I've failed four times so far, and am nearly feeling ready to throw in the towel. Not because I'm a bad driver-- I think I'm pretty good by now, and so does my instructor-- but because I freeze up and make stupid and costly mistakes on tests. This process is draining me emotionally, financially, and taking me away from my PhD and bread and butter work. I feel really desperate, like I'll never get through this process. I've been taking lessons for over a year, and spent thousands of pounds on lessons, test fees, manuals, and even self-hypnosis tapes and silly self-help books on how to pass and overcome nerves. To no avail. My one consolation is that I'm now a pretty damned good driver. Confident and capable when taking lessons. Then I self-sabotage on lessons. Oh, and by the way, I'm an older driver-- in my mid-30s. I never learned to drive when I was younger, which I'm of course kicking myself for now.
First test: total disaster. So nervous I was visibly shaky, and got 2 majors, one dangerous (tried to overtake 2 cylcists on a too-narrow road) and lots of minors. That was just an "acclimation" test so I wasn't too upset. 2nd test: all went perfectly except at the very beginning of the test, leaving the center, I pulled up the clutch a bit too much out of nerves and rolled a little into the intersection. Only three minors, but failed for that one major since traffic had to go around me a bit. Test three: all perfect, except I took a wrong turn on the infamous Oxford Headington roundabout, spilled onto the dual carriageway on the right in rush hour traffic, and drove too slowly as I was trying to get back into the left. Failed for one major, again (inappropriate speed).
That brings me to today's disastrous result: I failed before even leaving the test centre. I was feeling super confident: had taken several days of intensive lessons and finally felt I had a good shot. But I hadn't properly practiced bay park manoeuvre, and my instructor kept saying it was easy and since I mastered corner resverse and parallel park, I shouldn't worry. Of course I should-- I get super nervous about anything I don't think I've mastered. So when the (very nice instructor) asked me to do a bay park directly before we even went out to drive, I botched it. Felt panicky and frozen, and couldn't get it right. Ended up between two spaces, and gave up too soon, probably...told her that I didn't want to continue the test since I'd already failed. Ended up crying most of the morning. I'm just so frustrated and drained by this process. Upset with myself for self-sabotaging due to nerves and panic-- in my normal state I would have easily been able to fix this problem, but the feeling of someone watching me so carefully makes me SUPER nervous and on edge. And I hate the DSA. I genuinely feel that this test is too rigid. No one was around for my imperfect bay park to affect-- so why can't that count as three or four minors? It's a system that permits so little imperfection, and focuses on such inconsequential things at times, that I have grown to deeply resent this process and the bureaucracy behind it. I'm fed up with draining my savings for this never-ending process, and fed up with feeling like a total idiot.
:-( Thanks for listening. Any advice would be a great help!