I'm really struggling after 4 year relationship break up

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(edited 10 years ago)

It's going to be very hard. However, only time can tell. Right now, the only advice is to get immersed into everything else that you have neglected.

Start exercising. Join a dance class. Join more clubs at college/university. Meet new people, make new friends, find new hobbies, focus on your work, focus on your future. Find new things to be interested in.

I once was in a similar spot, but in the past 3 years, I've grown so much as a person and have moved on from this pain. Whatever you shared is definitely special, but this shouldn't hold you back from finding new things in life that are even more special. Your pain will last some time, but you have to get through it and have faith that it will turn out OK.

Feel free to talk to friends, confide in others, spend nights with random friends, and get out of your comfort zone. Don't feel guilty if you have some weekends that you want to stay in your room and watch your favorite TV shows. I encourage you to confide in other people. Recovery will happen, I promise.

Reply 2

James CC

I'll be honest, you seem really mature about this and seem to be handling it better than most people would.

I can't give you advice since I've never been in such a long relationship, but I guess it's not really any of your faults. Long distance relationships make you 2 further apart and makes it a lot harder to maintain a relationship.

The best thing you can do now is to find someone in person to talk to and share your thoughts with. It'll make things a whole lot easier on you. Sharing this on a forum won't help you much, talking to a trusted friend or family member will.

Reply 3

consumed by stuff

4 months on buddy and its still hurts like a muther****er.

Reply 4

Llewellyn_J

I saw another TSR user say this once, and by God is it good advice, or rather a statement:

If into your ex's facebook you go only pain will you find.

DO NOT spend loads of time facebook stalking your ex. I did that for some time after my 2 and a half year relationship ended and it made the whole process of moving on so much longer. I would recommend cutting her out of your life ENTIRELY. I actually made a new facebook account, got one of my friends to change the password so that I would never see those pictures again. And I blocked her on my new profile. I have made a huge amount of progress since doing that.

Reply 5

nails9999

As another poster said - you need to immerse yourself in other things. Fill as much of your time as you can with new hobbies, make new friends, try different things. Think about your future, what you want from life and how you're going to get it. Accept that you're going to feel bad for quite some time, but also know that you won't be feeling this way forever and at some point you will look back and wonder why you felt so low. Cutting all contact, as hard as it may be, will also help. It is so much harder to move on when that person is still in your life. I also feel that writing down how you feel or talking to someone also helps.

Good luck <3 and please know that you're not the first person to go through this and you certainly won't be the last. You will come out of it, eventually :smile: