The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II

hi... just though i could post this here and get a bit of advice..
me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years now, although we have had a break inbetween. and after next summer i'll be going off to uni, and its kinda freaking me out. we dont see a huge amount of each other as it is as we live a fair distance apart, he works full time, i'm at college for my A-levels and i have a part time job which takes up 20+hrs of my free time a week... but we can cope with this.
my main worries are because when we went on our break last time it was because i couldn't deal with only seen me once every other week. now we see each other a bit more often but its still not amazing. and i'm terrified that when i go to uni i wont be able to see him for a few weeks at a time, and i dont want him or me to have to go through it all again. its so pathetic but i was just a mess when we broke up, i dont think i could do it again.
i want to talk to him about this but i'm not sure how to bring it up, he keeps promising that he is here to stay this time, he even told me that he would wait for as long as it takes for me to be ready for us to start our life together properly. but that doesnt stop me worrying, and freaking out...
how do i bring it up???

Reply 581

NickyJWatkinson

10

Original post by Anonymous

the line '' we both wake in lonely beds in different cities'' really hit me because it's so true!
can't believe how hard this is but i'm hoping it will all be worth this short heart ache :/

I know, that's the bit that gets me too!! :'(
I'm hoping it will be too, we've both been a bit rubbish at communicating recently so I'm feeling a bit down about it but we should be skyping tonight so I hope that'll make it a bit better. :smile:

Reply 582

louuisexo

Original post by NickyJWatkinson

I know, that's the bit that gets me too!! :'(
I'm hoping it will be too, we've both been a bit rubbish at communicating recently so I'm feeling a bit down about it but we should be skyping tonight so I hope that'll make it a bit better. :smile:

this is the same with me! it's only his first week at uni so freshers week and he's really busy making friends and stuff so not really replying! he went out and got drunk last night and was sending me the cutest messages! we just have to tell ourselves that they aren't not talking to us because the don't wonna talk to us it's because they're busy! :smile:

Reply 583

AB25

10

My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for just over a year. We're doing great, but for some reason he hasn't spoken to me all day today- not even a little text to say hi! :mad:

I'm annoyed about this. I've not texted him today because I want to see if he'll make a conversational effort with me for once, but obviously he doesn't feel so inclined. Should I text him if it gets to, say, 10 tonight, just to check he's alright? Or should I just leave it, could he be wanting some space? (before today we've texted every single day at least a few times per day)

Reply 584

Anonymous #13

It's been just over a week now, for most of the week I've been fine and then today I've been okay for most of the day but then some stuff happened with parents and it's just tipped me over the edge. I kept crying and couldn't stop myself, and my dad was like, "Oh why are you crying, you never see him when he's at home anyway", just because were never one of these couples who are together 24/7. Even if I did only see him about once/twice a week before, it was much better than knowing that it's going to be nearly a month before I can see him again. I'm just sick of him thinking he has the right to make little snide comments about my relationship because it's my business, not his. My sister is just as bad and I'm so glad I'm finally getting out of this place in a few days. I think I'll feel a bit better then because I'll have other stuff to focus on and it'll be exciting. But bleh... I miss him so much :frown:

Reply 585

louuisexo

Is it normal to be ridiculously jealous of his new friends and flatmates? He rang me earlier and i heard his flatmates all having a joke and i just felt so jealous that they live with him and see him all the time and are having fun and going out with him while i'm sat at home working really hard to pass my A-levels
idk this not talking much is starting to bug me but i know there's nothing i can do about it :/

Reply 586

pinkbullets

12

Original post by AB25

My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for just over a year. We're doing great, but for some reason he hasn't spoken to me all day today- not even a little text to say hi! :mad:

I'm annoyed about this. I've not texted him today because I want to see if he'll make a conversational effort with me for once, but obviously he doesn't feel so inclined. Should I text him if it gets to, say, 10 tonight, just to check he's alright? Or should I just leave it, could he be wanting some space? (before today we've texted every single day at least a few times per day)

It's probably nothing to worry about, although I can see why you are annoyed. Maybe he genuinely hasn't realised that you haven't texted each other all day (possible, sometimes I do this) or maybe he's waiting for you to text first. If I were you I'd leave it for tonight (although I understand that this might be hard for you to do) and text him in the morning.

