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Trying to get along with classmate

Basically, I started my sixth form course in September and still haven't got along with one of the guys in our little "group". He is perhaps the "leader". Very confident, arrogant at times, and basically he's just the guy everyone sucks up to. Except me. I am the only person he didn't know before we started sixth form, and I hang around with him and his mates 24/7, but he is the only one I haven't quite bonded with, or spoken to much. Today we were paired for a presentation, and when one of my friends told him as I sat there looking blank at the desk, my friend waited for his reaction and then quietly laughed, so I assume he probably shrugged or rolled his eyes. I really don't know how to get along with him. During our presentation we worked on it seperately, but occasionally when the teacher asked me questions about it, I'd make my usual witty remarks and he'd laugh his head off. But he still doesn't like me, I don't really understand why not. I've never given him the impression that I don't like him. My sense of humour is more sophisticated and sarcastic than most of the people around me, to which they say I'm "depressed" because I rarely laugh out loud at things they say (crude jokes). But that's not important, I'm really struggling to be mates with this guy. Any advice? It's been three months and I spend most of my times with the same people (same lessons all the time) and I want to get along with this person because it's very annoying when I think I'm being outcasted most of the times. That said, I do tend to go and do my own things on study leave i.e. gym, go home etc. Maybe I should try talking to him more often? He's very belitting as well, and he bitches about people in our class who he HATES so it kinda gives me the impression he does about me also. Maybe I'm being paranoid. Whatever it is, I don't want the next 2 years to go feeling awkward and isolated because he likes me the least out of our lot. Suggestions?

Reply 1

*knowitall*

Groups of boys are just like animals - who's going to be the alpha male here? He's in the alpha male position with all the others in your group at presnet but because you are new he's not sure if you are a threat to his position.

So - do you want to take him on? Two stags rutting? Or choose a different path - show him you're no threat by laughing at his jokes (subservient beahviour) or remain quite and passive and you'll be fine!

Reply 2

David Healy is God

He doesn't sound like a very nice guy tbh, I wouldn't bother.

Reply 3

username47781

He ain't worth it to be honest, just ignore him.

Reply 4

Tyrannosaurus Cal

*knowitall*

So - do you want to take him on? Two stags rutting? Or choose a different path - show him you're no threat by laughing at his jokes (subservient beahviour) or remain quite and passive and you'll be fine!

This makes sense, there's a guy at my school who really hates me, and I don't particularly like him. But he confronted me and told me this, and since then we've been able to just be civil, and there's a level of respect between us now.
Maybe make your feelings about him clear, so there's none of this under-the-surface tension?

Reply 5

andy_cole2

you have nothing to gain from confronting him thats for sure. I don't think doing things to make him like you more is necessarily lowering yourself. At the end of the day you can be complimented from the fact that his treatment towards you reflects his feeling that you are a threat to his superiority within the group. unless thats what you want(?) i think you shoudl focus on ways of showing its nothing your interested in and that he can feel comfortable in that knowledge. his eye rolling trick is clearly his way of confirming / checking to whoever was watching that he is above you in their eyes, he's probs a little insecure, just show him he has no need to be :p:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Hmm. Interesting thoughts from everyone. Another thing I'd like to add that confuses me is when I ask a direct question to everyone while we're walking or something, most people (never him) will give me an answer, and then he'll look at whoever gave the answer and challenge their answer, if you know what I mean. He'll never give me an answer. He'll answer someone else's answer lol which annoys me. But the strangest thing is when I argue with someone he will usually tell them to stop being stupid, but not me, it's almost as if he defends me. But he doesn't like me. Very straaaange.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Btw I was just thinking of another approach. I want to ask everyone else what their criticisms are about me, so I can find out what his problem is. And there clearly is something he dislikes about me, because my other friends have said "maybe you should try to get to know him" and things like them laughing whenever both our names are mentioned/compared, really pisses me off because they all lick his arse and I don't. Any way to casually go about asking what they don't like about me? lol even though I really shouldn't care, I'm constantly learning stuff about myself so I would like to know.

Reply 8

matt@internet

Why does everyone who acts like a bit of a dick get labelled as insecure?

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Well, quite basically... sack him.

I hate it when one guy starts his alpha male bull****. If you find the right group of friends, there won't be an alpha male.

Reply 10

username47781

Listen you will not able to get along with everyone, there's always going to be at least one idiot in the class, just ignore him.

Reply 11

Ywiss

Anonymous

But the strangest thing is when I argue with someone he will usually tell them to stop being stupid, but not me, it's almost as if he defends me. But he doesn't like me. Very straaaange.

Now that's interesting. Could it be that he likes you, but doesn't want to let you know? Perhaps because he's often quite loud and arrogant and the others fawn around him, but you're a bit more aloof. So he likes you, but isn't sure if you like him, because the only way people have shown that they "like" him in the past is to bow down to him.

In short, he respects you, dude :biggrin: