convincing parents to change schools?

i started year 7 at an all-girls grammar school in september and after my first week i was already regretting wanting to go...it was nothing like i'd imagined.

my friends from transition day abandoned me without a word on the very first day, my classmates ignored me and by the end of the first week, my "best friend" from primary school was drifting away to her new classmates.

i tried really hard to see if i could get to know my new form, but whenever i tried to talk to them, they would ignore me and start talking to someone else - i know they hear me because they look at me then look away. they talk about me behind my back - i've heard them. they say i'm rude when they think i don't answer them, or try to ignore. they give me dirty looks when i haven't done anything. they follow me around school (one girl is literally my personal stalker atp). they act like my hobbies/interests are stupid. they treat popular things such as kpop, tiktok stuff, etc - which i am not exposed to - as common knowledge and make it seem like i am stupid for not knowing about these things. they try to use me. one girl is always looking at me like i've said/done something to wrong her and this same one is always targeting me/singling me out (such as picking my role in groupwork (since teachers always put us together for some reason) when she knows i don't want to do that role). one girl even openly said she really hated me in our class group chat!!

for some reason, there doesn't seem to be a single nice person in my class - but i tell myself this is okay, since i have a few friends in other classes.

however, the way they've been treating me is actually affecting me - i find it hard to focus and keep up with my schoolwork, since all i can think about is them. i'm struggling with my confidence and self-esteem.

i don't think they are being racist - there's three other kids in class with a dark skin tone like me, and the majority of the class are also POC. i don't even know if what they are doing is bullying or not 🤷🏽*♀️

asides this, i generally don't like the school - the teachers are not very nice and the student support system is terrible. i also know that even if you report things, the school don't take things seriously.

it's been like this since the beginning of the year and now i've realised what i really want is to change schools - to be able to start somewhere new where nobody knows me and i dont know anyone, to have a fresh start.

i've talked with my parents and they know all about my classmates and the way they treat me, but they just go on about me improving my 'confidence' at my current school first before i change school, telling me how will i know what other places will be like, etc. i know this is true but we haven't even tried. and at the moment, they are suggesting that they want me to stay on here...it's not like im suggesting to go to the local comprehensives - i even researched alternative grammar schools!! (since they are so deadset on me going to one...)

i know it's hard to apply for new schools, or go to a school outside of our town, or to find a house to move elsewhere...but i know that staying here will make my mental health worse, but they are not understanding.

are there any ways i can convince them to let me change schools?

Reply 1

Muttly

I know this is not what you want to hear, but you can keep on running away from every conflict you come across for the rest of your life. You can make any reason for it but usually you are bullied because you represent a threat to the status quo? Because you are clever, self assured, confident, don't take any crap ... the list is endless. But you are unlikely to stand down and therefore the girls don't like that perceived threat. How else can they deal with it? It is all a bit sad really.

Your classmates will bully you because it has worked in the past, and they expect it to work on you now. This has nothing to do with your skin colour but everything to do with some stuck up ring leader girl feeling the heat because someone new has come along and is more interesting and more exciting than she is and the dross they are currently used to living with.

First you are at school to learn, so do that relentlessly and ignore the undercurrents from everyone. Get your head firmly into work and learning because you will lose so much more in a few years time if you don't. No good blaming others for bad grades, this is your responsibility right now. learn, stay on top of your work.

Who is to say if you move school the same scenario will not repeat itself? The support systems at your school may not be very well developed because they probably expect every student to be resilient and self reliant without wilting at the first sign of trouble. If you can deal with this now you can use it in your personal statement as a huge personal issue you have managed to overcome. Combine this with excellent grades and any good Uni would love to have you on board. Get a mindset for positive outcomes. You can be a good role model and leader for all the other poor souls who are destroyed by this nasty group of girls. They expect you to react by running away or by being nasty back. Buck that trend if you are kind and don't react with unpleasantries. That will put them all on the back foot. Don't give them any more power and don't give them your head space. You alone control that. Carry on as you are regardless.

There will be many girls, probably 90% who are good fun, not malicious and tied in to going along with the heartless cow who tries to be the big
'I am' who throws her weight about. Usually that same person has had a hard time at home and has dreadful parents or siblings as role models. Deal with everyone as an individual and don't judge or be drawn in, just try to observe behaviour and let it go.

There will be others also on the outer edges of this mad sect of bullies so make friends with them first. Deal with the nut jobs after this. Pace yourself and find every club, sport, activity you can join to belong to a team where you can be good at what you do. Find your niche.

Stay put, learn how to deal with this, and even if you feel like fighting back with unpleasantries be kind, be happy and self assured. Then they cannot get under your skin even if you are hurting inside. That way you have won so hold your head high and work hard. In just a couple of years you will be out of there and amongst thousands of people from all over the world.