When She's Not 'Putting Out'
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Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, I can understand that she is a virgin etc and may be more hesitant to be intimate, but she isn't even interested in dirty talk or anything.
I'm very close to calling it off, I can't deal with a relationship this one sided.
I'm very close to calling it off, I can't deal with a relationship this one sided.
Hmm, okay. Dirty talk can be awkward if only one person wants to do it, so I would stop worrying about that for now.
I would suggest communicating with her but also compromising. If she doesn't want to compromise without any good reasons then that's when you should start to question things. Just ask if she wouldn't mind being a bit more intimate - if you ask for too much she'll just say no, so just kind of explain how far you'd take it, and that she's able to tell you to stop any time she wants and that you won't force her into doing anything she doesn't want to do, and maybe she'll be more comfortable/happy.
Original post by Anonymous
We are both 18.
Been in a relationship with a virgin for just over 3 months. She seems annoyed whenever I mention sex.
Even when we were talking about another couple of the same age who were known to be sexually active she hit out with 'I didnt think X was that kind of girl..' , as if sex is something only sluts do or something
I really really like her, but I'm coming close to breaking up with her over this.
What do I do?
Been in a relationship with a virgin for just over 3 months. She seems annoyed whenever I mention sex.
Even when we were talking about another couple of the same age who were known to be sexually active she hit out with 'I didnt think X was that kind of girl..' , as if sex is something only sluts do or something
I really really like her, but I'm coming close to breaking up with her over this.
What do I do?
If you like her enough, you should be willing to wait. 3mths isn't that long and for some girls isn't enough time to build a base of trust strong enough to do something like sex, which is a time when people can feel at their most vulnerable. I'd do what other people suggest and talk to her about it so you understand where she stands on this
Original post by Anonymous
We are both 18.
Been in a relationship with a virgin for just over 3 months. She seems annoyed whenever I mention sex.
Even when we were talking about another couple of the same age who were known to be sexually active she hit out with 'I didnt think X was that kind of girl..' , as if sex is something only sluts do or something
I really really like her, but I'm coming close to breaking up with her over this.
What do I do?
Been in a relationship with a virgin for just over 3 months. She seems annoyed whenever I mention sex.
Even when we were talking about another couple of the same age who were known to be sexually active she hit out with 'I didnt think X was that kind of girl..' , as if sex is something only sluts do or something
I really really like her, but I'm coming close to breaking up with her over this.
What do I do?
It's a tough one. I dated a virgin and we had sex after about a month of knowing each other. I'd say three months is a very long time but then again, you can't really force the issue. It's up to her at the end of the day. Personally, I would not stick around for three months but don't listen to me, go with what you feel is right. Girls tend to make a huge issue out of sex and it puts off most men. If you care about her and you still want to be involved with her, then of course you can wait. Just don't hold your breath, and remember there are girls out there who give up the sex easily. It's an option to consider.
If I was you I'd have quit it after a few weeks, maybe one or two months at a stretch (if I really cared about her). Luckily I didn't have to wait long, but you never know. If she keeps putting it off, I'm afraid it might be time to cut bait and find another woman who will give you what you need.
Cheers.
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Original post by Zen-Ali
Dump her, mate. That's ****ing ridiculous. I assume you fulfill her emotional requirements, so why can't she reciprocate and fulfill your sexual desires? I think it's a shame girls can't respect that our sex drives are innately different [1]. It's also a shame she doesn't see sex as something enjoyable—for the both of you.
Sex is painful for some women
OP, is kissing really the furthest you've gone? You've not done stuff like... spooning or..or touching? I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. Perhaps she's just not an intimate, touchy sort of person?
In which case, you sound a bit incompatible.
Original post by Maid Marian
Sex is painful for some women
OP, is kissing really the furthest you've gone? You've not done stuff like... spooning or..or touching? I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. Perhaps she's just not an intimate, touchy sort of person? In which case, you sound a bit incompatible.
