Hey guys,
I've been having problems for awhile and thought I'd like to get it off my chest. Also wondering if there are others out there who share similar problems with me.
I joined Oxford as a undergraduate Law student in 2015. I've been having difficulties in my studies: I just somehow don't get stuff, at least not as quickly or cleverly as my peers do. In my previous schools this has sort of happened before: I find that it often takes me a while to 'bloom', so to say. But in other schools, I've had at least a year to grasp the whole subject, and a lot of people I could turn to for help. (More on this in a moment).
I average, on most of my assignments, just about a 60. To make it clear, this is not something I personally have a problem with. I know a 2:1 average is probably just as good as you can get in other universities, considering our shorter terms and condensed workloads. But my tutors have made it clear that getting below a 2:1 (happened a couple of times) is highly unsatisfactory and I get called in for a talk every time it happens. Furthermore my peers are doing brilliantly: they get an average of about 65, play sports, row, orchestra, etc. So it's just me who's flailing even though I don't do much.
So you can see where this is going in relation to Mods. I'm pretty sure I won't do well- I'm actually hoping to get a 2:2 because that's just what I need to not get kicked out. The idea of having to resit if I fail makes me sick to my stomach. My tutors have tried really hard to help me, and I've also done so much revision but for something reason I'm just not 'clicking'. I know that I am quite 'slow' in the sense that it takes me a while to grasp things, but when I grasp them I always do really well (past experience anyway). So the structure of the terms here aren't to my benefit, and it's no excuse to say that I can do well if only I had time.
In relation to my coursemates. They just don't like me. They never talk to me if they can avoid it, and if they can avoid it they will. I've seen some of them double up and walk another way if they see me coming. I've never been invited to hang out with them or anything, or to discuss any work. I've initiated several study sessions because I thought maybe they were just shy, but after several highly forced sessions I gave up. But it's really a strain because in my old schools, when I was struggling, the best help I got often came from asking friends to explain things to me and that was basically how I aced my hardest subjects. It's not happening here. I've tried really hard to talk to them. And I know it's not me because I've easily made friends with other people, and I'm really close friends with some of them.
As soon as I met the law students back in October I could tell they didn't like me but thought I was being paranoid then; five months down the road I'm pretty sure it's confirmed.
I haven't brought this up to my tutor because i) not sure what I can say: 'oh, they don't like me.' What's the tutor going to do, throw us together even more? ii) I'm from overseas and I'm very reluctant to bring up complaints because it might sound like a racism complaint (all the other law students are white and I'm not).
Aside from my studies, I love Oxford so much and I'm involved in activities that make me happy, but studies are obviously a huge part of being here and it's really difficult not being as good as other people. What are your thoughts on this?