His ex really hurt him so he's scared to commit to me
Been having the most amazing time with the guy I've been seeing for the past few months however he's scared to commit due to his previous relationship.
She really damaged him, belittled him, wouldn't let him be himself, wouldn't let him swear and just messed him round for months on end.
He won't let himself be happy because of this. He's completely self sabotaging and it makes me so sad, because he's potentially letting a great thing go being caught up over the past.
He says he's over her but obviously just not over the situation.
I told him that there's things from my past relationship that I will probably never get over but it might just be something that we have to deal with, and I'm not allowing myself to ruin something so good over it.
I really don't know how to deal with the situation as we both want to be with each other so badly but he's preventing himself from doing so.
She really damaged him, belittled him, wouldn't let him be himself, wouldn't let him swear and just messed him round for months on end.
He won't let himself be happy because of this. He's completely self sabotaging and it makes me so sad, because he's potentially letting a great thing go being caught up over the past.
He says he's over her but obviously just not over the situation.
I told him that there's things from my past relationship that I will probably never get over but it might just be something that we have to deal with, and I'm not allowing myself to ruin something so good over it.
I really don't know how to deal with the situation as we both want to be with each other so badly but he's preventing himself from doing so.
Original post by Surnia
He self-sabotaged in his previous relationship if he stayed with someone who treated him badly, and now he considers you to be on the same level as his ex if he thinks this will be a repeat. Do you want to be with someone who has such a poor mindset?
I don't necessarily think he thinks I'm on the same level as his ex. I just think he's scared.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't necessarily think he thinks I'm on the same level as his ex. I just think he's scared.
Scared of what? Being hurt again, in which case he has trust issues with you?
All you can do is be there for him. Over time, he will get over her and perhaps be ready to commit. However, the amount of time depends on each person - I can't say how long this will be. Don't feel disheartened because he doesn't want to commit yet - not only is he going through something himself, he most likely doesn't want to hurt you by not being fully over the situation with his ex.
Original post by taylor2317
All you can do is be there for him. Over time, he will get over her and perhaps be ready to commit. However, the amount of time depends on each person - I can't say how long this will be. Don't feel disheartened because he doesn't want to commit yet - not only is he going through something himself, he most likely doesn't want to hurt you by not being fully over the situation with his ex.
He did say he doesn't want to hurt me or get hurt. We're having some space currently so I can't exactly be there for him. Such a confusing situation, I really want to be with him and believe he wants the same, but I'm not gonna wait around forever.
You've got to respect his wishes. If he wants to have some space, allow him this. If you feel like your relationship is not worth it, then unfortunately he may not be the one for you...
Original post by taylor2317
You've got to respect his wishes. If he wants to have some space, allow him this. If you feel like your relationship is not worth it, then unfortunately he may not be the one for you...
We both agreed we need some space, we kept trying to talk but I didn't think that was fair to either of us as it was just giving false hope. I do think it is worth it and I am willing to wait for a bit, but I don't want him to think he can do anything and I'll be waiting. I want him to have some space to allow him to miss me.
The best advice I can suggest is talking to him. Tell him this: I am willing to wait for a bit, but I don't want him to think he can do anything and I'll be waiting. Yes, be supportive but also be honest.
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