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Girfriend is trying to stop me from smoking weed
Basically here's the situation. My girlfriend is dead against all forms of drugs and finally told me today for the first time after a month of going out she can't stand the fact that I smoke it and pretty much demanded and tried to persuade me with numerous forms of emotional blackmail to stop doing it...
Please keep in mind I smoke a joint or 2 week on average so I'm far from a junkie. I'm in my 2nd year of studies at uni and I have a job. She found out I smoke only because she saw a bong in my room, not because I smoke around her.
What I said back to her was that I'll never smoke in front of her and I'll even smoke less (which would be barely anything as it is) but she's said "why can't you just not do drugs". To which I said it helps with stress and helps me to unwind on weekends. But pretty much every time I tried to reason with her I get the same response. She then said she's doing it for my own good and mentioned that her sister smokes it all day and she doesn't want me to get addicted to it and mess my life up like her sister.
She used to self harm a year ago and made the comparison of my smoking weed to her self harming and said if she was self harming she expect I'd try to stop her and then said this situation is the same. She even said she wasn't even sure that should go out with someone who drugs. I pointed out that I barely drink I don't smoke and I'm light weed smoker and that weed is barely harmful in small doses but she wouldn't except it she just said "It's still a drug" and refused to budge. We just ended up having a circular argument...
I can't stand how she's imposing herself in my life and indirectly threatening our relationship because I won't give it up. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do or say or am I in the wrong here?
Please keep in mind I smoke a joint or 2 week on average so I'm far from a junkie. I'm in my 2nd year of studies at uni and I have a job. She found out I smoke only because she saw a bong in my room, not because I smoke around her.
What I said back to her was that I'll never smoke in front of her and I'll even smoke less (which would be barely anything as it is) but she's said "why can't you just not do drugs". To which I said it helps with stress and helps me to unwind on weekends. But pretty much every time I tried to reason with her I get the same response. She then said she's doing it for my own good and mentioned that her sister smokes it all day and she doesn't want me to get addicted to it and mess my life up like her sister.
She used to self harm a year ago and made the comparison of my smoking weed to her self harming and said if she was self harming she expect I'd try to stop her and then said this situation is the same. She even said she wasn't even sure that should go out with someone who drugs. I pointed out that I barely drink I don't smoke and I'm light weed smoker and that weed is barely harmful in small doses but she wouldn't except it she just said "It's still a drug" and refused to budge. We just ended up having a circular argument...
I can't stand how she's imposing herself in my life and indirectly threatening our relationship because I won't give it up. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do or say or am I in the wrong here?
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Get a different girl mate... No point being with anyone who tries to change you. People who pull ultimatums are generally quite controlling, if you're not even smoking around her it's really quite unfair of her to try and stop you. If she doesn't like it perhaps she should go out with a guy who hates it as much as she does. Find someone who will let you live, plenty of girls would accept you as you are without trying to change you... Those kind of people are self-centred ********s IMO
Your girlfriend sounds like an amazing girlfriend for trying to look out for you and everything, but I think she should respect what you like to do. Like you said, it's not like weed is particularly harmful in the small doses that you're smoking it in; it doesn't sound to me as though you're severely hooked on it, so your girlfriend shouldn't be worrying so much. It's not like you haven't tried to compromise with her, either.
Maybe try and think about it from your girlfriend's point of view. She's just trying to look out for you besides for some courses in uni they look down heavily on drug use. What do you study at university?
(edited 9 years ago)
try damiana it close effects, legal and far, far cheaper
She's completely within her rights to not want to go out with someone who takes drugs, you basically have to pick what's more important to you; your girlfriend or standing your ground and taking drugs.
It's quite funny that people are saying she should let you do what you want, I wonder how far they'd hold that view
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It's quite funny that people are saying she should let you do what you want, I wonder how far they'd hold that view
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Original post by Kaiju
She sounds like an idiot.
Ignore her. Do it on the sly if you want to keep her happy.
Ignore her. Do it on the sly if you want to keep her happy.
Yeah because dishonesty is always good in a relationship
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Original post by Wade-
I don't see where I said that in my post - evidently she isn't going to budge, though. If she was open to reasonable debate she wouldn't have claimed it was the same as self-harming. If OP wants to stay with her but isn't keen on going cold turk it's by far the easiest solution.
Original post by Kaiju
I don't see where I said that in my post - evidently she isn't going to budge, though. If she was open to reasonable debate she wouldn't have claimed it was the same as self-harming. If OP wants to stay with her but isn't keen on going cold turk it's by far the easiest solution.
Telling someone to do it on the sly is encouraging dishonesty. She doesn't need to have a reasonable debate, she doesn't like drugs and doesn't want a boyfriend who takes drugs - that isn't unreasonable at all. Well both self harming and taking drugs are potentially harmful and often people do them for the wrong reasons so they're not really all that different
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Original post by Wade-
Telling someone to do it on the sly is encouraging dishonesty.
So is eating trash food and a host of other life choices that she's unlikely to be calling him out on.
I'm not saying she's not allowed to say "I can't be with someone who does this", OP asked for advice so I gave some.
Original post by Kaiju
so?
So you encouraged dishonesty which was my point.
Original post by Kaiju
So is eating trash food and a host of other life choices that she's unlikely to be calling him out on.
I'm not saying she's not allowed to say "I can't be with someone who does this", OP asked for advice so I gave some.
I'm not saying she's not allowed to say "I can't be with someone who does this", OP asked for advice so I gave some.
Yes and it would be perfectly okay for her to say she doesn't want to be with someone for whatever reason she wants but that doesn't give someone else the right to lie and abuse someone's trust. You gave him advice but it was awful and morally wrong advice
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Original post by Wade-
So you encouraged dishonesty which was my point.
You gave him advice but it was awful and morally wrong advice
You gave him advice but it was awful and morally wrong advice
Yes. So?
Not everybody cares about the moral ramifications of things and even if they did the most "moral" course of action is almost completely subjective.
Some would argue utilitarianist approaches (maximising happiness for the maximum number of people) are the most moral at which point lying to keep everyone happy would be totally right.
Morally wrong? Probably. Awful? That's totally ur opinion bro xo
Is she aware that alcohol is a drug ? Bet she drinks that 
Honestly I'd just stand your ground and if she can't accept that she can find a new boyfriend. She has every right to not want to date someone who smokes weed, but then again you have every right to not have your girlfriend police your behaviour.
Honestly I'd just stand your ground and if she can't accept that she can find a new boyfriend. She has every right to not want to date someone who smokes weed, but then again you have every right to not have your girlfriend police your behaviour.
What advice are you looking for? She's not in the right. It sounds like she believes government and media propaganda and doesn't really know what she's talking about. That being said, you haven't said what your relationship with her is like otherwise. There are a number of things you could do depending on how much you care about her. It might not be worth your effort and you could end it, you could show her unbiased evidence to convince her otherwise or if you care enough about her you could stop smoking weed. To me, it sounds like the former two are the most likely options. You might want to show her Culture High, it's a documentary about cannabis.
The fact is you are perfectly within your right to smoke weed if you want to, and if she wants to hold such a view she's within her right to want you not to BUT she can't expect you to quit and you can't really expect her to want you to continue. As to how it's resolved, either one of you will have to give in and either you'll quit weed or she'll allow you to carry on smoking OR one of you will break it off with the other because of this difference in opinion. It sounds like she has her heart set on controlling you, on you stopping smoking rather than dumping you currently. If I were you I'd present these options to her and try to work this out but you have to be willing to accept that the result could be any of these options. You might have to break up with her, she might break up with you, you might stop smoking and obviously she might change her mind.
The fact is you are perfectly within your right to smoke weed if you want to, and if she wants to hold such a view she's within her right to want you not to BUT she can't expect you to quit and you can't really expect her to want you to continue. As to how it's resolved, either one of you will have to give in and either you'll quit weed or she'll allow you to carry on smoking OR one of you will break it off with the other because of this difference in opinion. It sounds like she has her heart set on controlling you, on you stopping smoking rather than dumping you currently. If I were you I'd present these options to her and try to work this out but you have to be willing to accept that the result could be any of these options. You might have to break up with her, she might break up with you, you might stop smoking and obviously she might change her mind.
(edited 9 years ago)
Give it up.
Isn't weed illegal? So, you're basically expecting her to turn a blind eye on this illegal activity you're doing? Idk, man, she talking more sense than you.
Isn't weed illegal? So, you're basically expecting her to turn a blind eye on this illegal activity you're doing? Idk, man, she talking more sense than you.
What uni do you study at?
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