I got sick and tired of losing
I got sick and tired of being constantly rejected
of being that guy who's ok
of being another dude
another buddy
another friend
a creep
a loser
I got sick of tired of the indifference
being blanked
ignored
set aside for later
flaked on
put on hold
being at the bottom of the priority list
no one batting an eyelid in my presence
of getting ignored when i speak
of being considered worth less
of being cast aside
I got sick and tired of the excuses
"Yeh, I'll dance with you, but I've got to go over there and do something first"
"You're a good guy, im just not looking for someone right now."
"Eww."
"It's not that he's better than you, it's just that, you know."
I got sick and tired of the assumed incompetence
"She's out of your league"
"I'm out of your league."
"Why dont you go for Lucy, she's a nice girl" When in fact Lucy is not a nice girl.
"You friend is cute."
"That guy is nice."
I just got really really sick and tired of it all
I got sick and tired of putting on an exterior to portray how much I did not care
I got sick and tired of waiting that little bit longer before I replied to her messages
In the hope that maybe my indifference would make her appreciate me more
I got sick and tired of pretending to not give a ****
to not give a **** when she was telling me about her current conquest with other gentlemen
I grew tired of pretending that referring to women as bitches and hoes was not taking it's toll on me as an individual
of pretending that making hurtful jokes about them was not a reflection of how I had grown to feel about myself
I got sick and tired of the fact that I yearned for validation so much that It became a large factor in why I pursue women.
I got sick and tired of choosing who I got with based on what my friends would think of me when they saw her.
because I felt the one that I did attract made me look bad, made me look desperate, made me look like I couldnt get someone better.
I just really got sick and tired
So what did I do?
I wrote this piece of literature,
this manifest of my feelings
of all the hurt
of all the anger that is trapped within me
the beast that gets stirred every-time I get rejected
every-time I lose a love interest to someone else
every-time I feel inadequate
Slowly eating away at my personality
Making me bitter with each encounter.
In the end, I just got really really sick of it.
In the end, I decided it was time I started winning.
I decided it was time, I became that guy who is always relevant
That guy who doesn't get ignored,
who doesn't hear excuses after excuses
This is the end and I'm becoming that guy on the other end of the text messages.
That guy on the tip of her tongue
That guy in the reflection of her eyes
of their eyes.
That guy at the receiving end of their unanswered messages and their missed calls.
But only now do I realize,
this guy I'm becoming, he is not interested in them
in fact he is repulsed by them
For each time they reach out to him, It's a reminder
it's a reminder of the rejection, of the worthlessness
and each time, the beast within gets awoken,
the beast within craves freedom
and This is why I decided to get a nose job.
I dont know why I wrote this, Im just sad all the time.