Best guy friend I'm in love with told me he's gay
We've been really close friends for close to 5 years now, and I've been in love (I don't use the term lightly) with him for quite a while now. It came as a bit of a shock because (and I hate to stereotype) he's really into football, cars, and typical 'bloke' stuff.
The realisation that nothing will ever happen between us has left me feeling a bit down. I know that if he'd liked me he would have made a move by now, but I guess I always had hope somehow.
And I can hardly distance myself from him now to try and get over him. He said I'm the only person that knows (so far) and he'll probably get the wrong end of the stick and think I'm homophobic or something. (We're both 19 and 20 btw).
I'm not sure why I've posted this exactly. I just feel a bit lost right now.
The realisation that nothing will ever happen between us has left me feeling a bit down. I know that if he'd liked me he would have made a move by now, but I guess I always had hope somehow.
And I can hardly distance myself from him now to try and get over him. He said I'm the only person that knows (so far) and he'll probably get the wrong end of the stick and think I'm homophobic or something. (We're both 19 and 20 btw).
I'm not sure why I've posted this exactly. I just feel a bit lost right now.
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hmm... it's a tricky situation. i think the only way to get over him is to be 100% honest with him. you do not want to lose him as a friend and i think you should just tell him about your feelings and that will help you. i'm not sure about telling him you love him, but maybe that you like him. make it clear you know nothing will happen but you want to get things out in the open so it isn't awkward etc.
he is your friend above anything and distancing yourself from him would be wrong, even if he wasn't gay... especially after he came out to you, he needs all the help he can get.
it must be really hard for both of you but you can move on from this AND keep him as a friend.
really feel for you OP it's a bit of a ****ty situation but look on the bright side, at least this'll give you a bit of closure, before you probably had hope even though he wasn't making a move!
he is your friend above anything and distancing yourself from him would be wrong, even if he wasn't gay... especially after he came out to you, he needs all the help he can get.
it must be really hard for both of you but you can move on from this AND keep him as a friend.
really feel for you OP it's a bit of a ****ty situation but look on the bright side, at least this'll give you a bit of closure, before you probably had hope even though he wasn't making a move!
Very tricky situation.
Be there for him if he's come out to just you. He will need your support, and evidently trusts you.
You'll never get with him, which isn't nice to say, but you know its true.
All the best, do remember there are roughly 3.5 billion guys in the world, there's always another guy.
Be there for him if he's come out to just you. He will need your support, and evidently trusts you.
You'll never get with him, which isn't nice to say, but you know its true.
All the best, do remember there are roughly 3.5 billion guys in the world, there's always another guy.
On the plus hand you now have a gay best friend- you're living the dreams of any girl who has watched more than 3 episodes of Sex and The City.
Maybe tell him? Admit your feelings? It might be a bit pride crushing but then if you do feel you have to distance yourself from him then he'll understand it.
Maybe tell him? Admit your feelings? It might be a bit pride crushing but then if you do feel you have to distance yourself from him then he'll understand it.
This must be a really difficult position to be in.
He'll probably need your support right now, so just try and be there for him and maybe meet other guys so that you can start to move on.
Wish I could be of more help. 
He'll probably need your support right now, so just try and be there for him and maybe meet other guys so that you can start to move on.
Wish I could be of more help.
Thanks for the replies.
We were just hanging out today, which did feel a bit weird now I know, but I guess it's something I'm going to have to get used to.
We were just hanging out today, which did feel a bit weird now I know, but I guess it's something I'm going to have to get used to.
I'm sorry to hear this OP. I guess the only thing you can do is to be there for him and try your best to find another guy to focus your feelings on.
Original post by ChilliBonbon
I'm sorry to hear this OP. I guess the only thing you can do is to be there for him and try your best to find another guy to focus your feelings on.
Truth is I really don't like any other guy atm.
He's said that he feels somewhat nervous about coming out properly because his dad doesn't like gay people in general, so you're right, I do need to be there for him.
