pregnant and needing help... not a TSR fight about abortion...

hi, i posted before about being pregnant, but my thread just became an abortion fight between you guys and got closed. im really upset because im pregnant (having an abortion v. soon) and taking uni exams. the father (my long distance non bf) is being supportive, but im just feeling so scared and lonely. i cant stop throwing up, and im dizzy (common symptoms) and i need him so much, but i dont want to ask too much from him, as we're not in a relationship and he doesnt live near at all. but im so upset... whats the right balance to ask from him? how can i get support? how can i even survive this week?

Reply 1

matt@internet

12

Would you feel comfortable if he made arrangements to come and be with you during or after the abortion?

Reply 2

aleathiel

16

well even if you're not in a relationship he had some part in your being pregnant so even though he is being supportive dont feel that you cant ask for more support. If you need him to be there with you when you have the abortion then ask him :hugs:

Has your doctor mentioned anything about counselling of any kind, you've got a lot on your plate at the moment and it seems that you need someone to talk to but it's up to you.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

matt@internet

Would you feel comfortable if he made arrangements to come and be with you during or after the abortion?

im not sure thats an option, and as he hasnt offered, i dont feel comfortable asking.

Reply 4

joz12345

1

i had an abortion two years ago if you want send me a private message nd i can help you

Reply 5

sssh

10

You could try hinting and saying how you would really like someone to be around...make sure you use pauses for effect, that should encourage him to volunteer. Whether it'll work depends on what he's like, which only you can tell.

Is there a phone service at your uni? We have nightline at Nottingham and although I've never used it it sounds like it'd be useful if you felt like you were able to talk to someone about it. Sometimes it can be harder to speak than write, but they'd discuss it with you and focus more on you, rather than going off on unhelpful tangents like people tend to on tsr (see your last thread...)

You have my sympathy, I hope it goes ok.

Reply 6

jointhedots

16

Anonymous

im not sure thats an option, and as he hasnt offered, i dont feel comfortable asking.

Perhaps he thinks you wouldn't want him too. He's probably not quite sure what to do, even though he is being supportive. Would you feel better at all if you had someone to go with...Maybe a close friend if you don't want to ask him?

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

i was feeling a lot like u before i had my abortion. i didnt ask him to but my bf waited for 7 hours in the housing estate next to the hospital in his car for me to come out as he wasn't allowed in the hospital with me. ur non-bf may surprise you and do the same, despite being a distance away.

the strangest thing happened when i came out though, i didn't feel guilty at all that evening and felt so relieved etc despite the pain (just like a heavy period). i think its the decrease in hormones so suddenly that does it to you but you imediately forget what you went through and instead become really blase about it.

my feelings changed later but just look forward to the relief of it rather than worrying is my advice

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

misslibby

Perhaps he thinks you wouldn't want him too. He's probably not quite sure what to do, even though he is being supportive. Would you feel better at all if you had someone to go with...Maybe a close friend if you don't want to ask him?

my best mate is going with me, thank god. but its him that i need (even if hes not there at the abortion) i still feel so needy towards him.

Reply 9

curryADD

12

Anonymous

hi, i posted before about being pregnant, but my thread just became an abortion fight between you guys and got closed. im really upset because im pregnant (having an abortion v. soon) and taking uni exams. the father (my long distance non bf) is being supportive, but im just feeling so scared and lonely. i cant stop throwing up, and im dizzy (common symptoms) and i need him so much, but i dont want to ask too much from him, as we're not in a relationship and he doesnt live near at all. but im so upset... whats the right balance to ask from him? how can i get support? how can i even survive this week?

darling, frankly i cannot believe you. youre ill and scared. its his baby too. ask him to come support you, it's the very LEAST he can do. and if he gets angry and refuses, well then, you shouldn't have been in a relationship with a prick anyway.

if all else fails, call your mom. or a sibling/ close girlfriend that feels like one.

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

i was feeling a lot like u before i had my abortion. i didnt ask him to but my bf waited for 7 hours in the housing estate next to the hospital in his car for me to come out as he wasn't allowed in the hospital with me. ur non-bf may surprise you and do the same, despite being a distance away.

the strangest thing happened when i came out though, i didn't feel guilty at all that evening and felt so relieved etc despite the pain (just like a heavy period). i think its the decrease in hormones so suddenly that does it to you but you imediately forget what you went through and instead become really blase about it.

my feelings changed later but just look forward to the relief of it rather than worrying is my advice

I hope you don't mind my asking, but how and when did your feelings change later? Abortion has been on my mind a lot lately as I thought I was pregnant (pretty sure I'm not now though) so I'm curious.

Reply 11

joz12345

1

sometimes you do think about it and wonder what it may of ben like if u hadnt gone threw with abortion.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

you know, i just wish that he could be with me (he lives SO far away though)... its just like... ive been crying myself to sleep and i just wish he could be here to hold me. god, im starting to cry again. good lord.

Reply 13

joz12345

1

have you got msn or anythin would be good to chat with u and i could answer most if not all of your questions.

Reply 14

curryADD

12

Anonymous

you know, i just wish that he could be with me (he lives SO far away though)... its just like... ive been crying myself to sleep and i just wish he could be here to hold me. god, im starting to cry again. good lord.

i'm sorry, what are you crying about? this embryo that has inconvienced you is going to be gone soon. you're going to get to keep the boy that you only have sex with. what's your problem? :confused:

Reply 15

foxiroxi

10

PM me if you want to ask anything or just chat :smile:

Reply 16

username47781

20

Anonymous

you know, i just wish that he could be with me (he lives SO far away though)... its just like... ive been crying myself to sleep and i just wish he could be here to hold me. god, im starting to cry again. good lord.

Least he is being supportive, have you talked to him and told him how you feel i.e. that you want to be with him?

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

curryADD

i'm sorry, what are you crying about? this embryo that has inconvienced you is going to be gone soon. you're going to get to keep the boy that you only have sex with. what's your problem? :confused:

sorry, the only reason we're not together is the distance, its not just sex. and the crying? im hormonal and sad and worried about this decision... i know its the right one but it doesnt mean its not weighing really heavily on me.

Reply 18

moosey

Okay, in the short term, i.e. this evening, there's nothing you can do but calm down - even if you were to ring him now, you're not in a fit state to if you're all upset!

When yo say he lives far away, how far is it - a matter of another county, or another country?! You say your best friend is coming with you when you have the abortion... can you confide in her, i.e. just say how you feeling? You're naturally going to have your emotions all over the place, what with hormones and everything, so maybe that's why your feeling especially 'needy' towards him. When are you having the abortion? If he was able to be wiht you, either for it or after, how long would it take?

All the best to you...

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

moosey

Okay, in the short term, i.e. this evening, there's nothing you can do but calm down - even if you were to ring him now, you're not in a fit state to if you're all upset!

When yo say he lives far away, how far is it - a matter of another county, or another country?! You say your best friend is coming with you when you have the abortion... can you confide in her, i.e. just say how you feeling? You're naturally going to have your emotions all over the place, what with hormones and everything, so maybe that's why your feeling especially 'needy' towards him. When are you having the abortion? If he was able to be wiht you, either for it or after, how long would it take?

All the best to you...

we're going on holiday together in 3 weeks... so thats when we'll see each other. right now we're both living in america, and he's about 2000 miles away :frown:

pregnant and needing help... not a TSR fight about abortion...

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