Muslim parents!

This is a classical example of a brainwashed person confusing culture with religion, forced marriages are strictly prohibited in Islaam and is totally against the fundamental principles of Islaam as well as contradictory to the purpose of marriage,please do some research before you say stuff like that, thanks :smile:

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Reply 41

Anonymous #4

Original post by 1234a

Okay, so I don't want this thread to become a discussion of how some of the ways of living in Islam are absurd, I already know this.

Basically, my parents are trying to get my sister married off, I just witnessed my parents saying they are going to arrange a marriage for her to a person she doesn't want to be with. She's upset and cryin all the time, they're pressuring her and all sorts. I am her sister and I don't want this to happen, I don't want her to live an unhappy life, but by myself i cant stop this from happening.

I just really need some good, constructive advice. I don't want to just sit back and let this happen :frown:

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I am sincerely sorry about you situation and my condolences go to your sister , but I don't understand why your thread is names ' Muslim Parent' when the whole concept of arranged marriages are culture based. In Islam an individual has the right to say no to an forced marriage.

Although I have gone off topic right now I can understand how you are in an very uncomfortable position you see it all happening but you have no power to change you parent minds. The best thing , my personal opinion, is to contact the Forced Marriage Unit.

Reply 42

Silver Lining

14

Original post by Iqbal007

In Islam, your sister has the RIGHT TO SAY NO! Your parents have no right to coerce her into a marriage she doesn't want.

Whether its forced or coerced into marriage or emotional blackmail........where by she has no say, the marriage if it occurs is completely void under Islam. And you should really speak to your parents because what they are doing in Islam is considered a sin, and I would say quite a big sin in fact. Everyday she has to be someone she doesn't want under a void marriage in Islam, is more and more sins for your parents.

I honestly hate when I see these so called "Muslims" doing this, best way to get support is to talk to someone else in your family you trust and knows their Islam very well to counter their cultural values. Its not easy, I'm still struggling to get rid of some of the stupid cultural and traditional ideas in my family, but so far things are getting better.

Which you can do, if it doesn't work then talk to your local imam and get him involved........if your parents are those cultural south asians, they'll succumb to how the community sees them, thats what they care about, the way others perceive them :rolleyes:

edit: just to clarify that is not a arranged marriage, but a forced marriage where the girl hasn't given permission for such a marriage..........arranged marriage is where the person asks for family, etc to look for them someone

no other way to put it. this is exactly what is on my mind. except the Imam bit because some Imam's do follow culture rather than religion, but I guess there is not much we can do about that.

But, I completely agree with Iqbal. :smile:

Reply 43

Perseveranze

13

Original post by 1234a

Okay, so I don't want this thread to become a discussion of how some of the ways of living in Islam are absurd, I already know this.

Basically, my parents are trying to get my sister married off, I just witnessed my parents saying they are going to arrange a marriage for her to a person she doesn't want to be with. She's upset and cryin all the time, they're pressuring her and all sorts. I am her sister and I don't want this to happen, I don't want her to live an unhappy life, but by myself i cant stop this from happening.

I just really need some good, constructive advice. I don't want to just sit back and let this happen :frown:

It sounds like your parents never learned Islam or taught you the basics of it either. Learn to differentiate between culture/custom and religion.

No offence or anything. Learn about Islam and then teach your parents it - alternatively you can go to a proper Scholar and ask him to "enlighten" your family.

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas (رضي الله عنه): "A virgin came to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) and complained that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) allowed her to exercise her choice. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)"

^It's one of the most famous authentic hadiths against forced marriages.

And the famous Classical Scholar (surely your parents have heard of him), Ibn Taymiyyah(رحيم الله) sums up the Islamic position;

Furthermore, Islam does not give the father the right to use any of her wealth without her permission, how then could he be allowed to decide, without her permission, how her body (which is more important than her wealth) is to be used, especially when she disagrees to that and is mature to decide for herself? [Al-Masa'il ul-Mardiniyyah]

Show it to your parents or something.

Original post by Dragonfly07

First post from a Muslim on TSR that I respect. I don't think that's what Islam is about, but if you can change Islam to mean this then that would be incredible (in the same way that Christians changed their religion quite a bit to remove the bad stuff).

For someone who said their parents adopted Islamic customs, you sure are clueless about the religion.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 44

Coffeegirl

18

OMG hey there

I am going through exactly the same thing as your sister! we are planning on going to Pakistan this march and i shall be married (obviously I'm not gonna let that happen :rolleyes:

)

Just remember that there is help available and the thing I am planning on doing is informing the Forced marriage unit ...so just telephoning them before I go ( 0207 008 0151. )

also remember the foreign offices number for the country the marriage may take place in. I'm taking saving all my important documents on a pen drive and just taking my laptop and pen drives and other necessary things to Pakistan so that in case to I have to make an emergency get away...I don't get held up and also I have all my documents with me.

This thread is mine from last year when talk of marriage first appeared in my household, so read through it as a lot of people have given a lot of good information that is great to keep.

REMEMBER IF SHE IS PHYSICALLY FORCED THEN JUST CALL 999.

wish you the best of luck ( wishing myself best of luck as well actually :tongue:

)

Reply 45

Coffeegirl

18

Original post by Coffeegirl

OMG hey there

I am going through exactly the same thing as your sister! we are planning on going to Pakistan this march and i shall be married (obviously I'm not gonna let that happen :rolleyes:

)

Just remember that there is help available and the thing I am planning on doing is informing the Forced marriage unit ...so just telephoning them before I go ( 0207 008 0151. )

also remember the foreign offices number for the country the marriage may take place in. I'm taking saving all my important documents on a pen drive and just taking my laptop and pen drives and other necessary things to Pakistan so that in case to I have to make an emergency get away...I don't get held up and also I have all my documents with me.

This thread is mine from last year when talk of marriage first appeared in my household, so read through it as a lot of people have given a lot of good information that is great to keep.

REMEMBER IF SHE IS PHYSICALLY FORCED THEN JUST CALL 999.

wish you the best of luck ( wishing myself best of luck as well actually :tongue:

)

forgot to add the link http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1905244

Reply 46

Kardy

Original post by Dragonfly07

First post from a Muslim on TSR that I respect. I don't think that's what Islam is about, but if you can change Islam to mean this then that would be incredible (in the same way that Christians changed their religion quite a bit to remove the bad stuff).

It's exactly what Islam is about. It is haraam to force someone to marry. Simple as that.

Reply 47

ilem

17

Original post by Coffeegirl

OMG hey there

I am going through exactly the same thing as your sister! we are planning on going to Pakistan this march and i shall be married (obviously I'm not gonna let that happen :rolleyes:

)

Just remember that there is help available and the thing I am planning on doing is informing the Forced marriage unit ...so just telephoning them before I go ( 0207 008 0151. )

also remember the foreign offices number for the country the marriage may take place in. I'm taking saving all my important documents on a pen drive and just taking my laptop and pen drives and other necessary things to Pakistan so that in case to I have to make an emergency get away...I don't get held up and also I have all my documents with me.

This thread is mine from last year when talk of marriage first appeared in my household, so read through it as a lot of people have given a lot of good information that is great to keep.

REMEMBER IF SHE IS PHYSICALLY FORCED THEN JUST CALL 999.

wish you the best of luck ( wishing myself best of luck as well actually :tongue:

)

You should probably do it sooner rather than later.

And are you actually planning to go to Pakistan? UK has no jurisdiction there and you will be at mercy of your parents and Pakistan's (Islamic) laws.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 48

Coffeegirl

18

Original post by ilem

You should probably do it sooner rather than later.

And are you actually planning to go to Pakistan? UK has no jurisdiction there and you will be at mercy of your parents and Pakistan's (Islamic) laws.

I'm a british citizen and if i do need help i can call the british embassy! thy have 2 in pakistan

Reply 49

ilem

17

Original post by Coffeegirl

I'm a british citizen and if i do need help i can call the british embassy! thy have 2 in pakistan

Assuming your phone and other means of communication are not taken away from you.

Why would you want to go there in the first place if you do not intend to get married?

Reply 50

PatheticVirgin

5

Forced marriages in the 21st century...

Reply 51

Coffeegirl

18

Original post by ilem

Assuming your phone and other means of communication are not taken away from you.

Why would you want to go there in the first place if you do not intend to get married?

I have most of my family in pakistan, extended family and most of them mean a lot to me on my mums side. My nan is nearing the end of her life and i want to visit her as well

Reply 52

ilem

17

Original post by Coffeegirl

I have most of my family in pakistan, extended family and most of them mean a lot to me on my mums side. My nan is nearing the end of her life and i want to visit her as well

Fact remains that if your parents are bent on getting you married, nothing is going to stop them from doing it when you're in Pakistan. At least call the forced marriage unit now and discuss your options with them, instead of waiting till just before you trip.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 53

Luxray

15

Original post by Dragonfly07

First post from a Muslim on TSR that I respect. I don't think that's what Islam is about, but if you can change Islam to mean this then that would be incredible (in the same way that Christians changed their religion quite a bit to remove the bad stuff).

It actually is what Islam is about, in Islam any form of coercion or forced marriage is very very sinful. There has to be mutual agreements in place.

But culture has obviously mixed in with religion so a significant amount of parents do pressure their daughters and sons to marry people they won't be happy with.

Reply 54

1D - Belieber

1

According to Islam a forced marriage is not a real marriage..
The parents can make suggestions of partners for their children but without the bride/grooms consent no marriage is legal

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