OP, is kissing really the furthest you've gone? You've not done stuff like... spooning or..or touching? I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. Perhaps she's just not an intimate, touchy sort of person?
In which case, you sound a bit incompatible.yeah but it's not like we intend on penetrating you the instant you say you're ready for sex. It's something that can be improved over time.
Original post by Zen-Ali
Dump her, mate. That's ****ing ridiculous. I assume you fulfill her emotional requirements, so why can't she reciprocate and fulfill your sexual desires? I think it's a shame girls can't respect that our sex drives are innately different [1]. It's also a shame she doesn't see sex as something enjoyable—for the both of you.
Not all girls do!
OP you need to talk to her nicely about it and have a think about how long you're willing to wait.
Obviously it is a big part of a relationship and you're 18 - your hormones will be wanting you to get down to business.
Original post by jequestrian
Not all girls do!
OP you need to talk to her nicely about it and have a think about how long you're willing to wait.
Obviously it is a big part of a relationship and you're 18 - your hormones will be wanting you to get down to business.
OP you need to talk to her nicely about it and have a think about how long you're willing to wait.
Obviously it is a big part of a relationship and you're 18 - your hormones will be wanting you to get down to business.
I know, I just forgot to put 'some' in.
Original post by Zen-Ali
I know, I just forgot to put 'some' in.
That is okay then
Original post by katienurd
If you're going to break up with her just over the fact that she won't have sex with you then I don't know man that's pretty pathetic. You must not care that much about her if you're so bothered about her not being ready for sex.
Talk to her about it instead of complaining, ask her why she doesn't want to and if she's not ready then wait. Or don't. But you're really gonna have to talk to her about it.
Talk to her about it instead of complaining, ask her why she doesn't want to and if she's not ready then wait. Or don't. But you're really gonna have to talk to her about it.
It really goes to show how immature most of TSR is that this post admonishing OP for even daring to dream of having sex in a relationship gets 5 reps but all the other excellent advice given got nothing.
Original post by Anonymous
How do I talk to her about it?
Id like to hear your boyfriends point of view
I agree. How would I bring it up to her without sounding like an *******?
I do care about her. Alot. It is difficult, however, to see her as more than a friend if she isn't even wanting to be intimate.
I agree, it was pathetic.
Id like to hear your boyfriends point of view
I agree. How would I bring it up to her without sounding like an *******?
I do care about her. Alot. It is difficult, however, to see her as more than a friend if she isn't even wanting to be intimate.
I agree, it was pathetic.
i just clocked (in plain English, this term means to notice something), that no one else is giving advice on HOW to talk to her. my bad. i should've specified in my previous post. i'm going to go out on a ledge here, and give you 3 options (if anyone feels the need to edit these options, please do so in a civilized manner..). N.B: i am not a relationship expert; just an average 18 year old who's had more than his fair share of the opposite sex.
#1 - the bold method - talk to her during your kissing sessions. i.e.; when kissing; pull yourself away from her lightly; and then ask her specifically, what her views are on taking the situation to the bedroom.
#2 - the indirect method - talk to her the next time you see her face to face. that is, when you guys are chilling (in plain English, this term means to sit around idly/lazily/on a date); stop the conversation; look around to see if you can spot other couples doing something intimate; and subtly remark that: 'aww, aren't they cute?'; she'll say: 'blah, blah, blah'; and then you say: 'i wish we could be more intimate than that'. follow this up with a barrage of sex jokes and caveman antics. then finally; 'hey this is amazing and all, but i would love to see how competent you are when it comes to dealing with your other lips'
#3 - invite her over for a romantic night: candles, dimmed lights, roses, seductively low music (only spend/go as far as you're willing). then, proceed as the movies do; ensuring to turn the conversation sexual early on. (N.B: it may be because you're not being spontaneous enough).
if the above do not work, then i'm sorry man, you're gonna have to: "go hard, or go home". that is, just ask her what shes' waiting for/why she won't go past kissing stage.
