Move Country for Love?
Hi there,
I have spoken about this guy on here before but basically…I met this guy and we were both 17. We started dating and we were together for a year and a half. 1 year ago, his parents told him that they were going to move back to their home country (Spain).
He was adamant he was going to stay in England with me. I had already applied for university and we decided that we would move in together second year. Anyway, in March we went to visit his family in Spain and within a week he literally changed his mind about staying in England with me. I had just been accepted for a uni transfer to live in the same city as him (as he hates the city im at now). He quit his job immediately, quit his contract for his room, completely ignored me, went out drinking with his mates and clubbing, spent over 1k on alcohol and didn’t pay me my £100 that he owed.
I was so confused because this guy had told me he wanted to marry me, have children with me, was willing to work for me. And then he just changed. I cried everyday and begged him to wait a bit first before deciding to move country. He told me that this could of been prevented had I never of gone to University, but I have always found my education was important and he had told me he was never going to move back.
Anyway fast forward to now, and he messages me at 2am most nights saying he knows he’s messed up, he loves me, he wants me to go to Spain with him.
I still have 2 years of my degree left before I graduate. I love my course and if I dropped out now, all my hard work would of been for nothing. Plus, I’d have to learn Spanish, apply for a visa to go over there, and I could do all this and he could meet someone else anyway.
He says that he would pay for everything, our house, buy me a car etc but I just dont know if I believe him.
Anyway this is all happening during my exam period so I just pray I get 40% to pass first year. I didnt go ahead with the uni transfer but Im stuck thinking abt him all day and i feel like i would do anything to have him back, even though he can be EXTREMELY toxic (never respecting me, gives me silent treatment, controls me, & so much more) but if he truly loves me then he will either wait 2 years for me or move back over here to be with me.
What do u guys think? Ive had to explain this very briefly but there were other issues in our relationship too
I have spoken about this guy on here before but basically…I met this guy and we were both 17. We started dating and we were together for a year and a half. 1 year ago, his parents told him that they were going to move back to their home country (Spain).
He was adamant he was going to stay in England with me. I had already applied for university and we decided that we would move in together second year. Anyway, in March we went to visit his family in Spain and within a week he literally changed his mind about staying in England with me. I had just been accepted for a uni transfer to live in the same city as him (as he hates the city im at now). He quit his job immediately, quit his contract for his room, completely ignored me, went out drinking with his mates and clubbing, spent over 1k on alcohol and didn’t pay me my £100 that he owed.
I was so confused because this guy had told me he wanted to marry me, have children with me, was willing to work for me. And then he just changed. I cried everyday and begged him to wait a bit first before deciding to move country. He told me that this could of been prevented had I never of gone to University, but I have always found my education was important and he had told me he was never going to move back.
Anyway fast forward to now, and he messages me at 2am most nights saying he knows he’s messed up, he loves me, he wants me to go to Spain with him.
I still have 2 years of my degree left before I graduate. I love my course and if I dropped out now, all my hard work would of been for nothing. Plus, I’d have to learn Spanish, apply for a visa to go over there, and I could do all this and he could meet someone else anyway.
He says that he would pay for everything, our house, buy me a car etc but I just dont know if I believe him.
Anyway this is all happening during my exam period so I just pray I get 40% to pass first year. I didnt go ahead with the uni transfer but Im stuck thinking abt him all day and i feel like i would do anything to have him back, even though he can be EXTREMELY toxic (never respecting me, gives me silent treatment, controls me, & so much more) but if he truly loves me then he will either wait 2 years for me or move back over here to be with me.
What do u guys think? Ive had to explain this very briefly but there were other issues in our relationship too
Original post by Anonymous
Anyway this is all happening during my exam period so I just pray I get 40% to pass first year. I didnt go ahead with the uni transfer but Im stuck thinking abt him all day and i feel like i would do anything to have him back, even though he can be EXTREMELY toxic (never respecting me, gives me silent treatment, controls me, & so much more) but if he truly loves me then he will either wait 2 years for me or move back over here to be with me.
What do u guys think? Ive had to explain this very briefly but there were other issues in our relationship too
Anyway this is all happening during my exam period so I just pray I get 40% to pass first year. I didnt go ahead with the uni transfer but Im stuck thinking abt him all day and i feel like i would do anything to have him back, even though he can be EXTREMELY toxic (never respecting me, gives me silent treatment, controls me, & so much more) but if he truly loves me then he will either wait 2 years for me or move back over here to be with me.
What do u guys think? Ive had to explain this very briefly but there were other issues in our relationship too
We covered this in the previous thread.
You should block his number. So that he doesn't wake you at 2 am.
That's more quite evil behaviour from him, pinging you at 2 am when he knows you're asleep and he knows you have end of year exams.
