english language paper 1 question 3 mr fisher

Hi I think this is around 6/8 as the writing style is very good, however, you would need to label the more technical language devices to progress such as calling a flash forward a prolepsis to push you into the top grade band.

Can anyone look at my answer to this question and give an overall grade about Mr Fisher. It is a paper 1 english language question 3 about structure.
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The writer shifts the focus and perspective again to the past as Mr fisher is having a flashback to him "remembered a time surely not so long ago". Mr fisher feels nostalgic of the past as books were more valuable as "imaginations soared" and the repeated semi colons and commas in the paragraph two emphasises how much Mr fisher misses old books. The reader will recognise this and would feel sympathy for Mr fisher due to the lack of interest his students have for Mr fishers passion because there is another shift in focus as Mr fishers perspective changes to the present to a flashforward as now "everything was in black and white ". The phrase, "black and white" indicates the huge dullness and bore books now have as the adjective "boring" is repeated. This "terrible disillusionment" shows Mr fisher to be dispirited as the "magic had run out."
Finally, Mr fisher finds out Tibbets exercise book his tone becomes more optimistic because there "was a spark" and dramatic tension builds up, "his breathing quickened, stopped...He began to sweat." The reader would feel startled because Mr fisher is seen to be very bored and unimpressed from many of his students books but as a "tightening in his diaphragm" and "re-reading every word very slowly and meticulous care" portrays that Mr fisher being excited and emphasising his happiness as "he found himself beginning to smile." This juxtaposition of the characters mood from the beginning highly advocates to the reader Mr fishers "world" as the comparisons is intensified dur to Mr fishers obvious mood change.