At 19, people are still exploring their emotions and attractions. You never know, he may be bi in the end, but for now don't let it alter your friendship. He's probably scared as it is of what people are going to think; he may not have even come out to his family, and he will need a good friend like you to 'hold his hand' and help him ride this out, whether the sea is stormy or calm.
Original post by kittyr002
Be there for him if he's come out to just you. He will need your support, and evidently trusts you.
Why are you just copying and pasting part of someone else's post?
Suck it up, dont tell him, and remember that there are a LOT of men out there that will be as good or better.
if i were you id be open to him about how you feel. chances are if hes never appeared gay before he may be going through a bit of a crisis - or maybe hes confused/depressed/lacking confidence - if you really like him you should say, if youre as close as you say, worst that can happen is itll be awkward for about five minutes
Original post by totopink
On the plus hand you now have a gay best friend- you're living the dreams of any girl who has watched more than 3 episodes of Sex and The City.
Maybe tell him? Admit your feelings? It might be a bit pride crushing but then if you do feel you have to distance yourself from him then he'll understand it.
Maybe tell him? Admit your feelings? It might be a bit pride crushing but then if you do feel you have to distance yourself from him then he'll understand it.
Hahaha are you saying every girl needs a Stanford?
Original post by Desperate Prayer
Suck it up, dont tell him, and remember that there are a LOT of men out there that will be as good or better.
What's the video about? I can't see it on my computer.
Original post by Clez
if i were you id be open to him about how you feel. chances are if hes never appeared gay before he may be going through a bit of a crisis - or maybe hes confused/depressed/lacking confidence - if you really like him you should say, if youre as close as you say, worst that can happen is itll be awkward for about five minutes
Thanks, but I think if he says he's gay then he's gay. I don't think he's confused about his sexuality... rather when to come out to everyone else and what people's reactions will be.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks, but I think if he says he's gay then he's gay. I don't think he's confused about his sexuality... rather when to come out to everyone else and what people's reactions will be.
Not necessarily. I had a friend who came out as gay randomly when he'd always appeared to be straight and we were all dead shocked. It turned out he was having some sort of personality crisis or something coz then a few months later he went back to dating girls.
Original post by Anonymous
Truth is I really don't like any other guy atm.
He's said that he feels somewhat nervous about coming out properly because his dad doesn't like gay people in general, so you're right, I do need to be there for him.
He's said that he feels somewhat nervous about coming out properly because his dad doesn't like gay people in general, so you're right, I do need to be there for him.
It's a ****ty situation to be in. Hopefully you could try spending a bit less time with him once he's come out to some more friends. At least that'll ease the pressure off you being the only person to support him through this.
Original post by ChilliBonbon
It's a ****ty situation to be in. Hopefully you could try spending a bit less time with him once he's come out to some more friends. At least that'll ease the pressure off you being the only person to support him through this.
On second thoughts, this is better advice. When other people know, it will make things easier, and that'd most likely be the best time to spend less time with him (whilst still being his friend).
Just don't pressure him into telling others.
Best of luck
Not trying to be horrible here, but, you being straight have PLENTY of options available to you where as, me being gay have narrowed my choices down DRASTICALLY because, well as you can imagine, not many people are gay.
I have a guilty crush (who I believe is the pinnacle of sexiness) on someone I know (or should I say did, got over it knowing it would never happen). However, we are friends, he knows I am gay, he doesn't know I liked him. =l
I even have a picture of the guy, I know that sounds creepy but I think he took it by accident with my phone. =l
Honest, I SWEAR I AM NOT a stalker. =l
I have a guilty crush (who I believe is the pinnacle of sexiness) on someone I know (or should I say did, got over it knowing it would never happen). However, we are friends, he knows I am gay, he doesn't know I liked him. =l
I even have a picture of the guy, I know that sounds creepy but I think he took it by accident with my phone. =l
Honest, I SWEAR I AM NOT a stalker. =l
(edited 11 years ago)
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