I crave/need male attention all the time.

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I know men find me attractive. often when I go out to bars or pubs I end up with men buying me drinks or flirting with me and talking. I obviously like this attention. also my "record" of guys has been pretty good the ones i get with are all very attractive and above all nice decent guys. HOWEVER I am still insecure. I feel like great, guys find me attractive... so what? they only ever seem to want 1 thing. sex. I am 19, I have slept with 2 guys, both of whom I liked, the 2nd guy was using me though I think. the first guy I will never see again now but he was great guy. then I have done other stuff up to sex with about 4 other guys. no guy ever wants a relationship with me or at least made it obvious they do. it makes me insecure in 2 ways; A) my personality is not likeable enough for a guy to really want me and I must be boring and B) I must only be attractive enough for them to think "yeah I'll shag her but she's not attractive enough to be on my arm"

You're clubbing. The assumption is that only casual sex is wanted. You are also flirtatious, the guys aren't stupid, they know you're probably like it with everyone, so they don't see you as the serious type. It's OK though, there is no moral judgement about this. Every woman and man down the ages has this phase and everyone comes out from it in good enough shape, in a steady relationship and as well adjusted as can be hoped for anyone.

also another problem is once I went out with 2 girl friends and they got male attention and I did not that night and it made me feel really ****.

In short, you felt like a man does almost every time he goes for a night out. This is infantile stuff, I'm sorry.

what is wrong with me? all the time i am thinking about guys i love the attention but it is a double edged knide because the attention is fun but then when i think about it i get depressed because they only want to have sex with me.

Well, that's the trade-off you make, if you want to use the interaction like that. You use them for attention, they use you for sex.

The best way to stem your need for attention (this is also known as narcissistic supply) is to get over yourself, preferably by having some catastrophic and/or transcendent life event happen to you. But you will get over it naturally in time, most probably within the year, unless you are very unintroverted or pathological.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 21

IlexBlue

Original post by Anonymous

you don't go to college or coffee shops for finding them either but it happens.

Reply 22

InChase

Original post by Anonymous

I know men find me attractive....

*Snip*

Yeah of course you like it! It's a form of validation and most everyone enjoys validation, however superficial.

The reason you still don't feel great about yourself is that this is very short term validation, i.e. it doesn't last. The long term validation only comes from within. Once you like yourself then you won't be reliant on this kind of short term validation any more; you can take it or leave it.

Then, magically, you will find you only get with guys who are actually worth it, ones who bring value to your life. You no longer just go blindly looking for validation from anywhere.

Reply 23

Anonymous #2

Everyone here saying that you can be either girlfriend material or have lots of male attention, but not both, is wrong.

The trick is to first get a really relaxed boyfriend who doesn't get jealous (preferably long distance) and then keep going out and enjoying yourself (never cheat, though, because then you'll get dumped, and rightly so) and being friends with men.

You'd be amazed how many men are willing to adore you even when they know it's hopeless. Quite the ego boost, I assure you :biggrin:

Reply 24

Siggie

It's all well and good claiming to being attractive and in need of male attention, but do you put out?

Reply 25

BlindingLight

Original post by Dragonfly07

You're a good laugh kid.

Reply 26

Anonymous #1

Original post by Foo.mp3

another doll-drone who expects life to deliver her happiness with a cherry on top just for turning up. If you don't like the rules, don't play the game OP :rolleyes:

Are you on crack?

Yeah, just start a small connection of nice guy fan boys.. the fact that most of them will be secretly infatuated with you, depressed/torn over it, and most likely wind up embittered, alienated misogynists is neither here nor there. Blinkered narcissistic hedonism ftw :awesome:

what exactly do you mean by doll drone? I am interested in your analysis of me and my personality, given what I have written in my OP, i mean that genuinely despite it sounding a bit snarky.

Reply 27

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

part of my problem is not knowing what I want. I really don't know. I love meeting new people, flirting etc. but I also love sex (which I will only do with people I feel I have a connection with, even if its casual) and intimacy which I kind of only want from a relationship... but I don't feel ready for a relationship. plus it doesn't help that when a guy tries to do the whole "dating and courtship" thing with me I go right off him. the only guy who expressed desire to be in a relationship with me who I didn't cringe at and get put off by was completely unavailable due to situation and circumstance...a and even then at the time new was saying this to me I was repelled.

Reply 28

Anonymous #1

Original post by Foo.mp3

Ok, brace thyself..

Spoiler

That's because of the type of guy who tends to do that, not because you're incapable of holding interest in a guy who isn't only interested in one thing :rolleyes:

hmm I don't know, I am being honest, there isn't one guy that I didn't find very attractive and apart from 1 I did like them as people too. and im also bright, maybe just not with guys. with the guy who used me forvsex I did kind of know he was using me in the back of my mind I think I just wanted to have sex and I.did like him quite well, but I was probably just using him too. I guess I do get dolled up but nothing major or unusual to anyone else. and obviously i like the attention! maybe there is nothing special or unique about me though... not much I can do about that... but I find it hard to believe every girl in a relationship is special or unique in such a separating way. that would be most women.

Reply 29

Studentus-anonymous

Original post by MrSupernova

That's because men don't usually go to bars to find a long-term relationship...

^ ^ ^

I'd suggest OP you need to find a somewhat more inspiring meaning to your life than your value to men. A LOT of men probably just want you for your body. So what? You need to find other things aside from sexual attraction that motivates you and gives you a reason to wake up every morning.

Even if it's some daft hobby, it doesn't matter. If you just act and see yourself as a piece of meat then of course you're going to feel bad.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 30

Danz123

Original post by Dragonfly07

That's the reason I hate male attention. I'm also pretty attractive, not to sound conceited, but I find it disgusting every time I get any kind of male attention from men I don't know, regardless of what they look like or how old they are.

I think it's probably a side-effect of my extremely religious upbringing and it's probably an unhealthy one because the disgust I feel for those men borderlines hatred.

Anyway I can understand why you feel bad about it, but I know it's an unhealthy thing. If you can just enjoy yourself without worrying then you'll be happy regardless of the end consequences. I think that a big reason that people who have superficially amazing lives feel bad about themselves is because they think ahead to the future and worry about things instead of living in the now. I don't know if you noticed, but poorer people always seem much happier and are not very prone to depression, and I think it's partly because they aren't worried about the future because they don't think they necessarily have one.

Well this has turned into a rant, not sure how much of it applies to you.

Really? You'd be disgusted at guys who find you attractive? Wow. I'd be very flattered if I got female attention (not that I ever do). Sure it's not cool if you like someone a lot and they only care for sex, but still it at least means some people out there think you're good-looking.

It does take a lot of confidence to approach someone you don't know, so at least you know it's unhealthy to hate guys like that.