Am i thinking to much into this? Opiions please

Hmm.. You didn't clarify your relationship situation too much, you just said you've been seeing each other. Does that mean the starts of a relationship or that you can see other people or haven't you talked about it? I wouldn't worry about the fact that you weren't on great terms for the week leading up to the holiday, it'll probably do you both good to have a week's space away from each other and to miss each other. However, I'd be worried about your situation with this girl personally. If there are photos all over facebook then there's probably nothing to hide, whether that's because nothing happened or you're not exclusive and she feels it's okay to get with another guy. Obviously Magaluf has a reputation and often people just go there to get laid and stuff, but that's not always the case so that's not an issue. If I were you, I'd make a load of plans for the next three days so you're not thinking about it, don't message her, wait until she comes back and ask her how it was and stuff, give her the opportunity to tell you what happened and then arrange to meet up in person and if the issue still isn't resolved and you remain concerned, speak to her in person about your worries. Hope it's all fine and best of luck xx

Reply 2

HexBugMaster

1

Oh god, I wish people would learn how to write in paragraphs. It's near impossible to read a solid block of text...

Reply 3

OP

Original post by Bellarrr

Hmm.. You didn't clarify your relationship situation too much, you just said you've been seeing each other. Does that mean the starts of a relationship or that you can see other people or haven't you talked about it? I wouldn't worry about the fact that you weren't on great terms for the week leading up to the holiday, it'll probably do you both good to have a week's space away from each other and to miss each other. However, I'd be worried about your situation with this girl personally. If there are photos all over facebook then there's probably nothing to hide, whether that's because nothing happened or you're not exclusive and she feels it's okay to get with another guy. Obviously Magaluf has a reputation and often people just go there to get laid and stuff, but that's not always the case so that's not an issue. If I were you, I'd make a load of plans for the next three days so you're not thinking about it, don't message her, wait until she comes back and ask her how it was and stuff, give her the opportunity to tell you what happened and then arrange to meet up in person and if the issue still isn't resolved and you remain concerned, speak to her in person about your worries. Hope it's all fine and best of luck xx

Hey Bellarrr thanx for the time to reply ,Well we have been meeting 3 months and planning on getting together eventually , she isn't a tart or anything but me and her haven't seen to much of eachother for id say 3 weeks before she went probly twice a week at most as she works ridiculous hours. , We haven't had sex in nerly a month and I know shes been really stressed with work wanting to change jobs and me keeping on doesn't help the situation either. , I do love her and this is why ive been holding out for her I do try but I guess at times I guess I need to give her more space. , I have been keeping myself busy since shes gone I just feel when I go on facebook and see her with other guys it kinda hurts im not insecure but I do know her well enough to know that if the rolls were reversed and I was hanging around with aloud of girls having pictures she wouldn't be to pleased and this is what bothers me. Im gunna go with your idea then and not send her a message I don't wanna seem like im checking up on her so ill wait till she gets back and has sorted her self out and hopefully shell be in contact with me.

Reply 4

datpiff

13

I can't be arsed to read all that block, but all I'm gonna say is if there's no trust then why are you together?

A relationship is all about trust.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

Thing is, if you're not actually together and you've not explicitly said we're exclusive, and if you hadn't seen each other for a while before she went, it's pretty likely that she'll see nothing wrong with hooking up with other guys. If she was pissed off with you for a reason and she's the type, she might have been happy to put those pictures on facebook to rub it in your face. To me, it sounds like it's a bit odd that you say you love each other but after three months you're not actually together. Obviously I don't know the details, but when she gets back I think you should ask her straight up what she wants with you. I think that is more your issue than the holiday at the moment. So yeah, just keep busy as you have been doing and then talk to her when she's back, but don't make it dead intense if she's been stressed, just try and be casual and when the time is right, as her what she wants. Again, best of luck xx

Reply 6

So Instinct

20

My brain is currently doing this.

