I say something small he doesn't like and he ignores me for hours.
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Original post by Sexy!egs
He is not an arse hole.
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Ya he is.
Original post by danny111
Ya he is.
I wasn't aware you knew him!
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Original post by Sexy!egs
I wasn't aware you knew him!
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This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
It's because you are in denial...
Original post by Sexy!egs
I was after other people who have experienced this and how to deal with it.
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This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
What you described in the op is how a ten year old would act.
The truth hurts, he's acting like a child and you're love for him is so great you can't see his major flaw.
I have seen this type of threads come up again and again and yes you can try and make your bf change his ways but if you don't want to leave him, put up with his childish behaviour or make him change.
I doubt he would anyways.
He's treating you with contempt and it is emotional abuse. People are telling you to dump him because it's abusive behaviour that changes your goal from being happy to keeping him happy. The websites below have stratagies for dealing with it etc. Definitely worth a read.
http://www.idahostatesman.com/2012/06/27/2169736/deal-loudly-with-silent-treatment.html
http://www.statesman.com/news/lifestyles/speak-out-about-silent-treatment-1/nRtQ7/
http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/30/339-my-mom-gives-me-the-silent-treatment/
http://www.idahostatesman.com/2012/06/27/2169736/deal-loudly-with-silent-treatment.html
http://www.statesman.com/news/lifestyles/speak-out-about-silent-treatment-1/nRtQ7/
http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/30/339-my-mom-gives-me-the-silent-treatment/
Sounds really weird to me. If he won't listen to your opinions or your feelings it can't be much fun being in the relationship
Original post by Hal.E.Lujah
A bit uncalled for frankly. She asked for advice on an issue, and everyone tells her to dump someone? End a relationship 'Because Internet told me so?'
Its like if I came and posted ' What's the best chocolate ' and everyone posted 'You shouldn't eat chocolate it's bad for you', it's not really relevant.
No need to insult a woman asking for help, a bit low.
Its like if I came and posted ' What's the best chocolate ' and everyone posted 'You shouldn't eat chocolate it's bad for you', it's not really relevant.
No need to insult a woman asking for help, a bit low.
Everyone is telling her too dump him because this is a major personality issue and possibly some emotional abuse. This guy cannot change in the forseeable future unlesa something or someone tells him what he's doing wrong and he takes it into account or something happens too shock him out of it.
Damaging, unhealthy relationships shouldn't carry on in cases like these. She should dump him because that is the only option unless she stays with him and just deals with it instead of finding a mature man she can have a more mutual love with.
I agree that insults are a bit far, though.
Posted from TSR Mobile
No offence or anything, you should have probably guessed that posting on TSR would have garnered replies like these.
If you don't want to take anyone's advice, don't ask for it.
It's not my place to tell you to dump him, but I do think that when you aren't arguing, you need to confront the issue head-on. You need to be brave, and be ready to voice your emotions. And do it face-to-face if possible, so that he has no excuse to ignore you. And if he does ignore you then, as countless other have said, I don't think he's really worth your time, but if you can work through it, which is what I think you want to do, then that should be the approach first.
Listen to him though, try to listen to his side of things. Respectful, but important discussion can go a long way. You start the conversation though, so he hears you out, since you're the one who has a problem with his behaviour.
Good luck.
If you don't want to take anyone's advice, don't ask for it.
It's not my place to tell you to dump him, but I do think that when you aren't arguing, you need to confront the issue head-on. You need to be brave, and be ready to voice your emotions. And do it face-to-face if possible, so that he has no excuse to ignore you. And if he does ignore you then, as countless other have said, I don't think he's really worth your time, but if you can work through it, which is what I think you want to do, then that should be the approach first.
Listen to him though, try to listen to his side of things. Respectful, but important discussion can go a long way. You start the conversation though, so he hears you out, since you're the one who has a problem with his behaviour.
Good luck.
Tell him you're 17(?) and too old and too busy to be dealing with petty rubbish like that. Tell him to buck his ideas up and then get on with your life until he apologises. By letting yourself be affected by his attitude, it is making your grand plans seem insignificant or ridiculous or invalid or wrong - don't let him make you believe that's the case.
I suspect your boyfriend isn't going to university or is likely to go to a poorer university or assumes you will cheat on him at university or assumes he can't compete with the men you will meet and thus he feels resentful.
I suspect your boyfriend isn't going to university or is likely to go to a poorer university or assumes you will cheat on him at university or assumes he can't compete with the men you will meet and thus he feels resentful.
(edited 11 years ago)
I have been guilty of acting like this on a few occasions, and it's not because I don't respect my boyfriend, but because he sometimes says things that hurt or upset me, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to tell him it's affected me that way, except to ignore him. I know this is childish and thankfully in the last year I don't think I've done it all. I had a lot of emotional issues which I managed to resolve by talking to him, and now he's more receptive to realising I don't like something he's said, and I'm more happy to explain to him why I don't like it.
I think you need to think about why he doesn't like things you say - if it's merely a difference of opinion, then perhaps debate it with him so you can both understand each other's opinion and respect it (this might not work if you have really different opinions).
If he gets upset at other things - you said before when you talk about him going away - it might be because he has certain insecurities about these subjects and doesn't feel he can discuss them with you, and can't explain what his problem is. If this is the case, try discussing it with him and let him know that you are happy to listen and help him.
I think you need to think about why he doesn't like things you say - if it's merely a difference of opinion, then perhaps debate it with him so you can both understand each other's opinion and respect it (this might not work if you have really different opinions).
If he gets upset at other things - you said before when you talk about him going away - it might be because he has certain insecurities about these subjects and doesn't feel he can discuss them with you, and can't explain what his problem is. If this is the case, try discussing it with him and let him know that you are happy to listen and help him.
I don't know whether this will get read but I just want to offer up some different perspective. Initially, with my boyfriend, I'd act the same. Get upset over petty things and really make him chase me and appease me. I'm not really proud of it but I guess I had some of my own issues. I knew I'd be doing it but I just wanted to know if he'd be the same with me even if I was difficult - I'd been cheated on before and I just needed to know I was investing feelings into the right person so every time I acted out and he still cared - I'd feel assured that maybe he does have real feelings for me. But after a while, this started to become a habit on my part - I was conscious of it but couldn't really control it and obviously after some time, he started to get fed up, continuously having to walk on eggshells. So slowly over time, he started to snap back at me and tell me he wasn't going to take it from me. I didn't really like losing the control but it did make me realise I was being a really big baby and in a relationship, I couldn't always be right or have it my way. Though I knew this from the start, the fact that he took it and tolerated it, made me do it more, I guess. But I also knew it had to stop and him being firm with me has helped me. Since then, I have told him why I acted like that at times and he understands. And also, throwing tantrums all the times confuses the other person and they won't know when you are actually upset for real. Now, I don't get upset over small things and I'd only ever cause a fuss over something big and my bf will know I'm seriously upset - not just looking for attention or a way to control the relationship.
My point is sometimes its easy to for habits formed at the start of the relationship to spiral out of control even though the other person may not mean to and maybe they have a reason behind their 'childish', 'unjust' behaviour and if you sit there and take it, they won't have a reason to stop it. If you want it to stop, make it a point to stop it and treat them the same way if that's what it takes so they realise how it feels when its them on the other side. And if you mean as much as they mean to you, chances are they'll make the changes needed though obviously habits take time to break - just keep that in mind. But definitely don't just let it slide each time.
My point is sometimes its easy to for habits formed at the start of the relationship to spiral out of control even though the other person may not mean to and maybe they have a reason behind their 'childish', 'unjust' behaviour and if you sit there and take it, they won't have a reason to stop it. If you want it to stop, make it a point to stop it and treat them the same way if that's what it takes so they realise how it feels when its them on the other side. And if you mean as much as they mean to you, chances are they'll make the changes needed though obviously habits take time to break - just keep that in mind. But definitely don't just let it slide each time.
Original post by Sexy!egs
I couldn't leave him, I don't have the strength to. He knows that.
I think this is a real problem with your relationship. If he knows that you cannot leave him, then he has nothing to worry about. He can carry on acting like this and you will just keep coming back.
To me, the above is unhealthy and needs to be sorted. You have to be in a position where you know that, actually, you can cope without him. You wouldn't want to break up (no one does), but if it came to it, you would be able to let go.
A healthy relationship is one where the couple are together through consent. Not where they are together because they have got themselves into the mindset that "they don't have the strength" to leave their partner.
I know you are probably upset by some of the replies here and I am not too sure whether you are still following this thread. I am not going to tell you that you must leave him. I am just saying that you need to change your attitude toward the relationship. How you do this will take some thinking about.
Essentially, you need to stop this appearance of being dependent on him. Only then will he realise that he has to treat you with respect and listen to you in order to keep you.
Original post by Arekkusu
Tell him you're 17(?) and too old and too busy to be dealing with petty rubbish like that. Tell him to buck his ideas up and then get on with your life until he apologises. By letting yourself be affected by his attitude, it is making your grand plans seem insignificant or ridiculous or invalid or wrong - don't let him make you believe that's the case.
I suspect your boyfriend isn't going to university or is likely to go to a poorer university or assumes you will cheat on him at university or assumes he can't compete with the men you will meet and thus he feels resentful.
I suspect your boyfriend isn't going to university or is likely to go to a poorer university or assumes you will cheat on him at university or assumes he can't compete with the men you will meet and thus he feels resentful.
He's going to better uni than I am. I'm the one whose jealous and worried about the distance between us!
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Original post by Katie_p
I have been guilty of acting like this on a few occasions, and it's not because I don't respect my boyfriend, but because he sometimes says things that hurt or upset me, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to tell him it's affected me that way, except to ignore him. I know this is childish and thankfully in the last year I don't think I've done it all. I had a lot of emotional issues which I managed to resolve by talking to him, and now he's more receptive to realising I don't like something he's said, and I'm more happy to explain to him why I don't like it.
