I hate my life at uni and I'm the loneliest I've ever been :(
I'm in my second year at uni and it's the worst time of my life. The girls I lived with in my first year were your typical type of girls. They were nice, but loved an argument and secretly all didn't like each other. The boys predicted from the start of the year they'd all argue and I'd be the only one not involved. I became really close with another girl in the house who felt the same way about them but I didn't know that behind my back she hated me for no reason and was telling people she didn't understand why I thought we were friends 
The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.
In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
I've been there, I was lonely through university as well at times, although maybe not to this level.
Have you tried joining clubs and/or societies? Some people are just ***holes and the more you get into the real world, the more you'll realise this. However, joining clubs / societies will help introduce you to new people, like the group tours did.
Focus on your academics, that's why you're there. Lots of people will be in the same situation as you at other universities all across the world so, although it may feel like it, its not just you.
Regarding the people who mess with you, just cut them out completely. No point wasting time with idiots like them. You've got things to do, places to go.
Do you stay in touch with old friends from school or college? Maybe you can try reconnecting with some of them and see how that goes?
Have you tried joining clubs and/or societies? Some people are just ***holes and the more you get into the real world, the more you'll realise this. However, joining clubs / societies will help introduce you to new people, like the group tours did.
Focus on your academics, that's why you're there. Lots of people will be in the same situation as you at other universities all across the world so, although it may feel like it, its not just you.
Regarding the people who mess with you, just cut them out completely. No point wasting time with idiots like them. You've got things to do, places to go.
Do you stay in touch with old friends from school or college? Maybe you can try reconnecting with some of them and see how that goes?
Original post by jay2013
I've been there, I was lonely through university as well at times, although maybe not to this level.
Have you tried joining clubs and/or societies? Some people are just ***holes and the more you get into the real world, the more you'll realise this. However, joining clubs / societies will help introduce you to new people, like the group tours did.
Focus on your academics, that's why you're there. Lots of people will be in the same situation as you at other universities all across the world so, although it may feel like it, its not just you.
Regarding the people who mess with you, just cut them out completely. No point wasting time with idiots like them. You've got things to do, places to go.
Do you stay in touch with old friends from school or college? Maybe you can try reconnecting with some of them and see how that goes?
Have you tried joining clubs and/or societies? Some people are just ***holes and the more you get into the real world, the more you'll realise this. However, joining clubs / societies will help introduce you to new people, like the group tours did.
Focus on your academics, that's why you're there. Lots of people will be in the same situation as you at other universities all across the world so, although it may feel like it, its not just you.
Regarding the people who mess with you, just cut them out completely. No point wasting time with idiots like them. You've got things to do, places to go.
Do you stay in touch with old friends from school or college? Maybe you can try reconnecting with some of them and see how that goes?
Both posts remind me of myself - lonelier than Mourinho stuck in his hotel in Manchester !
(edited 1 year ago)
Life will get lonely at times and I seriously do hate to say it but unless you make effort and reach out to people, you'll be left in the shadows until you decide to come out. In the working world it's pretty brutal, you'll have to mainain that full time job alongside taking time to meet new people and maintaining relationships. You'll find even the 'popular cool kids' at uni will crash and burn when they hit the real world post graduation and have to face realities of life. Your friendship group will become smaller as everyone gets busy in life doing whatever, having kids, buying a house, getting promoted at their corporate job etc. I know how your situation feels. It was a little different in my respect but I felt I never really belonged in the UK and never felt content or happy with anything, that being said I did make two solid friends from uni who I still speak to today on a regular basis.
While everyone else around me started settling down into houses and having kids (I'm 28 this year) I decided to get rid of my most useless possesions and packed my life into one bag and headed out. I graudated in 2021 and my mum was making it abundantly obvious and clear that I didn't have much time at her place and so it was push come to shove. I graduated and I had to act fast, I didn't have enough time/success in getting a decent job in the UK so I decided to look overseas. Quickly landed a teaching gig in Korea and headed there for a year. It was rough and it was a whole level of work culture I was not prepared for but I got through it. A few bumps happened (mistakes) and I ended up homeless back in the UK. Worked a meaningless call centre job completely isolated and alone in my hometown, so called friends that never made effort or actively ignored me. Felt like an utter waste of life. So I quit, packed that one bag again and headed back to Asia, got lost in Thailand and Laos for a bit then went to Japan and now here I am living and working in Taiwan whilst also studying for an MSc TESOL. I've made so many more friends around here and Japan, Korea, Thailand etc and they are true friends who I'm happy to say I'll be meeting again in 3 months when I fly back to Japan for a weekend getaway from work!
