I'm thinking about going no contact with my family when I start university.

Hello,

So as the title says I'm thinking of going no contact with my family when I start university, I would really appreciate some outside opinions.

Last year has probably been the worst year of my life, I was raised by a single parent and they died. I grew up being their main carer, they had a range of medical and physical issues I won't go into.

When I started my teenage years my siblings started experiencing mental health issues and I became their full time carer as well. Since we were like 5 years old me and my siblings had a toxic relationship and it got worse after our parent died.

Because of my parent various issues, they couldn't work, they were signed off which meant we had to completely rely on benefits and it was hard as being the person in charge of the finances stretch to make sure everything got paid.

Before my parent died, my sibling moved out got married, so I ended up just looking after my sibling and parent. My siblings finally realised they needed mental health help and got the support they needed. I felt because of this, I should try my best to fix the relationship on my part.

I tried so hard finding out who they liked, what they liked to do in their spare time, favourite tv shows, subject etc, but I got nothing. I continued to try for three years and finally gave up.

Because of me being a carer, as you can tell the stress I went through I ended up failing all my GCSEs, I thought I was just going to be on benefits for the rest of my life and had no hope.

When my parent died, I hate to admit it but I do feel they died at the right time because I was able to enrol in an access to higher education course and complete it, got accepted into my choice of university and I will be going to university this year.

When I was 16, I got my first job which was part time and started saving my money, I would put half of what I earned away each month, and put the other half towards household finances, I would only allow myself to take £50.00 from the other half of the household finances to give me some money so I can treat myself each month.

When my parent died, because I saved up a lot of money which was planned to go on a mortgage, I ended up using for my parent funeral and gave them the funeral they deserve, and my glad am I glad to not have to see them suffer anymore and to know they are at peace, I won't deny that.

I know my siblings and I were grieving but the relationship got way too toxic, my sibling ended up moving in with my other sibling and I ended up having the house to myself, which I love.

My siblings kept arguing about stuff with me that I personally felt they didn't need to know such as my earnings. They kept screaming and shouting at me on the phone about it I thought it was immature especially considering one of them is a parent now.

The final straw came when they tracked down our other parent that never has been in our lives and sent me a message request and berrated me and had a massive go when they never was in my life and saying I'm the reason they split up (It's acctually due to domestic abuse and rape).

I ended up changing the locks on my front door and back. I've been thinking now about going no contact with my family and planned it all, like change my name on deedpoll, moving far away to the university, closing down all social media accounts and deleting my email, however, there's this one little part of me that's going "what if?".

Like my sibling has a baby and it makes me feel guilty because I have to cut of contact with them. And cutting of friends, all though they done nothing wrong they those people who can't keep a secret all. This is what stopping me, it's this part and I don't know if I should or not.

My sibling threatened to ban me from seeing their child, my siblings tried to ban me from attending my parent funeral and I feel I done all I can to try and fix the relationship, I personally feel it can't be fixed, I would love some opinions from outside perspectives, thank you for reading this.

Reply 1

steviestevieee

First of all, I'm so sorry that this is what you put up with. You're very strong and I have sm hope for your future even though idek you haha.

I think you did your part in trying to make the relationship work and if they're refusing to do theirs and put the work in, going no contact is a good decision. Just because you go NC with them doesn't mean that you have to hate them, but at the end of the day you shouldn't have to surround yourself with people who hurt you.