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So sick of being rejected.

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    don't worry about it. I'm a girl, I'm 20 and i've never had a boyfriend. and thats not a problem. you are looking for a girlfriend. every friend that happens to be a girl you spring on in hope of a relationship. you get rejected so many times because you try so many times, and none of them are right for you. maybe they feel you only talk to them because you want a relationship from them, or anyone, and they don't feel comfortable. if you look for it, you will keep fooling yourself into thinking you've found it, or even drive away the right ones. relax, take a break from it and let it work itself out. stop looking and eventually, the right one will come. but she won't come until you are happy with yourself the way you are. remember, there is no check-list of right attributes that should make you a magnet, or even attractive to most girls. if your right for her, your right for her, if your not, your not; and she waont be right for you.
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    OP, I understand your relationship problems are no joke to you, but are you this oversensitive and unhumorous in real life, too? (Oh, I know, I know, you make girls laugh. But it's not impossible that you are a bit ..erm, how do I put this, stiff all the same. Good at making girls laugh but always taking yourself far too seriously.)

    I've noticed that you jump to defence for no apparent reason far too early in a conversation, effectively never allowing it to happen. I, for one, would find this quality somewhat of a deal-breaker. And it's not that I thrive on 'insulting' others, it's just that this kind of touchiness would be overwhelming to deal with in a relationship.
    Also, the routine about how girls need to be shocked into realizing what they're missing out on is quite disturbing to me. If that's what you really think, i.e. if that is how you're rationalizing the feeling of underappreciation, it probably projects into disdain in ways you haven't thought of. I at least would certainly sense it if I met you in real life, and it would not make you attractive. Not to mention it would probably scare me away.

    I'm not trying to assault or insult you with all this. But as you seem to insist there must be something wrong with you --since you've 'read books on how to ask a girl out' (huge waste of time by the way, those books are full of so much crap I can't even begin to explain it)--, I am simply giving you a for instance.
    Funny thing is, though, that all of this is merely a result of your fixation on the alleged problem, so what I am saying has been covered already - by 'stop focusing on it', 'relax', 'enjoy yourself', etc.

    I've been where you are almost my entire life, I know that, when you haven't had the chance to be in a relationship, you think that's all there is to life. But, believe me, when you get into one, you might very well realize it's not a priority at this stage of your life. This is what happened to me at least.
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    (Original post by brunettegirl92)
    don't worry about it. I'm a girl, I'm 20 and i've never had a boyfriend. and thats not a problem. you are looking for a girlfriend. every friend that happens to be a girl you spring on in hope of a relationship. you get rejected so many times because you try so many times, and none of them are right for you. maybe they feel you only talk to them because you want a relationship from them, or anyone, and they don't feel comfortable. if you look for it, you will keep fooling yourself into thinking you've found it, or even drive away the right ones. relax, take a break from it and let it work itself out. stop looking and eventually, the right one will come. but she won't come until you are happy with yourself the way you are. remember, there is no check-list of right attributes that should make you a magnet, or even attractive to most girls. if your right for her, your right for her, if your not, your not; and she waont be right for you.
    Thank you for your advice.

    I've done my best over the years to keep all the girls I ask out completely separate so that word doesn't spread about how many times I've been rejected. I've asked girls who don't know each other and live on completely different sides of the country. Believe me, I don't become friends with girls just to have a relationship with them - I'm friends with many girls whom I've never asked out and I would like to keep as friends. What you say about none of them being right for me - that's true, but what I can't understand is why I've never been given an opportunity to find out if anyone is right for me. How can nearly 30 girls immediately assume that I don't deserve a minute of their time to get close to them, even though I have great chemistry with all of them? There is something about me that makes all girls assume I would not be good in a relationship and none of them have ever stopped to think properly about it (despite all of them being pretty intelligent), so I've completely given up trying now.

    I have tried both approaches with much persistence. I do relax, I go for many months without thinking about girlfriends, I don't look at any girls and I try to let things work themselves out - that gets me nowhere because girls will still ignore me if I don't say anything. I have to be the one to make the first move because a girl would never do that for me, and I can't live my whole life thinking that the right girl will come along "one day" just because I've never had any success before. Then I try obsessing about it and being very selective about who I ask out, maybe 2-3 girls a year. Nothing. I've asked out a few girls a year for about 7 years in a row and after every single one rejected me, I've gone quiet. All my male friends are currently in relationships or have been in serious relationships before, so I just feel isolated and sheltered because I will never know what it's like to have just 1 person appreciate me more than a friend.

    I would like to reiterate again that I am perfectly happy with everything about myself and my life, apart from relationships - so nothing can spill over into a conversation with a girl to put her off me. I am happy with my looks and my body, I love my course and having great friends - but at the same time I know that no-one will see me as anything more than a good friend. That upsets me, makes me feel depressed and withdraw into myself.

    (Original post by nod)
    OP, I understand your relationship problems are no joke to you, but are you this oversensitive and unhumorous in real life, too? (Oh, I know, I know, you make girls laugh. But it's not impossible that you are a bit ..erm, how do I put this, stiff all the same. Good at making girls laugh but always taking yourself far too seriously.)

    I've noticed that you jump to defence for no apparent reason far too early in a conversation, effectively never allowing it to happen. I, for one, would find this quality somewhat of a deal-breaker. And it's not that I thrive on 'insulting' others, it's just that this kind of touchiness would be overwhelming to deal with in a relationship.
    Also, the routine about how girls need to be shocked into realizing what they're missing out on is quite disturbing to me. If that's what you really think, i.e. if that is how you're rationalizing the feeling of underappreciation, it probably projects into disdain in ways you haven't thought of. I at least would certainly sense it if I met you in real life, and it would not make you attractive. Not to mention it would probably scare me away.

    I'm not trying to assault or insult you with all this. But as you seem to insist there must be something wrong with you --since you've 'read books on how to ask a girl out' (huge waste of time by the way, those books are full of so much crap I can't even begin to explain it)--, I am simply giving you a for instance.
    Funny thing is, though, that all of this is merely a result of your fixation on the alleged problem, so what I am saying has been covered already - by 'stop focusing on it', 'relax', 'enjoy yourself', etc.

    I've been where you are almost my entire life, I know that, when you haven't had the chance to be in a relationship, you think that's all there is to life. But, believe me, when you get into one, you might very well realize it's not a priority at this stage of your life. This is what happened to me at least.
    Thank you for your advice.

    As I've told many people, I'm a completely different person when I'm around my friends (including girls) than I am when I'm on my own. I have many different sides to me that I show to different people. This obsessive and upset side of me is only how I feel at home on my own - then as soon as I leave home, I take on a different personality. I've never told anyone that I come home every day feeling depressed, hating myself and everyone else around me because no-one has taken the time to get to know me outside of the workplace. Even though I socialise regularly in big groups of students, everything just feels so superficial - I'm popular with girls but so easily ignored by them at the same time. I've never had anyone individually visit me or ask me how I am while I'm at home, let alone a girl.

    If you've come to the conclusion that I jump to defence too early in a conversation, just by reading my responses to above users, then you don't know me well enough. I never come across that way to anyone in person. I'm very sensitive about this issue, so please forgive me if I've offended you.

    I believe there must be something wrong with me because despite being happy with myself and everything going on in my life (I'm studying a respected course and I know that the family are proud of me), I don't have a sense of direction. I get distracted and jealous of all the guys I know who have nothing going for them, just because they have girlfriends. They treat their girlfriends badly, they don't work or study, but for some reason their relationships last for ages. I've read the books on how to get a girlfriend because I really didn't know what else to do. Asking my male friends for advice, I just get "Don't worry about it, girls like you" or "You'll get a girlfriend when you're older" in response. That's so patronising and unsympathetic - and I've noticed that many of my male friends, despite being fantastic people, treat me slightly differently because they all know I've never had a girlfriend. That's because they all think I'm happy this way, when in fact I'm not - and that is tearing me apart. I don't bother asking female friends for advice because they won't help.

    As I've mentioned before, there is very little change in the situation whether I relax and take things calmly, or whether I start obsessing. Both result in rejection. I'm happy that you were able to discover that a relationship doesn't take precedence in life. Believe me, I would love to leave all these worries behind and just focus completely on my studies - but I know that if I never have the opportunity to discover what a relationship is like, I will be very bad at it when I eventually end up with someone I don't know. My situation is: no girlfriend allowed + no previous relationship history + no girls interested + no support = arranged marriage due to no success. I don't want that.

    I've stooped getting my hopes up about finally starting a relationship one day, because I will just end up disappointed. Even though no girl has said it to me, I know they all think I don't deserve a relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your advice.

    I've done my best over the years to keep all the girls I ask out completely separate so that word doesn't spread about how many times I've been rejected. I've asked girls who don't know each other and live on completely different sides of the country. Believe me, I don't become friends with girls just to have a relationship with them - I'm friends with many girls whom I've never asked out and I would like to keep as friends. What you say about none of them being right for me - that's true, but what I can't understand is why I've never been given an opportunity to find out if anyone is right for me. How can nearly 30 girls immediately assume that I don't deserve a minute of their time to get close to them, even though I have great chemistry with all of them? There is something about me that makes all girls assume I would not be good in a relationship and none of them have ever stopped to think properly about it (despite all of them being pretty intelligent), so I've completely given up trying now.

    I have tried both approaches with much persistence. I do relax, I go for many months without thinking about girlfriends, I don't look at any girls and I try to let things work themselves out - that gets me nowhere because girls will still ignore me if I don't say anything. I have to be the one to make the first move because a girl would never do that for me, and I can't live my whole life thinking that the right girl will come along "one day" just because I've never had any success before. Then I try obsessing about it and being very selective about who I ask out, maybe 2-3 girls a year. Nothing. I've asked out a few girls a year for about 7 years in a row and after every single one rejected me, I've gone quiet. All my male friends are currently in relationships or have been in serious relationships before, so I just feel isolated and sheltered because I will never know what it's like to have just 1 person appreciate me more than a friend.

    I would like to reiterate again that I am perfectly happy with everything about myself and my life, apart from relationships - so nothing can spill over into a conversation with a girl to put her off me. I am happy with my looks and my body, I love my course and having great friends - but at the same time I know that no-one will see me as anything more than a good friend. That upsets me, makes me feel depressed and withdraw into myself.



    Thank you for your advice.

    As I've told many people, I'm a completely different person when I'm around my friends (including girls) than I am when I'm on my own. I have many different sides to me that I show to different people. This obsessive and upset side of me is only how I feel at home on my own - then as soon as I leave home, I take on a different personality. I've never told anyone that I come home every day feeling depressed, hating myself and everyone else around me because no-one has taken the time to get to know me outside of the workplace. Even though I socialise regularly in big groups of students, everything just feels so superficial - I'm popular with girls but so easily ignored by them at the same time. I've never had anyone individually visit me or ask me how I am while I'm at home, let alone a girl.

    If you've come to the conclusion that I jump to defence too early in a conversation, just by reading my responses to above users, then you don't know me well enough. I never come across that way to anyone in person. I'm very sensitive about this issue, so please forgive me if I've offended you.

    I believe there must be something wrong with me because despite being happy with myself and everything going on in my life (I'm studying a respected course and I know that the family are proud of me), I don't have a sense of direction. I get distracted and jealous of all the guys I know who have nothing going for them, just because they have girlfriends. They treat their girlfriends badly, they don't work or study, but for some reason their relationships last for ages. I've read the books on how to get a girlfriend because I really didn't know what else to do. Asking my male friends for advice, I just get "Don't worry about it, girls like you" or "You'll get a girlfriend when you're older" in response. That's so patronising and unsympathetic - and I've noticed that many of my male friends, despite being fantastic people, treat me slightly differently because they all know I've never had a girlfriend. That's because they all think I'm happy this way, when in fact I'm not - and that is tearing me apart. I don't bother asking female friends for advice because they won't help.

    As I've mentioned before, there is very little change in the situation whether I relax and take things calmly, or whether I start obsessing. Both result in rejection. I'm happy that you were able to discover that a relationship doesn't take precedence in life. Believe me, I would love to leave all these worries behind and just focus completely on my studies - but I know that if I never have the opportunity to discover what a relationship is like, I will be very bad at it when I eventually end up with someone I don't know. My situation is: no girlfriend allowed + no previous relationship history + no girls interested + no support = arranged marriage due to no success. I don't want that.

    I've stooped getting my hopes up about finally starting a relationship one day, because I will just end up disappointed. Even though no girl has said it to me, I know they all think I don't deserve a relationship.
    In bold - how do you know this? Maybe they have thought long and hard about it and decided they just don't like you in that way? You're making pretty big assumptions about these girls and playing down their intelligence just because they haven't had an epiphany about what a wonderful boyfriend you might be. That's pretty rude to be honest.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your advice.

    Thank you for your advice.

    As I've told many people, I'm a completely different person when I'm around my friends (including girls) than I am when I'm on my own. I have many different sides to me that I show to different people. This obsessive and upset side of me is only how I feel at home on my own - then as soon as I leave home, I take on a different personality.This is why I specified "in ways you haven't thought of". You would be surprised at what females, and I suppose not only, can sense despite your masterpiece of a social mask. I definitely wouldn't want to depress you even more, but there is no way that emotional pit stays at home and at home only. Or, even if it does, the mask may seem too elaborate not to be deliberate. I've met people like that, and yes, it shows. I've never told anyone that I come home every day feeling depressed, hating myself and everyone else around me because no-one has taken the time to get to know me outside of the workplace. Even though I socialise regularly in big groups of students, everything just feels so superficial - I'm popular with girls but so easily ignored by them at the same time. I've never had anyone individually visit me or ask me how I am while I'm at home, let alone a girl.

    If you've come to the conclusion that I jump to defence too early in a conversation, just by reading my responses to above users, then you don't know me well enough. I never come across that way to anyone in person. I'm very sensitive about this issue, so please forgive me if I've offended you.

    I believe there must be something wrong with me because despite being happy with myself and everything going on in my life (I'm studying a respected course and I know that the family are proud of me), I don't have a sense of direction. I get distracted and jealous of all the guys I know who have nothing going for them, just because they have girlfriends. They treat their girlfriends badly, they don't work or study, but for some reason their relationships last for ages. I've read the books on how to get a girlfriend because I really didn't know what else to do. Asking my male friends for advice, I just get "Don't worry about it, girls like you" or "You'll get a girlfriend when you're older" in response. That's so patronising and unsympathetic - and I've noticed that many of my male friends, despite being fantastic people, treat me slightly differently because they all know I've never had a girlfriend. That's because they all think I'm happy this way, when in fact I'm not - and that is tearing me apart. I don't bother asking female friends for advice because they won't help.

    As I've mentioned before, there is very little change in the situation whether I relax and take things calmly, or whether I start obsessing. Both result in rejection. I'm happy that you were able to discover that a relationship doesn't take precedence in life. Believe me, I would love to leave all these worries behind and just focus completely on my studies - but I know that if I never have the opportunity to discover what a relationship is like, I will be very bad at it when I eventually end up with someone I don't know. My situation is: no girlfriend allowed + no previous relationship history + no girls interested + no support = arranged marriage due to no success. I don't want that.And it won't come to it, as long as you stop beating yourself so much. Really, it feels like you've totally given up (oh, right, you say it yourself). I'd hate to bring up that feng-shui-type stuff as an argument, but it is true that your very attitude and energy could be what decides you fate. Simply because your fate is your job.

    I've stooped getting my hopes up about finally starting a relationship one day, because I will just end up disappointed. Even though no girl has said it to me, I know they all think I don't deserve a relationship.
    Could it be that you just don't know the right people? You sound like a sweet guy in general, I find it hard to believe no one took the time and effort to get to know you. Or is it that mask too perfect indeed? If you're making yourself come across as a guy who doesn't need any intimate kind of attention [because supposedly he gets plenty], people may even assume it would annoy you if anyone tried to get any closer. OK, MAJOR speculation here, but apparently something doesn't add up. You can try by showing a bit of that vulnerability, or even some mere openness to vulnerability. You know the old cliche - love is letting people hurt us. Or something to that effect. Plus, there's another cliche - women like men whom they can fix. If you appear too perfect and completely and unconditionally happy with what you are and have, there might be nothing in it for the girls.
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    (Original post by nod)
    Could it be that you just don't know the right people? You sound like a sweet guy in general, I find it hard to believe no one took the time and effort to get to know you. Or is it that mask too perfect indeed? If you're making yourself come across as a guy who doesn't need any intimate kind of attention [because supposedly he gets plenty], people may even assume it would annoy you if anyone tried to get any closer. OK, MAJOR speculation here, but apparently something doesn't add up. You can try by showing a bit of that vulnerability, or even some mere openness to vulnerability. You know the old cliche - love is letting people hurt us. Or something to that effect. Plus, there's another cliche - women like men whom they can fix. If you appear too perfect and completely and unconditionally happy with what you are and have, there might be nothing in it for the girls.

    Maybe I don't know the right people where I am at the moment. But I have known many more open-minded and sensitive girls at other places - and they didn't treat me any differently. The last relationship I had (nearly 8 years ago) lasted for 3 weeks and ended with the girl telling me that she wanted someone more "perfect". Ever since then, contrary to what you say, every girl who has even mentioned the subject of boyfriends to me (very briefly) in conversation has said that they want someone who has no weaknesses which the girl can see. Whether they were all just saying something as ridiculous as that to put me down, I will never know.

    I've tried being vulnerable and sensitive - that has always resulted in a girl calling me "cute" or "sweet" or a "good friend". I've always made it clear to any girl who was even remotely interested, that I was in need of female attention and I never made any attempt to show otherwise - but then many girls have assumed that I'm just the type of person to leave hanging because of my very empty relationship history. I've tried the carefree, confident attitude (which is how I behave normally) but no girl notices me because they have always (quite conveniently) preferred the guy who doesn't talk to anyone. I know I'm not perfect, and I've never tried to convince anyone that I am - I'm not arrogant or pompous like I know some other guys are, but they're still successful with women despite being complete ****holes in front of everyone. Those are the guys that would never stop being idiots for anyone, let alone a girl - and yet all the examples I know are in relationships. I've tried staying the way I am, waiting for the "right" girl to come along one day and I've tried adapting myself to become someone a girl might like. Nothing works. Maybe I should try waiting another 9 years and then re-assess where the failure is.
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    #1

    Maybe I am putting the idea of a relationship on a pedestal. That's only because I've never had a proper experience of a relationship, with someone who genuinely cares about me and who wasn't going out with me just to spite another guy. So I have no idea what it feels like to be appreciated by someone of the opposite sex, and I've never been given an opportunity to treat one like a lady - despite the fact that I'm a true romantic at heart. I know the problem is not with the way I treat girls - so for now I've completely given up trying and all I can do is just hold on to the slim hope that one day I might meet a girl who is different and doesn't care about everything else I've been rejected for in the past. But that gets less and less likely every day, as I discover that a long and varied relationship history is extremely important to all the girls who come into my life. Every relationship update I hear about from my friends (whether they be link-ups or break-ups), involves the guy who has dated several girls over the years.

    To all those who are currently in, or who have at least had a proper relationship at least once in their lives: consider yourself lucky.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Maybe I am putting the idea of a relationship on a pedestal. That's only because I've never had a proper experience of a relationship, with someone who genuinely cares about me and who wasn't going out with me just to spite another guy. So I have no idea what it feels like to be appreciated by someone of the opposite sex, and I've never been given an opportunity to treat one like a lady - despite the fact that I'm a true romantic at heart. I know the problem is not with the way I treat girls - so for now I've completely given up trying and all I can do is just hold on to the slim hope that one day I might meet a girl who is different and doesn't care about everything else I've been rejected for in the past. But that gets less and less likely every day, as I discover that a long and varied relationship history is extremely important to all the girls who come into my life. Every relationship update I hear about from my friends (whether they be link-ups or break-ups), involves the guy who has dated several girls over the years.

    To all those who are currently in, or who have at least had a proper relationship at least once in their lives: consider yourself lucky.
    Op you sound like a decent guy. Are you sure you are looking for girls in the right place? For some reason it seems like they are friend-zoning you early on. I think being good friends with someone you date is important but maybe leaving it too late might make it awkward for them to go for friend to girlfriend.
    As you seem kind of perfect maybe they are intimidated they might not think they live up to your standards? Although you say you do not have high standards, do you think it might be the type of girls you go after. Is there a particular type you go after?

    You sound like you are an asian guy. If that is so, i don't see how any asian girl would not be interested in dating you. Unless you actively avoid asian girls, as some asian guys do, or you are not attracted to them. Do you look at asian girls as potential partners? How do you know you are not getting rejected for cultural reasons or because of background? Maybe the girls don't know what a long term relationship will involve and stick to the safe side of friendship. I also don't think arranged marriages are as bad as people make them out to be ..as long as the couple like each other and it's consensual.

    Maybe the girls you know are not really as open minded or sensitive as you think. Do you have an objective person who can give you their views?
    I know a lot of girls who would like to date someone as caring and sensitive as you, so maybe you are looking at the wrong place or looking at the wrong type of girls?

    hope i didnt sound harsh but was just trying to help you.
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    Some evolutionary theory for you: Women have developed the ability to hide their menstrual cycles from others, and have become the "choosy sex", so that they are able choose the best mates to fertilize them. This, though, is a very baseline instinct, and has no impact on girls making friends - but it does on who they want a relationship with. Guys on the other hand, simply wish to spread their genes - and no doubt you've found yourself greatly attracted to women you've seen for only a few seconds. Another interesting thing men seem to go through, is that (massively in general) unless a man actively holds the point of view that a female friend is not physically attractive, he will at some point (for some length of time - might get over it, could also never die out) fancy her.

    Now you have a problem. I've seen in this thread you can take such comments to be offensive, but this is after all objective - You have goal, that isn't happening for you. This is obviously, the definition of a problem. And I wish to point out anything that could be taken as "offensive" is not intended so. The problem lies in that women can like a person for simply being that person, and having them as a friend, while men have a harder time doing that. Even if you believe you are capable of having female friends you don't fancy (I do myself), it is definitely harder (and I've fancied all the ones I thought were physically attractive for a period of time). Now you, as assured by others, and undoubtedly adding to confusion, have what girls considered a good personality. That's vague, though. I don't think anyone would ever claim there is only one kind of personality that's "good", and I'd put money on some are better than others. I believe those 'better' ones, are the ones girls will find attractive.

    So now you're left with a choice; stay as you are and wait for the girl that wants a partner with your current self (I'm sure they exist, somewhere. Kinda like legendary pokemon), or endeavour in personal growth, and develop the facets of a personality that are more universally attractive, so to speak. I cannot think off the top of my head what these are, but I shall consider it and post again..

    Edit: By the way, this is not meant to suggest you need to change yourself - merely develop. The greatest priority in life, from my worldview is to be yourself. Nevertheless, this does not mean 'you' cannot change with time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The signs have always been there from every girl I've asked out. Things like chatty girls being shy when I talk to them, finding reasons to hold my hand, complimenting me on my body shape. These are the same girls who rejected me. If the signs were not there then I wouldn't even dream of asking a girl out even if I'm completely attracted to them. My male friends do point out to me if a girl might have feelings for me, and I have asked out some very attractive girls because I had encouragement from my friends - still nothing. I don't know if every girl I've asked out is playing hard to get, or if they enjoy doing this to me. I'm completely persistent - but on a couple of occasions, some girls have even said yes to going out with me and then rejected me at the last minute, before a first date. I've exhausted all the options on how to improve myself, and I've read lots of books on how to ask a girl out - so the problem must be with their attitude to me. As harsh as that sounds, I can't think of any other reason why I'm always being rejected.
    Well I don't know what the problem is. I read in one of your later posts that you might be putting the idea of a relationship on a pedastal, and I think this might be the root of your problem if I'm honest. When men and women (both do it) do this, it shows. And in ways you don't realise. Looking back now, it's very clear my ex boyfriend was like this, and one of my best friends is so fixated on getting a boyfriend, she sends off signals of desperation and it puts boys off her.

    Also the fact that you change the way you act. It's obvious when people do this too.

    My honest advice- relax, act yourself, and stop being so fixated on being in a relationship. It's not all it's cracked up to be- who's to say that the first relationship you get will be that great? Finding someone is one thing, finding someone decent is another, and believe me, being single is a LOT better than being in an unhappy relationship.

    And to all the blokes saying girls have it easy (OP I'm aware you haven't said this so it's not aimed at you!) we don't. And you saying we do makes us feel worse.
    #3

    No girls don't have it easy when it comes to getting a boyfriend- I'm 20 and I've hardly had any male attention at all let alone a proper relationship. To me it looks like guys have no problems getting a girlfriend, regardless of how physically attractive they are or not where as certainly most of the guys I know look at a girls attractiveness first, and won't give a second thought if she isn't physically attractive.
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    (Original post by sophisticated)
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    Listen to this girl^^

    I was in a similar position to you last year, was fed up of being rejected and came on here and wallowed in my self pity. But eventually it got through from talking to her and others on here that something had to change, its not them its YOU, to use a stupid cliche.

    Go and change yourself (well develop yourself like the other poster said) and make a better you. So your not changing your tweaking yourself so to speak. People WILL notice, a lot of my friends have noticed a change and have said that im a lot more confident as a result. I havent had a girlfriend thus far, but hopefully something will happen.

    Forget about getting a girlfriend and make it happen. In otherwords forget about getting a girlfriend like your actively searching to get a girlfriend as it comes off as unattractive. By being lax it will occur, strange i know but it will happen.

    Go out HAVE FUN with the lads generally look happy and girls will want a piece of your ass!! haha As they are missing out on the fun that your having and they will chase you! As you come across as funny, confident and most importantly fun. No one wants a bore fest for a partner. See where i'm coming from?

