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If you're a guy, short means ugly, right?

I was asked by a therapist if I'm single. I told her I'm single since forever. They asked me why I thought that was. I told her I'm ugly and she looked at me a bit perplexed but told me we will come back on that later.

Why was I wrong tho?

Reply 1

professor.

5

Original post by Anonymous

I was asked by a therapist if I'm single. I told her I'm single since forever. They asked me why I thought that was. I told her I'm ugly and she looked at me a bit perplexed but told me we will come back on that later.

Why was I wrong tho?

It's important to understand that your perception of yourself as "ugly" may not necessarily be an accurate reflection of reality. Self-perception can be influenced by a variety of factors, including personal experiences, societal standards, and internal beliefs. It's possible that your negative self-perception may be influenced by insecurities, comparisons to others, or unattainable beauty standards that society often promotes.

However, it's crucial to remember that beauty is subjective, and everyone has their own unique qualities that make them attractive. External appearance is just one aspect of a person, and relationships are built on a variety of factors, including personality, shared values, interests, and emotional connections.

It's also important to note that one's relationship status is influenced by various factors, including personal preferences, timing, and opportunities for meeting potential partners. Being single doesn't necessarily reflect on your worth or attractiveness as an individual.

When your therapist seemed perplexed by your self-perception, it may have been because they recognized that self-perception can be subjective and influenced by personal beliefs that may not be accurate. They may have wanted to explore this further to help you gain a more realistic and positive self-image.

Therapy can provide a safe space to explore these feelings, challenge negative beliefs, and work towards building self-esteem and self-acceptance. Your therapist may guide you through exercises and discussions to help you understand and address any underlying issues related to your self-perception and self-worth.

It's important to have patience and trust the therapeutic process. Over time, with the guidance of a therapist, you can gain a better understanding of yourself, develop a more positive self-image, and work towards forming healthier relationships, both with yourself and others.

Reply 2

Sorcerer's Storm

20

No, ugly is to do with the face, not height. Anyone, be they male or female can be tall and ugly, tall and hot, short and ugly and short and hot.

(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 3

StriderHort

21

We don't know, it's not for internet randos to second guess your professional therapist.

Reply 4

Zarek

21

No, while quite some women find tallness attractive, being short is not the same. Also never brand yourself ugly, it’s negative and self defeating

Reply 5

NonIndigenous

20

Original post by Anonymous

I was asked by a therapist if I'm single. I told her I'm single since forever. They asked me why I thought that was. I told her I'm ugly and she looked at me a bit perplexed but told me we will come back on that later.

Why was I wrong tho?

I'm about 5ft 5 or 5ft 6 (@1secondsofvamps I just googled it now lol)... and I don't think I have many issues with it. Only on dating apps a while ago because those things are pathetic.

Our culture has reduced your typical 'dating experience' to meeting a stranger often via a dating app or perhaps in a nightclub or at a bar, and judging that person usually on very superficial first impressions. Hence the overemphasis on height on the part of women, which sure it annoys me out of principle, but I'm not particularly bothered about it because its their problem more than mine.

Those women likely do not think it is a 'problem'. But, if only about 15% of men are over 6ft for instance, whereas at least 50% of women would like a man over 6ft (the studies have very mixed results on this, but I reckon 50%* is the absolute minimum. It is much more than just 15% in any case). Obviously there is a mismatch in supply/demand, and thus a problem. Their problem, because these types of women often then like to whinge about how those kinds of guys are 'players' because they have 'too many options'. I find it tiresome often hearing the same reasons. And now you have more men apparently paying to have surgeries to increase their height, because of these stupid f***ing internet trends. *(That 50% assumes all other things being 'equal' which they rarely are, but on dating apps you can't see that. That's the point I was trying to make.)

What annoys me a little is I don't understand why women do this to themselves. Many of those women that I might in the context of a thread like this label as 'superficial', aren't necessarily bad people at all, but instead got sucked into this modern dating environment which warps the expectations they have of men. If you take them out of that environment and meet them in person, they usually have other things that they value, other interests, etc. They're selling themselves short by reducing themselves to some selfies on a screen and filtering men based of height just because that's the easiest to do on a dating app. It's like when I go on Amazon to buy something, and filter out all the products with reviews under 4 stars, because otherwise I'd have to sort through thousands of them. Difference is:

1.

You have laws that regulate advertising on sites like Amazon. Sellers aren't allowed to lie about their product, which is not the case on most dating apps. Lots of people lie on dating apps, and never get banned. It's pretty much normalised and accepted as 'part of the game', and you're a "muppet" if you don't do the same.

2.

People shouldn't be seen as "products" or "commodities". The same rationale of 'filtering' and 'sorting' everyone below "4 stars" thus ought not to apply, certainly not if you're looking for a relationship. Maybe if you're looking for a prostitute then yes, as you are then exchanging money for a service.

3.

You can always manufacture more products on Amazon, if demand is high. You can't simply "manufacture" more 6ft men on the other hand. Men will just start to lie about their height instead, and there is nothing anyone can do about that: ditto point 1.

This is not a winning formula. The end-game of commodifying people on the dating scene, is basically prostitution... which is more less where we are going with OnlyFans.

(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 6

NonIndigenous

20

Also the fact that the ratio of men to women on dating apps is very high, should tell you that most women probably are not actively using dating apps anyway. It's mostly men.

