I'm losing all my friends :(

I may sound like a girl, but i'm not :tongue:

Volunteering isn't a bad idea tbh, I may look into it. It'll probably do me some good and at least it's an excuse to get out of my room/the house, I haven't even bothered to get out of my pyjamas for the past 3 days.

Actually, I assumed you was a girl, because you're profile name is purple and all :P

Yeah it sounds good that you are doing what YOU feel comfortable with. My personal advise would be to focus on you for a while, as well as trying to understand your depression or your feelings.

I hate it when people tell others to stop feeling sorry for themselves or "snap out" of their depression, it's so patronizing. And focus on the root cause of the problem, which is the question of why you are depressed.

OP

Hate to bump this but 4 months on and things have only got worse. My housemates never talk to me and I have literally no life outside work. I spent my birthday alone and I've had one text in the past month. Even the people who I did talk to don't bother anymore.

I absolutely hate days off work because I always end up crying about how crap my life is. I'm dreading having an extra day off for the bank holiday as I know I'll spend the entire 3 days alone whilst everyone else is away with their partner or doing something fun. Does anyone know what I can do as I feel like a complete failure at life :frown:

Work is the only thing keeping me going...

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Reply 82

shawn_o1

21

Save up for a trip to Old Trafford :smile:

OP

Original post by shawn_o1

Save up for a trip to Old Trafford :smile:

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Reply 84

Smilin’ Knight

12

Original post by sr90

Hate to bump this but 4 months on and things have only got worse. My housemates never talk to me and I have literally no life outside work. I spent my birthday alone and I've had one text in the past month. Even the people who I did talk to don't bother anymore.

I absolutely hate days off work because I always end up crying about how crap my life is. I'm dreading having an extra day off for the bank holiday as I know I'll spend the entire 3 days alone whilst everyone else is away with their partner or doing something fun. Does anyone know what I can do as I feel like a complete failure at life :frown:

Work is the only thing keeping me going...

Posted from TSR Mobile

Don't know sorry, all i can say is that your not alone. I doubt that helps but its about all i got... :/
Best thing i could do is help with things to do to take up time, games, tv shows(especially good for weekends as you can chain watch a series, then between each episode you google something in it that you were curious about, doubles the amount of time spent watching with internet surfing), films (i can send you a few links to some good ones)

Reply 85

Spongebob'sPants

14

Join some clubs where you live? Take up lessons in something that interests you, like photography, badminton, whatever.

You're bound to meet new people that way.

Reply 86

DarkMagic

17

What are your work colleagues like? Do you get on with them? Maybe try meeting some of them outside work?

What do you do during the week after work?

I think you should try and make an effort to get out of the house every day though, even if it's just to walk to a shop for a drink. At least you'll be able to talk to the person at the till, and that's better than sitting at home moping.

(Plus do what everyone suggested like join a club, volunteer, take an evening class etc.)

OP

Original post by DarkMagic

What are your work colleagues like? Do you get on with them? Maybe try meeting some of them outside work?

What do you do during the week after work?

All I do is sit in bed on my laptop for 3 hours (mostly on here) and then go to bed ready for the next day. Absolutely zero social interaction, not even via text, I don't even eat anything. I can't help but think '''is this the rest of my life?''. It's just about bearable on a weeknight but on the weekends its awful. I can't cope.

We get along fine but they all think i'm weird for not wanting days off/not celebrating my birthday etc. They're all making friends with each other and i'm being left behind a bit. Unless it's work related we don't have much to talk about :/

Reply 88

Smilin’ Knight

12

Original post by sr90

All I do is sit in bed on my laptop for 3 hours (mostly on here) and then go to bed ready for the next day. Absolutely zero social interaction, not even via text, I don't even eat anything. I can't help but think '''is this the rest of my life?''. It's just about bearable on a weeknight but on the weekends its awful. I can't cope.

We get along fine but they all think i'm weird for not wanting days off/not celebrating my birthday etc. They're all making friends with each other and i'm being left behind a bit. Unless it's work related we don't have much to talk about :/

Is the job a dream job? like a rest of your life career job?

Reply 89

username1528889

13

Original post by sr90

All I do is sit in bed on my laptop for 3 hours (mostly on here) and then go to bed ready for the next day. Absolutely zero social interaction, not even via text, I don't even eat anything. I can't help but think '''is this the rest of my life?''. It's just about bearable on a weeknight but on the weekends its awful. I can't cope.

We get along fine but they all think i'm weird for not wanting days off/not celebrating my birthday etc. They're all making friends with each other and i'm being left behind a bit. Unless it's work related we don't have much to talk about :/

My girlfriend didn't ge the grades for St Andrews this year, and so she was in a very similar position.

