hi! i do aqa so we're not on the same exam board, but i'll give some feedback anyway.
- i really like the natural imagery at the beginning. there's a nice contrast between the peace of nature described and the foreshadowing of something bad to come.
- you've used a variety of sentence structures, keep that up - try and use a sentence with a semi colon if you can.
- i noticed you used "it's" when you meant "its" a lot - i'm not sure how many marks you get on this paper for spag accuracy, but in aqa it's about 16 (out of 40 for this question), so make sure your grammar is as best it can be (i know my message is all in lower case, i'm just trying to type quickly 😭)
overall i really liked it, keep it up