The Student Room Group

Is she really busy? How's exams season in the UK?

Hello!
Since October, I've been talking to this girl (long-distance, she's in the UK, I'm in Italy) and the conversation has been more than great except for when she randomly disappeared because she felt overwhelmed because of uni work and assignments. The first time was 3 days )in October), then she came back, explained she didn't want to text when she's busy because she doesn't want to look "different" or dismissive, promised she'd text me at least once every day and everything was great again.
Now, she hasn't answered me on Whatsapp or updated her facebook profile since the 1st of january when she disappeared without warning (like she did the first time).
She attends the university of Surrey which has exams till the 26th of January.
Is it right for me to think she's just really busy because of exams season and she's not ignoring me? It wouldn't make any sense and her being completely offline (not only "ghosting" me) makes me think that.
How are exams in the UK? I'm used to Italy where exams season is pretty stressful, but you have more than one chance to sit an exam so maybe that helps.
I apologize for the wall of text, any thought is greatly appreciated.
Reply 1
Please, anyone. I'm the OP and I'd like to hear your thoughts. I'd like someone else's pov on the situation, especially if you're a uni student in the UK.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello!
Since October, I've been talking to this girl (long-distance, she's in the UK, I'm in Italy) and the conversation has been more than great except for when she randomly disappeared because she felt overwhelmed because of uni work and assignments. The first time was 3 days )in October), then she came back, explained she didn't want to text when she's busy because she doesn't want to look "different" or dismissive, promised she'd text me at least once every day and everything was great again.
Now, she hasn't answered me on Whatsapp or updated her facebook profile since the 1st of january when she disappeared without warning (like she did the first time).
She attends the university of Surrey which has exams till the 26th of January.
Is it right for me to think she's just really busy because of exams season and she's not ignoring me? It wouldn't make any sense and her being completely offline (not only "ghosting" me) makes me think that.
How are exams in the UK? I'm used to Italy where exams season is pretty stressful, but you have more than one chance to sit an exam so maybe that helps.
I apologize for the wall of text, any thought is greatly appreciated.

In UK universities you generally only have one go at an exam; if you fail you'll usually have to do a resit exam but it may be capped at 40%.
Reply 3
Original post by bl0bf1sh
In UK universities you generally only have one go at an exam; if you fail you'll usually have to do a resit exam but it may be capped at 40%.

Thank you for answering! So I guess I'm right when I think it's way more stressful than in Italy. And what are your thoughts on the whole situation? If you have an opinion on it haha
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you for answering! So I guess I'm right when I think it's way more stressful than in Italy. And what are your thoughts on the whole situation? If you have an opinion on it haha

Erm don't really have much of an opinion tbh, it is quite likely she's just avoiding social media for a few weeks so she doesn't get distracted or lose out on sleep! And personally I find it takes a lot of mental energy to reply to messages :smile:
Reply 5
Original post by bl0bf1sh
Erm don't really have much of an opinion tbh, it is quite likely she's just avoiding social media for a few weeks so she doesn't get distracted or lose out on sleep! And personally I find it takes a lot of mental energy to reply to messages :smile:

Thank you! Your answer has already made me feel a bit better. I try to text at least once even when I'm very busy, but everyone is different and I guess some people prefer to avoid social media completely
You say you've been talking to this girl. So is it fair to assume she isn't your girlfriend? If so, try not to take offence. You aren't at a level of commitment where she needs to be making you a priority during stressful times.

If she were your girlfriend, my advice would be explain that it isn't healthy to shut down and block off your relationships when you're stressed. Partners support each other through the difficult times rather than going silent.
Reply 7
Original post by 1582
You say you've been talking to this girl. So is it fair to assume she isn't your girlfriend? If so, try not to take offence. You aren't at a level of commitment where she needs to be making you a priority during stressful times.

If she were your girlfriend, my advice would be explain that it isn't healthy to shut down and block off your relationships when you're stressed. Partners support each other through the difficult times rather than going silent.

We actually made it official in mid December so I guess I'll take the advice in the last part of your message. I just have to wait anyways(while hoping she didn't ghost me but it wouldn't make sense: her messages have always been super sweet, she even bought me gifts for Christmas and we're planning to meet for the first time in February/March) because texting her during times like these doesn't change how fast she'll answer
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello!
Since October, I've been talking to this girl (long-distance, she's in the UK, I'm in Italy) and the conversation has been more than great except for when she randomly disappeared because she felt overwhelmed because of uni work and assignments. The first time was 3 days )in October), then she came back, explained she didn't want to text when she's busy because she doesn't want to look "different" or dismissive, promised she'd text me at least once every day and everything was great again.
Now, she hasn't answered me on Whatsapp or updated her facebook profile since the 1st of january when she disappeared without warning (like she did the first time).
She attends the university of Surrey which has exams till the 26th of January.
Is it right for me to think she's just really busy because of exams season and she's not ignoring me? It wouldn't make any sense and her being completely offline (not only "ghosting" me) makes me think that.
How are exams in the UK? I'm used to Italy where exams season is pretty stressful, but you have more than one chance to sit an exam so maybe that helps.
I apologize for the wall of text, any thought is greatly appreciated.

She could be avoiding social media to focus or she could be ignoring you.

Who really knows unless you talk it out - though you come across as a bit overly desperate here.

If you're not officially "together" I wouldn't really worry about it. Chances are that shes not interested in more than being friends.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello!
Since October, I've been talking to this girl (long-distance, she's in the UK, I'm in Italy) and the conversation has been more than great except for when she randomly disappeared because she felt overwhelmed because of uni work and assignments. The first time was 3 days )in October), then she came back, explained she didn't want to text when she's busy because she doesn't want to look "different" or dismissive, promised she'd text me at least once every day and everything was great again.
Now, she hasn't answered me on Whatsapp or updated her facebook profile since the 1st of january when she disappeared without warning (like she did the first time).
She attends the university of Surrey which has exams till the 26th of January.
Is it right for me to think she's just really busy because of exams season and she's not ignoring me? It wouldn't make any sense and her being completely offline (not only "ghosting" me) makes me think that.
How are exams in the UK? I'm used to Italy where exams season is pretty stressful, but you have more than one chance to sit an exam so maybe that helps.
I apologize for the wall of text, any thought is greatly appreciated.

Hi, I'm from Italy but currently studying in the UK, and yes exam season in the UK is a lot harder. Uni workload at uni in the UK is too much ngl. Even I disappear from social media every once in a while to make sure I'm completely focusing on my degree without distractions. So I think you should continue assuming she's busy until end of Jan. I think she'd prefer if you give her space to focus on her degree than add on to her overwhelm (if you keep bothering her, she might end up cutting ties so don't risk it yet if you like her).
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous #3
Hi, I'm from Italy but currently studying in the UK, and yes exam season in the UK is a lot harder. Uni workload at uni in the UK is too much ngl. Even I disappear from social media every once in a while to make sure I'm completely focusing on my degree without distractions. So I think you should continue assuming she's busy until end of Jan. I think she'd prefer if you give her space to focus on her degree than add on to her overwhelm (if you keep bothering her, she might end up cutting ties so don't risk it yet if you like her).

Thank you very much for your answer which is really helpful because you know both uk unis and italian ones.
She answered me with a single message on the 16th of january to wish me good luck for my exam and told me to focus on it and on myself in general. She said she wanted to focus on her exams and apologized for her absence. She also said she's going through a rouch patch and feels lost. She appreciated my messages during her absence and she hoped her absence didn't make me feel sad (because I didn't deserve it) or influenced my mood (because it doesn't depend on me). After that single message, she's been 100% offline again
Now I've texted her only to tell her I'm there for her for everything no matter what. Besides that, I'll follow your advice
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you very much for your answer which is really helpful because you know both uk unis and italian ones.
She answered me with a single message on the 16th of january to wish me good luck for my exam and told me to focus on it and on myself in general. She said she wanted to focus on her exams and apologized for her absence. She also said she's going through a rouch patch and feels lost. She appreciated my messages during her absence and she hoped her absence didn't make me feel sad (because I didn't deserve it) or influenced my mood (because it doesn't depend on me). After that single message, she's been 100% offline again
Now I've texted her only to tell her I'm there for her for everything no matter what. Besides that, I'll follow your advice

That's really cute! I hope it all works out for you guys!! Do not fret if it doesn't work out - everything happens for a reason so and you're trying your best 🙂
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous #3
That's really cute! I hope it all works out for you guys!! Do not fret if it doesn't work out - everything happens for a reason so and you're trying your best 🙂

Do you mean her message was cute or mine? Or maybe both haha
Thank you very much for your message btw, I really hope you're right, she's the first person who has made me feel a certain way and accepted me 100%.
I'm trying to think positively even if it's hard
Reply 13
You can only focus on one high intensity thing at a time, so it is quite possible that uni exams trump a fledgling love interest. To be honest I would back off a bit for fear of coming across too serious before it’s even begun. Once the stress is off, if she’s genuinely interested she’ll get back to you.
Reply 14
Original post by Zarek
You can only focus on one high intensity thing at a time, so it is quite possible that uni exams trump a fledgling love interest. To be honest I would back off a bit for fear of coming across too serious before it’s even begun. Once the stress is off, if she’s genuinely interested she’ll get back to you.

Thank you for your answer!
It's my fault because it's not in the original and first post, but we made it official in mid december so it isn't (wasn't?) a fledging love interest so it's already begun. If it hadn't, I'd certainly agree with you :smile:
Reply 15
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you for your answer!
It's my fault because it's not in the original and first post, but we made it official in mid december so it isn't (wasn't?) a fledging love interest so it's already begun. If it hadn't, I'd certainly agree with you :smile:

Still fledgling in my book and would give her some space, hopefully all is well
Reply 16
Original post by Zarek
Still fledgling in my book and would give her some space, hopefully all is well

Ok interesting!
Thank you again and I appreciate your advice and good omen :smile:

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