I think you need to think about why he doesn't like things you say - if it's merely a difference of opinion, then perhaps debate it with him so you can both understand each other's opinion and respect it (this might not work if you have really different opinions).
If he gets upset at other things - you said before when you talk about him going away - it might be because he has certain insecurities about these subjects and doesn't feel he can discuss them with you, and can't explain what his problem is. If this is the case, try discussing it with him and let him know that you are happy to listen and help him.
I think you need to think about why he doesn't like things you say - if it's merely a difference of opinion, then perhaps debate it with him so you can both understand each other's opinion and respect it (this might not work if you have really different opinions).
If he gets upset at other things - you said before when you talk about him going away - it might be because he has certain insecurities about these subjects and doesn't feel he can discuss them with you, and can't explain what his problem is. If this is the case, try discussing it with him and let him know that you are happy to listen and help him.
Thank you! That's pretty helpful to hear it from the other side!
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Original post by InnerTemple
I think this is a real problem with your relationship. If he knows that you cannot leave him, then he has nothing to worry about. He can carry on acting like this and you will just keep coming back.
To me, the above is unhealthy and needs to be sorted. You have to be in a position where you know that, actually, you can cope without him. You wouldn't want to break up (no one does), but if it came to it, you would be able to let go.
A healthy relationship is one where the couple are together through consent. Not where they are together because they have got themselves into the mindset that "they don't have the strength" to leave their partner.
I know you are probably upset by some of the replies here and I am not too sure whether you are still following this thread. I am not going to tell you that you must leave him. I am just saying that you need to change your attitude toward the relationship. How you do this will take some thinking about.
Essentially, you need to stop this appearance of being dependent on him. Only then will he realise that he has to treat you with respect and listen to you in order to keep you.
To me, the above is unhealthy and needs to be sorted. You have to be in a position where you know that, actually, you can cope without him. You wouldn't want to break up (no one does), but if it came to it, you would be able to let go.
A healthy relationship is one where the couple are together through consent. Not where they are together because they have got themselves into the mindset that "they don't have the strength" to leave their partner.
I know you are probably upset by some of the replies here and I am not too sure whether you are still following this thread. I am not going to tell you that you must leave him. I am just saying that you need to change your attitude toward the relationship. How you do this will take some thinking about.
Essentially, you need to stop this appearance of being dependent on him. Only then will he realise that he has to treat you with respect and listen to you in order to keep you.
Yeah rereading what I wrote I see how pathetic that sounds. Neither of us could leave the other cause we love each other so much.
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Original post by Sexy!egs
Yeah rereading what I wrote I see how pathetic that sounds. Neither of us could leave the other cause we love each other so much.
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This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Just don't say offensive things to him or insult him. Then he has no excuse or reason to give you the silent treatment.
Original post by Sexy!egs
Yeah rereading what I wrote I see how pathetic that sounds. Neither of us could leave the other cause we love each other so much.
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This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Honestly, ive read all the pages and you're making up lots of excuses up for him. "oh, but that doesnt affect how much he loves me!" etc.
Either you carry on like this, a miserable existence, letting him trample all over you or wake up and learn what a dick your bf he is.
Even if you dont leave him today, next week or next month. I can guarantee you will leave him in the near future because you'll wake up and say to yourself that "I need to be treated better than this". That'll be the day.
Original post by RogueCommando
Honestly, ive read all the pages and you're making up lots of excuses up for him. "oh, but that doesnt affect how much he loves me!" etc.
Either you carry on like this, a miserable existence, letting him trample all over you or wake up and learn what a dick your bf he is.
Even if you dont leave him today, next week or next month. I can guarantee you will leave him in the near future because you'll wake up and say to yourself that "I need to be treated better than this". That'll be the day.
Either you carry on like this, a miserable existence, letting him trample all over you or wake up and learn what a dick your bf he is.
Even if you dont leave him today, next week or next month. I can guarantee you will leave him in the near future because you'll wake up and say to yourself that "I need to be treated better than this". That'll be the day.
You're making too much of a big deal out of simple silent treatment.
the only thing i can advise, even though you've said it's hard, is to just stop bothering trying to contact him when he's doing it. don't send him multiple texts or voice mails or anything like that asking him why he's ignoring you, as I can only imagine that when he's having a strop and trying to ignore you it annoys him more that you're trying to talk to him - i'm not saying that's your fault though, obviously he's still the one being stupid.
i'd just suggest that you wait for him to contact you back, as when he does he'll of probably calmed down a bit and you can talk to him properly.
if he doesn't ever get back you, well then i guess you know what he's thinking!
i'd just suggest that you wait for him to contact you back, as when he does he'll of probably calmed down a bit and you can talk to him properly.
if he doesn't ever get back you, well then i guess you know what he's thinking!
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