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Don't worry about it, being tall means nothing if (like me) you have an ugly face.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Sorcerer of Old

No, ugly is to do with the face, not height. Anyone, be they male or female can be tall and ugly, tall and hot, short and ugly and short and hot.

If you're female yeah, you can be short and hot. Not if you're male. But maybe "ugly" isn't the right word, unattractive perhaps is more fitting.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Don't worry about it, being tall means nothing if (like me) you have an ugly face.

That does not mean height means nothing. If you were short you would be in a far worse position than you are now. If you are about 6'2''-6'6'', you will have options if you go out, befriend and talk to girls.

Reply 10

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous

I was asked by a therapist if I'm single. I told her I'm single since forever. They asked me why I thought that was. I told her I'm ugly and she looked at me a bit perplexed but told me we will come back on that later.

Why was I wrong tho?

Short does not mean that. Many women want men who are tall but it usually means taller than them. So a 5.2 woman may want a lad who is 5.6 but a woman who is 5.6 may want a lad who is 5.11 or 6ft.

There are a few foolish people who make moronic statements like if a man is below 6ft, then he is short. I met one lady like that at a bar (Spoons :biggrin:

), so I told her that if a woman is bigger than 100kg, she is a whale. She looked shocked and called me an a**hole.

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

That does not mean height means nothing. If you were short you would be in a far worse position than you are now. If you are about 6'2''-6'6'', you will have options if you go out, befriend and talk to girls.

I've had zero interest anywhere I've gone, so it's physically impossible for me to be in a worse position.

Reply 12

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous

If you're female yeah, you can be short and hot. Not if you're male. But maybe "ugly" isn't the right word, unattractive perhaps is more fitting.

Tom Cruise is 5'7", and the late Prince was 5'2" ... it didn't stop many women wanting to have their babies.

Before you say it's all about fame etc., Danny Devito and Joe Pesci are about the same height, and don't have anywhere near the same sex-appeal.

Spoiler

(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 13

Anonymous #4

What are your redeeming features?

Are you hung like a horse, for instance?

Reply 14

Kovalensky

14

Original post by Old Skool Freak

Tom Cruise is 5'7", and the late Prince was 5'2" ... it didn't stop many women wanting to have their babies.

Before you say it's all about fame etc., Danny Devito and Joe Pesci are about the same height, and don't have anywhere near the same sex-appeal.

Spoiler

I don't know what kind of sex appeal DeVito or Pesci have but they're both ultra famous actors so not sure what you want to say with your example here?

The point is neither OP nor anyone else will ever come close to their level of fame, they're literally 4 people in a nation of 300 million people and they're extreme outliers. That doesn't invalidate anything really.

(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 15

SagaciousSag

20

Original post by Kovalensky

I don't know what kind of sex appeal DeVito or Pesci have but they're both ultra famous actors so not sure what you want to say with your example here?

The point is neither OP nor anyone else will ever come close to their level of fame, they're literally 4 people in a nation of 300 million people and they're extreme outliers. That doesn't invalidate anything really.

The point is that your height does not determine how attractive you are. It's not about the fame.

Also, the fact that OP's therapist was perplexed that he considered himself ugly is all that needs to be said, because clearly, he isn't. He just believes that he is, and he uses his lack of success with women almost as confirmation bias instead of looking at why he believes he's unattractive, determining how to make himself more confident and following those steps.

There are a lot of women that don't care at all about height, but if you don't put yourself out there and you don't like yourself, how can you expect to find someone and for someone to like you? OP, you need to open yourself up to people you're interested in and demonstrate your value beyond your physical appearance, because that is what will draw people to you and give you the opportunity of a successful relationship and connection.

However, feeling miserable because of something you can't control is wasting your time and will only stall your life. If you groom yourself well, work on having a body you're happy with, and come across as a captivating and fascinating person, you will see success. Nobody will even care about your height after a while, and it won't matter because you'll be secure in your looks and getting what you want out of relationships.

Though, none of that will occur if you've given up on yourself before you've even started, OP. Work on yourself, put yourself out of your comfort zone and give yourself a chance.

Reply 16

Kovalensky

14

Original post by SagaciousSag

The point is that your height does not determine how attractive you are. It's not about the fame.

Also, the fact that OP's therapist was perplexed that he considered himself ugly is all that needs to be said, because clearly, he isn't. He just believes that he is, and he uses his lack of success with women almost as confirmation bias instead of looking at why he believes he's unattractive, determining how to make himself more confident and following those steps.

There are a lot of women that don't care at all about height, but if you don't put yourself out there and you don't like yourself, how can you expect to find someone and for someone to like you? OP, you need to open yourself up to people you're interested in and demonstrate your value beyond your physical appearance, because that is what will draw people to you and give you the opportunity of a successful relationship and connection.

However, feeling miserable because of something you can't control is wasting your time and will only stall your life. If you groom yourself well, work on having a body you're happy with, and come across as a captivating and fascinating person, you will see success. Nobody will even care about your height after a while, and it won't matter because you'll be secure in your looks and getting what you want out of relationships.

Though, none of that will occur if you've given up on yourself before you've even started, OP. Work on yourself, put yourself out of your comfort zone and give yourself a chance.