My Complete Inability to trust Men
Hiya
I have a problem... I'm a 17 year old girl and two years ago I found out that my mum was very brutally raped and almost murdered by a complete stranger. When I found out, I had only started my period for a few months and had no experience yet with boys. It happened a few years before I was born, and after she told me I became obsessed by it and obsessed by him, I have such a burning hatred towards the man it makes me feel like I could do anything if someone tripped my wire. I saw a counsellor about it and she said because my baby photos were in the paper after the trial, photos of me with 'rape' written above them, and because I have a bad relationship with my dad and knew very little about sex through personal experience, in a way mum's story WAS my first sexual experience in my head. I used to have nightmares about it, and when I did have sex and lose my virginity I got these vile images that made me want to be sick. The counsellor also said that the way I spoke about it was like it had happened to me, because of my nightmares and fear of the opposite sex
As a result, I find being friends with boys so hard. I'm so afraid of them, I hate it when they make sexual jokes and I don't like how physically they are stronger. I like men in TV shows and in bands because I know I'll never meet them, they are of no risk to me. My closest male friends are all gay. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I get a lot of male attention, however I've never been able to go out with a boy for more than 3 weeks because of this fear. I hate walking into clubs and having men grab me like I'm a piece of meat. It freaks me out and reinforces my lack of confidence with guys.
I want to meet a guy I really like, someone who I can feel safe with, but I feel I'll never know until I can start a proper conversation with them first... I'm sure I'm not gay though.
I was wondering does anyone else have similar experiences through bad relationships with men? Has anyone overcome this????
I have a problem... I'm a 17 year old girl and two years ago I found out that my mum was very brutally raped and almost murdered by a complete stranger. When I found out, I had only started my period for a few months and had no experience yet with boys. It happened a few years before I was born, and after she told me I became obsessed by it and obsessed by him, I have such a burning hatred towards the man it makes me feel like I could do anything if someone tripped my wire. I saw a counsellor about it and she said because my baby photos were in the paper after the trial, photos of me with 'rape' written above them, and because I have a bad relationship with my dad and knew very little about sex through personal experience, in a way mum's story WAS my first sexual experience in my head. I used to have nightmares about it, and when I did have sex and lose my virginity I got these vile images that made me want to be sick. The counsellor also said that the way I spoke about it was like it had happened to me, because of my nightmares and fear of the opposite sex
As a result, I find being friends with boys so hard. I'm so afraid of them, I hate it when they make sexual jokes and I don't like how physically they are stronger. I like men in TV shows and in bands because I know I'll never meet them, they are of no risk to me. My closest male friends are all gay. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I get a lot of male attention, however I've never been able to go out with a boy for more than 3 weeks because of this fear. I hate walking into clubs and having men grab me like I'm a piece of meat. It freaks me out and reinforces my lack of confidence with guys.
I want to meet a guy I really like, someone who I can feel safe with, but I feel I'll never know until I can start a proper conversation with them first... I'm sure I'm not gay though.
I was wondering does anyone else have similar experiences through bad relationships with men? Has anyone overcome this????
your mum was raped and almost murded????
if anyone did that to my mum I would lose all trust in men also
I feel for you so much must be horrible...
we arn't all cruel you know please remember that! however, this trust issue may take a while with all reason - but I hope that trust will come back
if anyone did that to my mum I would lose all trust in men also
I feel for you so much must be horrible...
we arn't all cruel you know
please remember that! however, this trust issue may take a while with all reason - but I hope that trust will come back(edited 11 years ago)
Stop going to clubs, I'd say. Obviously the men there, or the people there, aren't going to be decent.
People are nothing to fear. There's such a hype on crime we get the impression that it's common. It's not. Put a bit of trust in society. And don't go out with the jerks. Go out with someone who's intelligent. The only time I'd put my hands on a woman, or anyone for that matter, would be to restrain them or defend myself/others. You need to learn who and who not to avoid.
People are nothing to fear. There's such a hype on crime we get the impression that it's common. It's not. Put a bit of trust in society. And don't go out with the jerks. Go out with someone who's intelligent. The only time I'd put my hands on a woman, or anyone for that matter, would be to restrain them or defend myself/others. You need to learn who and who not to avoid.