My boyfriend and I were both virgins when we started going out...He wanted sex after a month...I wanted sex after 6...We eventually lost our virginity to each other after 4. We've been together almost three years now.
But if you keep pushing her, eventually she'll snap and just walk away. My boyfriend accepted that I wanted to wait and left it at that.
Have you spoken to her and asked if she has a reason for not wanting it (She may be wanting to wait until marriage or until a certain point in time or something)
But honestly, sex isn't everything in a relationship. It's amazing and makes a stronger bond yes but your relationship should be strong enough to last without it, otherwise it just won't work.
I think sit down and tell her how you're feeling and ask her why she's so against it and then take it from there
But if you keep pushing her, eventually she'll snap and just walk away. My boyfriend accepted that I wanted to wait and left it at that.
Have you spoken to her and asked if she has a reason for not wanting it (She may be wanting to wait until marriage or until a certain point in time or something)
But honestly, sex isn't everything in a relationship. It's amazing and makes a stronger bond yes but your relationship should be strong enough to last without it, otherwise it just won't work.
I think sit down and tell her how you're feeling and ask her why she's so against it and then take it from there
Original post by ClickItBack
It really goes to show how immature most of TSR is that this post admonishing OP for even daring to dream of having sex in a relationship gets 5 reps but all the other excellent advice given got nothing.
Nah not really, if she doesn't want to have sex with him then she doesn't want to have sex with him. Most girls want to wait until they're sure the time is right, and it's only been three months. I find it pathetic that he's considering breaking up with her because she's not willing to 'put out' so early on in the relationship. A relationship shouldn't solely be based on sex, although of course it is nice - it isn't necessary. And I didn't say that it was a horrible thing of him to want sex, if you read carefully I said that it was pathetic he was thinking about breaking up with her because of the lack of sex.
Original post by skd1996
Don't get me wrong, sex in a relationship is great! But being in a relationship with someone does not automatically mean you are entitled to have sex with them if they don't want to.
If it's really bugging you this much then leave her, don't force her to do something she obviously doesn't feel ready to do.
If it's really bugging you this much then leave her, don't force her to do something she obviously doesn't feel ready to do.
I'm not forcing her. I have hardly mentioned it beside blatant hints.
Original post by Maid Marian
Sex is painful for some women
OP, is kissing really the furthest you've gone? You've not done stuff like... spooning or..or touching? I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. Perhaps she's just not an intimate, touchy sort of person? In which case, you sound a bit incompatible.
OP, is kissing really the furthest you've gone? You've not done stuff like... spooning or..or touching? I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. Perhaps she's just not an intimate, touchy sort of person?
In which case, you sound a bit incompatible.Kissed, spooned, cuddled... nothing sexual.
Original post by theDanIdentity
i just clocked (in plain English, this term means to notice something), that no one else is giving advice on HOW to talk to her. my bad. i should've specified in my previous post. i'm going to go out on a ledge here, and give you 3 options (if anyone feels the need to edit these options, please do so in a civilized manner..). N.B: i am not a relationship expert; just an average 18 year old who's had more than his fair share of the opposite sex.
#1 - the bold method - talk to her during your kissing sessions. i.e.; when kissing; pull yourself away from her lightly; and then ask her specifically, what her views are on taking the situation to the bedroom.
#2 - the indirect method - talk to her the next time you see her face to face. that is, when you guys are chilling (in plain English, this term means to sit around idly/lazily/on a date); stop the conversation; look around to see if you can spot other couples doing something intimate; and subtly remark that: 'aww, aren't they cute?'; she'll say: 'blah, blah, blah'; and then you say: 'i wish we could be more intimate than that'. follow this up with a barrage of sex jokes and caveman antics. then finally; 'hey this is amazing and all, but i would love to see how competent you are when it comes to dealing with your other lips'
#3 - invite her over for a romantic night: candles, dimmed lights, roses, seductively low music (only spend/go as far as you're willing). then, proceed as the movies do; ensuring to turn the conversation sexual early on. (N.B: it may be because you're not being spontaneous enough).
if the above do not work, then i'm sorry man, you're gonna have to: "go hard, or go home". that is, just ask her what shes' waiting for/why she won't go past kissing stage.
