Am I a terrible friend?
So I’ve been close friends with this girl (lets call her…Mirror) for about 4 years but known her much longer, we’re 21.
I’m quite a chill person, I like talking to my friends every couple of days and about genuinely important things, with a couple of random silly conversations when we’re bored.
But recently, Mirror has become “clingy” imo. She calls me everyday, texts all the time, tells me random stories about people in her workplace that I don’t know, and it has become annoying.
Mirror knows that I’m much more chilled but still continues. Shes said that I’m quite an aloof person. The thing is, I actually love talking to people but she literally overwhelms me.
I’ve started just pretending that I’m busy to avoid her calling etc. But whenever I WANT to have a convo on text, she will call me so I have to pick up, and then proceed to talk about irrelevant things that I obviously wouldn’t care about.
Am I being a horrible person for not caring about every detail of her life?? Because I have started feeling guilty for feeling this way.
I’m quite a chill person, I like talking to my friends every couple of days and about genuinely important things, with a couple of random silly conversations when we’re bored.
But recently, Mirror has become “clingy” imo. She calls me everyday, texts all the time, tells me random stories about people in her workplace that I don’t know, and it has become annoying.
Mirror knows that I’m much more chilled but still continues. Shes said that I’m quite an aloof person. The thing is, I actually love talking to people but she literally overwhelms me.
I’ve started just pretending that I’m busy to avoid her calling etc. But whenever I WANT to have a convo on text, she will call me so I have to pick up, and then proceed to talk about irrelevant things that I obviously wouldn’t care about.
Am I being a horrible person for not caring about every detail of her life?? Because I have started feeling guilty for feeling this way.
I think she wants to rant about her not so great experience at work. Just an ear that listens. But do let her that you have nothing to say about it because its quite irrelevant. I am quite like you tbh, so what I would do is set a boundary by letting her know what you think but also listen to her rant but for a limited time like 10/15mins at most. Also this shouldn't be the only reason she keeps calling you about so let her know that can be quite annoying or impractical so maybe here and there but not too much and that you wanna talk about other stuff. Also maybe try to advise her at the same time on her situation at work so it doesn't repeat for her. As a good friend I'd call my mate out on her behaviour (in a nice way ofc) and encourage improvement so yh.
Original post by zahi_b
I think she wants to rant about her not so great experience at work. Just an ear that listens. But do let her that you have nothing to say about it because its quite irrelevant. I am quite like you tbh, so what I would do is set a boundary by letting her know what you think but also listen to her rant but for a limited time like 10/15mins at most. Also this shouldn't be the only reason she keeps calling you about so let her know that can be quite annoying or impractical so maybe here and there but not too much and that you wanna talk about other stuff. Also maybe try to advise her at the same time on her situation at work so it doesn't repeat for her. As a good friend I'd call my mate out on her behaviour (in a nice way ofc) and encourage improvement so yh.
Thanks for the advice! The work example is just an example of one thing that she does it about.
For example, before this it was about a guy who she was talking to and they were on and off. For that, eventually I told her that its impractical for her to keep ranting to me about it, asking for advice and then not listening to it as they were constantly going around in circles (breaking up then getting back together). For that situation, she agreed that its probably annoying for me and said she won’t talk about it anymore.
The work thing is her latest thing to rant about. For this its kind of hard because I cant exactly say “ I don’t care” without sounding horrible. The guy situation was understandable as she was basically wasting my time giving advice only to ignore it.
The whole thing just makes me feel cr*p because shes telling me that I don’t continue conversations etc (basically that I’m bad at communicating). When in reality I literally dont care about the conversations as they’re mostly based on her. That being said, she is the friend I go to if I ever do need to rant. But i rant about major things, not EVERYTHING.
I feel like I do set boundaries but she literally does not understand basic social cues (like giving dead replies, telling her I don’t know what to say).
I just feel stuck…but I do like the idea of letting her rant for certain minutes and then ending it, thanks!
To me it just sounds like she leans more towards being extrovert than you. The constant need for attention/interaction from her part might be a bit OTT for you.
Unless you're at the point where you want to start really distancing yourself, I would carry on as you're doing, ie. using shorter replies etc. They may not pick up on social cues, but they will eventually find someone who thrives a bit more on their level of comms if they are not getting it from you.
Unless you're at the point where you want to start really distancing yourself, I would carry on as you're doing, ie. using shorter replies etc. They may not pick up on social cues, but they will eventually find someone who thrives a bit more on their level of comms if they are not getting it from you.
Original post by Admit-One
To me it just sounds like she leans more towards being extrovert than you. The constant need for attention/interaction from her part might be a bit OTT for you.
Unless you're at the point where you want to start really distancing yourself, I would carry on as you're doing, ie. using shorter replies etc. They may not pick up on social cues, but they will eventually find someone who thrives a bit more on their level of comms if they are not getting it from you.
Unless you're at the point where you want to start really distancing yourself, I would carry on as you're doing, ie. using shorter replies etc. They may not pick up on social cues, but they will eventually find someone who thrives a bit more on their level of comms if they are not getting it from you.
Yeah I agree that shes just extroverted, its definitely not with malicious intent.
The thing is, I think thats whats happened with all her close friends (she has MANY close friends and 2 of them are closer to her than me). I figure that they don’t pay any attention to her anymore which is why shes come to me - she told me that she tells me more than she tells anyone else. But for some reason she won’t stop with me as this has been going on for like a year now, I guess it’s because after me, noone is going to listen to her, not even for a day
Original post by Anonymous #1
Yeah I agree that shes just extroverted, its definitely not with malicious intent.
The thing is, I think thats whats happened with all her close friends (she has MANY close friends and 2 of them are closer to her than me). I figure that they don’t pay any attention to her anymore which is why shes come to me - she told me that she tells me more than she tells anyone else. But for some reason she won’t stop with me as this has been going on for like a year now, I guess it’s because after me, noone is going to listen to her, not even for a day
The thing is, I think thats whats happened with all her close friends (she has MANY close friends and 2 of them are closer to her than me). I figure that they don’t pay any attention to her anymore which is why shes come to me - she told me that she tells me more than she tells anyone else. But for some reason she won’t stop with me as this has been going on for like a year now, I guess it’s because after me, noone is going to listen to her, not even for a day
mb, didn't see that this happened a year ago.
(edited 3 months ago)
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