Yea, the last girl I went out with had proper male issues in that her dad had abandoned her at an early age. I'm not going to lie, and this is an objective opinion, but she did kinda take the piss out of me. I was really into her and she was into me but she really didn't seem like she could cope with a guy who was supportive of her and there for her. I genuinely wish that girl all the best, but ultimately she wasn't really into me.
As, you PROBABLY won't find a decent bloke in a club. You might, but I think it would be more playing the numbers and giving the benefit of the doubt to guys who don't seem as confident right off the bat.
Honestly, just try and be receptive to guys who seem like you could dig as people. Honestly, a lot of guys are pretty decent you just have to be able to weed them out. Good luck
As
ashir
...
Honestly, just try and be receptive to guys who seem like you could dig as people. Honestly, a lot of guys are pretty decent you just have to be able to weed them out. Good luck
Original post by Daniel George
your mum was raped and almost murded????
if anyone did that to my mum I would lose all trust in men also
I feel for you so much must be horrible...
we arn't all cruel you know please remember that however, this trust issue may take a while with all reason - but I hope that trust will come back x
if anyone did that to my mum I would lose all trust in men also
I feel for you so much
must be horrible...we arn't all cruel you know
please remember that however, this trust issue may take a while with all reason - but I hope that trust will come back xWell that's pretty ****ing stupid.
A hear some women ACTUALLY MURDER people. I guess that means all women are awful.
Idiots.
Original post by concubine
Well that's pretty ****ing stupid.
A hear some women ACTUALLY MURDER people. I guess that means all women are awful.
Idiots.
A hear some women ACTUALLY MURDER people. I guess that means all women are awful.
Idiots.
what are you on about?? I'm on about a close family member, you would be devastated, hurt and to have someone lost or hurt in such a brutal way - you will resent those who did that, and you will - for a while - lose trust in people!!!
you ****ing idiot...how would you like it if someone did that to your mum?
complete douche
Original post by Anonymous
Hiya
I have a problem... I'm a 17 year old girl and two years ago I found out that my mum was very brutally raped and almost murdered by a complete stranger. When I found out, I had only started my period for a few months and had no experience yet with boys. It happened a few years before I was born, and after she told me I became obsessed by it and obsessed by him, I have such a burning hatred towards the man it makes me feel like I could do anything if someone tripped my wire. I saw a counsellor about it and she said because my baby photos were in the paper after the trial, photos of me with 'rape' written above them, and because I have a bad relationship with my dad and knew very little about sex through personal experience, in a way mum's story WAS my first sexual experience in my head. I used to have nightmares about it, and when I did have sex and lose my virginity I got these vile images that made me want to be sick. The counsellor also said that the way I spoke about it was like it had happened to me, because of my nightmares and fear of the opposite sex
As a result, I find being friends with boys so hard. I'm so afraid of them, I hate it when they make sexual jokes and I don't like how physically they are stronger. I like men in TV shows and in bands because I know I'll never meet them, they are of no risk to me. My closest male friends are all gay. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I get a lot of male attention, however I've never been able to go out with a boy for more than 3 weeks because of this fear. I hate walking into clubs and having men grab me like I'm a piece of meat. It freaks me out and reinforces my lack of confidence with guys.
I want to meet a guy I really like, someone who I can feel safe with, but I feel I'll never know until I can start a proper conversation with them first... I'm sure I'm not gay though.
I was wondering does anyone else have similar experiences through bad relationships with men? Has anyone overcome this????