My point is, people come and go in life and it's also about your environment and finding somewhere where you feel you can thrive and be accepted. I always felt invisible in the UK and hated it. Nothing special, no one wanted to know anything about me, people were cold and tough to reach out to. But being abroad whilst being seriously tough at times has been one of the best decisions I ever made in life. Just look at your overall situation and try to see if there's anything you'd like to do or somewhere you'd like to be to potentially make your situation better. And think of the long run, uni isn't forever, I couldn't wait to be done with it and my life improved dramatically once it was all over, I don't miss it in the slightest!!! I'm sorry I went on a messy rant off topic a bit, but just know, people are transient and temporary a lot of the time, especially in uni. So don't worry about it and remember there's a bigger world out there than uni!
While everyone else around me started settling down into houses and having kids (I'm 28 this year) I decided to get rid of my most useless possesions and packed my life into one bag and headed out. I graudated in 2021 and my mum was making it abundantly obvious and clear that I didn't have much time at her place and so it was push come to shove. I graduated and I had to act fast, I didn't have enough time/success in getting a decent job in the UK so I decided to look overseas. Quickly landed a teaching gig in Korea and headed there for a year. It was rough and it was a whole level of work culture I was not prepared for but I got through it. A few bumps happened (mistakes) and I ended up homeless back in the UK. Worked a meaningless call centre job completely isolated and alone in my hometown, so called friends that never made effort or actively ignored me. Felt like an utter waste of life. So I quit, packed that one bag again and headed back to Asia, got lost in Thailand and Laos for a bit then went to Japan and now here I am living and working in Taiwan whilst also studying for an MSc TESOL. I've made so many more friends around here and Japan, Korea, Thailand etc and they are true friends who I'm happy to say I'll be meeting again in 3 months when I fly back to Japan for a weekend getaway from work!
My point is, people come and go in life and it's also about your environment and finding somewhere where you feel you can thrive and be accepted. I always felt invisible in the UK and hated it. Nothing special, no one wanted to know anything about me, people were cold and tough to reach out to. But being abroad whilst being seriously tough at times has been one of the best decisions I ever made in life. Just look at your overall situation and try to see if there's anything you'd like to do or somewhere you'd like to be to potentially make your situation better. And think of the long run, uni isn't forever, I couldn't wait to be done with it and my life improved dramatically once it was all over, I don't miss it in the slightest!!! I'm sorry I went on a messy rant off topic a bit, but just know, people are transient and temporary a lot of the time, especially in uni. So don't worry about it and remember there's a bigger world out there than uni!
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my second year at uni and it's the worst time of my life. The girls I lived with in my first year were your typical type of girls. They were nice, but loved an argument and secretly all didn't like each other. The boys predicted from the start of the year they'd all argue and I'd be the only one not involved. I became really close with another girl in the house who felt the same way about them but I didn't know that behind my back she hated me for no reason and was telling people she didn't understand why I thought we were friends The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.
In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
Hey there !
Wow this sounds like a lot and I'm so sorry this has been happening to you.