Reply 587

pinkbullets

12

Original post by Anonymous

It's been just over a week now, for most of the week I've been fine and then today I've been okay for most of the day but then some stuff happened with parents and it's just tipped me over the edge. I kept crying and couldn't stop myself, and my dad was like, "Oh why are you crying, you never see him when he's at home anyway", just because were never one of these couples who are together 24/7. Even if I did only see him about once/twice a week before, it was much better than knowing that it's going to be nearly a month before I can see him again. I'm just sick of him thinking he has the right to make little snide comments about my relationship because it's my business, not his. My sister is just as bad and I'm so glad I'm finally getting out of this place in a few days. I think I'll feel a bit better then because I'll have other stuff to focus on and it'll be exciting. But bleh... I miss him so much :frown:

*hugs*. I feel bad for you, I can sympathise with the parent thing. Just hang in there, things will get better.

Reply 588

NickyJWatkinson

10

Original post by louuisexo

this is the same with me! it's only his first week at uni so freshers week and he's really busy making friends and stuff so not really replying! he went out and got drunk last night and was sending me the cutest messages! we just have to tell ourselves that they aren't not talking to us because the don't wonna talk to us it's because they're busy! :smile:

Yeah I'm doing my freshers this week but me and my flatmates are not really big party people so I've only been out once whereas he's in Newcastle so it's much more of a deal there! And he forgot he's doing something tonight so we can't skype, which is annoying, and my two other friends I was gonna talk to both went away "for a minute" and then never called me back. :frown:

So I'm watching TV on my laptop and feeling sorry for myself... :L

Reply 589

Anonymous #20

Original post by NickyJWatkinson

Yeah I'm doing my freshers this week but me and my flatmates are not really big party people so I've only been out once whereas he's in Newcastle so it's much more of a deal there! And he forgot he's doing something tonight so we can't skype, which is annoying, and my two other friends I was gonna talk to both went away "for a minute" and then never called me back. :frown:

So I'm watching TV on my laptop and feeling sorry for myself... :L

awhh that sucks then :/ it's so annoying because he is too busy with his new friends and i feel kinda lonely and left out! and i know if i told him he'd make the effort to talk to me but i want him to enjoy his freshers week and not have me being clingy! Hes going out tonight for the second night in a row and i just feel really down :/ i'm so jealous of his flatmates and i just wish i was there so bad! just sunk in how much i'm gonna miss him and how long we have apart :frown:

I'm sat in my pjs doing college work and he's out having fun without me :'(

Reply 590

Blindshepherd

Hi so this is my predicament. Im about to start at Reading and my GF of 16 months has already started uni at Newcastle..which is far away from where I am. Over the 16 months it hasnt been easy and i mean no relationship is perfect, but regardless of the bumps we had persay, we got along so well. I honestly couldnt wish for anyone to share everything with. Until the day i found out she wanted to go to places far up north..something about escaping everyone here and the drama of her family life. I asked her what about me..but again she said i was important but she wanted this. Like any love struck fool i accepted it supported it..but in the back of my head like any other human being madly in love with someone whos basically half of you..i didnt want her to go. I prayed shed'd get the grades and i supported her to my best ability and she made it..she got the offer. That day was the happiest most saddest day of my life. We spoke about what we'd do before uni and when the time came..whether or not we should continue this and she kept saying its still far we'll talk about when it comes..and so it has. When i asked her she always reasoned out she didnt want to carry it on be more independant blah blah..i know myself that was all bull****. After drowning myself in songs of heartbreak...i finally got the courage to deal with it...however on the last day she changed her mind said she wanted to carry it on. I dont know what to do..i know shes probably stringing me along..mainly because i told her after this break up i dont want to be a friend nor know you at all (its just how i feel about breakups i dont want to see or know the person ever again but thats another story). Also i was alaways there for her at the hardest points in her life especially with her family. Now thats shes in newcastle she barely talks to me..i understand its freshers but it wouldnt hurt to reply to me just greeting her...and now shes texting me things work out..etc etc..i dont know what to do with this girl. Ive poured out my heart for this girl..its a cliché but i dammit id die for her. But ive cried enough..ive wasted enough strength..i just dont know what to do. Im stuck..in some sort of relationship limbo..i dont know what happens now...