    A few pointers to get the ball rolling

    Buy some new clothes that your comfortable in (sounds silly but you by clothes you feel good in you will feel attractive and that will come off, even your body language will change by being in good clothes)

    Shave more often (no one wants a five a clock shadow all the time, just look presentable, not saying you arent but still)

    Not too everybodies taste but moisturise your face
    (dont want to look all greasy and ****, I mean look at Jamie Redknapp hes a good looking guy, he moisturises)

    Not a nessetity but gel your hair if you must

    Wear aftershave when you go out, even if its casual, if you smell good, its good!!

    Get a hobby
    Learn something new (even learning a new skill will bring off confidence, it will work trust me)
    Go out more often

    and lastly but certainly not least

    Live by these phrases:

    **** it
    Cut the foreplay and just ask
    Let the chips fall where they may. Just let go.


    Those quotes are basically my way atleast of not giving a ****, girls love a guy who doesnt give a **** about what he does or how people percieve or think of him (to an extent obviously) do what you want, do what makes you happy, then and only then will you BE YOUR OWN MAN. Once you realise that you'll realise how much of a pussy you sound right now, im sorry you do. I've gone back and read the texts that I used to send to the girls that I liked and boy do I sound like a weak, defensless "sweet" guy. You do not want to be that guy. You want to be like the guy like ive just described. Its ****ty quote but:

    "Grow some balls and MAN UP"

    Oh and watch Fight Club. Lots of life lessons about confidence and such in that film.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No girls don't have it easy when it comes to getting a boyfriend- I'm 20 and I've hardly had any male attention at all let alone a proper relationship. To me it looks like guys have no problems getting a girlfriend, regardless of how physically attractive they are or not where as certainly most of the guys I know look at a girls attractiveness first, and won't give a second thought if she isn't physically attractive.
    My post appears to be deleted for some strange reason...weird.

    Im sure if you asked a boy out he would say yes..and i dont generally mean a relationship but getting sex if you are a girl is as easy as a phone call away..not so as a guy.

    like i'll give you an example of why im sick of girls in this city..or even country.

    Yesterday i walked into a place where this girl i know works, i walked past her and didnt say anything as i was going to buy a sandwich and i didnt want to talk to her incase i got her in trouble with her employers. anyway.

    She randomly texts me today saying "did you see me yesterday?" and i said "yeah i remember i did, i didnt want to talk to you as i thought i would get you in trouble"

    and she replies "i would of rather you not said anything anyway lol"

    What the hell does that mean!
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    (Original post by TranceEnergy1989)
    My post appears to be deleted for some strange reason...weird.

    Im sure if you asked a boy out he would say yes..and i dont generally mean a relationship but getting sex if you are a girl is as easy as a phone call away..not so as a guy.

    like i'll give you an example of why im sick of girls in this city..or even country.

    Yesterday i walked into a place where this girl i know works, i walked past her and didnt say anything as i was going to buy a sandwich and i didnt want to talk to her incase i got her in trouble with her employers. anyway.

    She randomly texts me today saying "did you see me yesterday?" and i said "yeah i remember i did, i didnt want to talk to you as i thought i would get you in trouble"

    and she replies "i would of rather you not said anything anyway lol"

    What the hell does that mean!
    im afraid ive no idea what your friend was on about.

    and i told a guy i liked that I liked him recently and got told he just saw me as a friend, despite the fact we had got fairly close which he had initiated, and now he's found someone else whose so much prettier so its like how the hell do i have a chance.
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    (Original post by bananabrain)
    x
    Nope, that's true but not the whole truth. Any good looking girl who isn't a bitch should ask a guy the following question. 'If I let you, would you **** me.' or something more subtle so the guy doesn't hesitate, they would all say yes. I don't want to make you lot feel bad, but it's the fact that a lot of men see sex as such an important thing in their lives, they'll follow the rules so they're not a man whore, but at the end of the day, most girls who are good looking can ask a guy out and they'll say yes.

    (Original post by Cheech23)
    Listen to this girl^^

    I was in a similar position to you last year, was fed up of being rejected and came on here and wallowed in my self pity. But eventually it got through from talking to her and others on here that something had to change, its not them its YOU, to use a stupid cliche.

    Go and change yourself (well develop yourself like the other poster said) and make a better you. So your not changing your tweaking yourself so to speak. People WILL notice, a lot of my friends have noticed a change and have said that im a lot more confident as a result. I havent had a girlfriend thus far, but hopefully something will happen.

    Forget about getting a girlfriend and make it happen. In otherwords forget about getting a girlfriend like your actively searching to get a girlfriend as it comes off as unattractive. By being lax it will occur, strange i know but it will happen.

    Go out HAVE FUN with the lads generally look happy and girls will want a piece of your ass!! haha As they are missing out on the fun that your having and they will chase you! As you come across as funny, confident and most importantly fun. No one wants a bore fest for a partner. See where i'm coming from?

    A few pointers to get the ball rolling

    Buy some new clothes that your comfortable in (sounds silly but you by clothes you feel good in you will feel attractive and that will come off, even your body language will change by being in good clothes)

    Shave more often (no one wants a five a clock shadow all the time, just look presentable, not saying you arent but still)

    Not too everybodies taste but moisturise your face
    (dont want to look all greasy and ****, I mean look at Jamie Redknapp hes a good looking guy, he moisturises)

    Not a nessetity but gel your hair if you must

    Wear aftershave when you go out, even if its casual, if you smell good, its good!!

    Get a hobby
    Learn something new (even learning a new skill will bring off confidence, it will work trust me)
    Go out more often

    and lastly but certainly not least

    Live by these phrases:

    **** it
    Cut the foreplay and just ask
    Let the chips fall where they may. Just let go.


    Those quotes are basically my way atleast of not giving a ****, girls love a guy who doesnt give a **** about what he does or how people percieve or think of him (to an extent obviously) do what you want, do what makes you happy, then and only then will you BE YOUR OWN MAN. Once you realise that you'll realise how much of a pussy you sound right now, im sorry you do. I've gone back and read the texts that I used to send to the girls that I liked and boy do I sound like a weak, defensless "sweet" guy. You do not want to be that guy. You want to be like the guy like ive just described. Its ****ty quote but:

    "Grow some balls and MAN UP"

    Oh and watch Fight Club. Lots of life lessons about confidence and such in that film.
    You don't always have to shave all the time. Look presentable with your facial hair more like.
    I agree. More people say I'm more assured and confident over the past year. Yet to find a girlfriend, but it's not something I'm honestly searching for. Oh and I wanted a relationship and got one, it wasn't what I thought it would be tbh and I thought it was a bit of a burden at times.

    The aftershave all the time thing is only good if you want to smell good by yourself, not if you want other people to think you smell good.

    OP should just be himself, stop wallowing in self pity and think about the good things in his life, if he wants to make something better, he should try and make it better, find the best way to make it better. OP should be content with himself as he is now but always look to improve himself too. E.g. if you are good at an instrument, focus on improving your skills, if you are good at football, improve your skills even more or learn something new like another language.

    Agree with the don't give a **** comment. Talk to someone because you want to talk to them, don't talk to someone because you have to and for god sake don't be the nice guy in order to be liked by everyone. People like that honestly piss me off.
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    (Original post by jelly1000)
    im afraid ive no idea what your friend was on about.

    and i told a guy i liked that I liked him recently and got told he just saw me as a friend, despite the fact we had got fairly close which he had initiated, and now he's found someone else whose so much prettier so its like how the hell do i have a chance.
    I really really hate to be a dick, but it really just sounds like he just had a better option or was in the process of getting that other girl and didn't want to ruin it, I could bet an arm off that he would have developed feelings for you if that girl rejected him and he ran out of options.

    Either that or it was impractical of him to go out with you because of distance or some other unknown reason. I just see you as a friend is just a lazy excuse. Men and women use the same excuse to turn down people.
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    (Original post by jam277)
    I really really hate to be a dick, but it really just sounds like he just had a better option or was in the process of getting that other girl and didn't want to ruin it, I could bet an arm off that he would have developed feelings for you if that girl rejected him and he ran out of options.

    Either that or it was impractical of him to go out with you because of distance or some other unknown reason. I just see you as a friend is just a lazy excuse. Men and women use the same excuse to turn down people.
    damn screw anon, he'd only just met that girl when i finally told him i liked him but yeah judging from her its not suprising he went for her. definitley wasnt impractical for us to go out, we live 2 mins from each other in uni halls.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just can't understand why this keeps happening. Please advise.

    Here's the story: I'm in my first year of uni now and I'm loving every minute of it. I'm studying an amazing course and made several great friends, most of whom are female. But at the same time I feel so isolated from everyone else, and whenever I develop feelings for a girl I'm forced to suppress my desires because I know I'll just be rejected again. I have to accept that girls are just not interested in me like they are in other guys, and it's killing me inside.

    Last year, on my gap year, I asked a few girls out and was rejected every time. Before that, during my A-Levels, I asked some girls out. One gave me the silent treatment - didn't give me an answer and never responded to my calls or texts (once a month or so). I still haven't spoken to her to this day. Another one became quite indifferent, started making up rumours about me, whispering behind my back and just having a good gossip at my expense. During my GCSE's, I was rejected by at least another 3 girls - none of them appreciated my feelings for them and just went after the guys they wanted (for the record, none of those guys have got anything going for them right now). I've never had any girl ask me out, because I'm just not lucky enough to have that happen. It seems like everything has gone downhill since the first half of secondary school, during which I had a few girlfriends.

    After every rejection, I've taken a step back and looked at what went wrong. Every time I wanted to ask a girl out, I would go through the process of assessing my chances, discussing it with friends, planning a special way to approach, waiting for the opportune moment and then going for it. I try to put on a confident face even if I feel like running away, but something always finds a way to go wrong and spoil my chances. It's not my personality as many girls have told me I'm really sweet and special to them. It's not my body or looks as I've been topless in front of girls before and received compliments on my muscular build. It's not my attitude or appearance, as I try my best to come over as smooth, I take care of myself and I treat girls with the utmost respect. So then I really can't understand why they choose to go for the guys who, compared to me, are idiots (don't want to sound arrogant, but it's true).

    I'm concerned about falling into depression (despite having plenty of friends and emotional support) because being more than just friends with a girl is so important to me, and I haven't kissed a girl in 7 years. Some would call me a social recluse because I don't drink, but I still go out regularly and enjoy myself in restaurants/bars/cinemas/whatever with my friends. I'm expected to drink myself silly to show others I can have a good time, which girls find attractive. It seems like girls only want to go out with me if we're with a group of other people - never ever alone with me. I'm always putting on a brave face, like I don't care about having a girlfriend, but in reality it's making me more and more miserable.

