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Freshers - really like guy but he's so unfriendly to me!
So there's this guy on my course who, for some reason, I keep obsessing over. I met him on the first day and we chatted for about 5 minutes, and sat next to him in a lecture, so I really don't know him that well, but you know how you can just click with someone? I immediately felt like he's my sort of person and we could get on really well.
He, however, has become really unfriendly towards me. He's nice to everyone else, it seems to just be me. Like, if I'm hanging out in a group and he joins with a group he'll never talk to me but often talks to the others and seems really friendly. On one our nights out he'd greet people and try and remember their names etc but seems to positively ignore me. I just don't get it - I haven't done anything, and everyone is usually friendly in freshers!
The other thing is that I've sometimes caught him staring at me, in a couple of lectures and our common room thingy. How shall I proceed?
TLDR: Really like this guy who I've only chatted to twice, he's really unfriendly towards me but have caught him staring at me.
He, however, has become really unfriendly towards me. He's nice to everyone else, it seems to just be me. Like, if I'm hanging out in a group and he joins with a group he'll never talk to me but often talks to the others and seems really friendly. On one our nights out he'd greet people and try and remember their names etc but seems to positively ignore me. I just don't get it - I haven't done anything, and everyone is usually friendly in freshers!
The other thing is that I've sometimes caught him staring at me, in a couple of lectures and our common room thingy. How shall I proceed?
TLDR: Really like this guy who I've only chatted to twice, he's really unfriendly towards me but have caught him staring at me.
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Original post by Anonymous
So there's this guy on my course who, for some reason, I keep obsessing over. I met him on the first day and we chatted for about 5 minutes, and sat next to him in a lecture, so I really don't know him that well, but you know how you can just click with someone? I immediately felt like he's my sort of person and we could get on really well.
He, however, has become really unfriendly towards me. He's nice to everyone else, it seems to just be me. Like, if I'm hanging out in a group and he joins with a group he'll never talk to me but often talks to the others and seems really friendly. On one our nights out he'd greet people and try and remember their names etc but seems to positively ignore me. I just don't get it - I haven't done anything, and everyone is usually friendly in freshers!
The other thing is that I've sometimes caught him staring at me, in a couple of lectures and our common room thingy. How shall I proceed?
TLDR: Really like this guy who I've only chatted to twice, he's really unfriendly towards me but have caught him staring at me.
He, however, has become really unfriendly towards me. He's nice to everyone else, it seems to just be me. Like, if I'm hanging out in a group and he joins with a group he'll never talk to me but often talks to the others and seems really friendly. On one our nights out he'd greet people and try and remember their names etc but seems to positively ignore me. I just don't get it - I haven't done anything, and everyone is usually friendly in freshers!
The other thing is that I've sometimes caught him staring at me, in a couple of lectures and our common room thingy. How shall I proceed?
TLDR: Really like this guy who I've only chatted to twice, he's really unfriendly towards me but have caught him staring at me.
Sounds like he likes you, but is incredibly nervous.
Original post by Anonymous
So there's this guy on my course who, for some reason, I keep obsessing over. I met him on the first day and we chatted for about 5 minutes, and sat next to him in a lecture, so I really don't know him that well, but you know how you can just click with someone? I immediately felt like he's my sort of person and we could get on really well.
He, however, has become really unfriendly towards me. He's nice to everyone else, it seems to just be me. Like, if I'm hanging out in a group and he joins with a group he'll never talk to me but often talks to the others and seems really friendly. On one our nights out he'd greet people and try and remember their names etc but seems to positively ignore me. I just don't get it - I haven't done anything, and everyone is usually friendly in freshers!
The other thing is that I've sometimes caught him staring at me, in a couple of lectures and our common room thingy. How shall I proceed?
TLDR: Really like this guy who I've only chatted to twice, he's really unfriendly towards me but have caught him staring at me.
He, however, has become really unfriendly towards me. He's nice to everyone else, it seems to just be me. Like, if I'm hanging out in a group and he joins with a group he'll never talk to me but often talks to the others and seems really friendly. On one our nights out he'd greet people and try and remember their names etc but seems to positively ignore me. I just don't get it - I haven't done anything, and everyone is usually friendly in freshers!
The other thing is that I've sometimes caught him staring at me, in a couple of lectures and our common room thingy. How shall I proceed?
TLDR: Really like this guy who I've only chatted to twice, he's really unfriendly towards me but have caught him staring at me.
Original post by Arkasia
Sounds like he likes you, but is incredibly nervous.
Arkasia is definitely right. Well not definitely, but 99%.
Common of some guys to act like they don't care, when really, they fancy you.
I would suggest you try talking to him more. Let him know that you are interested, not by saying it yet of course, but just indirectly.
Original post by Arkasia
Sounds like he likes you, but is incredibly nervous.
He really doesn't seem the nervous type though! He talks to/hangs out with other girls on our course, he's friendly with them and seems confident.
Original post by iAre Teh Lejend
Arkasia is definitely right. Well not definitely, but 99%.
Common of some guys to act like they don't care, when really, they fancy you.
I would suggest you try talking to him more. Let him know that you are interested, not by saying it yet of course, but just indirectly.
Common of some guys to act like they don't care, when really, they fancy you.
I would suggest you try talking to him more. Let him know that you are interested, not by saying it yet of course, but just indirectly.
Really? But why would you be cold if you like someone? I have sort of tried, but I don't want to look desperate - he seems to be ignoring me even if we're in a big group but chatting to others so wouldn't it be weird to just go and talk to him?
Original post by Anonymous
He really doesn't seem the nervous type though! He talks to/hangs out with other girls on our course, he's friendly with them and seems confident.
Really? But why would you be cold if you like someone? I have sort of tried, but I don't want to look desperate - he seems to be ignoring me even if we're in a big group but chatting to others so wouldn't it be weird to just go and talk to him?
Really? But why would you be cold if you like someone? I have sort of tried, but I don't want to look desperate - he seems to be ignoring me even if we're in a big group but chatting to others so wouldn't it be weird to just go and talk to him?
Everyone can be nervous, there is rarely an obvious 'type'. He talks to them because they are his friends, and he doesn't feel the same pressure in seeming perfect in your eyes. He might be being cold because he wants to look 'cool' or 'disinterested', since society ostracizes guys who come across as too desperate or needy. He might ignore you because he doesn't know what to say, or doesn't want to say anything that might ruin his chances. You should try getting him alone more, and initiating conversations.
Original post by Arkasia
Everyone can be nervous, there is rarely an obvious 'type'. He talks to them because they are his friends, and he doesn't feel the same pressure in seeming perfect in your eyes. He might be being cold because he wants to look 'cool' or 'disinterested', since society ostracizes guys who come across as too desperate or needy. He might ignore you because he doesn't know what to say, or doesn't want to say anything that might ruin his chances. You should try getting him alone more, and initiating conversations.
Original post by Anonymous
He really doesn't seem the nervous type though! He talks to/hangs out with other girls on our course, he's friendly with them and seems confident.
Really? But why would you be cold if you like someone? I have sort of tried, but I don't want to look desperate - he seems to be ignoring me even if we're in a big group but chatting to others so wouldn't it be weird to just go and talk to him?
Really? But why would you be cold if you like someone? I have sort of tried, but I don't want to look desperate - he seems to be ignoring me even if we're in a big group but chatting to others so wouldn't it be weird to just go and talk to him?
Once again. Arkasia is spot on.
Get him alone.
Original post by Arkasia
Everyone can be nervous, there is rarely an obvious 'type'. He talks to them because they are his friends, and he doesn't feel the same pressure in seeming perfect in your eyes. He might be being cold because he wants to look 'cool' or 'disinterested', since society ostracizes guys who come across as too desperate or needy. He might ignore you because he doesn't know what to say, or doesn't want to say anything that might ruin his chances. You should try getting him alone more, and initiating conversations.
