Boyfriend and I want completely different things- should I break up with him?
My boyfriend and I have completely different interests and personalities, which so far has only been good because we try new things and stuff. We haven't had an argument in the 5 months we've been together.
However, two things have stuck out to me as differences that may be too big. First, he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted kids, but then after we talked about it a bit, he said it's something he hasn't considered. He's 30 and been single for 6 years so I think he sort of 'gave up' on that ever occurring since he hasn't been trying to find a gf.
Then last night he told me he doesn't like travelling. I genuinely can't even understand this. I speak 5 languages, I've lived in 4 countries, visited about 30, I love travelling and discovering new cultures and visiting touristy stuff! He hasn't been on holiday (other than like mountain walking and hiking) since uni, when he went on a lads drinking holiday, so it's not like that's what I mean. He said he didn't want to go to Australia, for example, because he can see what it looks like in postcards.
I'm not sure if these things are firm 'I hate travelling' I just think he hasn't had the opportunity to see how awesome it could be! He didn't really go on holidays when he was little.
Any advice?
However, two things have stuck out to me as differences that may be too big. First, he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted kids, but then after we talked about it a bit, he said it's something he hasn't considered. He's 30 and been single for 6 years so I think he sort of 'gave up' on that ever occurring since he hasn't been trying to find a gf.
Then last night he told me he doesn't like travelling. I genuinely can't even understand this. I speak 5 languages, I've lived in 4 countries, visited about 30, I love travelling and discovering new cultures and visiting touristy stuff! He hasn't been on holiday (other than like mountain walking and hiking) since uni, when he went on a lads drinking holiday, so it's not like that's what I mean. He said he didn't want to go to Australia, for example, because he can see what it looks like in postcards.
I'm not sure if these things are firm 'I hate travelling' I just think he hasn't had the opportunity to see how awesome it could be! He didn't really go on holidays when he was little.
Any advice?
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend and I have completely different interests and personalities, which so far has only been good because we try new things and stuff. We haven't had an argument in the 5 months we've been together.
However, two things have stuck out to me as differences that may be too big. First, he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted kids, but then after we talked about it a bit, he said it's something he hasn't considered. He's 30 and been single for 6 years so I think he sort of 'gave up' on that ever occurring since he hasn't been trying to find a gf.
Then last night he told me he doesn't like travelling. I genuinely can't even understand this. I speak 5 languages, I've lived in 4 countries, visited about 30, I love travelling and discovering new cultures and visiting touristy stuff! He hasn't been on holiday (other than like mountain walking and hiking) since uni, when he went on a lads drinking holiday, so it's not like that's what I mean. He said he didn't want to go to Australia, for example, because he can see what it looks like in postcards.
I'm not sure if these things are firm 'I hate travelling' I just think he hasn't had the opportunity to see how awesome it could be! He didn't really go on holidays when he was little.
Any advice?
However, two things have stuck out to me as differences that may be too big. First, he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted kids, but then after we talked about it a bit, he said it's something he hasn't considered. He's 30 and been single for 6 years so I think he sort of 'gave up' on that ever occurring since he hasn't been trying to find a gf.
Then last night he told me he doesn't like travelling. I genuinely can't even understand this. I speak 5 languages, I've lived in 4 countries, visited about 30, I love travelling and discovering new cultures and visiting touristy stuff! He hasn't been on holiday (other than like mountain walking and hiking) since uni, when he went on a lads drinking holiday, so it's not like that's what I mean. He said he didn't want to go to Australia, for example, because he can see what it looks like in postcards.
I'm not sure if these things are firm 'I hate travelling' I just think he hasn't had the opportunity to see how awesome it could be! He didn't really go on holidays when he was little.
Any advice?
Personality traits are more important to a relationship than common interests in my opinion and therefore you can discard travelling as an issue unless having a man who's adventurous is really a top priority.
If you want a child though i'd say 5 years is long enough for you to demand he gives you one or write him off.
