Wasn't invited to by boyfriend's birthday gathering

We haven't been going out that long. We been friends for about 4 months and have been dating for a month. I asked him tonight for the first time if we were 'together' and he said yes and that he thinks of me as his girlfriend. He deactivated is dating profile a few weeks ago and he's really affectionate in real life and kisses me in public, etc. So I'm a bit confused as to why I haven't been invited to his birthday gathering this weekend... I've been thinking that it could be because it's at his friends' place. But even so, he should still be able to invite me as it's his birthday after all. And there will be a mix of female and guy friends so it's not a boys' night out. I haven't met his friends yet either. Part of me wonders if they even know about me. He knows I'm free on the day of his birthday thing. I even felt like he was rubbing salt into the wound when told me 'it's only Tuesday so there's still time for me to make plans for the weekend.'

So I'm upset. He did say at first that he'd like to have a special day with me too but didn't bring that up tonight. He mentioned a weekday dinner instead and nothing about it being a birthday thing, so I feel like he doesn't want to celebrate it with me at all.

Am I just overreacting? Should I say something to him afterwards? I don't want him to invite me just because he felt bad or something.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

Commercial Paper

21

Original post by fghi

We haven't been going out that long. We been friends for about 4 months and have been dating for a month. I asked him tonight for the first time if we were 'together' and he said yes and that he thinks of me as his girlfriend. He deactivated is dating profile a few weeks ago and he's really affectionate in real life and kisses me in public, etc. So I'm a bit confused as to why I haven't been invited to his birthday gathering this weekend... I've been thinking that it could be because it's at his friends' place. But even so, he should still be able to invite me as it's his birthday after all. And there will be a mix of female and guy friends so it's not a boys' night out. I haven't met his friends yet either. Part of me wonders if they even know about me. He knows I'm free on the day of his birthday thing. I even felt like he was rubbing salt into the wound when told me it's only Tuesday so there's still time for me to make plans for the weekend.

So I'm upset. He did say at first that he'd like to have a special day with me too but didn't bring that up tonight. He mentioned a weekday dinner instead and nothing about it being a birthday thing, so I feel like he doesn't want to celebrate it with me at all.

Am I just overreacting? Should I say something to him afterwards? I don't want him to invite me just because he felt bad or something.

No, speak to him. There is probably a reason why he hasn't invited you and you just need to talk it through with him. Speak to him, explain how you feel but be happy for him either way (it is his birthday). Say you want to be there with him because he means so much to you. Don't wait until afterwards - tell him tomorrow, in the evening, after work or something.

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Reply 2

stargirl63

17

Talk to him and ask him because he may think he has invited you

Reply 3

username1255019

2

Original post by will2348

No, speak to him. There is probably a reason why he hasn't invited you and you just need to talk it through with him. Speak to him, explain how you feel but be happy for him either way (it is his birthday). Say you want to be there with him because he means so much to you. Don't wait until afterwards - tell him tomorrow, in the evening, after work or something.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Definitely do that, tbh I think that's what most people would advise, the critical thing about a relationship is talking about things! And not hiding things, so yeah just speak to him as soon as you can.

Reply 4

odkfn

14

Original post by fghi

We haven't been going out that long. We been friends for about 4 months and have been dating for a month. I asked him tonight for the first time if we were 'together' and he said yes and that he thinks of me as his girlfriend. He deactivated is dating profile a few weeks ago and he's really affectionate in real life and kisses me in public, etc. So I'm a bit confused as to why I haven't been invited to his birthday gathering this weekend... I've been thinking that it could be because it's at his friends' place. But even so, he should still be able to invite me as it's his birthday after all. And there will be a mix of female and guy friends so it's not a boys' night out. I haven't met his friends yet either. Part of me wonders if they even know about me. He knows I'm free on the day of his birthday thing. I even felt like he was rubbing salt into the wound when told me 'it's only Tuesday so there's still time for me to make plans for the weekend.'

So I'm upset. He did say at first that he'd like to have a special day with me too but didn't bring that up tonight. He mentioned a weekday dinner instead and nothing about it being a birthday thing, so I feel like he doesn't want to celebrate it with me at all.

Am I just overreacting? Should I say something to him afterwards? I don't want him to invite me just because he felt bad or something.

I think your reaction is justified.

Every year me and my friends go to a different city and rent a fancy apartment and have a night out as a joint birthday do for 3 or 4 of us, and about 12 people go every year - all boys. I don't invite my girlfriend to this as:

A. If we all did we'd never find an apartment to fit 24 people or so
B. I still do birthday stuff with her and other friends in our hometown

So, in a situation like this, with NO girls going i'd say your boyfriend is justified - as it stands, though, I'd say it's pretty arseholish behaviour.

Are you sure he doesn't just assume you're invited by default and think that you're already going?

Reply 5

redferry

19

If its still early days between you I don't actually think its that odd not to invite you. Birthdays are for friends not someone who you just started seeing who you might end up breaking up with in a months time.

Maybe he's just not ready for you to meet his friends yet

Reply 6

Folion

15

Yeah it could be like others have said and he just assumes you're going anyway or maybe....

He's not been honest about his age and that would be outed at this party?

It's a themed party and he'd be embarrassed to reveal the theme to you eg he's a secret Star Trek "nerd". Nothing to actually be embarrassed about but he might think so.

Whatever I do think you should discuss this with him before the event.

Reply 7

scrotgrot

16

I do think you should talk to him before assuming the worst, it may be that he would rather you met his friends in dribs and drabs, one example could be he has some friends into drugs and he doesn't know how you'll react to that. Or maybe it's a geeky LAN party or something and he's embarrassed because you're too cool. But it is certainly exclusionary even after just one month of dating, you'd have thought he'd want to show you off if anything. Definitely one to confront him about.

Reply 8

joker12345

19

Original post by redferry

If its still early days between you I don't actually think its that odd not to invite you. Birthdays are for friends not someone who you just started seeing who you might end up breaking up with in a months time.

Maybe he's just not ready for you to meet his friends yet

Agreed to be honest. You've been dating a month, it's not that long. Give things time.

Reply 9

Ahotaru

12

You should definetly talk to him and ask him. He may have his reasons for not inviting you, or maybe he thinks it is obvious you will be there. I have this friend, and there was a party being held at his own place. He wasn't invited, but that was because his flatmates assumed that there was no need to invite him. It was obvious.

So yeah, just ask. Communication is the most important thing here, girl!

Wasn't invited to by boyfriend's birthday gathering

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