The reality is that quite a lot of people at university are really flaky. It's nothing on you and you shouldn't feel down about it or like there's anything else you could have done to prevent it. I just think you haven't really found your tribe yet. There's always going to be difficult people in your life that come and go and the reason they go is because they just weren't meant for you and that's what life is trying to tell you. You've got to see every person that goes as a learning experience and an example of you dodging a bullet because they weren't lifting you up or serving you as a friend. Would you rather them continue with the fake behaviour and you be none the wiser? Or can you use the fact that you know now as a learning experience to know what signs to pick up on early in other friendships? None of this behaviour is a reflection of you, it says a lot more about them and it is quite common to meet people like this at university. You will also find people are quite passive at uni and won't ever go out of their way to make plans, they expect them to come to them naturally. This might be why you're finding it difficult to have plans with your new flat. If you say you got on really well initially then there's no reason why that can't carry on for the rest of the year. Yes, it might seem draining sometimes but really try to make that first move and make some solid plans with them. Even if it's something small like having dinner together, spark up a conversation and find some common interests. The same could be said for your coursemates, you've already got common interests because you picked the same course. Try and talk to them with small talk about things to do with the course and see if you can build on it from there. Sneak things into the conversation about night out spots or funny stories that have happened and you'll find the more you build on it, the easier it will be to keep the conversation going in the long run. It will feel like it's just you making the effort in the beginning but you've got to give it a good go and go to them because most of the time students are too lazy to come to you.
It's great to hear that you've got back in contact with the girl from travelling. You voiced your opinion and she was willing to come to a mature resolution with you about it and now you're back on track. However, I don't think the same can be said about this boy. From what you've said, he seems to be completely stringing you along and acting nice when it's convenient for him. When someone treats you in any sort of negative way you've got to think "If he was acting like this when we first met, would I have made friends with him?" The answer is often times no, purely because people always show the best versions of themselves when you first meet them. It's over time the cracks really start to show and sometimes you've got to realise when someone is not serving you anymore and that you can do a lot better. Obviously it's not the response you want to hear but it's probably best for your state of mind, considering everything else that you've been through, to take a step back and rethink the "friendship" or whatever he's calling it. Is all the pain and hurt he's causing you worth what potentially could be? Or is he eventually going to hurt you even more and then it'll be all for nothing?
Hope you're okay and if there's any more advice I can give please let me know.
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU
Original post by jay2013
I've been there, I was lonely through university as well at times, although maybe not to this level.
Have you tried joining clubs and/or societies?
Have you tried joining clubs and/or societies?
Totally agree on this. What are you “into” - there will be a club for it. When I was 18 I went up to Cambridge. I’d been a bit of a loner at school, but not too bad. But the first week at college was full of posh blokes who’d been to Westminster or Oundle. I struggled. Then one evening I went to my colleges bar and found the SF society. Fellow geeks! Many that I met that evening are still friends thirty years later.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my second year at uni and it's the worst time of my life. The girls I lived with in my first year were your typical type of girls. They were nice, but loved an argument and secretly all didn't like each other. The boys predicted from the start of the year they'd all argue and I'd be the only one not involved. I became really close with another girl in the house who felt the same way about them but I didn't know that behind my back she hated me for no reason and was telling people she didn't understand why I thought we were friends The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.
In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
Hi,
I know the feeling of being rejected and unwanted.
I am on my First Year and I am absolutely in hell. I was excited in September and I thought University would boost my self-esteem... boy, was I wrong!
It all started when I went to the Fresher Week in September, where societies had their stalls. I glimpsed two boys from one of the society stall looking at me and smirking to each others. Now, I suffer from severe social anxiety and paranoia, so I thought (and still think) that they judged me for some reason, and since that episode all my joy and excitement faded away.
I'm on the second semester now and things didn't improve. I'm always sat alone, nobody dares talk to me, I'm always on my hearphones. Luckily I live with my bf and my cats, so I don't have to share an accomodation with strangers and people who could bully me, but apart from that... I am alone.
Like, they've organised some coding projects to do as teams and I already am out, because I know nobody would want me in their team. So, I miss out all the competitions and all the relevant prizes.
I didn't even know that my class had a representant, because nobody told me! I am left out from any kind of news or things that happen in my course; the only announcements I get are from tutors.
I don't know how I will survive other two years in this hell. I feel annoyed and angry all the time. People assume that my resting b*tch face is due to my "arrogance" or thinking that I am "better" than anyone, but this is further from the truth. Years of abuse and bullying made me smile less and seem "unapproachable". But ffs, I see a lot of d*ckheads that get together and make friends and yet, if I dared act like them, I would be told off or reported!!!
But no, I've always been either bullied or ignored.
I just can't wait for these three-two years to end and hopefully find a remote job. Yes, because I'll be working from home.