#1 - the bold method - talk to her during your kissing sessions. i.e.; when kissing; pull yourself away from her lightly; and then ask her specifically, what her views are on taking the situation to the bedroom.
#2 - the indirect method - talk to her the next time you see her face to face. that is, when you guys are chilling (in plain English, this term means to sit around idly/lazily/on a date); stop the conversation; look around to see if you can spot other couples doing something intimate; and subtly remark that: 'aww, aren't they cute?'; she'll say: 'blah, blah, blah'; and then you say: 'i wish we could be more intimate than that'. follow this up with a barrage of sex jokes and caveman antics. then finally; 'hey this is amazing and all, but i would love to see how competent you are when it comes to dealing with your other lips'
#3 - invite her over for a romantic night: candles, dimmed lights, roses, seductively low music (only spend/go as far as you're willing). then, proceed as the movies do; ensuring to turn the conversation sexual early on. (N.B: it may be because you're not being spontaneous enough).
if the above do not work, then i'm sorry man, you're gonna have to: "go hard, or go home". that is, just ask her what shes' waiting for/why she won't go past kissing stage.
Thanks. Is it really wise to just bluntly ask her though?
Original post by katienurd
Nah not really, if she doesn't want to have sex with him then she doesn't want to have sex with him. Most girls want to wait until they're sure the time is right, and it's only been three months. I find it pathetic that he's considering breaking up with her because she's not willing to 'put out' so early on in the relationship. A relationship shouldn't solely be based on sex, although of course it is nice - it isn't necessary. And I didn't say that it was a horrible thing of him to want sex, if you read carefully I said that it was pathetic he was thinking about breaking up with her because of the lack of sex.
Why is the standard response always "a relationship isn't solely about sex"? Can't you entertain the idea that it is a vital part of a relationship?
Original post by Zen-Ali
Dump her, mate. That's ****ing ridiculous. I assume you fulfill her emotional requirements, so why can't she reciprocate and fulfill your sexual desires? I think it's a shame girls can't respect that our sex drives are innately different [1]. It's also a shame she doesn't see sex as something enjoyable—for the both of you.
Not necessarily: its important to find someone whose sex drive matches your own. Its the most important aspect of any romantic relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not forcing her. I have hardly mentioned it beside blatant hints.
Kissed, spooned, cuddled... nothing sexual.
Thanks. Is it really wise to just bluntly ask her though?
Kissed, spooned, cuddled... nothing sexual.
Thanks. Is it really wise to just bluntly ask her though?
i gave you three options dude..
but yeahh it is wise to ask her, if none of the options work.
there are 4.5 billion girls on earth; at least one out there should match your sex needs if this doesn't work.
I brought up how difficult it is to have a relationship with no sex. I now have a very pissed off girlfriend.
Original post by Anonymous
Well.. we kiss..
OK just seeing if there was some intimacy involved to see if it was more of a friendship. Everyone else has pretty much said it all, talk to her about how you are feeling.
Original post by katienurd
If you're going to break up with her just over the fact that she won't have sex with you then I don't know man that's pretty pathetic. You must not care that much about her if you're so bothered about her not being ready for sex.
Talk to her about it instead of complaining, ask her why she doesn't want to and if she's not ready then wait. Or don't. But you're really gonna have to talk to her about it.
Talk to her about it instead of complaining, ask her why she doesn't want to and if she's not ready then wait. Or don't. But you're really gonna have to talk to her about it.
TSR is so sexist about this.
If a man wasn't having sex with his girlfriend, everyone would criticise him for not satisfying her needs and encourage her to dump him.
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