Parents won’t let me leave for uni
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
Scroll to see replies
Keep reiterating the same-sex option until they no longer ignore you
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
If worst comes to worst you can apply as a "estranged student". You are an adult - it is wrong for them to restrict your social life in this way - university is also about developing independence and social skills.
https://www.ucas.com/finance/additional-funding/financial-support-students-not-supported-their-parents-estranged
There may be additional help for you if your parents are not supporting you.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
tricky situation to be in but you should keep emphasizing all girls colleges and the fact that many girls like you have moved out and been just fine. Parents often like to compare to other kids so use this to your advantage.
Original post by TheYearNiner
Keep reiterating the same-sex option until they no longer ignore you
Original post by lesgo21
tricky situation to be in but you should keep emphasizing all girls colleges and the fact that many girls like you have moved out and been just fine. Parents often like to compare to other kids so use this to your advantage.
I have been trying to do this however when they don’t ignore me they start saying how all girls colleges are when girls start to get dodgy and stuff. And tbh it just feels like I’m talking to a blank wall because my parents have always been strict. I appreciate your help though!
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
Assuming you will be 18, then it isn’t your parents choice.
Original post by mnot
Assuming you will be 18, then it isn’t your parents choice.
Not in a Muslim house 😔 ik I can just leave and do my own thing but I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my parents
Original post by Anonymous
Not in a Muslim house 😔 ik I can just leave and do my own thing but I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my parents
U need to decide whats more important: your relationship with your parents or going to the uni of your choice?
Original post by Dnsnnssn
U need to decide whats more important: your relationship with your parents or going to the uni of your choice?
Is there no way I can keep my relationship with them whilst going to a uni of my choice?
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
You don't need to let them know when you apply. Considering that the acceptance rate is considerably low anyway, there's no point in damaging your relationship with your parents for such a small chance of success. Then, if you do get in, you can revisit the conversation with them. When they hear that their daughter has an offer from one of the best universities in the world they'll hopefully be so caught up in the excitement that they will be fine with you going.
Are there Unis which you could commute to nearby? You'll apply to 4-5 Unis (depending on course) so you could do a mix.
You might not even get into Cambridge so would be a moot point in trying to argue about it now. Pick sensible options, apply and then see where you get to. If you did get into Cambridge, everyone else would tell your parents how amazing you are and what a great opportunity that they would probably change their mind.
If you want to apply to all Unis far away from home/live in halls but also not damage your relationship with parents, you're probably living in a fantasy world unfortunately.
You might not even get into Cambridge so would be a moot point in trying to argue about it now. Pick sensible options, apply and then see where you get to. If you did get into Cambridge, everyone else would tell your parents how amazing you are and what a great opportunity that they would probably change their mind.
If you want to apply to all Unis far away from home/live in halls but also not damage your relationship with parents, you're probably living in a fantasy world unfortunately.
Original post by Anonymous
Is there no way I can keep my relationship with them whilst going to a uni of my choice?
You make it their choice. They get to let you go to a uni of your choice or you will walk out of their lives.
If they'd take the second option, you are better off without them anyway.
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. 
How supportive are your parents of your academic ambitions and career dreams?
Are your parents very strict about enforcing family traditions or compliance with religion?
Have any of your female relatives moved out for uni?
Have you checked how much in student loans you will be eligible for?
With and without your parents cooperating with student finance.
Put your own health, physical safety and ambitions first.
Particularly if there is any history of violence in your household or extended family.
You may have to choose between what you want to have the most: to decide the direction of your own future life or have a positive relationship with close relatives.
I do understand some of how you feel although I am not asian nor a follower of islam.
My best friend was born in India, her family are followers of the liberal shia sect led by the aga khan.
She & her older brothers all moved out for uni and have not lived with their parents since they were teenagers.
Their parents have always been very supportive of their ambitions and welcoming of all their friends.
Paid for their student accomodation, bought them cars, gave them properties for investment income and made very generous allowances throughout their student years.
I was raised in a toxic & controlling household that included a very violent mother in the habit of collecting all manner of cranks as pals and appeasing religious bad apples.
She told me that I wouldn't be allowed to have a student loan or move away for uni.
Stole my lifesavings trying to prevent me from ever being able to finance alternative accomodation and escape.
I did escape 9 years ago before a levels were over and will never go back.
How supportive are your parents of your academic ambitions and career dreams?
Are your parents very strict about enforcing family traditions or compliance with religion?
Have any of your female relatives moved out for uni?
Have you checked how much in student loans you will be eligible for?
With and without your parents cooperating with student finance.
Put your own health, physical safety and ambitions first.
Particularly if there is any history of violence in your household or extended family.
You may have to choose between what you want to have the most: to decide the direction of your own future life or have a positive relationship with close relatives.
I do understand some of how you feel although I am not asian nor a follower of islam.