Original post by gardenboy

I don't know if im thinking in to much about this. Basically ive been sein this girl for around 3 months weve had our ups and downs like anyone else.
She went on holiday start of the week with a mate of hers who has a boyfriend , she messaged me when she got there safe which was good and told me she loved me but I know she was drunk so coulda just been from having a good time eg.
Anyway I messaged her on facebook saying that im gunna give her some space and not message her till she comes back as she works a lot and this is a good break for her she didn't really say much just okaii xx.
The part that I think im not sure if im looking into to much is she went out clubbing and met these 2 boys and 1 of the boys in nerly every picture has his arm around her and the 4 of them have a lot of pictures together.

Its been 2 days now and I haven't heared from her even tho I said not to I kinda expected she would have messaged me something but now I find out there friends on facebook and I just cant get my head around "what if".
I didn't mention that just before she went we hadn't spent that much time together and we wasn't on good terms with eachother just as she was stressed and I kinda turned up to see her a day b4 she went just because I hadn't seen her for nerly a week up to that point and she was ill but stil didn't seem to happy about it.
Before I went tho we kissed and told me the next day she was gunna miss me.
I just feel like im thinking to much but I know deep down if the roles were reversed she would be asking me every question in the book saying you did this Ohh whos that then and all that.

I don't know wether I should ask her if shes okaii im not gunna ask her about the boys as that will make her mad knowing I don't trust her which I do but kinda sein her with other lads in photos puts some doubt there for sure.
As we didn't have the best time from the week up until she went I don't know what to think she returns in 3 days on Monday night so if I don't hear from her bye the time she gets home I woulda gone a week not hearing anything from her which I will find worrying.
So what would be the best thing to do here? I know if I message her and she gives me a 3 word reply im gunna just crack if im honest but then I think if I don't reply she might think im mad at her as shes got photos blasted all over her facebook with other boys which is kinda the case. What would others in my situation do here?? Were both 22 and shes gone to Magaluf.

For anyone attempting to read it.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 7

AlexWatson22

You are thinking too much into it, relax dude! Im sure it's fine. The other guy is on holiday in Magaluf and is probably trying to get in her pants, but if shes a good catch she won't. Wait til she's back and look through the photos together and then drop a hint about him being in a lot and see how she reacts.

Reply 8

OP

Thx for the replies means a lot , I haven't spoke to her for 3 days up until now I was on my way out but couldn't help but see her on facebook so wanted to send a message. Basically all I said was "hope your having a good time love you" , her reply to that was "Im having a great time don't wanna come home." which to some respect kinda made me feel very small lol , glad to see its goin good for her but did get to me that she didn't even ask how I was and now I feel even worse about myself to do with us. , Deep down I new I shouldnt have messaged as I no a short response from her was gunna get me thinking but then I don't want her to think I don't care so that's what made me message her., But now I duno what to think don't feel to good about the situation and them 3 days till she is home is gunna seem a lot longer away. ......... btw I replied to what she said by bein an idiot and asked her "you miss me?" which was kinda lame of me shes seen I put that and hasn't responded even tho shes still commenting and putting things on facebook way after I replied to her , I don't wanna start an argument or anything from seeming clingy so yea I feel rather low at this time and probly making to much into it but if it was reversed id wanna know how she was and id most certainly miss her.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 9

It probably wasn't the best idea to message her and she wants time away and her normal life is creeping back to her before she's ready to leave. That being said, you obviously miss her and want to know she's okay and stuff, so it's fairly normal, especially if you love her. I just don't understand why you're not properly together yet! You seem up for it, is she reluctant to commit or something? I dunno, but it's only a day and a half until she's back now :] So keep busy and, when she's back, ask her when she's free and if she'd like to meet up cos you've missed her and you want to know how it was and if there are any funny stories :] There's nothing to over think at the minute; if you say she'd react badly if she situation were reversed then that's understandably annoying, however, you're not together so you have no leg to stand on there really - if she reacted badly in your position, she'd be in the wrong too! Just talk to her when you get back and sort things out, I'm sure it'll be fine and you're just missing her :] xx