The one thing i find is that people in your/her situation tend to worry about 'nobody texting you'. Starting work is a completely different change of path from university, where your peers are all around you. You need to actively make friends, text/facebook old friends and start to rekindle old friendships. You'll soon realise that many people will be in a similar situation to you.

You're not alone, and the fact you've posted this without 'anon' is truly inspiring. Please don't return home after work to merely sit on your bed and cry. Actively make change by going out and joining clubs/going to social places etc.

You'll be fine in the long run, and in all honesty, the only way is up!

Good luck x

Reply 90

The.Joker

14

Original post by sr90

All I do is sit in bed on my laptop for 3 hours (mostly on here) and then go to bed ready for the next day. Absolutely zero social interaction, not even via text, I don't even eat anything. I can't help but think '''is this the rest of my life?''. It's just about bearable on a weeknight but on the weekends its awful. I can't cope.

We get along fine but they all think i'm weird for not wanting days off/not celebrating my birthday etc. They're all making friends with each other and i'm being left behind a bit. Unless it's work related we don't have much to talk about :/

Awwr SR.

Why don't you try organising a day out or just go for a meal with some people from work? That way you can start getting to know them a bit more and try to form friendships. Also it should be a bit more informal and relaxed so hopefully everyone would be chilled out. Like others have said you can join local sports clubs perhaps? Or what about volunteering at a charity shop? The first step to making friends is to put yourself in social situations, only then will you be able to start making friends. Also do you try speaking to your housemates at all or do they just ignore you? Remember it takes two to tango as the saying goes.

SR you really sound like a nice guy so hang in there, I'm sure you'd be able to make lots of friends but it does take some effort and time to form worthwhile friendships. :hugs:

OP

Original post by AMT6

he one thing i find is that people in your/her situation tend to worry about 'nobody texting you'. Starting work is a completely different change of path from university, where your peers are all around you. You need to actively make friends, text/facebook old friends and start to rekindle old friendships. You'll soon realise that many people will be in a similar situation to you.
x

Everyone else seems to have a long term relationship as well as loads of friends to spend their time with. Just feel like **** that everyone has loads of exciting plans for the summer and for the third year in a row i'll just be sat in bed on my own. I haven't met a new person outside of work in years and there's no chance of a fat, ugly loser like me ever getting a girlfriend.

Not one person from uni kept in touch with me after graduating, some of them still live here but they haven't spoken to me in months.

Reply 92

mhsc

17

Did you ever get around to seeing a Doctor? Sounds pretty clear to me that you need more help than a thread on TSR can give. Its nothing to be ashamed of and don't hesitate - you'll be glad you did when you look back on it.

If you are struggling for friends, and meeting new people, I strongly recommend joining a club that involves socialising and playing games. I myself recently made a whole bunch of new friends by joining a Chess club, for example.

Reply 93

Smilin’ Knight

12

Original post by mhsc

Did you ever get around to seeing a Doctor? Sounds pretty clear to me that you need more help than a thread on TSR can give. Its nothing to be ashamed of and don't hesitate - you'll be glad you did when you look back on it.

If you are struggling for friends, and meeting new people, I strongly recommend joining a club that involves socialising and playing games. I myself recently made a whole bunch of new friends by joining a Chess club, for example.

Going to a doctor is more difficult that you would expect, its not just getting help it means the acceptance of a problem worthy of help and the stigma that comes with it, and most of us don't like the idea of it.

Clubs are what most people say, its hard to get the confidence to go though :tongue:

Maybe a fitness group? that way you don't have to have a reason to be there other than 'i want to get fit' even if you dont want to, i guess. Just trying to add something positive instead of being overly negative.... i dont think i managed it

OP

I think i need to but the problem with that is that I've seen so many before, what can this one say that the others haven't already? Ifeel like I have two lives, I'm really happy at work then I come home and I am so upset.

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Reply 95

doobucks

16

Original post by sr90

All I do is sit in bed on my laptop for 3 hours (mostly on here) and then go to bed ready for the next day. Absolutely zero social interaction, not even via text, I don't even eat anything. I can't help but think '''is this the rest of my life?''. It's just about bearable on a weeknight but on the weekends its awful. I can't cope.

We get along fine but they all think i'm weird for not wanting days off/not celebrating my birthday etc. They're all making friends with each other and i'm being left behind a bit. Unless it's work related we don't have much to talk about :/

Original post by sr90

Hate to bump this but 4 months on and things have only got worse. My housemates never talk to me and I have literally no life outside work. I spent my birthday alone and I've had one text in the past month. Even the people who I did talk to don't bother anymore.