My best friend was born in India, her family are followers of the liberal shia sect led by the aga khan.
She & her older brothers all moved out for uni and have not lived with their parents since they were teenagers.
Their parents have always been very supportive of their ambitions and welcoming of all their friends.
Paid for their student accomodation, bought them cars, gave them properties for investment income and made very generous allowances throughout their student years.
I was raised in a toxic & controlling household that included a very violent mother in the habit of collecting all manner of cranks as pals and appeasing religious bad apples.
She told me that I wouldn't be allowed to have a student loan or move away for uni.
Stole my lifesavings trying to prevent me from ever being able to finance alternative accomodation and escape.
I did escape 9 years ago before a levels were over and will never go back.
Original post by skylark2
You make it their choice. They get to let you go to a uni of your choice or you will walk out of their lives.
If they'd take the second option, you are better off without them anyway.
If they'd take the second option, you are better off without them anyway.
I agree with most of your points.
But please remember that not parents and extended family members in the uk are tolerant or law abiding.
Some are brutal, dictatorial, fanatical enforcers of their favourite traditions/dogmas, sadistic, posessive, obsessed with always being seen to be obeyed by their children or having their perceptions of 'family honour' maintained within their community by being known to habitually terrify all younger relatives into compliance with their demands/family traditions and willing to do whatever it takes to remain in control.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
Would they listen to your teachers?
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
Heyy, my mum was also really opposed to me going to a uni outside of London (where I lived) but I am now attending Nottingham Trent university in September... my advice to you is to be incredibly persistent and start your goal low for example before I had to hand in my UCAS I dragged my mum to open days and had individual students convince her after explaining my situation to them it's how I'm going to a different uni... People she would admire would as well close friends of your mum or teachers to try advocate for you... you sound amazing I'm sure you're going to convince her!! oo also if you know anyone who goes to cambridge is a female muslim should also helppp!!!
i dont have any experience with this, so take my advice with a big pinch of salt, but I don't think you necessarily have to choose between your parents and going to university. a lot of girls look for female only housing in the private sector, and there are female only options at (i think) all universities, so it should definitely be available. Maybe ask a parent (whichever is more sympathetic or likely to give their time) to help you look through universities. seeing for themself that the courses near you are no good or with less facilities or are not as highly ranked as what you could get into (especially if oxbridge is a viable choice for you i assume you have the grades for a lot of very prestigious universities) could change their mind, or decide that actually they dont like the universities near you. make a list of the universities they would want you to go to and make a list of what universities you want togo to. i know its a big thing but being able to have concrete reasons, like a research lab or a specific programme or even a specific module for a course might help a lot.
i hope you get to go where you want to op and also good luck with applications and a levels!
i hope you get to go where you want to op and also good luck with applications and a levels!
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
hey omg im in ur exact situation, i would love to move out for uni and go to leeds which has the highest ratings for my chosen course but my mum wants me to stay at home and go manchester which i wouldnt mind but i loved leeds so much when i went to the open day. im just going to apply and see where it goes and if i even get in and take it from there. I'm also muslim so I feel like i understand how ur feeling 😭
Original post by Anonymous
Is there no way I can keep my relationship with them whilst going to a uni of my choice?
Your parents sound like devout Muslims, and although this sounds unfair, Islam forbids women to travel and live alone. So it would be incredibly difficult to persuade them.
Are there no good unis near where u live?
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all,
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
I’m going into year 13 in September and so I’ll be applying for unis soon. I really want to give Cambridge a shot and there are some other unis I want to go to if I don’t get in. The problem is my parents won’t allow me to leave for uni, they’re saying either I commute there everyday or go to the one that’s in my city (I don’t live in Cambridge btw).
Any tips to change their minds? I’m a Muslim so they say they don’t want gender mixed etc but when I talked to them about all girls colleges they just ignored me. Has anyone been in this position and if so how did you go about it? I honestly would love to go Cambridge and I’ve worked sooooooo hard in my application process 😭
Anyways thanks all 🙃
hey, i am a muslim female who's parents also did not allow them to move out. funnily enough it was also for cambridge. i did not let them know that i was applying because i thought it'd be embarassing convincing them just to not get in at the end. so when i did recieve a decision, i let them know that i got an offer to study law at one of the top unis in the world. they very much did not care and said well a uni is a uni and i can get the same education at a uni in london (where i reside). my mother though very very scared and worried as a mother does, was not against me going but she did emphasise how it's my father who is the stricter one and who i'd need to convince.
i worked hard to get here and i decided i will convince my ass off if i have to. i told him its an all girls college, that cambridge terms are 8 weeks long so i'd only be there for 6 months and that i've worked hard my entire life for this and it's nothing personal to them.
after annoying him everyday. im now starting cambridge in a month
it is a hard hard process but do NOT give up, i wish you so much luck lovely xQuick Reply
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