    Yesterday was just another day for me, because I've given up trying to express my affection to any girl I develop feelings for, on any day of the year - let alone Valentine's Day. I stayed in all evening and watched action movies, because no girl (out of maybe 20 I spoke to during the day) was interested in even saying "Happy Valentine's Day" to me. I didn't care that I no-one gave me a rose or a card, but what made it hurt was the fact that several good friends of mine (all girls) wished everyone else a Happy Valentine's and not me. It wasn't a great day because the 2 girls who are most important to me, and to whom I most wanted to wish a Happy Valentine's, avoided me all day. One blatantly ignored me while I tried to speak to her and the other didn't return my phone call.

    That's not the end of it: there seems to be a deep-rooted problem with the way girls are treating me at the moment. If a girl happens to start a conversation with me (i.e. through Facebook or phone), I will always reply out of courtesy and apologise if I take more than a few hours to get back to them. But after that, I have never ever received another message from the same girl in the time I took to reply to them. They ask me something, I reply, then silence. Each girl takes about 3 months to reply to a text or phone call - unless I speak to them in person or they need something, in which case they will send me another message and the cycle starts again.

    I'm starting to accept that I will be alone for the rest of my life, and no girl will ever see anything attractive in me in the way they do with other guys. I've convinced myself that I never want to get married because a girl might just be after my money and not love - so I want to run away to a remote part of the world and get a good job where everyone appreciates me. It makes me feel slightly better knowing that one day, some of the girls will realise how they showed me no affection, and what they missed out on. But I can't go on like this forever.

    You want to know the worst part? I've never got past the kissing stage with a girl. I lost my virginity to a 35-year old escort last year.

    PS. Cue neg reps! Haters gonna hate - but you will never understand.
    My dear friend, I sympathise for you. It's unfortunate that I must be the bringer of bad news but you are what we would call, a BETA male as opposed to an alpha male. I'll keep this short because my time is valuable. You need to stop being such a pushover. Females are not your friends; in fact they can never be your friends. If you have female friends this makes you look bad, it makes you look like a loser. It also means you've been friendzoned. If a girl considers you a friend, then there's little chance of getting anywhere with her. She will look at you with disdain, as a tool for ego boosting or for casual talk. You must escape the friendzone by breaking every single female friend relationship you have. If you need friends, there are lots of guys there that can be your friend. Also stop being such a sucker, you need to treat girls like the trash that they are. Girls will tell what they like in a guy, it's all lies. All girls like are guys that treat them bad, guys who are good looking, guys who have power/money. They don't care about anything else. So you need to stop treating females with respect, because you are just allowing them to walk all over you.
    If you want more information here is the ladder theory:
    http://www.laddertheory.com/hiddenvariables.htm
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You said I lead a sheltered life. I call that an insult.
    Jesus christ OP, people are going to insult you during your whole life whether they mean it or not. If you gave me a penny for everytime you got angry for being insulted, i'd be richer than bill gates, you gemme dawg?

    But in all seriousness, you sound like the type of guy who overthinks about something a lot. I used to be like that, then I realised it was what was causing a lot of the problems I had..I'd jump to conclusions that were just incorrect. Often it helped me because I learnt to see people's actual intentions when conversing with them, I could see if they were talking to me to get something out of me or take advantage of something about me OR if they were genuinely befriending me.

    What's the best thing to do here is to drop the idea of "getting a relationship". I've found that the best feeling in life is just "falling in love accidentally". Don't go looking for a relationship, ever. Just let it happen Make friends with girls, treat them, tease them, give them a good time and at one point, both you and the girl will just feel it's right to define yourself as boyfriend and girlfriend. Loosen up bro, it's what I did and I can name several girls I probably have tied round my finger now As mean as it sounds to say it, those girls are just like you.

    The girls oyu like are just tying you round their little fingers, and once they see you're easy to get, they get turned off. Listen, girls like a challenge Prove yourself to be a challenge to get, and they'll feel you being worthy of chasing, and eventually will feel the great satisfaction of knowing they're the special someone of someone who's worthy (what you need to be).

    So stop aiming to get a relationship, make friends with intelligent girls and prove to be someone hard to get.

    Say you go fishing, and you're catching a fish every minute....all these petty little fish that keep biting your hook and you're reeling them in, over and over. No fun eh? Now imagine going fishing and spending all day fishing, but catching nothing. And suddenly, you got a huge bite on your hook and you have the hardest challenge ever reeling it in, but once you caught it and know it's yours, the satisfaction will be more than catching 500000000000 easy fish in one day. Be that big fish

    If you've never been fishing or haven't got my point, think of it like this: Girls can see that you really want a relationship and that they could get you instantly. They don't like that. So you need to change. If you need help on how to change, reply to this and I'll give you a few tips but IMO you just need to know to stop being such a 'nice guy'. NOTE; does not mean be an *******.

    TL;DR
    if you skipped to this then forget getting a relationship.

    P.S. Every rejection is just one step closer to a relationship

    not sure why the neg o.O
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    (Original post by jelly1000)
    im afraid ive no idea what your friend was on about.

    and i told a guy i liked that I liked him recently and got told he just saw me as a friend, despite the fact we had got fairly close which he had initiated, and now he's found someone else whose so much prettier so its like how the hell do i have a chance.
    Different guys have different perceptions and preferences Don't base your life round the opinions of one guy lol.

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