Should you date someone with a mental illness?
Anon because I know people on here 
cheers.
Okay, I met a guy. Very nice, polite, gentleman and generally a complete babe. There's one problem. We both have really bad depression. Should I date him, or will the relationship be destructive? He's absolutely head-over-heels for me. He's a really creative guy, but he gets inspiration from rather dark and disturbing places. He takes drugs occasionally, but I'm not too bothered so long as he's not dependent (he only does it every couple of months). My main problem is, if we were to date, would it be a case of me being the stronger one, when sometimes I need someone to be there for me and pick up the pieces? We're both on medication for our depression but he seems less able to cope with it than I do.
Thanks!
cheers.Okay, I met a guy. Very nice, polite, gentleman and generally a complete babe. There's one problem. We both have really bad depression. Should I date him, or will the relationship be destructive? He's absolutely head-over-heels for me. He's a really creative guy, but he gets inspiration from rather dark and disturbing places. He takes drugs occasionally, but I'm not too bothered so long as he's not dependent (he only does it every couple of months). My main problem is, if we were to date, would it be a case of me being the stronger one, when sometimes I need someone to be there for me and pick up the pieces? We're both on medication for our depression but he seems less able to cope with it than I do.
Thanks!
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when i was 16, me and this girl were flirting a lot, texting, it was obvious we liked each other
then she told me that she has a mental illness
i know this may be shallow hence why I'm anon, but i slowly decided to move on from here.
Should I have tried, perhaps?
I'm 18 now and I still wouldn't be sure if i would. It would depend on how serious it is and will it affect the relationship significantly?
then she told me that she has a mental illness
i know this may be shallow hence why I'm anon, but i slowly decided to move on from here.
Should I have tried, perhaps?
I'm 18 now and I still wouldn't be sure if i would. It would depend on how serious it is and will it affect the relationship significantly?
Should you date someone with mental illness? If he's stable and not spontaneous, then yes
Would I date someone with mental illness? Probably not
Would I date someone with mental illness? Probably not
Original post by Anonymous
when i was 16, me and this girl were flirting a lot, texting, it was obvious we liked each other
then she told me that she has a mental illness
i know this may be shallow hence why I'm anon, but i slowly decided to move on from here.
Should I have tried, perhaps?
I'm 18 now and I still wouldn't be sure if i would. It would depend on how serious it is and will it affect the relationship significantly?
then she told me that she has a mental illness
i know this may be shallow hence why I'm anon, but i slowly decided to move on from here.
Should I have tried, perhaps?
I'm 18 now and I still wouldn't be sure if i would. It would depend on how serious it is and will it affect the relationship significantly?
Well more than anything, I'd be understanding because we both have depression and have been suicidal in the past, had addictions etc., but I need a guy that can pick up the pieces when I'm feeling bad. My concern is that I'd be propping him up too much because in order to unleash his creativity, he has to go off the rails a bit, or so it seems, and goes to a really dark place. I'm thinking more long-term because I'm getting on a bit and there's another guy in the frame who's not got a mental illness and is really supportive and lovely too. He would be the safe option, but I don't know if guy #1 is a risk worth taking because of our mental illnesses.
Original post by Pink Gravy
Should you date someone with mental illness? If he's stable and not spontaneous, then yes
Would I date someone with mental illness? Probably not
Would I date someone with mental illness? Probably not
I don't understand why you got negged for this!
He's stable on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes he forgets to take his medication whereas I'm really strict about taking mine and sometimes he does drugs. I'm more worried about how he gets his creativity. He's a musician and writes songs but in order to do that, he kind of disturbs his mental state. Not entirely sure if that's something to worry about or not. Also concerned about me having a bad day. I seem to be the stronger one out of both of us, so I'm worried that I'd have to constantly be the strong one and he wouldn't let me break down, which I do from time to time.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't understand why you got negged for this!
He's stable on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes he forgets to take his medication whereas I'm really strict about taking mine and sometimes he does drugs. I'm more worried about how he gets his creativity. He's a musician and writes songs but in order to do that, he kind of disturbs his mental state. Not entirely sure if that's something to worry about or not. Also concerned about me having a bad day. I seem to be the stronger one out of both of us, so I'm worried that I'd have to constantly be the strong one and he wouldn't let me break down, which I do from time to time.
He's stable on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes he forgets to take his medication whereas I'm really strict about taking mine and sometimes he does drugs. I'm more worried about how he gets his creativity. He's a musician and writes songs but in order to do that, he kind of disturbs his mental state. Not entirely sure if that's something to worry about or not. Also concerned about me having a bad day. I seem to be the stronger one out of both of us, so I'm worried that I'd have to constantly be the strong one and he wouldn't let me break down, which I do from time to time.
Personally, if you're both suffering with depression, a relationship wouldn't be wise?
I know he would understand you better blah blah but i see it as a viscous cycle
Original post by Pink Gravy
Personally, if you're both suffering with depression, a relationship wouldn't be wise?
I know he would understand you better blah blah but i see it as a viscous cycle
I know he would understand you better blah blah but i see it as a viscous cycle
This is what I was thinking...I know how I get when my depression gets too much, I'm completely crazy and off the rails. I'm scared he would get like that too and I wouldn't know how to handle it because I can't handle myself, not to mention someone else. He's a risk, he's the exciting choice between the two guys currently on the scene, but I'm scared of it being a flash in the pan and ending after 2 months or something.