Reply 10

OP

Yea I realised it wasn't the best idea straight after I messaged her but goin 3 days not speaking to her just felt really weird and just wanted her to know I missed her and hoping that she was okay. , Well to be honest theres kind of a reason we aint together she kept dropping hints about getting together but I felt it was to soon and didn't wanna rush it but as her holiday was a last minute thing soon as I found out she was goin I kinda made a fool of myself bye asking her out mainly because where she was goin and id feel better that way. , This obviously back fired and the "you don't trust me" "ur only asking me because im goin on holiday then when im back you could end it so yea I couldn't say nothing about that response. , I spoke to her for about 10minutes messaging back and fourth and couldn't help but ask if everything was okay with me and her "yea why wouldn't it be?" that was her reply so felt much better sein that , she told me few things about holiday and I do feel better in myself now for asking knowing if she gave me an unsure answer I could have taken that as she met someone else eg. , I no she hasn't payed me much attention during the holiday but I guess as I pointed out if it was reversed I know she would be getting the funnies with me for me not asking how she was doin. I do feel better now knowing shell be home soon I no I wont be able to see her right away as shell be tired and probly feel low again knowing shes gotta go back to work , so im thinking maybe few days after shes back I can take her out for a meal so we can catch up and tell me about her holiday without me having to ask her what happened.

Reply 11

Deziah

15

I don't really understand your relationship. :confused:

You've been seeing each other for three months, you're not exclusively together but you say that you love each other? No wonder you're over thinking! I'd say just chill out for the time being and try and take your mind off it. It seems like you're stalking her Facebook because you're unsure of what is going on with you two, but it won't help until she gets back. I can't really make out what is going on, but it seemed like you were about to become exclusive and then she went on holiday and now you're confused as to what is happening between the two of you.

I'd suggest you take your own advice and give her a few days and then take her out for a meal. You could ask her if she had a nice holiday, and try not to put pressure on her about your relationship at this point. I can understand where you're coming from, I think we'd all feel similar and her going on holiday just wasn't great timing but try not to worry about it. :-)

Reply 12

OP

Late reply She came back lastnight from holiday I haven't heared from her yet as I know shed have been tired , she rang me early hours Tuesday morning from holiday saying how good of a time shes been having and that only 1 person tried it on with her but she told them she wasn't intrested and its because shes misses me and stuff this was all from her I didn't ask her anything about it. , We spoke for about 10 minutes then she got off the phone but was a big bonus having her ring me without me mentioning it , anyway I told her about taking her out for a meal and that it was already booked and she said yea thats fine sounds good so hopefully all goes well on the weekend and she can tell me about all this and I can maybe see how she seems around me without acting to intrested myself kinda like a pull back let her come forward motion just to show that I actually don't need her as much as I make out so itl get her thinking. , I no shes gunna be getting a bit aggy soon enough due to goin back to work and bein back home but just wondering how do I approach this??. I kinda expected her to message me saying she was home safe but didn't get anything she knows ive planned this for her for the weekend so would you advise not contacting her until she gets in touch with me first? and if for some reason come the day of our plans then I should try contacting her to see if everythings okay and were still on for the plans?. We haven't spent to much time together in past few weeks but is it a bad idea to mention whats happening with me and her? or should I just enjoy the meal and see where that leads and give us both time.

Reply 13

First of all, this is the worst possible time to start playing games. She knows you're interested so there's no point pretending that you're not. You just need to not force it on her; I wouldn't mention it at all at the meal. She was probably knackered when she got in and wasn't thinking about letting you know she was fine. She will probably get in touch in the next day or so, so just leave it for now, but as you say, if it gets to the night before the day of your plans, a quick message asking if she's still okay for tomorrow will suffice. Don't call her asking her how it was as she already called you telling you. Just leave it and wait until the meal. However, what we have basically concluded is that your relationship situation is entirely the problem and the holiday was just bad timing. Now she's back, you need to seriously think about what's going to happen. Work it out yourself, and don't say it's too soon to get together but not to say I love you.. Talk to her but not right away. Good luck xx