I absolutely hate days off work because I always end up crying about how crap my life is. I'm dreading having an extra day off for the bank holiday as I know I'll spend the entire 3 days alone whilst everyone else is away with their partner or doing something fun. Does anyone know what I can do as I feel like a complete failure at life :frown:

Work is the only thing keeping me going...

Posted from TSR Mobile

I know how you feel. Go to work, come back home, couple hours on TSR, go to bed and repeat. Frustrating as hell right.

What helps is treating yourself to things, you have money so you're not broke so can afford to do things.

There are ways to get a good friendship circle. At work, how old are the people? My workplace e.g. everybody is around 21-25 so I'm talking to people my age, so I can talk to them about things.

In all honesty this shouldn't be the rest of your life, I have the same issues and I'm starting to struggle really talking with my old friends as I simply don't have the time. Using your weekends effectively should work though, join a gym, learn a sport, learn to fight?

Reply 96

leinad2012

15

Original post by sr90

Everyone else seems to have a long term relationship as well as loads of friends to spend their time with. Just feel like **** that everyone has loads of exciting plans for the summer and for the third year in a row i'll just be sat in bed on my own. I haven't met a new person outside of work in years and there's no chance of a fat, ugly loser like me ever getting a girlfriend.

Not one person from uni kept in touch with me after graduating, some of them still live here but they haven't spoken to me in months.

Ah SR I feel for you mate it sounds tough :/

I think everyone goes through this phase at some point in their life tbh, like everyone has that mid uni crisis where they sit in bed at night worrying that they don't have any real friends and that they're failing their course, it sucks. But what you're going through must happen to loads of people every year who graduate, because once you aren't around people every day its harder to stay in contact. Sometimes you've got to put the effort in. One of my biggest regrets was not bothering to stay in touch with anyone from my secondary school when I left for 6th form bar 1 person, because I got on with a lot of them really well and was in 3 or 4 social groups (never really good friends but easy enough people to get on with) but just wanted a fresh start I guess. I was lucky that about a year later once I'd realised I'd wasted 5 years of friendship one of them started working where I worked so we started talking again and I managed to start meeting up with a few of them more often and still do now.
But I was lucky that I experienced that because now I've left for uni I've tried to stay in touch with more people from my sixth form and meet up with them over term breaks. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and be the first to initiate the meet up rather than worrying that everyone else has moved on and will think you're a loser.

If you feel fat and ugly then try doing things to change that, being on tsr for hours a day won't help. Get a gym membership and start working out, join a fitness club or running group or something, its an easy way to meet people. You love football so maybe join a 5 a side league or something one day in the evening, or try to get work colleagues involved.
Once you've done that and you feel more confident in youself, start using a dating site/ app, people might think they're ****ty and no relationships on there become anything but my bros currently in a relationship that started on tinder or some dating app and he seems loads happier than he did before.
Sometimes you've got to make the effort, I'm going to try my hardest over the summer to do something with one group of friends a week or something, I'm not really close with many, sometimes I don't even speak to them for months at a time while at uni but all it takes is one group message suggesting a meet up and see where it goes :smile:

Reply 97

hdindak

11

for the summer you could do a volunteer scheme abroad- eg im going to tanzania for a month and a half in june/july for a teaching/ orphanage programme. Most people go on there own (i am) and its a great way to meet people and do stuff.
its also not tooo expensive because obv you're working there- and they provide food and accomodation etc.
also what about suggesting to your friends (either old or new work collegues) to go to a festival- would be a good way to recconect - would recomend secret garden party

Reply 98

mhsc

17

Original post by sr90

I think i need to but the problem with that is that I've seen so many before, what can this one say that the others haven't already? Ifeel like I have two lives, I'm really happy at work then I come home and I am so upset.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Maybe they can hook you up with some pills, if you're not already on some. Or you could look into good old fashioned therapy, I know some people who paid for it for a few months and came out of it so much better off.

I doubt until you do something to resolve the route problem the rest will fall into line. Obviously its not easy, but you've got to try for your own good, haven't you? Do yourself a favour and look through Google or Facebook for local activity groups. Don't rule anything out that sounds vaguely possible. Go and try as many of them out as you can - at least your evenings will be too busy to worry about not having friends? If you get there and its **** or you feel uncomfortable just leave after 5 minutes lol. No one will know you there so what does it matter if at first you're uncomfortable or awkward, and just suddenly leave? The more you get out and do that sort of thing the more comfortable you'll be doing it more in the future.

And get a dog if you can. Dogs are boss.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 99

username1875705

11

People come and go. You learn things on the way. Just because they leave it doesn't mean it's the end of your story, it's just the end of their part in YOUR story. It's life. It happens with everyone, even me, don't worry :redface:

I'm losing all my friends :(

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