This is an interesting thread. There's still so much stigma surrounding mental illness, and having a mental illness doesn't necessarily make you crazy.
I personally wouldn't date someone with a mental illness but that's only because I have experience of it myself, and as a consequence, I'd prefer to be partnered with someone mentally stronger than myself. I do know what you mean about the destructive cycle that comes with you being the partner to shoulder the burden. I've experienced that before in relationships and it only made it worse for me. So you have to be careful when you go about it.
With regards to what everyone else has said, dating someone with a mental illness isn't as high maintenance as you think. It's only a problem if the person isn't able to manage it properly through therapy and other channels. I'd say that if you do date someone with mental illness, it has to be someone who's actively helping themselves rather than leaning on their partner.
I personally wouldn't date someone with a mental illness but that's only because I have experience of it myself, and as a consequence, I'd prefer to be partnered with someone mentally stronger than myself. I do know what you mean about the destructive cycle that comes with you being the partner to shoulder the burden. I've experienced that before in relationships and it only made it worse for me. So you have to be careful when you go about it.
With regards to what everyone else has said, dating someone with a mental illness isn't as high maintenance as you think. It's only a problem if the person isn't able to manage it properly through therapy and other channels. I'd say that if you do date someone with mental illness, it has to be someone who's actively helping themselves rather than leaning on their partner.
I don't think I would enjoy dating a depressive person.
I did used to like someone who suffered mild cases of epilepsia, and I would have been there for him had it worked. But really, I prefer an emotionally stable person, and I am not good at dealing with depressive people (nor do I want to end up depressed)... so probably not.
I did used to like someone who suffered mild cases of epilepsia, and I would have been there for him had it worked. But really, I prefer an emotionally stable person, and I am not good at dealing with depressive people (nor do I want to end up depressed)... so probably not.
i dont thinkk you should, i even found friendships hard :/
personaly i wouldnt og out with someone else who has/had and ed, its too triggering, but it doesnt really bother me, unless they become overly-dependent on me, because i like to be looked after
xx
personaly i wouldnt og out with someone else who has/had and ed, its too triggering, but it doesnt really bother me, unless they become overly-dependent on me, because i like to be looked after
xx
Thanks guys I think in this case, although I can understand where this guy is coming from, it may be too difficult because he'd lean on me a bit too much when I also need some reassurance etc.
I think in this case, although I can understand where this guy is coming from, it may be too difficult because he'd lean on me a bit too much when I also need some reassurance etc.I would understand him well because I know where he's coming from, but I think he would depend on me too much. He hasn't bothered with therapy in years. It doesn't work for everyone, I know through the years I've done of it, but he's not really trying. Sometimes he doesn't take his medication either, which is worrying because he's said he goes off the rails if he doesn't take them. I think he'd lean on me too much. Thanks guys!
I don't think there's any reason not to date someone with a mental illness as long as there's something positive in it for both of you and it doesn't have the potential to be destructive. A friend of mine has Asperger's Syndrome and he dates alot. Despite his quirks occasionally getting in the way, it seems to work for him
I think you have to be honest with yourself and do whats best for you. It might be what both of you need but from personal experience you dont want to turn your boyfriend into your counsellor, whilst its fine telling him whats bothering you but if you become dependent on it you need to ask yourself whether you need additional support from services available to you.
Good Luck
Good Luck
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think there's any reason not to date someone with a mental illness as long as there's something positive in it for both of you and it doesn't have the potential to be destructive. A friend of mine has Asperger's Syndrome and he dates alot. Despite his quirks occasionally getting in the way, it seems to work for him
Yeah, I mean I obviously have one so I get it but I just don't know if we'd clash because we both have depression. I mean, the other day I was really down and he was really supportive, even though he was feeling awful as well, so perhaps I'll give it a go!
Original post by darthgirlie
I think you have to be honest with yourself and do whats best for you. It might be what both of you need but from personal experience you dont want to turn your boyfriend into your counsellor, whilst its fine telling him whats bothering you but if you become dependent on it you need to ask yourself whether you need additional support from services available to you.
Good Luck
Good Luck
I think it may be good because we can understand each other, but then I don't want to be his counsellor if he can't handle stuff because sometimes he doesn't take his medication and goes off the rails a bit. I know I'm stable enough, but part of me is thinking it may be good for both of us if we got in a relationship because we understand each other...but it may also be destructive!
also i think, generally, it depends on what illness they have
depression is different to adhd to bipolar etc
xx
depression is different to adhd to bipolar etc
xx
Original post by Anonymous
My concern is that I'd be propping him up too much because in order to unleash his creativity, he has to go off the rails a bit, or so it seems, and goes to a really dark place.
Original post by Anonymous
Sometimes he forgets to take his medication whereas I'm really strict about taking mine and sometimes he does drugs. I'm more worried about how he gets his creativity. He's a musician and writes songs but in order to do that, he kind of disturbs his mental state.
Original post by Anonymous
he's not really trying.
And that final quote is the crux of the issue. Dating someone with a mental illness is fine as long as they are willing to work on/control it. Someone who decides to **** himself up to help his "creativity" (oh please) when he is already mentally troubled is not the kind of a partner you need when you suffer from depression yourself.
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