After years of bullying, disrespect and rejection, I've come to the conclusion that human beings and I are incompatible.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my second year at uni and it's the worst time of my life. The girls I lived with in my first year were your typical type of girls. They were nice, but loved an argument and secretly all didn't like each other. The boys predicted from the start of the year they'd all argue and I'd be the only one not involved. I became really close with another girl in the house who felt the same way about them but I didn't know that behind my back she hated me for no reason and was telling people she didn't understand why I thought we were friends The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.
In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
Hello I'm also doing 2nd year and while studying doing rep related as will be moving up on my last year this September. You been through a lot and also im not on a same boat like you but a similar level with loneliness. I have been very focus with studies and also meet some folks in my module. I would say the best shot is to meet similar interest like you as a person and personally go to clubs or society at this point. It might be difficult at first but once you apply them and attend you might meet similar people like yourself.
In my university alot of the people argue that people struggle knowing people names who is who in the course as we have done group assignments and project. Down side is people who are introverts have challenges to meet people in the same course. Nothing wrong meeting up new people and ask couple question as they always accept talks open but anything that deny as they would probably just say no.
But in life i always believe true friends do last but eventually when you get older and start work, travel, etc you will meet better people in your surrounding. Often times in education field like university, school or college you do meet good people but there are times people will use you and become traitors. I actually was a victim back in school while back and also accept my lesson till then i was a introvert where there was challenges myself hide my true form as university made me do public talking with power point, course rep, and even my professor motivated myself building my open character into a better person.
Its best to cut anyone that is wasting your time, and if they don't care. Why care? Move on and meet new people. There are a lot of nice people around but i want to give a good advice is not to be desperate and be yourself. Eventually good quality people that care will come to you.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my second year at uni and it's the worst time of my life. The girls I lived with in my first year were your typical type of girls. They were nice, but loved an argument and secretly all didn't like each other. The boys predicted from the start of the year they'd all argue and I'd be the only one not involved. I became really close with another girl in the house who felt the same way about them but I didn't know that behind my back she hated me for no reason and was telling people she didn't understand why I thought we were friends The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.
In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
The other girls said they didn't feel like they could tell me about this as we weren't close. This girl was also messing with my relationships with the other boys in the house who I was close to. When it came to deciding who was living with who, the bigger group of girls didn't ask me, the boys did but I didn't know how I felt about it and one of the boys (who I was the closest with) made a massive scene, and that girl (who everyone assumed I would live with), was telling everyone she'd never ask me because I 'wouldn't fit in with her other friends' (I only found out about this months later). Despite acting like my best friend, she had an extra space in her house that she never offered to me and instead went to one of those meetings to find housemates and chose someone she didn't know. Quite literally everyone rejected me.In my lectures, there was a girl I spoke to right at the start but she for some reason stopped talking to me (no clue why, we only spoke about where we were from and our hobbies). Anyone who became friends with her then also stopped talking to me. Nobody in our lectures would work with me either. When told to work with the person next to you, they would forget I was there completely. It was humiliating. This, combined with everything else, just led to me not going to lectures at all for most of the year. I just gave up on people tbh.
At the end of the year, the boy I was closest with completely turned against me and started gaslighting me, even physically intimidating me on occasions. He told me we were never friends and he was just using me to find out the gossip in the house. Even though we'd often text and he always told me he was a bad texter and it was nothing personal, he then turned it on me at the end of the year saying I should've known all along he hated me from his texting?! I recorded all of the horrible things he said to me and there was a report into it and there was going to be a committee meeting as he had committed the worst category of misconduct, but I decided I didn't want to go through with it.
Things looked up over the summer and I went travelling on 3 different group tours meeting so many new people! I hated how, like in uni, everyone just labelled me as quiet and picked my personality apart. I made some good friends though and they appreciated me so much for who I was!
2nd year I am living with people I found on the uni forums. I was very unlucky because a girl who was meant to be living with us did the same degree as me, but she had to drop out last minute so I'm the only one in the house in my situation (not having had anyone to live with because nobody wanted me - everyone else's situation was different). It started off great at first, we all went to the pub together and got on so well. I also had plans to meet up with a guy I travelled with and I was excited for that. The previous year didn't matter because I thought I had some good friends, but then the people in the house never once asked me to go out with them again after the pub and I honestly just gave up putting myself out there after previous experiences. Things also went great with the guy and we text constantly, but he ended up leading me on which was hard.
I have no social life in uni, I have some people I talk to in lectures but that's all they are. The people I talk to have formed their own groups and I am just a girl in their lectures to them. I don't go out or do anything with anyone. I literally just do work. Sometimes I'm grateful for having time to do my own thing, but most times the loneliness just eats me up and I cry when I have to go back to uni. This has been the loneliest time of my life.
Just to make this all even more tragic, the people I stayed in contact with after travelling all distanced themselves from me. One started taking 5 weeks to reply and then just disappeared and the other guy actually said he was distancing himself from me. Him saying that completely blindsided me as he told me time and time again that, the things he labelled as distancing were just him being him. I had no reason not to trust him, but yet again the story changed with that in the end.
I reached out to one of them after a few months just saying I noticed she had been distant and I'd rather ask if something was up than just assume - everything was fine and we are back in touch now. Me and that guy got back in touch and I made it clear I just saw him as a friend now (after he flirted with me a few times which I felt a bit uncomfortable with). We started talking quite a bit again but I noticed the same behaviours as before when he said he was distancing himself from me. We tried to have a conversation about it where I just asked if there was a problem because there was before. I made it clear I'd have never thought anything of this normally, just that he said there was a problem before when he was like this. I always advocate clear communication over assuming. But he couldn't understand how I find it had to know when he's distancing himself or just being himself when he literally labelled the same behaviour as being those two things. I felt at a loss. Previously I've acted oblivious to the way people have acted towards me and I was wrong for that, now I just to try to be even a little bit more realistic based on actual things people have said to me and I'm wrong for that too. He admitted he was being distant again, even though he continued to call me ridiculous for bringing up it and thinking it in the fist place?! He also told me that it was just a travelling thing and I didn't really have a place in his life outside of that even as a friend!
This guy knew lots of personal things about me and that was off his own back because he wouldn't stop asking, so when he turned around and said the reason we could never really be friends was because we very very different people, well, that just completely shattered my confidence all over again and felt extremely personal. It also brought up the feelings from when he led me on all over again, because he deceived my into believing we had a potential relationship when we didn't even have a friendship! Again, I feel completely at a loss and fed up with people and how I'm supposed to know how they feel about me in their life, this guy drunk called me often and somehow we weren't even friends?! I really don't even know what people expect from me anymore and I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life and my confidence is in tatters. I don't know how to move past this and trust someone again. I am so fed up and frustrated at people and honestly never want to communicate with anyone again, even though I'm the loneliness I've ever been. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy uni, but how can I?
I'm in my first year and finding it lonelier than I expected, my boyfriend is pretty much my only friend and I'd much rather go home than be at uni. You're not alone, please DM me if you decide that you'd like to have a chat <3 My instagram is @peachimilli
I am so sorry your feeling like that and is having a hard time. I hope things get better for you. I am dealing with loneliness at uni too. I’m in my first year of uni and I haven’t made a solid friendship that I can go out to lunch with on a regular basis. Most people I try to talk to just ignore me. I have been out with some people on my course but majority its only a one time thing. I have only been invited again by this one person but she hangs out with lots of other people and doesn’t have much time. I can kinda feel like she getting a bit distance. It sucks but hopefully I will find someone who shares the same interests as me. If you ever need to talk I am here! 💕
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my first year and finding it lonelier than I expected, my boyfriend is pretty much my only friend and I'd much rather go home than be at uni. You're not alone, please DM me if you decide that you'd like to have a chat <3 My instagram is @peachimilli
Same here. I only hang out with my boyfriend, who used to study at the same University I am now in.
I remember when we started in September, our tutors told us to enjoy Uni life and try to be on campus as much as possible, and not just during lectures.
But guess what... like you, I prefer stay at home. What's the point going at the campus and sit there on my own? I might as well stay at home, at least I can wear comfy clothes!
I was sad and angry when I wrote my answer to this post (I'm Anonymous #2), but some time has passed by and I feel much better now, because I realised that I don't really care about making friends. I am at Uni to study and find a job I like after, not to party.
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