Reply 591

K_*

So my boyfriends been at uni for a month now and it's so hard, especially knowing I might not see him till next May,

Idk what's going his term started today but mine doesn't start till next week. He's got lectures like all day and then has society things to do basically every night, I didn't think it was gonna be this hard :frown:

idk what to do anymore

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 592

Llewellyn

14

Original post by AB25

My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for just over a year. We're doing great, but for some reason he hasn't spoken to me all day today- not even a little text to say hi! :mad:

I'm annoyed about this. I've not texted him today because I want to see if he'll make a conversational effort with me for once, but obviously he doesn't feel so inclined. Should I text him if it gets to, say, 10 tonight, just to check he's alright? Or should I just leave it, could he be wanting some space? (before today we've texted every single day at least a few times per day)

I think you are probably slightly overreacting. It's entirely possible that he is either busy, tired, has his phone off/ lost charge/ left his phone somewhere or just wants a bit of time to himself. It's also possible if you text that much that he may think you've already texted today.

I seriously doubt he is making a conceited effort not to text you, especially if it has only been 1 day.

Reply 593

CherryCherryBoomBoom

21

Original post by AB25

My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for just over a year. We're doing great, but for some reason he hasn't spoken to me all day today- not even a little text to say hi! :mad:

I'm annoyed about this. I've not texted him today because I want to see if he'll make a conversational effort with me for once, but obviously he doesn't feel so inclined. Should I text him if it gets to, say, 10 tonight, just to check he's alright? Or should I just leave it, could he be wanting some space? (before today we've texted every single day at least a few times per day)

Like you and the previous posters have said, it could be any number of reasons. My boyfriend and I normally text everyday too, but there have been a few times when we've gone one or two days without contact and it doesn't bother me much when that happens, because sometimes we just need a bit of space, or one or both of us is a bit busy. Although there was one time when he took five days to reply to one of my messages, which worried me quite a bit cos I thought that was way too long. But that was just during some crazy time when he was extra busy with some stuff, but at least that hasn't happened again.

Anyway, maybe I am late replying to you now and you've both texted each other since these posts? :smile:

Reply 594

sunflowerprint

5

Looks like I might be joining the LDR community once again..... :frown:

Reply 595

sunflowerprint

5

I'm in a LDR right now and have been for coming up to 1 year (it's always been LDR) but it's only 1hr 30mins away and with my work as a researcher I work from home quite a lot so I can visit him and work at his flat. At the moment we see each other every weekend and usually a long weekend every other week when I come to visit him and work from his flat. He said he was looking for jobs closer to me so we could move in together half way between the cities we work in and commute for 20mins each day which would be prefect. However a job has come up in London (we both live in Scotland) and he's been asked about whether he can attend an interview. It looks about 90% likely he will get the job to be honest, I'm battling trying to be supportive (I can't leave my contract for another 2.5 years so we would have to do LDR for that long) and it's making me absolutely miserable. Couldn't have come at a worse time as I've had the week from hell (death of a friend, deadline at work I can't focus on and generally a lot of bad news/family issues). Before we met I was in a 4 year relationship with someone else and I had moved from London to Scotland to work and within 10 days I was dumped so I'm being super realistic about it with him, but he seems to think I'm saying we won't survive it because I'm approaching the situation more realistically.

Any advice on what to do?

Reply 596

Anonymous #28

Does anyone else feel at times that they just don't want to talk to their other half but then at other times they just want them right now but can't since they're 100's of miles away? :frown:

Reply 597

sunflowerprint

5

Anybody else sometimes just find themselves wishing their life to hurry up so you can just be in the same city as your partner and get on with your life? Constantly feel like my life is on hold where I am not doing what I like, not being where I want to be and not clicking with anyone else :frown:

Reply 598

shorttstuff

10

Original post by Anonymous

Does anyone else feel at times that they just don't want to talk to their other half but then at other times they just want them right now but can't since they're 100's of miles away? :frown:

I get this feeling all the time! I just want a cuddle from them saying that everythings going to be alright but then other times I'm just like meh don't want to talk to anyone. I think the fact freshers hasn't been as good as expected has made my more bipolar :redface:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 599

Anonymous #28

Original post by shorttstuff

I get this feeling all the time! I just want a cuddle from them saying that everythings going to be alright but then other times I'm just like meh don't want to talk to anyone. I think the fact freshers hasn't been as good as expected has made my more bipolar :redface:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Yeah not talking to my other half isn't helping me mentally at all and the times I do talk to them they don't seem to have any love for me, I just wish they'd be more open about it all, don't know if our relationship will last past October at this rate...

The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you