My mum will disown me if I move out for Uni?

Original post by Utterly-confused

I am from Birmingham. I am applying to do Joiint Honours in English and History - my mother hates it and said I am too thick to become a doctor.- Anyways, I am applying to Birmingham, Leeds, Queen Marys and the other two I am still deciding. There's only 4 unis in Birmingham, and only one do my course. My mum said that I need to apply to all the local ones, I said I want to push myself. She said that if I dare move out, that she will disown me, and that she's not going to support me. She's 'washing' her hands off me. She said never to come home, and to go marry a white or black guy whilst I am at it.. Why would it matter what colour/race they are, aslong as they are a good Muslim, right? I have no idea what to do. She said she doesn't care if I got into Wolverhampton (rubbish) aslong as I am home. My mums emotionally blackmailing me, calling me a slag for wanting to move out and stuff, but I want to get a degree in a highly respect institution, and I don't want to pay for a crap place. She's threatening to kick me out from TODAY. I have a part time job -albeit it's McDonalds- but she's saying to quit it. She's basically CONTROLLING me. She said to go kill myself whilst I am at it, several times. My cousins doing medicine, and she keeps comparing me to her.

I give up. I actually don't know what to do. All she cares about is her 'izaat' (honour) and I am even contemplating death. It's such a burden.
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If I leave, she'll never speak or see me again. I won't get to see my siblings either.

This sounds me three years ago at the beginning of Year 13. But where am I right now? I've just started my year abroad in a FOREIGN country and I am having the time of my life.

Please move out, you have to be strong and realise that it is better to do it sooner rather than later. As for your mother's threats, you may find that they are actually quite empty. I am not Muslim so I am not sure I can understand everything but in my cultural background, there is a lot of pressure to do certain things and be a certain way and I hated it.

However I found the best way was to be rational and try and beat my mum at her own game. It worked. Clearly if you are looking at unis like Birmingham and Leeds, you are intelligent! You need to come at her with a plan and you may have to compromise a bit - such as applying to Birmingham for example, but you should address her concerns such as you may "go off the rails" - well clearly she brought you up a good Muslim and you won't go astray and you know right from wrong. Is there anyone who has lived away from university who is a good example - a family member or friend for example? Secondly, maybe have some sort of career path or ideas for what you can do with your degree to address her career concerns.

As for feeling suicidal, is there someone that you trust that you can talk to? It will only get worse and it can sometimes throw you off your path which is bad because you need to be focused on getting the best grades you can so you can get out of there! Speaking from experience, I felt pretty silly because I thought it wasn't very serious but it is serious, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you are being emotionally blackmailed and abused which is very difficult as it's not physical abuse. So please talk to someone.

Good luck to you and I promise you if I can get round my mum anyone can get around theirs! Be strong! :h:

Reply 61

Golden_Boy786

11

Original post by Utterly-confused

I am from Birmingham. I am applying to do Joiint Honours in English and History - my mother hates it and said I am too thick to become a doctor.- Anyways, I am applying to Birmingham, Leeds, Queen Marys and the other two I am still deciding. There's only 4 unis in Birmingham, and only one do my course. My mum said that I need to apply to all the local ones, I said I want to push myself. She said that if I dare move out, that she will disown me, and that she's not going to support me. She's 'washing' her hands off me. She said never to come home, and to go marry a white or black guy whilst I am at it.. Why would it matter what colour/race they are, aslong as they are a good Muslim, right? I have no idea what to do. She said she doesn't care if I got into Wolverhampton (rubbish) aslong as I am home. My mums emotionally blackmailing me, calling me a slag for wanting to move out and stuff, but I want to get a degree in a highly respect institution, and I don't want to pay for a crap place. She's threatening to kick me out from TODAY. I have a part time job -albeit it's McDonalds- but she's saying to quit it. She's basically CONTROLLING me. She said to go kill myself whilst I am at it, several times. My cousins doing medicine, and she keeps comparing me to her.

I give up. I actually don't know what to do. All she cares about is her 'izaat' (honour) and I am even contemplating death. It's such a burden.
.

If I leave, she'll never speak or see me again. I won't get to see my siblings either.

Dont be put off by what your mum has said she's obviously insecure about you especially you being a girl she feels more 'overly-protective' as all muslims mums can be. Maybe ask another relative who can explain the situation to your mum.

This might be a little over due after 2 weeks. If you need any advice just PM me. :smile:

Reply 62

Ingrid<3

4

I can't believe how many people there are on TSR with ridiculous controlling b*tches for mothers. Get the hell out of there and never look back. I'm sure your siblings will still see you when they can but you'll be a lot happier and better off without your mother in your life. I'm absolutely shocked that she would tell you to kill yourself. she doesn't deserve to have children.