But he met them at the same time as me, so he could have become friends with me, if he didn't ignore me! I see what you're saying about the pressure and looking cool though. I'm not sure, I don't want a cold response or him to just be like why are you talking to me or just leave or something. What makes you think he likes me?
Okay there will only be 2 possibilities: 1) he likes you too 2) it's you who over-think when you caught him staring at you.
No matter which one of this applies to your situation, the most important thing is you fancy him. Find chances to talk to him, by simply even asking ' how's your day?' will keep the convo going. After all, you have nothing to lose. You may even become his best buddy too in the future. So just go for it!
No matter which one of this applies to your situation, the most important thing is you fancy him. Find chances to talk to him, by simply even asking ' how's your day?' will keep the convo going. After all, you have nothing to lose. You may even become his best buddy too in the future. So just go for it!
Original post by Anonymous
But he met them at the same time as me, so he could have become friends with me, if he didn't ignore me! I see what you're saying about the pressure and looking cool though. I'm not sure, I don't want a cold response or him to just be like why are you talking to me or just leave or something. What makes you think he likes me?
He might have just 'clicked with you' or something, regardless of when he met you. I think he likes you because you said he is always in groups with you, always looks over at you when he thinks you are not looking, and doesn't outright tell you to back off. I have personally been in that situation as a guy, its just nerves.
Original post by JC.
Ask him out to lunch.
I can't do that - I've spoken to him twice and he's cold with me, I can't just ask him out!
Original post by Anonymous
I can't do that - I've spoken to him twice and he's cold with me, I can't just ask him out!
If he's cold to you he may not like you and is trying to push you away from him my BF does this to girls he doesn't like. If he likes you he'd be the one asking you out and stuff (flirting trying to hand hold etc) even if this guy does fancy you he isn't worth your time as he's just messing about playing a chase game with you even though he can tell your interested.
Give him the cold shoulder yourself & see how he reacts.
Original post by TheElvenQueen
If he's cold to you he may not like you and is trying to push you away from him my BF does this to girls he doesn't like. If he likes you he'd be the one asking you out and stuff (flirting trying to hand hold etc) even if this guy does fancy you he isn't worth your time as he's just messing about playing a chase game with you even though he can tell your interested.
Give him the cold shoulder yourself & see how he reacts.
Give him the cold shoulder yourself & see how he reacts.
Yes, that's what I though, just find it weird as he doesn't even know me that well and I haven't been mean so I just don't see why! And he's so friendly with other people.
I doubt he'd even notice tbh if I did.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, that's what I though, just find it weird as he doesn't even know me that well and I haven't been mean so I just don't see why! And he's so friendly with other people.
I doubt he'd even notice tbh if I did.
I doubt he'd even notice tbh if I did.
Trust me ive been guilty of this many times. I was very cold to a guy but very confident to everyone else in the group. I couldnt control it tho, I was just soo nervous.
If you havent done anything to make him really dislike you then he most likely likes you.
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Dammit Jim, I'm a sixth former not a fresher, but I agree with what a lot of posters are saying here. From what it seems like he's pretty much me. Granted, I'm not a social butterfly as you describe him, but I can't bring myself to even look at the girl I like; as soon as I enter her visual range I have to turn away, focus on something else. No no, she'll think I'm weird and I don't want her to think I'm weird.
Not helped by the fact that the number of times I've pushed past her towards the door is too damn high, not because I hate her, but because I think I'll creep her out if I act all gentlemanly. I ignore her completely whenever I walk past her, like I make a really obvious (probably) and awkward (definitely) attempt to not look in her general direction.
And then perfectly rational me (haha) gets scared that she thinks the same way about me as you do about your guy; I want to tell her why I can't act normal around her, I want to get to know her, or just talk about something, anything at all. But I can't. I feel that either way she'll slip through my fingers and that my inability to do anything is killing me.