His love is completely worthless because he's controlling, mentally weak, emotionally weak, his parents hate you, he is soooo selfish in that he wanted you to move unis, not for you but his convenience to have you right there at his doorstep. And now he wants you to give up uni, not for you but for his short term convenience. Not only is he selfish he's really dumb about major life decisions involving you and involving him. His decision to go back to Spain to booze and to laze around were dumb. You moving or giving up unis at the end of your first year would be really dumb.
You will be able to get a good to great boyfriend at your current uni. Concentrate on your final year exams, give them the same preparation from here onwards that you gave your A levels (or GCSE's if yours were in a covid year). And then focus on getting yourself a new boyfriend at your uni after exams and in september to december. And on you having a productive or enjoyable summer - without this shockingly bad Spainsh man in your life.
I bet that all your friends and family, if they know the true story of your boyfriend, would be telling you to block him and to never go back to him.
He is cancer in your life. You've already cut out large chunks of him. Now clean out the residual pieces of him.
And stop falling into the sunken cost fallacy.
I want you to understand something.
Your education vs your marriage life.
You tell me what is more important. When you found that out, you have found out your answer. If he loves you, he would never ask you to dropout. That is a goddamn guarantee.
Your education vs your marriage life.
You tell me what is more important. When you found that out, you have found out your answer. If he loves you, he would never ask you to dropout. That is a goddamn guarantee.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
We covered this in the previous thread.
You should block his number. So that he doesn't wake you at 2 am.
That's more quite evil behaviour from him, pinging you at 2 am when he knows you're asleep and he knows you have end of year exams.
His love is completely worthless because he's controlling, mentally weak, emotionally weak, his parents hate you, he is soooo selfish in that he wanted you to move unis, not for you but his convenience to have you right there at his doorstep. And now he wants you to give up uni, not for you but for his short term convenience. Not only is he selfish he's really dumb about major life decisions involving you and involving him. His decision to go back to Spain to booze and to laze around were dumb. You moving or giving up unis at the end of your first year would be really dumb.
You will be able to get a good to great boyfriend at your current uni. Concentrate on your final year exams, give them the same preparation from here onwards that you gave your A levels (or GCSE's if yours were in a covid year). And then focus on getting yourself a new boyfriend at your uni after exams and in september to december. And on you having a productive or enjoyable summer - without this shockingly bad Spainsh man in your life.
I bet that all your friends and family, if they know the true story of your boyfriend, would be telling you to block him and to never go back to him.
He is cancer in your life. You've already cut out large chunks of him. Now clean out the residual pieces of him.
And stop falling into the sunken cost fallacy.
You should block his number. So that he doesn't wake you at 2 am.
That's more quite evil behaviour from him, pinging you at 2 am when he knows you're asleep and he knows you have end of year exams.
His love is completely worthless because he's controlling, mentally weak, emotionally weak, his parents hate you, he is soooo selfish in that he wanted you to move unis, not for you but his convenience to have you right there at his doorstep. And now he wants you to give up uni, not for you but for his short term convenience. Not only is he selfish he's really dumb about major life decisions involving you and involving him. His decision to go back to Spain to booze and to laze around were dumb. You moving or giving up unis at the end of your first year would be really dumb.
You will be able to get a good to great boyfriend at your current uni. Concentrate on your final year exams, give them the same preparation from here onwards that you gave your A levels (or GCSE's if yours were in a covid year). And then focus on getting yourself a new boyfriend at your uni after exams and in september to december. And on you having a productive or enjoyable summer - without this shockingly bad Spainsh man in your life.
I bet that all your friends and family, if they know the true story of your boyfriend, would be telling you to block him and to never go back to him.
He is cancer in your life. You've already cut out large chunks of him. Now clean out the residual pieces of him.
And stop falling into the sunken cost fallacy.
PRSOM
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
We covered this in the previous thread.
You should block his number. So that he doesn't wake you at 2 am.
That's more quite evil behaviour from him, pinging you at 2 am when he knows you're asleep and he knows you have end of year exams.
His love is completely worthless because he's controlling, mentally weak, emotionally weak, his parents hate you, he is soooo selfish in that he wanted you to move unis, not for you but his convenience to have you right there at his doorstep. And now he wants you to give up uni, not for you but for his short term convenience. Not only is he selfish he's really dumb about major life decisions involving you and involving him. His decision to go back to Spain to booze and to laze around were dumb. You moving or giving up unis at the end of your first year would be really dumb.
You will be able to get a good to great boyfriend at your current uni. Concentrate on your final year exams, give them the same preparation from here onwards that you gave your A levels (or GCSE's if yours were in a covid year). And then focus on getting yourself a new boyfriend at your uni after exams and in september to december. And on you having a productive or enjoyable summer - without this shockingly bad Spainsh man in your life.
I bet that all your friends and family, if they know the true story of your boyfriend, would be telling you to block him and to never go back to him.