Reply 14

OP

Hey Bellarrr thx for your input again much appreciated. , Yea I get where your coming from with the games but its kinda strange when we 1st started meeting I didn't pay to much intrest and she keep always trying to see me plan things but soon as I started seeming intrested and contacting her first it was just so hard to spend time with her like she back off completely. Since shes been on holiday Ive only really contacted her once n the other few times shes started off the contact first. Yea games at this stage are stupid I agree but I guess your right its either me and her become something or just move on as itl only end up hurting once of us if we do play games. , Yea I shall wait till the meal and see how we are and hopefully spend the night together also but if for some reason she pulls out and changes her mind last minute and says shes unavailable as such ive promised my self im gunna move on reason to this is she knows this has been planned for few days and the way she tells me she feels theres no reason it shouldn't happen but yea I shall update after Saturday and let you know how everything goes either way of the outcome x

Reply 15

Zamolxes

10

Original post by gardenboy

Hey Bellarrr thanx for the time to reply ,Well we have been meeting 3 months and planning on getting together eventually , she isn't a tart or anything but me and her haven't seen to much of eachother for id say 3 weeks before she went probly twice a week at most as she works ridiculous hours. , We haven't had sex in nerly a month and I know shes been really stressed with work wanting to change jobs and me keeping on doesn't help the situation either. , I do love her and this is why ive been holding out for her I do try but I guess at times I guess I need to give her more space. , I have been keeping myself busy since shes gone I just feel when I go on facebook and see her with other guys it kinda hurts im not insecure but I do know her well enough to know that if the rolls were reversed and I was hanging around with aloud of girls having pictures she wouldn't be to pleased and this is what bothers me. Im gunna go with your idea then and not send her a message I don't wanna seem like im checking up on her so ill wait till she gets back and has sorted her self out and hopefully shell be in contact with me.

She's probably getting ****ed by someone right now, seriously she went to that holiday to have fun dude, don't be naive. A guy with her hand around her in every picture, what you think he aint tapping that?

Please...if I were you I'd go out with some girls right now. Clearly it's not a great relationship, you don't have sex and there doesn't seem to be any commitment from her.

This is your queue to play the field, if you don't you're a loser, seriously.

Sorry I know it's harsh but don't let girls play you like this man, it's really sad.

Reply 16

^ That's a bit presumptuous, don't you think? You know nothing about the girl and not too much about the situation. At the minute, there is no need to do anything because there is no glaring problem. All that needs to happen is that they have a conversation at some point and not mess around playing games. If OP does go ahead and start going out with some other girls, not only is that being a loser when he says he loves this girl, he could be ruining either a relationship or a good friendship at least.

Reply 17

OP

Hello I wasn't gunna update until after the meal but as something just happened I thought id say this. , Just been out doin sports as I do and on the way walking home I bump into her and her 2 mates as they were off out (pub). , Anyway soon as I seen her I was like urghh as i couldn't have looked any worse all sweaty clothes funky hair all over the place while shes all done up so i felt really awkward an imbarrased if im honest. , Her friends walked ahead and she just said to me so what is it were gunna be doin the weekend again(even tho she knew) so not sure if she done this to start off a convo or if she felt awkward and nervous herself. I said well still go out for a meal if your up for it and shes was like " yea that's okay" She kept playing with her hair as i know this is a sign of she wants me to just go or basically do something. Its funny because i really wanted to just dive on her (didn't because im a sweaty mess!!) , but then i was thinking this feels really strange and weird and im not sure if this is down to me not sein her for over a week and not speaking to her much so bit confused now. She said ill txt you after only gunna be out for a few hours then go home so itl be intresting to see if she rings me or messages me or just leaves it tonight. So yea that just happened kinda wish i didn't bump into her but what can you do ay!.

Reply 18

Sounds fine to me, brief conversation when she was off out, seems like she was happy to see you with the playing with her hair and stuff. You will just feel strange to see her cos of what has gone on that it's been a while and you're not sure where you stand after talking on here. Wouldn't worry about bumping into her! Since she said she wouldn't be out for long, it sounds like she wanted a good old chat after not seeing you for a while! All sounds good to me. Just carry on as normal now but remember, no game playing, no jumping into deep conversations and just enjoy her company :] Have a chat in a week or so about what you said before she went away about getting together and just say you realised that it was silly that you weren't together yet, and her leaving and you arguing made you realise how much she means to you so you'd like to be in a proper relationship. NO GAME PLAYING! Haha, good luck as always :] xx

Reply 19