(Original post by Anonymous)
I just can't understand why this keeps happening. Please advise.
Here's the story: I'm in my first year of uni now and I'm loving every minute of it. I'm studying an amazing course and made several great friends, most of whom are female. But at the same time I feel so isolated from everyone else, and whenever I develop feelings for a girl I'm forced to suppress my desires because I know I'll just be rejected again. I have to accept that girls are just not interested in me like they are in other guys, and it's killing me inside.
Last year, on my gap year, I asked a few girls out and was rejected every time. Before that, during my A-Levels, I asked some girls out. One gave me the silent treatment - didn't give me an answer and never responded to my calls or texts (once a month or so). I still haven't spoken to her to this day. Another one became quite indifferent, started making up rumours about me, whispering behind my back and just having a good gossip at my expense. During my GCSE's, I was rejected by at least another 3 girls - none of them appreciated my feelings for them and just went after the guys they wanted (for the record, none of those guys have got anything going for them right now). I've never had any girl ask me out, because I'm just not lucky enough to have that happen. It seems like everything has gone downhill since the first half of secondary school, during which I had a few girlfriends.
After every rejection, I've taken a step back and looked at what went wrong. Every time I wanted to ask a girl out, I would go through the process of assessing my chances, discussing it with friends, planning a special way to approach, waiting for the opportune moment and then going for it. I try to put on a confident face even if I feel like running away, but something always finds a way to go wrong and spoil my chances. It's not my personality as many girls have told me I'm really sweet and special to them. It's not my body or looks as I've been topless in front of girls before and received compliments on my muscular build. It's not my attitude or appearance, as I try my best to come over as smooth, I take care of myself and I treat girls with the utmost respect. So then I really can't understand why they choose to go for the guys who, compared to me, are idiots (don't want to sound arrogant, but it's true).
I'm concerned about falling into depression (despite having plenty of friends and emotional support) because being more than just friends with a girl is so important to me, and I haven't kissed a girl in 7 years. Some would call me a social recluse because I don't drink, but I still go out regularly and enjoy myself in restaurants/bars/cinemas/whatever with my friends. I'm expected to drink myself silly to show others I can have a good time, which girls find attractive. It seems like girls only want to go out with me if we're with a group of other people - never ever alone with me. I'm always putting on a brave face, like I don't care about having a girlfriend, but in reality it's making me more and more miserable.
Yesterday was just another day for me, because I've given up trying to express my affection to any girl I develop feelings for, on any day of the year - let alone Valentine's Day. I stayed in all evening and watched action movies, because no girl (out of maybe 20 I spoke to during the day) was interested in even saying "Happy Valentine's Day" to me. I didn't care that I no-one gave me a rose or a card, but what made it hurt was the fact that several good friends of mine (all girls) wished everyone else a Happy Valentine's and not me. It wasn't a great day because the 2 girls who are most important to me, and to whom I most wanted to wish a Happy Valentine's, avoided me all day. One blatantly ignored me while I tried to speak to her and the other didn't return my phone call.
That's not the end of it: there seems to be a deep-rooted problem with the way girls are treating me at the moment. If a girl happens to start a conversation with me (i.e. through Facebook or phone), I will always reply out of courtesy and apologise if I take more than a few hours to get back to them. But after that, I have never ever received another message from the same girl in the time I took to reply to them. They ask me something, I reply, then silence. Each girl takes about 3 months to reply to a text or phone call - unless I speak to them in person or they need something, in which case they will send me another message and the cycle starts again.
I'm starting to accept that I will be alone for the rest of my life, and no girl will ever see anything attractive in me in the way they do with other guys. I've convinced myself that I never want to get married because a girl might just be after my money and not love - so I want to run away to a remote part of the world and get a good job where everyone appreciates me. It makes me feel slightly better knowing that one day, some of the girls will realise how they showed me no affection, and what they missed out on. But I can't go on like this forever.
You want to know the worst part? I've never got past the kissing stage with a girl. I lost my virginity to a 35-year old escort last year.
PS. Cue neg reps! Haters gonna hate - but you will never understand.