I don't know what to do. Through primary school and high school i was seen as the class nerd. Always one to make sure that teachers didn't need any help etc. Stayed back extra to help out sort classrooms and things like that. However this included bullying. I've encountered endless amounts of it and it dragged me down and I got fed up.
However, I somehow toddled along crying myself to sleep some night and generally keeping it all inside. I moved onto college where i kind of mingled with a group but not really friends if that makes sense. And still the bullying continued and still i didn't go out to anything, i was stuck in doors alone.
Anyway, then it was time for me to break free. I applied for uni and even thought i got into my last choice, basically getting rejected from the one i wanted and deciding the other uni wasn't for me i gritted my teeth and went for it. Thinking It would be a great fresh start for me to change as a person. Hah, how I was wrong. Still im not blending in. I don't like clubs I prefer to go to pub and have a social drink but no one wants to do that. And because I don't go to clubs I get classed as the boring sod. and I have found myself yet again stuck in my room the majority of the time. The university is crap with societies the majority are sports time of which im pretty fat and just cant play sports because im crap at them. Ive joined a uni society one of the few there are and its tiny so not really making friends that way.
Its getting me really down it seems like im never going to have a social life never going to have a life. Im a lad and never had a bf or gf )yes you heard it right im bi and not out) My family although pretty support really strain me being a split family and all. Thy just don't see what talking to me about how much of a cow bag the opposite one is actually affects me even when i tell them to stop. Obviously there's a lot more in depth with that but im not going to go into it.
In conclusion, Ive never had love, and haven't had any sort of friends for years and years. I just end up being confined to my room with incredibly low self esteem thinking im ugly and everyone hates me. I think if something doesn't happen soon I will end up getting depression. I just don't know what to do. I cant see a silver lining.
anyway if you have read it thanks can could spend a whole day going in to everything but I didn't want to bore you
Oh and finally i'm NOT contemplating suicide I just simply dont know what to do
Thanks for reading