Background info (for reference only):-
US? My ex boyfriend and I are coursemates at uni and we dated for 5 months.
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ME? I am known for being cheerful and bubbly on my course, but I am also an insecure person.
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HIM? He is known for being really cold, unsociable and only cared about academics (but I was quite attracted by that as I like nerdy guys - never knew that it was to an extent where he'd complain about us not talking about the subject when we are chilling together or during meal times). He needs a lot of validation from his mum and they are constantly texting throughout the day. Will talk more about his relationship with his parents.
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BREAKUP? Broken up for quite a few times, but the most recent and last breakup happened due to the following reason: He was angry at me for making a negative comment about fine dining (i think it's very uptight and i personally don't enjoy it) - he said he was personally offended because he had previously worked for a fine dining restaurant and he personally enjoys fine dining. I would understand that he's upset if he was taking me out for a fine dining meal, but we were just going for chinese that night.
He said that I ruined the night, and was angry enough to tell me to stfu, even when it's the last day before I had to fly home for the summer. When I felt upset about his reaction, he said that I didn't deserve consolation because I asked for that. He was so pissed off at me that he didn't talk to, hug or see me off at the station (as he promised to). He didn't come because I didn't apologise as he demanded me to, as a condition.
Things that he wasn't happy about me:Problem of space: I really love this guy and I tried extremely hard during our relationship, to improve on things that he wanted me to improve on - he said that we spent too much time together and he wanted to spend time with friends, so I would suggest that he go and meet up with friends and suggested things that we could do to increase the amount of personal space in the future, as I really wanted us to last.
Problem of not letting him pause the argument and storm out and suddenly cease a conversation: He is the kind of person who would suddenly storm out of the room and cease the argument. I really didn't like that and asked if he had to do that (because there's a time when he stormed out, and before he did he said that he would come back to talk, which I then agreed with. He came back, put me on the phone with his mum, who asked him if 'he's done it (got rid of me) - to tell me off and tell me to leave. He packed all of my stuff and threw them out). He said I was disrespecting his personal rights so I stopped asking him to stay to talk. I would just let him storm out and talk again, whenever he wanted to and if he wanted to.
Problems I had with him:Punching me and saying really nasty things at the heat of the moment and saying that I was too sensitive: Whenever we argued, I would encourage that we sit together and try to speak logically - let our minds speak before our hearts, our emotions. He agreed that it's a good idea because he has a tendency of saying really nasty things at the heated moment (e.g. he's called me childish, naive, a *****; He has also swore a lot at me). There's also a time when he held me up to punch me continuously in the stomach to the point that I felt really sick. He told me to go to the hospital on my own so that they wouldn't suspect him. I was really upset, but he said that it was self defense because I was trying to ask him to hug me when he didn't want to.
Charging me for things that he bought for me: He's bought me some flowers and some chocolates. When he's angry at me, he ate all of the chocolates himself and when we broke up, he asked me to pay him back (a value that is more than the worth of the flowers - 50 pounds for some 20 pounds flowers). Also asked me to pay him back for some flight tickets he booked to come and visit my family in the summer (originally) as he wouldn't go unless it's for that purpose. I didn't pay. He wanted to make a point so he told me that he was binning a book that I got for him, which had a lot of meanings to it, as he can do whatever he wants.
Locking me out -1) Once he packed all of my stuff and demanded that i leave.
2) Another time when he went home for his mum's birthday celebration, he forgot to give me his keys as he promised to, as my keys were at his place. Originally he said he'd come back by train (as it would only take half an hour to come back), so I went back to the train station, holding bags of frozen ingredients that I bought to cook him a huge meal when he's back. Half an hour later, I called again as he hadn't appeared. My phone was running out of battery, but he told me to go and try and ask the security guards to open my door for me so to save him time. It would take me much more time than he would, and he said he's already in the car. He said that I was making it a big deal and that he would 'ruin his mums birthday surprise if he came back'. He didn't come back in the end, and was angry at me. I had to make up for it.
3) There's a time when we were unhappy with each other and I asked for my keys back so that I could go out at some point, asked him to call and I would open the door for him when he comes back. (we were going to different places) He was angry and threw my keys into my corridor for me to pick up from the floor. Am I a dog or something?? He said if I didn't, then i'd be locked out of the flat. Then he did, and I had to go and talk to the security guards about it. They said its really abusive what he's been doing to me all along.
His parents1) He texts his mum all day all night and he constantly seeks validation from his mum.
2) She thinks that she has the right to shout at me on the phone as her son wants her to.
3) She texts to tell me not to mess with her son4) She said that I was destroying their holiday when I was studying at uni all alone (as I was taking the 2nd sitting of exams) and only texting her son at night for a bit, just to talk briefly. The worst thing is that he would blame all of it on me. He'd call that a sacrifice.5) His parents say that I don't deserve him. He's only told his dad about some bad stuff that he's done... and complains about me all the time. He said that's because he thought the relationship felt too nice and he needed to involve a third party to judge it??
Another girl - There's this really flirtatious girl who would flirt with every guy, even though she's in a relationship herself. She's calling everyone honey and okay I know that some people do - but I didn't like it so I simply politely texted her, asking if she could stop calling him that pet name. She came to our room to shout at me, saying that she's f***ing someone else not my bf. Saying that I was really insecure and pathetic and etc. I went back into the room feeling really humiliated, only to hear from him that he agreed with her and that he thought I deserved the humiliation and I asked for it. He said he'd stop talking to her as he knew that its upsetting me what he said about her shouting at me, but he resumed their conversation and lied about it. Said that it was just a technical error but was found to be lying. He said I was controlling and jealous.
He had also made a certain promises and ended up breaking all of them, and said that I just had to live with that
Blackmailing: When we broke up, he sent me explicit pictures that he took of me without me knowing when I walked out of the shower in a towel. He threatened to send them around - to my family and friends. I told him that it's illegal and he said 'f*** you'. He also got really furious with me when I refused to have sex with him, he said i was taking his rights away. I was really upset about that as i thought he'd respect me, so i wanted to go for a walk, and he threw my bag on the floor and said 'i hope you don't get raped!'.
He texted me recently saying that he wants to get back together, but I refused to. It was painful to reject him because he said he was all alone when I was gone, he felt so unwanted, isolated and he felt that he could never find someone who loves him as much as I did. When I did reject him, he was furious and swore about my entire family, which he then apologized for..
I am really upset
And so sorry for this long post