He is cancer in your life. You've already cut out large chunks of him. Now clean out the residual pieces of him.
And stop falling into the sunken cost fallacy.
You should block his number. So that he doesn't wake you at 2 am.
That's more quite evil behaviour from him, pinging you at 2 am when he knows you're asleep and he knows you have end of year exams.
His love is completely worthless because he's controlling, mentally weak, emotionally weak, his parents hate you, he is soooo selfish in that he wanted you to move unis, not for you but his convenience to have you right there at his doorstep. And now he wants you to give up uni, not for you but for his short term convenience. Not only is he selfish he's really dumb about major life decisions involving you and involving him. His decision to go back to Spain to booze and to laze around were dumb. You moving or giving up unis at the end of your first year would be really dumb.
You will be able to get a good to great boyfriend at your current uni. Concentrate on your final year exams, give them the same preparation from here onwards that you gave your A levels (or GCSE's if yours were in a covid year). And then focus on getting yourself a new boyfriend at your uni after exams and in september to december. And on you having a productive or enjoyable summer - without this shockingly bad Spainsh man in your life.
I bet that all your friends and family, if they know the true story of your boyfriend, would be telling you to block him and to never go back to him.
He is cancer in your life. You've already cut out large chunks of him. Now clean out the residual pieces of him.
And stop falling into the sunken cost fallacy.
Yeah Ive had to turn off notifications so he can’t contact me during the night anymore. He sends me voice notes crying saying he knows that he’s messed up, he loves me, he won’t ever be able to find someone like me, blah blah blah. I listen to him crying and I feel so bad because I love him too, but I don’t even know if thats the “real” him. he doesn’t have enough money to move back to England… but bought himself an electric scooter over there… and god knows what else
Realistically, his sister still lives over here, Im sure she wouldn’t mind housing him while he finds a job and gets his own place. But I know this will never happen, and when I bring it up he says “I can’t do that to her.” I just have to suck up the reality: he doesn’t love me. If he wanted to, he would!
He then sends me pictures of what he’s up to and selfies of himself that he thinks he looks attractive in and I just reply “nice”. I unfollowed him off everything so I don't have to see what he’s up to anymore.
He says he’s going to save money, but then sends me these new tattoo ideas he wants to get.
I feel genuinely confused at this point. He messages me once every 2-3 days saying he misses me like crazy and loves me but I just feel like wtf is actually going on? Do you love me or not? One second I feel like hanging on for him because he says “I need you” but other times he just seems alright and unbothered like “Im at the gym with my brother.” He basically picks me up and down when it suits him. Im sure real love doesn’t work like that
Ive pushed him out my head and Ive managed to cram all my content in for my exams. No idea how Ive done but I’ve had to force myself to be strong. This has really slapped me in the face and made me grow tf up. I was very naive before.
Second year at university is going to be my fresh start. I want to get a job and do some volunteering and focus on myself and my low self esteem. Ive gained 3 stone since being with him and I need to focus on my mental and physical health now - not him.
Whether he decides to move back for me or not I don't know but honestly even if he did come back I don’t think we would work out after everything he’s put me through. I desperately want the “old” him back but he has changed as if he’s a completely different person - but still tells me what I want to hear to “keep me” hanging on a thread. Its just all lies and manipulation sadly. But it makes me sick at the same time how individuals like this exist
Sorry for ranting. Im not sure if you would call this guy a narcissist or just a strange guy. He wants “DEATH” tattooed on his knuckles…? Very weird!
Anyway thank you so much for replying. I always come here to re read these comments when I need to remind myself that Im doing the right thing.
Original post by Anonymous
Second year at university is going to be my fresh start. I want to get a job and do some volunteering and focus on myself and my low self esteem. Ive gained 3 stone since being with him and I need to focus on my mental and physical health now - not him.
Your fresh start is today. Keep all the good things in your life. And work on making one or two of the good things better. Or on cutting out one or two of the bad things. And do the same tomorrow.
Check out How Not To Diet for an informative and entertaining read.
He sounds like an absolute prick. Forget him.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Will you get along easy in college?
- surveyor life
- Unsure what to do after year abroad
- Gf broke up with me - should I fly over?
- Struggling to run away
- Post-study abroad depression or more?
- places you love but wouldn't live there permanently?
- Girl wants him as a bf?
- Questions for Sussex students (particularly Life Sciences), thanks!
- should i study overseas to fix a relationship?
- What's it like living in England?
- Feel sad with my life
- Is it LOVE or LIKING
- Moved from the UK to Turkey
- Brits, tell me about your culture
- Moving into the UK : Questions about Sixth Form College
- Application to University of Veterinary Medicine Kosice (Slovakia)
- Southerners - Could You Live Up North?
- Is it worth doing a MEng Software Engineering over a BEng?
- Moving abroad or staying at home?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
