The Student Room Group

Boyfriend unhappy about me attending an event on my own, am I in the wrong?

It’s bonfire night tonight and I was planning to go to the nearest town to watch the bonfire/ fireworks event by myself simply to fill an evening (I live in a small rural village, so no events near me). I’m very happy going to things by myself so I didn’t think anything of it and was just going to have a nice evening to myself and watch the display. My boyfriend lives in the town where the display is happening, and I let him know I was planning to go to this event. Earlier he had said he was going to see a movie in the evening (by himself!) so I knew he was busy and that is why I decided to simply go by myself. However, he immediately made it very clear he was unhappy about me going alone and that he would miss his movie to go with me. I asked him if he actually wanted to go, and he never actually expressed wanting to go other than I ‘couldn’t go on my own’. Obviously I’m going to spend the whole event feeling bad about being the reason he misses his movie so I insisted that he goes to his movie and that I’m happy going alone as I could sense he didn’t actually want to go other than to stop me going alone. I would rather just go by myself and relax instead of feeling guilty that he was missing his movie for something he didn’t want to do. He then told me he found it very strange that I was travelling all the way to his town (it’s a 50 minute bus ride either way) just to go to an event by myself and kept emphasising how odd he found it, which I didn’t get because he knew I just wanted to see the bonfire. It felt like he was suspicious of me which I think was unfair as I’ve given him no reason not to trust me and have absolutely no ill intentions. I felt stuck in a position where either I go and force him to miss his movie that he actually wants to see, or I don’t go at all. Am I being a jerk for wanting to go alone??
Original post by Anonymous
It’s bonfire night tonight and I was planning to go to the nearest town to watch the bonfire/ fireworks event by myself simply to fill an evening (I live in a small rural village, so no events near me). I’m very happy going to things by myself so I didn’t think anything of it and was just going to have a nice evening to myself and watch the display. My boyfriend lives in the town where the display is happening, and I let him know I was planning to go to this event. Earlier he had said he was going to see a movie in the evening (by himself!) so I knew he was busy and that is why I decided to simply go by myself. However, he immediately made it very clear he was unhappy about me going alone and that he would miss his movie to go with me. I asked him if he actually wanted to go, and he never actually expressed wanting to go other than I ‘couldn’t go on my own’. Obviously I’m going to spend the whole event feeling bad about being the reason he misses his movie so I insisted that he goes to his movie and that I’m happy going alone as I could sense he didn’t actually want to go other than to stop me going alone. I would rather just go by myself and relax instead of feeling guilty that he was missing his movie for something he didn’t want to do. He then told me he found it very strange that I was travelling all the way to his town (it’s a 50 minute bus ride either way) just to go to an event by myself and kept emphasising how odd he found it, which I didn’t get because he knew I just wanted to see the bonfire. It felt like he was suspicious of me which I think was unfair as I’ve given him no reason not to trust me and have absolutely no ill intentions. I felt stuck in a position where either I go and force him to miss his movie that he actually wants to see, or I don’t go at all. Am I being a jerk for wanting to go alone??

I see where he is coming from, but it sounds like to me he sounds very insecure about himself and he is afraid of the idea of of losing you. you're not in the wrong; it is great to do things by yourself, and it is amazing that you can also be independent because a lot of people in relationships forget how to be stable by themselves, and it is good you know how to balance partnership and being by yourself. have conversation, face to face, because usually by text we misinterpret things. tell him what you feel, and make sure to reassure him and not get angry if you want the conversation to get somewhere. you two should trust each other, and it sounds like you trust him but he has some trust issues. does he have an ex, or experience of trust being broken? maybe its that, and he is just worried that he isn't good enough or something. but you aren't in the wrong, and honestly I'm on your side
You may have given him a bit more notice, but fundamentally he is being weird about it.

To put the shoe on the other foot, should you have taken issue with him going to the cinema alone and insisted on going with him? No, of course not.

You're independant people and if you want to do the odd thing that the other person has little or no interest in, (especially if the other one is busy), it really shouldn't be an issue beyond telling them "have fun!".
Original post by Anonymous
It’s bonfire night tonight and I was planning to go to the nearest town to watch the bonfire/ fireworks event by myself simply to fill an evening (I live in a small rural village, so no events near me). I’m very happy going to things by myself so I didn’t think anything of it and was just going to have a nice evening to myself and watch the display. My boyfriend lives in the town where the display is happening, and I let him know I was planning to go to this event. Earlier he had said he was going to see a movie in the evening (by himself!) so I knew he was busy and that is why I decided to simply go by myself. However, he immediately made it very clear he was unhappy about me going alone and that he would miss his movie to go with me. I asked him if he actually wanted to go, and he never actually expressed wanting to go other than I ‘couldn’t go on my own’. Obviously I’m going to spend the whole event feeling bad about being the reason he misses his movie so I insisted that he goes to his movie and that I’m happy going alone as I could sense he didn’t actually want to go other than to stop me going alone. I would rather just go by myself and relax instead of feeling guilty that he was missing his movie for something he didn’t want to do. He then told me he found it very strange that I was travelling all the way to his town (it’s a 50 minute bus ride either way) just to go to an event by myself and kept emphasising how odd he found it, which I didn’t get because he knew I just wanted to see the bonfire. It felt like he was suspicious of me which I think was unfair as I’ve given him no reason not to trust me and have absolutely no ill intentions. I felt stuck in a position where either I go and force him to miss his movie that he actually wants to see, or I don’t go at all. Am I being a jerk for wanting to go alone??

tbh if i was him, I would feel upset. I would hate the idea of my bf travelling to the town i live in, to see an event but not me. I get how u wanted to be on ur own but idk i just thought watching fireworks is smt you do in a group not alone lol, but i get where ur coming from. Ur not a jerk for wanting to go alone. Ur bf could just be feeling abandoned or insecure bc ur going to all this effort to seeing this firework show but not him. Just reassure him or just invite him with you, you doubt you would feel guilty, fireworks r a magical experience.
Reply 4
It’s an unusual event to go to alone but it’s absolutely your choice if you want to do so. Although maybe he genuinely preferred to join you than go to the film, which is also an unusual thing to do alone
You're allowed to do things by yourself, it's unhealthy to be joined at the hip in a relationship and he just sounds insecure. If he doesn't trust you, then that's his problem and arguably calls into question the whole relationship.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending