Why am I so socially inept around this woman I like? And how can I salvage it?

Hello TSR,

Not sure which forum to post my query to. I hope this one is okay!!
So, recently I've been talking to this girl! I really like her, she is nice and funny and cute, she has the most wonderful smile and everything! But I as usual went and ruined it by being incredibly awkward and weird. Just to clarify, I am autistic, that probably doesn't help my social anxiety.
What happened was, things were going great. We had agreed to go to a Musical together and she gave me her phone number and then in the evening she texted me and we talked back and forth for a while until she stopped, perfectly acceptable. It was late evening!
Then the next morning, we sat on the bus together as we had done frequently. I asked her how she was etc and we talked. I then said something I thought was a bit weird "Did you sleep well?", Perhaps an overstep of the mark. 🤦*♂️ She said "Alright" and asked me how I slept etc. Then later on, I made my big mistake!!
I had seen she was in the other room and I went over to say Hi and I asked if I could sit next to her, she said yes, but that she was trying to do some work and didn't want to be distracted. I didn't connect the dots, I could tell the social conventions. We talked a little and then she went to the work. I sat there doing nothing awkwardly for a minute and then moved to the otherside of her. And took out my laptop and started to do some work. I glanced over at her and she was sending a long text message, I immediately panicked that it was about me. I know very egotistical of me but it could have. I'd have hated to be making a fool of myself around her and then so I left and said "I'm sorry, I have to go, this is weird. I'm so sorry" and then left. I sent her a text message later that evening saying sorry again and that I didn't want to get in her way. She saw it this morning and hasn't responded, she also hasn't spoke to me or looked at me like she did since. What do I do?

Reply 1

Biggz1984

6

Probably best to just ask her if you can have a quick chat to explain a couple of things next time you see her… don’t overthink or overdo the explanation, just tell her roughly what your concerns are and apologise for if you did actually distract her to a point where she couldn’t concentrate on her studying.. DONT continuously apologise throughout the conversation, just say it once.. that’s all that’s needed and no more than you owe, if you owe one at all even… explain to her that you get nervous around people you like and that you sometimes struggle to process any sort of vibes that people might give off and you can sometimes misinterpret some situations and then beat yourself up about it and before you know it you’re fully carried away with your own thoughts and emotions… finally, politely ask if you can both try the whole situation from the start… if she agrees.. CHILL TF OUT BRO ha ha… and don’t go jumping straight in saying you have romantic feelings for her, just be cool and see how things pan out

Reply 2

justlearning1469

21

Original post by erfrost

Hello TSR,

Not sure which forum to post my query to. I hope this one is okay!!
So, recently I've been talking to this girl! I really like her, she is nice and funny and cute, she has the most wonderful smile and everything! But I as usual went and ruined it by being incredibly awkward and weird. Just to clarify, I am autistic, that probably doesn't help my social anxiety.
What happened was, things were going great. We had agreed to go to a Musical together and she gave me her phone number and then in the evening she texted me and we talked back and forth for a while until she stopped, perfectly acceptable. It was late evening!
Then the next morning, we sat on the bus together as we had done frequently. I asked her how she was etc and we talked. I then said something I thought was a bit weird "Did you sleep well?", Perhaps an overstep of the mark. 🤦*♂️ She said "Alright" and asked me how I slept etc. Then later on, I made my big mistake!!
I had seen she was in the other room and I went over to say Hi and I asked if I could sit next to her, she said yes, but that she was trying to do some work and didn't want to be distracted. I didn't connect the dots, I could tell the social conventions. We talked a little and then she went to the work. I sat there doing nothing awkwardly for a minute and then moved to the otherside of her. And took out my laptop and started to do some work. I glanced over at her and she was sending a long text message, I immediately panicked that it was about me. I know very egotistical of me but it could have. I'd have hated to be making a fool of myself around her and then so I left and said "I'm sorry, I have to go, this is weird. I'm so sorry" and then left. I sent her a text message later that evening saying sorry again and that I didn't want to get in her way. She saw it this morning and hasn't responded, she also hasn't spoke to me or looked at me like she did since. What do I do?

Quite understandable to become socially inept when around an attractive woman, especiaally with your autism.

Don't overthink it, don't go too far, don't continuously apologise.

If she doesn't forgive you, move on to a woman who'll hopefully be more receptive.

Why am I so socially inept around this woman I like? And how can I salvage it?

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you