need marking - GCSE Eduqas English Language Component 2 Section B

Hi, could people please have a look at this question I have done and offer a mark out of 20 based on the Eduqas mark scheme? The question is from June 2017 English Language Component 2.

Thanks

Question:

Many older people do not use modern technology because they do not understand it
and are perhaps afraid of it.
You have been asked to give a talk to older people encouraging them to make use of
modern technology.
Your talk should include one or more of the following:
• the internet
• social media such as Facebook and Twitter
• smart phones/smart watches
• tablets
Write what you would say.

My Response:

I know, I know, modern technology can be daunting. The malevolent buttons and the mind-boggling password mechanism; I’m sure a lot of you would rather not indulge in the vast world of smartphones and computers. However, based on my past experiences, getting to know how to use new things can be a thrilling experience and even allow you to spend some time with your family. Just last week my grandmom desired to give these new smartphones a try. One evening, with a cup of tea each, we both sat down and spent some much-needed quality time together as I taught her the ins and outs of one of her new best friends, the iPhone. There is now not a single moment that goes by where my grateful grandmom doesn’t thank me for blessing her with the wisdom of technology.

Additionally, once you have mastered the art of technology, the world will finally open up to you, becoming your possession to grasp. The ever-expanding internet will become your new partner in crime as you will always be one tap away from cooking the most extravagant evening dinner to impress your family, using righteous recipes from world-class chefs across hundreds of different cultures. Or perhaps you prefer to be more like 73% of internet users and pounce straight into online-shopping, another feature of the internet that can allow you to buy whatever it is your heart desires. Thousands of products. Lightening deliveries. How can we resist?

Not stopping there, your trusty smartphone can introduce you to the paradise of “Social Media”. Facebook being just one of many that allows you to never quit making new friends, whilst simultaneously helping you maintain contact with your best friends from school. Not only Facebook, but the vast multi-verse of TikTok can cure any sort of boredom from monotonous daily tasks. A study from the University of Cambridge in 2018 found that 92% of people aged 60 or over who indulged in the world of TikTok found themselves feeling less isolated and lonely due to its powers to catch the attention of almost anyone. Why not take the first steps and join me in entering into the “intimidating” realms of social media and witness for yourselves the impacts on your own life?

Finally, after countless days of enjoyment on your new smartphone you feel as though you are ready for expansion, the upgrade to a tablet is already eagerly awaiting your arrival: bigger screen, better quality, longer battery life, what more could you want out of a device? Abandon the deserted afternoons watching T.V. and begin your journey down the paths of technology today, as I can assure you within moments, you will be wishing you launched off sooner.

Endless possibilities are ready and waiting to be explored by your pioneering minds!

Mark Scheme:

Page 10 and 11

https://revisionworld.com/sites/revisionworld.com/files/imce/s17-english12-ms.pdf

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 1

t.p

Hi, there is some very good vocabulary in this answer. I would give it a strong 18/20! Good job!