I have a problem... I'm a 17 year old girl and two years ago I found out that my mum was very brutally raped and almost murdered by a complete stranger. When I found out, I had only started my period for a few months and had no experience yet with boys. It happened a few years before I was born, and after she told me I became obsessed by it and obsessed by him, I have such a burning hatred towards the man it makes me feel like I could do anything if someone tripped my wire. I saw a counsellor about it and she said because my baby photos were in the paper after the trial, photos of me with 'rape' written above them, and because I have a bad relationship with my dad and knew very little about sex through personal experience, in a way mum's story WAS my first sexual experience in my head. I used to have nightmares about it, and when I did have sex and lose my virginity I got these vile images that made me want to be sick. The counsellor also said that the way I spoke about it was like it had happened to me, because of my nightmares and fear of the opposite sex
As a result, I find being friends with boys so hard. I'm so afraid of them, I hate it when they make sexual jokes and I don't like how physically they are stronger. I like men in TV shows and in bands because I know I'll never meet them, they are of no risk to me. My closest male friends are all gay. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I get a lot of male attention, however I've never been able to go out with a boy for more than 3 weeks because of this fear. I hate walking into clubs and having men grab me like I'm a piece of meat. It freaks me out and reinforces my lack of confidence with guys.
I want to meet a guy I really like, someone who I can feel safe with, but I feel I'll never know until I can start a proper conversation with them first... I'm sure I'm not gay though.
I was wondering does anyone else have similar experiences through bad relationships with men? Has anyone overcome this????
This sounds really horrible to have to deal with. I feel so sorry for you. I really don't know how much any advice here would really help. You may need to see more regular professional help. What you have been exposed to sounds horrendous and is obviously going to change the way you perceive men and your trust issues regarding them. But you have to see that not all men are bad. Yes, the one that hurt your mum is but not all men are like that. You have gay male friends. They are men too. Maybe it's the fact that they are not sexually attracted to you that makes them less of a threat.
I know it's a really hard thing to come to terms with and at such a young age too. But the fact that you know your fear and are trying to actively overcome it, is a huge step. In my opinion, you have to rationalise your fear. Yes, it's inevitable that you will fear men and be cautious around them but you have to start thinking of each guy as an individual. For example the same way that if a girl was mean to you, you wouldn't hate all girls. I know that's easier said than done and fear can be very irrational.
It's a huge step forward that you are dating and have lost your virginity. Dating is a huge positive step forward and slowly slowly you are at least facing your fear by dating and putting yourself out there. Taking that step to date a guy, you are pushing that fear away slowly. Try not to think too far ahead. Take each date one at a time and judge each guy on his own merits and just enjoy the date. enjoy his company, enjoy talking, having things in common and doing fun things like going for meals etc. If sex is giving your negative after thoughts, take it slower. Don't rush into anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. In time when you've built that trust and feel safe with the guy you're with, sex will come naturally. Don't feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with that makes you feel vile thoughts afterwards. It's not something that will go away overnight but take one step at a time.
Do you have any uncles or a grandfather that you and your mother both trust that you know? Good luck
Original post by Daniel George
what are you on about?? I'm on about a close family member, you would be devastated, hurt and to have someone lost or hurt in such a brutal way - you will resent those who did that, and you will - for a while - lose trust in people!!!
you ****ing idiot...how would you like it if someone did that to your mum?
complete douche
you ****ing idiot...how would you like it if someone did that to your mum?
complete douche
I would resent the individual that did it.
I wouldn't resent half the ****ing human race, many members of which would be involved in supporting the victim and attempting to bring the attacker to justice.
You have the mentality of a child.
Original post by concubine
I would resent the individual that did it.
I wouldn't resent half the ****ing human race, many members of which would be involved in supporting the victim and attempting to bring the attacker to justice.
You have the mentality of a child.
I wouldn't resent half the ****ing human race, many members of which would be involved in supporting the victim and attempting to bring the attacker to justice.
You have the mentality of a child.
WHAT? You crazy?
If a man murdered your mum when you were young you'd have a pretty hard time trusting men after that. We're human ffs.
Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by concubine
I would resent the individual that did it.
I wouldn't resent half the ****ing human race, many members of which would be involved in supporting the victim and attempting to bring the attacker to justice.
You have the mentality of a child.
I wouldn't resent half the ****ing human race, many members of which would be involved in supporting the victim and attempting to bring the attacker to justice.
You have the mentality of a child.
Oh, you are such tough guy and you clearly have no decent comeback?
you could at least show some respect and a bit of empathy couldn't you!
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