Well, that is really something you should think about. But please, do not break up with him immediately. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel about having a child and travelling. Tell him how wonderful travelling is and how great it is to start a family with him. But if he still says he really doesn't want a child and that he will never really travel, then maybe you should end your relationship.
to be fair he sounds pretty closed minded? Whether or not you 'hate travelling' so say you'll never go to Australia is a bit odd (like I'm assuming here you said you wanted to and he was like ew no)
mmmm try and show him how much these things mean to you, and if he does't get over his weird stubbornness to make you happier then there's an issue (imo)
mmmm try and show him how much these things mean to you, and if he does't get over his weird stubbornness to make you happier then there's an issue (imo)
Original post by Milzime
to be fair he sounds pretty closed minded? Whether or not you 'hate travelling' so say you'll never go to Australia is a bit odd (like I'm assuming here you said you wanted to and he was like ew no)
mmmm try and show him how much these things mean to you, and if he does't get over his weird stubbornness to make you happier then there's an issue (imo)
mmmm try and show him how much these things mean to you, and if he does't get over his weird stubbornness to make you happier then there's an issue (imo)
Yeah I think he sounds quite stubborn as well. I've been in long-term relationships lasting 6 years combined, so I'm used to the whole compromise thing and that sometimes you do something you don't 100% want to do to make your partner happy.
He's been single for years and living a very him-centric life. Which is great because he does exactly what he wants, but that's not going to work in a relationship!
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I think he sounds quite stubborn as well. I've been in long-term relationships lasting 6 years combined, so I'm used to the whole compromise thing and that sometimes you do something you don't 100% want to do to make your partner happy.
He's been single for years and living a very him-centric life. Which is great because he does exactly what he wants, but that's not going to work in a relationship!
He's been single for years and living a very him-centric life. Which is great because he does exactly what he wants, but that's not going to work in a relationship!
definitely communicate this to him
one would hope if you make it clear enough that you care about travelling etc then he will cotton on!
seems like you kinda knew this, but hope I helped lol
Personally this would be a deal breaker for me. At this time in my life I need to be with someone on the same page as me, I ain't getting any younger. I've heard far too many stories about women who have waited around for men hoping that one day he will wake up and decide he wants kids. Sadly it doesn't always work like that.
You need to sit him down and dig deeper, find out why he doesn't want kids. Sometimes people have a fear they won't be a good parent or have underlining issues in their past that puts them off....then there's some people that haven't ever imagined having kids.
You need to sit him down and dig deeper, find out why he doesn't want kids. Sometimes people have a fear they won't be a good parent or have underlining issues in their past that puts them off....then there's some people that haven't ever imagined having kids.
(edited 8 years ago)
you've only been together 5 months so I guess none of these things have been issues yet... the travelling thing may well change if he goes on a couple of trips or may well be that he doesn't mind coming with you even if he doesn't care himself or that he's happy for you to go alone and as for kids he has said he's barely thought about it so there's no reason to assume that's set in stone
personally I would wait a while and give him time to think, both things could be deal breakers but you really don't know that yet
personally I would wait a while and give him time to think, both things could be deal breakers but you really don't know that yet
The only real problem would be the kids thing in my opinion. Figure out if he would be happy enough to have kids and otherwise just end the relationship.
As for travelling. Why do you care? Unless you want him going with you and it's important that he does, I don't see the issue. Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. I'm kinda on the same page with him, I'm certainly not going anywhere as far as Australia. Honestly I'd rather stay in the UK. Not all people have the same idea about holidays. As long as you are ok going on your own, or sometimes going somewhere nearby then it shouldn't be a problem. If it does bother you that he doesn't like traveling then I guess break up with him.
As for travelling. Why do you care? Unless you want him going with you and it's important that he does, I don't see the issue. Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. I'm kinda on the same page with him, I'm certainly not going anywhere as far as Australia. Honestly I'd rather stay in the UK. Not all people have the same idea about holidays. As long as you are ok going on your own, or sometimes going somewhere nearby then it shouldn't be a problem. If it does bother you that he doesn't like traveling then I guess break up with him.
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