why don't people want to get married?

I'd double barrel it if I somehow got married.

from all the women i know they are the ones who clean cook and take care of everyone from their children up to the husband and still manage to work. the man just works and maybe play with children once every Saturday. that is something i don't want to do ugh

Reply 41

Advanced Subsidiary

18

Original post by BeanofJelly

It's pretty trendy at the moment to seem oh so wise and cynical by dumping on marriage. There is also this parroting of the false idea that marriage = woman takes half of man's money and boots him out of his house. Because of course in every case he earns and owns everything. I know from personal experience and only a little reading that that isn't true. Divorce is messy. But the vast majority are settled out of court, and even in court there is no 50:50 division of assets rule. It is a myth.

Regardless, if you share bank accounts, a home and kids with someone, separation is always going to be messy. Being unmarried can't protect you from that reality. The biggest difference is that you may have far fewer paternal rights if you are unmarried to the mother of your children.

I personally would like to get married so that my relationship is recognised both legally and socially. I don't want to be in a road accident and the legal relationship of the father of my kids to me is "roommate". I don't want to miss out on tax and insurance benefits. I don't want my family to have 2 surnames. I don't want people to mistake my life partner for a casual relationship. I want to celebrate and recognise my romantic and family commitment when I choose to make it.

So this is what marriage is.. pretty much a faceless concept made for appearances. All of your reasons for wanting to get married, are fundamentally social in nature... for how other people and society will view you.. I don't think that's particularly healthy tbh.

Reply 42

Anonymous #2

Yeah I'm on the fence about marriage, which is apparently rare for a girl according to some of these posts.

The wedding day will probably be the best part about the marriage, and it's way messier to split up if it all goes belly up! I've not seen many first-time marriages succeed anyway, so if I ever did get married, I would never do it again if I were to divorce.

Reply 43

MrMango

Original post by misspsimmons

lol I personally want to be finincialy stable and hate relying on people for money. I mean women have to change their names give birth damage their bodies and the child gets the fathers name. if I was a man I honestly wouldn't mind getting married.

once women have had the kids is plain sailing from there while the man is out breaking rocks to provide for his ungrateful wife and kids .A woman always relys on the man to sort it out..

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Reply 44

Anonymous #2

Original post by MrMango

once women have had the kids is plain sailing from there while the man is out breaking rocks to provide for his ungrateful wife and kids .A woman always relys on the man to sort it out..

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A *good* woman knows not to rely on a man to sort anything out.

Reply 45

MrMango

Original post by Anonymous

A *good* woman knows not to rely on a man to sort anything out.

good women are harder to find than tupac shakaur

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I'm already married

I think if you meet "the one" you would want to get married and stay with them forever.

However I believe that the majority of people DON'T meet "the one".

That doesn't mean that they can't be very very happy with the partner that they choose, though, and they may never know that they AREN'T "the one" because they may certainly love them.

You only know the deepest love that you've felt.

Personally I don't think I want to get married. Not at the moment anyway. That might change when we have kids but to be honest I can't see that things are any more secure because of a marriage.

Reply 48

Andy98

20

Would I like to get married someday? Yes
Will it realistically happen? No - too much money

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Reply 49

BeanofJelly

15

Original post by Advanced Subsidiary

So this is what marriage is.. pretty much a faceless concept made for appearances. All of your reasons for wanting to get married, are fundamentally social in nature... for how other people and society will view you.. I don't think that's particularly healthy tbh.

Well yes, obviously. Marriage is a social construct. For this reason I can see why it wouldn't be for everyone, but it is for me. What's the problem? I could hardly say I wanted to married because it's a natural law (it isn't), and I can see that it's separate from the entity of loving and just wanting to be with someone. And I'm not religious. Enlighten me, which reasons would be profound enough to garner your approval? Do you imagine yourself to be above or separated from social concerns? Why do regard my particular social motivations as inferior, or consider it fair to equate them to "keeping up appearances"? Are all social considerations " keeping up appearances" and to be sanctimoniously dismissed, in your opinion? Which I presume for non-social reasons, you decided to share with us all?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 50

lilymoran

16

I expect that it's both women and men deciding that it isn't for them. I guess they think that not being married gives them more freedom.

For women it means that her children have her surname, more honest then giving them the name of someone who may or may not be the actual father and may or may not be around for long. It saves all the angst about changing the child's name if she remarries.

More women are better educated and thinking more seriously about a career. They are no longer thinking that they will have to be married to have status: they have to be married because their earnings will never equal what a man can get. Their job will give them status. It also gives her more control over her life. She doesn't have to follow a man around the country as he moves jobs and become isolated from family and friends. Women are very family orientated, in general and this means they can remain within reach of their mother and sisters etc.

The men who want to have a family life can do so but without the burden of being the sole earner or even the major earner. They can become workaholics if they want but feel less pressure to do so if their partner earns good money. Not being married removes many of the expectations of the previous generations. It makes the relationship more equal. The woman will have more power. No one expects a woman who is ' only' a partner to necessarily always have the same residence, opinions etc. as the man but it would be more expected if she were married.o him.

Often men don't want to live in the same way as women. They don't want their lives governed by women's rules about how a house should be run. They'd rather not be told off every time they leave the towels on the floor. It's maybe the Kathryn Hepburn thing,: men and women are not made to live together?

Reply 51

themorninglight

10

Because people are weird. I can't wait until I'm married :biggrin:

Reply 52

KittyRe-play

3

Marriage is just... :eek:

Reply 53

username1214455

21

Because they are afraid of commitment.

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Reply 54

EllieC130

15

I would love to get married just because I'm a hopeless romantic but I'm honestly not holding my hopes to high. I've been single all my life so far (which to be fair is only 18 years) and most guys don't seem to like the idea of getting married because of all the divorce law bull**** or thinking it's unnecessary.

Reply 55

ForgetMe

21

I don't need a piece of paper proving my love to someone.

Reply 56

Advanced Subsidiary

18

Original post by BeanofJelly

Well yes, obviously. Marriage is a social construct. For this reason I can see why it wouldn't be for everyone, but it is for me. What's the problem? I could hardly say I wanted to married because it's a natural law (it isn't), and I can see that it's separate from the entity of loving and just wanting to be with someone. And I'm not religious. Enlighten me, which reasons would be profound enough to garner your approval? Do you imagine yourself to be above or separated from social concerns? Why do regard my particular social motivations as inferior, or consider it fair to equate them to "keeping up appearances"? Are all social considerations " keeping up appearances" and to be sanctimoniously dismissed, in your opinion? Which I presume for non-social reasons, you decided to share with us all?

1. There is no problem.

2. You don't need my approval.

3. I adhere to some social norms myself, I just don't understand what marriage is or how it benefits anyone in 2014.

Yes I think you're right, most social considerations are, but not all should be 'sanctimoniously dismissed'. I'm just biased when it comes to marriage I guess, I just don't get it.

Reply 57

TheGreatImposter

19

Because its hella expensive
And being Asian my parents will probably have more say into how my wedding goes then myself e.g. the random guests I don't want coming.
And the commitment is something to think about, not the fact that I wouldn't be able to stay with someone but the fact that there's so much messy document/ legal fees involved.

But for those who are saying that women will take their husbands money away, there's a thing called prenup

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