My collegue is the only one to truely value me and he’s leaving.

I just wanted to share my thoughts really without being seen as odd, if this is possible. Ive just been thinking about life in general. Ive female and have always been a very quiet, introverted type person. People have described me as nice, placid and very laid back.

I studied nursing and there was a lot of emphasis in being proactive etc on placements which i tried to be but couldnt match most others. I passed but the ones who scored highly seemed to be chatty and just have that natural outgoingness to them. Although I did receive positive comments some negative ones were ‘are you enjoying the placement, you are very quiet’. Some nurses told others that they couldnt imagine me managing a ward as Im so quiet’. I then got pulled u a few times for looking anxious in front of patients, even tho i felt normal.

I also got told that I thought too much and was asking questions i should already know. Some girls on my course called me (and others) a lot, it was clique of 3 girls who made fun. Eg i could speak/have my say in lectures without them looking at each other and smirking. It wasnt just me that noticed this. They caused a bit of trouble with another student and we had to have a class meeting with the head of the nursing course.

I remember something she said during this meeting she said ‘it seems we have a few strong personalities, which is good thats what we want in nursing. We dont want people who are laid back and dont care’. I was sat quietly listening, knowing that their behaviour was more than just a strong petsonality. Later on in the meeting sheshe looked at me and said ‘im not picking on you but you look as if you just dont care’ ‘are you ok’. I said ‘yea just taking everything in’.

My point is Ive never felt that my personality is valued and ive often had to force myself to act/be more chatty than usual. Dont get me wrong ive had good feedback but its usually on my writing and patient notes etc lol.

Later on I studied another healthcare degree and got my first job. One of my collegues warned me about our collegue/boss being very structured and micromanaging. I was worried and tried my best to get things right.

It turned out he was nice to me/said i was putting too much pressure on myself. He didnt seem to focus on my reduced social skills and quiet nature which surprised me. To this day he has said im doing great/not to change a thing. He said he thinks i have really good listening and reflective skills and a calm nature that this is more imprtant than people trying to take the lead all the time. He said that i need to ask for help, no matter what it is and that he wont judge me. He thinks he is similar to me in that we prefer to do one thing at a time.

Basically he seems to value all the traits that others didn’t. Yet he has problems with the more proactive collegues in my team, saying that he cant keep up with them/they are potentially unsafe. Some of my collegues say they hate him as he is so thorough and micromanages. They say i need to stick up for myself but i font feel the need.

I suppose its like a breath of fresh air in a way as its like this time im more valued than outgoing people, which is unusual. My main problem is he is leaving and that I’l really miss him when he leaves as I know no one in my working life will ever value me the same, if this makes sense. I kind of feel secretly devastated but cant tell anyone.

Just wanted to tell someone all of the above really if youve made it to the end, thanks. Just wanted opinions/advice on the situation.

Reply 1

Julesandjasmine

I think you should let your colleague know that you are devastated I am sure that they will understand. I understand you because I am a lot like you. I think it was very wrong of the nursing staff to criticise you when you clearly have a very caring nature. It's my guess that you are sensitive too and that certainly isn't a criticism. Unfortunately sensitivity isn't valued in our society. Anyway good luck I wish you well