And I have no idea if I even have a modicum of a shot with her, or whether I've constructed these impossibly high expectations that will shatter into a million pieces if I'm lucky enough to get to know her as I oh so want. fml right
Knowing me, I'm pretty sure this is what he's going through too. He does not hate you. He really does not hate you; for the love of God please just corner him and force him into a conversation, just so there's one less person like me and him in the world.
btw, I'm really sorry about dumping my own problems on this thread; joys of youth, eh?
Not helped by the fact that the number of times I've pushed past her towards the door is too damn high, not because I hate her, but because I think I'll creep her out if I act all gentlemanly. I ignore her completely whenever I walk past her, like I make a really obvious (probably) and awkward (definitely) attempt to not look in her general direction.
And then perfectly rational me (haha) gets scared that she thinks the same way about me as you do about your guy; I want to tell her why I can't act normal around her, I want to get to know her, or just talk about something, anything at all. But I can't. I feel that either way she'll slip through my fingers and that my inability to do anything is killing me.
And I have no idea if I even have a modicum of a shot with her, or whether I've constructed these impossibly high expectations that will shatter into a million pieces if I'm lucky enough to get to know her as I oh so want. fml right
Knowing me, I'm pretty sure this is what he's going through too. He does not hate you. He really does not hate you; for the love of God please just corner him and force him into a conversation, just so there's one less person like me and him in the world.
btw, I'm really sorry about dumping my own problems on this thread; joys of youth, eh?
He doesn't like you, any lad will not be unfriendly and ignore a girl he likes.
The people in this thread will say he does, they're just trying to make you feel better. He was probably staring generally at people in the lecture because he was bored, not because he likes you.
And no, he isn't shy because he talks to everyone else and goes on nights out; things a shy person would not do.
The people in this thread will say he does, they're just trying to make you feel better. He was probably staring generally at people in the lecture because he was bored, not because he likes you.
And no, he isn't shy because he talks to everyone else and goes on nights out; things a shy person would not do.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, that's what I though, just find it weird as he doesn't even know me that well and I haven't been mean so I just don't see why! And he's so friendly with other people.
I doubt he'd even notice tbh if I did.
I doubt he'd even notice tbh if I did.
I agree with you he may just not like the way you look (everyone has their type) or he may be perusing another girl/ already got a GF.
I know everyone on this thread is all like he fancies you but tbh I think this is rubbish as men/women who love another person will not ignore a person and will invite them out together on dates etc.
The only reason to ignore someone you care about is possibly being angry with them (this hasn't happened to you) For sure in this case I will say he is not interested or some men play a chase game with girls (which is unacceptable and childish in my opinion and a definite turn off)
If he really cared about you he would have asked you out by now or at least become your guy friend.
If in the end if this guy fancies you and is playing a chase game (which I highly doubt) he defiantly isn't worth the time why waste your time on someone who ignores you. You never hear about romantic relationships people going "Yes he ignored me for ages" It doesn't sound nice No you hear "oh I saw him he gave me his phone number & so on"
My other thought is probably the people telling you that he fancies you have probably done this tactic to no avail.
Original post by LTG
He doesn't like you, any lad will not be unfriendly and ignore a girl he likes.
The people in this thread will say he does, they're just trying to make you feel better. He was probably staring generally at people in the lecture because he was bored, not because he likes you.
And no, he isn't shy because he talks to everyone else and goes on nights out; things a shy person would not do.
The people in this thread will say he does, they're just trying to make you feel better. He was probably staring generally at people in the lecture because he was bored, not because he likes you.
And no, he isn't shy because he talks to everyone else and goes on nights out; things a shy person would not do.
Thanks for the alternative viewpoint. So your advice is to not talk to him and just get over it?
Original post by ThePoet
He probably likes you, but he acts mean towards you in order for you to feel this way. Therefore your attraction towards him amplifies and he gets what he wants.
But, he doesn't even talk to me. Surely that's not a normal way to behave if you actually like someone? I mean, all that's come of his behaviour so far is that we just haven't spoken.
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