was so many weeks away (it really helps).
Overall it really can work, you will see many couples try out LD and it break, but if your willing to make it work it can really blossom and you will learn to cherish the time you have together. For me and my bf it helped us mature and grow as a couple, he is now planning his move down to my university and things are really looking up! My advice is dont listen to the advice of others and do your relationship your way!
I'm in really long realtionship - almost 7 years. Now, she is my fiance, and in september this year we'll have our wedding
What can i say: be honest for her and yourself, patient, support her, and love her with all your heart.
What can i say: be honest for her and yourself, patient, support her, and love her with all your heart.
I've been in a LDR that didn't end well. But I actually do believe that some people can have amazing, forever-lasting LDRs. What I've learnt is:
-Always know when you will next see each other. Plan it. Book it. Know it. Be consistent.
-Have a long term plan for when the Long Distance bit will be over.
-Acknowledge the distance, accept it, don't ignore it. Have separate lives, don't act like you're together in the same city by constantly being on Skype and phone calls and things.
-Find sexy ways to use technology
(if you are at that stage)
-Don't keep secrets, but at the same time don't say things that are going to distress the other person without real need(aka. do say it if your boss fully hits on you, but don't tell them every time that someone complimented you)
-When you are at the same place, make sure that they know your friends and the people you are with when they're away(same goes for them)
-Have something small like a piece of jewellery, or a tiny teddy bear or anything that you gave each other with you at all times!
-Be clear about what you want from this relationship.
-NEVER argue over text. Call them, argue on the phone, then turn both your phones off for an hour until you've relaxed. Then send a nice long paragraphy message and explain yourselves. Then make up.
-If you are going to do something that might worry them like going clubbing, do check in with them every now and then just to make them feel secure, and to remind them that they still are in your mind.
-Do surprise them, with little gifts and letters! If you're planning to go there and surprise them, might be a good idea to let one of their friends know so they can help you arrange it better.
-Send selfies every morning, and general photos of moments in your life!
-Always know when you will next see each other. Plan it. Book it. Know it. Be consistent.
-Have a long term plan for when the Long Distance bit will be over.
-Acknowledge the distance, accept it, don't ignore it. Have separate lives, don't act like you're together in the same city by constantly being on Skype and phone calls and things.
-Find sexy ways to use technology
(if you are at that stage)-Don't keep secrets, but at the same time don't say things that are going to distress the other person without real need(aka. do say it if your boss fully hits on you, but don't tell them every time that someone complimented you)
-When you are at the same place, make sure that they know your friends and the people you are with when they're away(same goes for them)
-Have something small like a piece of jewellery, or a tiny teddy bear or anything that you gave each other with you at all times!
-Be clear about what you want from this relationship.
-NEVER argue over text. Call them, argue on the phone, then turn both your phones off for an hour until you've relaxed. Then send a nice long paragraphy message and explain yourselves. Then make up.
-If you are going to do something that might worry them like going clubbing, do check in with them every now and then just to make them feel secure, and to remind them that they still are in your mind.
-Do surprise them, with little gifts and letters! If you're planning to go there and surprise them, might be a good idea to let one of their friends know so they can help you arrange it better.
-Send selfies every morning, and general photos of moments in your life!
I've been married for 18 years. Hubby has been in and out of the country for 5 years. He visits ever now and then. It's hard during the first months. I got used to it now. I still get sad every time he leaves though.
Heading back to uni after the Christmas break today. I feel sick because I know I'm going to miss my boyfriend so much.
Been long distant for nearly 2 years now....my boyfriend only lives 2 hours train/3 hours drive from me....and I haven't seen him for months...he complains it is too expensive to see each other regularly...and we are both busy applying to jobs. I feel sad he won't consider seeing me for a day randomly (he will for special occasion like anniversary), even just a monthly basis...am I wrong for feeling upset about it. I brought it up recently and he said why won't I just come see him...but I think he missed my point
I've been with him for 4 years...never bought me flowers, or took me out on a romantic date, or does anything romantic for me...am I silly for feeling sad over it?
I've been with him for 4 years...never bought me flowers, or took me out on a romantic date, or does anything romantic for me...am I silly for feeling sad over it?
Original post by Anonymous
Been long distant for nearly 2 years now....my boyfriend only lives 2 hours train/3 hours drive from me....and I haven't seen him for months...he complains it is too expensive to see each other regularly...and we are both busy applying to jobs. I feel sad he won't consider seeing me for a day randomly (he will for special occasion like anniversary), even just a monthly basis...am I wrong for feeling upset about it. I brought it up recently and he said why won't I just come see him...but I think he missed my point
I've been with him for 4 years...never bought me flowers, or took me out on a romantic date, or does anything romantic for me...am I silly for feeling sad over it?
I've been with him for 4 years...never bought me flowers, or took me out on a romantic date, or does anything romantic for me...am I silly for feeling sad over it?
He should still be making the effort to try and come and see you. Even if he takes the train and comes to see you for a coffee, doesn't need to be anything expensive or fancy. Seeing you monthly is completely do-able. Or even twice a month. He should definitely be doing special things for you, even though that isn't what all a relationship is, it's only natural to expect him to do thing for you. You should definitely talk to him about it once again and if he still doesn't understand then maybe it's time you move on.
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