Is It Fair To Only Be Able To Love One Person?

My advice would be to forget about this new girl - unless you are planning to ditch your girlfriend. Choose one or the other, you can't have both.

Reply 2

G4ry

1

He may be able to :smile:

Reply 3

G4ry

He may be able to :smile:

I suppose. But then he'd feel guilty...

Reply 4

OP

I only wish it were that easy.

Reply 5

Conrad

I only wish it were that easy.

You're overcomplicating things. It really is that easy. They both sound pretty clean - choose one and go with it. Or just wallow in your own self-pity. It's your choice.

Reply 6

Unregistered

Conrad

I only wish it were that easy.

Choose one or you will be cheating on one or both of them. Cheating is not as simple as physical things you do, thinking of another as a replacement for your gf is cheating (at least I'm sure she'd think so). She's given you two years of her life and deserves more respect than you are giving her now.

Reply 7

onlywee

Hey Conrad

I've been there, and i've been through it all now.

So here's my advice.

When it happened to me, my mind was a complete whirl of confusion, as i loved my boyfriend and we had been through a LOT together, more than even some married couples most likely. Then another guy came into my life, and i tried to ignore my attraction to him. It was always ok until i saw the 2nd after not seeing him for a while, and i'd just get on so well with him, it was new and fun and we had the same chain of thoughts and views etc. For me it got to the point where i couldn't see my boyfriend without wishing that i was with the other guy. That meant i knew i was doing something wrong.

I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, the most painful thing i've ever had to do (after over a year and a half together), but i didn't get together with the new guy. Instead i waited and tried to forget about him, but it didn't work. I'm with him now, and I'm happier than i ever was with my ex-boyfriend.

I guess you have the added complication of living with your girlfriend. My advice would be that if you are getting uncomfortable around your girlfriend at all, or you feel your thoughts wandering a lot, just follow your heart. It sounds cliche i know, but i'm so unbelievably glad that i did.

I took me about 6 months to sort all this out, just give it time, there's no need to rush into any sort of decision.

Best of luck x

Reply 8

OP

onlywee

Hey Conrad

I've been there, and i've been through it all now.

So here's my advice.

When it happened to me, my mind was a complete whirl of confusion, as i loved my boyfriend and we had been through a LOT together, more than even some married couples most likely. Then another guy came into my life, and i tried to ignore my attraction to him. It was always ok until i saw the 2nd after not seeing him for a while, and i'd just get on so well with him, it was new and fun and we had the same chain of thoughts and views etc. For me it got to the point where i couldn't see my boyfriend without wishing that i was with the other guy. That meant i knew i was doing something wrong.

I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, the most painful thing i've ever had to do (after over a year and a half together), but i didn't get together with the new guy. Instead i waited and tried to forget about him, but it didn't work. I'm with him now, and I'm happier than i ever was with my ex-boyfriend.

I guess you have the added complication of living with your girlfriend. My advice would be that if you are getting uncomfortable around your girlfriend at all, or you feel your thoughts wandering a lot, just follow your heart. It sounds cliche i know, but i'm so unbelievably glad that i did.

I took me about 6 months to sort all this out, just give it time, there's no need to rush into any sort of decision.

Best of luck x

You don't know how well you helped me look at my situation from a third person perspective. Thanks a lot - I'll put a lot of thought towards that. And I agree, rushing into something can be just as foolish, if not more, than running away from something else. I know what you meant by it, I was just saying what I think too. Thanks again.

Reply 9

Adhsur

15

I understand what you are going through. You know, its really painful when you realise that fairytale romances are just ideals, and real life is never like that. I've got to the point where I don't even believe in true love anymore - the boy who's loved me for over three years now has finally stopped caring and even I seem to be moving on. So I think, if relationships like that don't work (we were VERY close...24hrs a day close!), then which ones do? You're still young, don't rush into anything, but understand that it's always a very ambitious dream to stay with your love indefinitely.

Reply 10

Adhsur

I understand what you are going through. You know, its really painful when you realise that fairytale romances are just ideals, and real life is never like that. I've got to the point where I don't even believe in true love anymore - the boy who's loved me for over three years now has finally stopped caring and even I seem to be moving on. You're still young, don't rush into anything, but understand that it's always a very ambitious dream to stay with your love indefinitely.

Pessimistic but realistic.

Life isn't a bowl of cherries.

Indeed...

I'm glad I could help :smile:

. I know how scary it is.

Reply 13

curryADD

12

onlywee

I'm glad I could help :smile:

. I know how scary it is.

Id stay with the old one, I agree that she has taken 2 years out oof her life to be with you.........if u work at mcdonalds or starbucks or somethin mayb u could get a transfer 2 work at anouther, so u dont have to see each other anymore, thats how me and my best friend are (my best friends a guy) and were not n love........are u SURE this is a romantic kind of love. and bsides u said u luved ur other girlfriend more, also u mite want to explain the situation to the new girl.

Reply 14

Julia O.

i agree u shouldnt rush into anything but for now i would say stick with the old g/f for now; u know her better and if this new girl is, as you say, a female replica of you-- well, i dont know u but i couldn't live with a male version of me.

i had a guy friend who thought and acted and had the same personality as me. we had a great time talking-- we would agree on everything and give good advice to each other-- but when we tried a romantic relationship it didnt work. it was almost as if putting a label on what we had ruined our good friendship-- we both sort of clammed up and were formal with each other. thanks to, of course, our nearly identical tendancies.

as i said, though, i dont know u but my perfect match would be my perfect opposite not my perfect clone (well not "perfect" per se but u know what i mean). it sounds as if this girl would make a really good, close friend but i would keep it that way.

Reply 15

OP

curryADD

Id stay with the old one, I agree that she has taken 2 years out oof her life to be with you.........if u work at mcdonalds or starbucks or somethin mayb u could get a transfer 2 work at anouther, so u dont have to see each other anymore, thats how me and my best friend are (my best friends a guy) and were not n love........are u SURE this is a romantic kind of love. and bsides u said u luved ur other girlfriend more, also u mite want to explain the situation to the new girl.

The "new" girl, believe it or not, knows about my girlfriend and she is completely fine with the idea that I reserve most of my heart for her. On the other hand, the "new" girl as you put her, has her own set of feelings for me, despite her original plan to not fall in love with me and to keep it as as just friends relationship.
.................................................................................................
Though my girlfriend does not know of the other girl to the extent of our feelings, she is aware that she is my friend. I have actually already talked to the girl the I work with about calling it quits intimately and trying the friends thing for a while. Using onlywee's idea, I think it would be safe to back off for a while and see how things pan out. I really don't want to mess up what I have with my girlfriend, and my co-worker fully understands. I think for now everything will be fine, but my head is still a mess and that will be the hard part. I wish the world weren't so complicated . . .

Reply 16

Julia O.

there is an old chinese curse: "may you live in interesting times"

we are cursed many times over

Reply 17